"It was eight," said Iris, extinguishing the light formation she was playing with in her palm. "Five only if we don't include the three comatose on the bar, although as I'm as generous as I'm lovely, I'd be gracious enough to let you take this on a technicality."
Magnus snorted over his glass of wine. Most adventurers in the inn were downing ale like it was their last ever drink, but contrary to expectations, the most visceral example of an adventurer here had one of the best drinking palettes.
It didn't extend to his table manners, though.
"Fuck you," he casually replied, not making a move for a coin purse yet. His or Iris's. "They didn't even class as bandits. They were drunks and morons. Not worth the paper their reward was on."
Iris flashed a cool smile, brushing aside a strand of her golden hair.
"Oh? In that case, I suppose there are no complaints if the rewards from the waste of paper are cleanly divided between the two members of the party who didn't lose a poorly placed bet."
At this, Magnus broke into a thin smile. He brushed aside his emptied wine glass and held out his palm.
"There were only five, as I said there'd be. We're not including the ones with their head already in the woodwork when we got inside."
Iris leaned over the table and dropped a tiny pouch of coins in Magnus's hand. That small movement alone was enough to draw the eyes of the adventurers in the next table over, one of whom was staring pointedly at her chest as it generously dipped. She either didn't notice or didn't care, sitting back down with a satisfied look at having made Magnus do the closest thing he did to pleading for his, frankly, rightful share of the reward.
"Even only five was more than there should be," she said, her brisk voice managing to become slightly sharper. "If we'd followed Raine's plan, the tavern would have been cleared without needing to risk a fight."
I immediately held up my hands.
I'd already received my share of the reward, not worth the paper as it might be. I didn't need to be involved in their little tattle.
"What plan?" I said, smiling ruefully. "Wasn't it always to charge in and ignore subtlety to the best of our ability?"
Iris took over sighing duties for me, aiming her thoughts directly at the powerfully built man who, one way or another, generally dictated how well our plans actually unfolded.
There'd been a clear order of attack. Block the front entrance, then bolt magic through the window followed by an obfuscating cloud. As the bandits straggled one by one through the rear exit, we could ambush them from range, and then engage close once we had the numbers.
Unfortunately, what was best for us was not best for Magnus. He'd snorted before ruffling his dark hair, then went swinging his halberd around the same corner Iris had discreetly sent her light wisp around to scout out.
To be honest, I wondered if it was worth chiding the tall warrior, but I knew already it was a waste of words.
… It was still worth trying, though.
"I guess it couldn't be helped," I said with a shrug. "You seemed restless, Magnus. By any chance, did you misplace your halberd up your ass again before we took on the commission? It's fine. I know it happens a lot with you."
Now it was Iris's turn to snort.
Despite being a heroine with the moniker of Sword Princess, she could still find joy in the odd crude insult. The Sword Princess herself didn't mutter words like ass, though. That's not how she earned the title. No, she earned it by scything through anyone unfortunate enough to look at her when she was having a bad day. That came frequently and easily to her.
Magnus also chuckled. For a moment, I wondered what terrible thing he'd say that'd send every patron in the inn running to get their ears washed. Instead, he reached over and lifted the opposing glass of wine utilised by Iris.
He downed it in one sip. Iris made no reaction to it, other than to raise her eyebrow. The next share of his reward was now missing several more coins.
"We killed a Demon of Lust two months ago," said Magnus, purposefully looking over to me. "And now we're treading flowers over guys bent over drunk before they even had the gall to take over a tavern."
At the mention of the Demon of Lust, Iris noticeably stiffened for a moment. Before she could give anything more away, she assumed the icy expression normally reserved for morons trying to hit on her. Or as was usually the case, whenever she talked to Magnus.
"Drunk idiots can still kill," she said, her voice making it clear she didn't care one way or the other if it was Magnus that proved the reminder. "Did you want to bleed out to a rusted knife? I could have helped."
"If a rusted knife could hurt me, I'd frame it and hand it down to my children."
"You don't have any children. Proof that the Goddess exists, I suppose."
Magnus rolled his muscled shoulders, his gaze directed straight ahead at Iris. Even with his handsome features and dark eyes, the grin he wore was nothing short of disgusting.
"Not yet," he said in a low tone. "But there's plenty of opportunities ahead for me, isn't there, Iris?"
There was a brief moment of silence.
Ordinarily, the way he spoke his words would be unacceptable, even among party companions. Iris was my girlfriend, and speaking so … candidly to her was ripe for a misunderstanding.
Iris glanced at me for an answer, her deep azure eyes waiting expectantly.
My breath caught in my throat, but just as I opened my mouth to chide Magnus on his manners, he jovially slapped the table.
"Too bad there's no whore who'd be paid high enough to have my kids, huh? I might have to keep searching until I'm grey at this rate."
"Nobody would want to have children with you, no matter their profession," said Iris, her expression changing to appropriate distaste for Magnus's hobbies. That was the limit to what she could do, though. Whether it was the hero or the adventuring profession, keeping the red light district afloat was their primary responsibility.
"I'm the heir to the Ten Dragons Clan," said the well tanned warrior, a note of seriousness appearing in his voice. "If I do turn grey before I have kids, it's because there wasn't a worthy bearer yet."
"Yes, the heir to the Ten Dragons Clan," replied Iris, now reaching out for my mug of ale. She sniffed the liquid, then put it back down. "I was worried you'd forget to say it before the night was over. I'm delighted that calamity has been avoided."
Magnus didn't rise to the bait. He waved his large hand and a waitress came scurrying over. I rolled my eyes when he took a moment too long to admire the length of her skirt.
Then, I instantly forgot about it when I felt the foot beneath the table.
I looked over at Iris. For the briefest moment, her cold expression broke into a tiny smile, before disappearing once more as she proceeded to order another glass of wine.
I felt a flush of warmth come over me, still wondering as I did most days how it was that the beautiful girl sitting at the table with me had become my girlfriend.
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