The dark room where Free wakes up had this small lamp on the table giving a slight amount of light to the room. Free himself was lying on the hospital bed, half sitting, now opening his eyes and looking tiredly around, trying to figure out where he was. Don was here too, sitting on the chair and leaning to Frees hand. Man was in sound sleep, but still holding his fingers around Frees wrist so strongly it was impossible to get lose from that hold without waking him up.
There was a small medical tube going in Frees left arm. He turns his face up to see a clear bag hanging next to bed. Was he in the hospital? Where ever he was he felt a lot better than before. But so tired still. Like he has just woke up from the deepest dream and was still halfly there.
Someone walks in Frees sight and instantly shows a comforting smile when realizing the young man had finally woken up, looking back at him. "Nice to meet you again," this man wearing a white jacket says quietly, trying to be as quiet as possible.
But his voice immediately wakes Don up, who raises his head slowly up while opening his eyes, looking Free. Then he turns to look at the man who walks now to the head of the bed. "This is my under doctor. Kyle. You have actually met before. Albeit you might not remember him," Don introduces the guy. And looks back to Free. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," Free answers, with a weak voice still. Then turns to look the other man again. Wondering where exactly they had met before.
"You pass out when I got you out. I brought you here," Don explains, eyeing carefully Frees every move. "You were a little dehydrated so Kyle gave you IV fluid. Are you hungry?"
"I would give anything for a hamburger," young man sighs, smiling to Don. That was the first food he could think of.
"Let's grab something on the way home," Don shows this gentle smile back. Having finally the calm of mind.
"Or I grab you something and you are welcome to stay here the night," Kyle states with a heavy sound in his voice, looking Don. "It's better to keep him still the rest of the night. And you don't look so good yourself, Palenne. Or have you ever looked, I don't know." Man takes his jacket and walks closer to the front door behind the wall where Free couldn't see from the bed. "After I get your food, I'll go back home."
"Thank you," Don straightens his back, looking Kyle walking out.
"Thank is not enough. I will just charge more," Kyle teases and waves as byes. "Hamburgers, comin' in." Then he closes the door behind him.
Don sighs and turns his eyes back to Free, smiling. "Didn't even get our orders. I wanted bacon and cheese in mine," he casually says.
Free gives a smile back. That kind of joking was very odd from Don, but definitely made Free more relaxed. Man must have done that on purpose. After everything what have happened, Frees mind was so calm next to Don. Like man could take everything bothering him away and conceal them in the box, leaving only the calm touch left. Slowly realizing this case was truly over and he was about to go back home with Don couldn't hearten Free more. He could just left everything behind now. Forget everything..
While he was eyeing the man next to him, Free realizes Don was clearly not his usual self. His eyes were tired, the usual strong atmosphere around him was gone. Man was still holding Frees wrist, like scaring to let go. But still the look Don showed him was as gentle as ever. "You look tired," Free finally points out.
"I am. I haven't slept for two days," Don admits. "Couldn't."
They stare each other in silence for a long moment. Free didn't need to play ignorant here. He knew how this situation has affect Don, knew how it affect himself too. Dons behavior didn't surprise him, since this man cherish him more than anything, but his own mind made a roll, leaving a calm mess, what he wasn't so sure how to deal, or was he willing to accept it.
What he saw in there.. kind of woke him up.
"Thank you," Free whispers then. "For finding me. There was a moment I really thought I was a goner. Almost went into a panic. Even if I tried to, like, accept I would probably die there."
"Don't ever accept sutch an idea," Don says sighing. "You are dead the moment you accept you are dead. Don't fall for that. If you had given up before I found you, the result now might be different. When you still have life in you, don't sell it to Death."
Free snorts. Now that was the usual Don. "That is deep."
"Just how I try to see the world. I'm trying to teach you something here, kid. Better listen," man tsihs back, looses the wrist and leans back to his chair he was sitting on. "You want to talk?" he then asks, seriously. Free knew exactly what Don meant.
"Get it out of my system?" Free asks smiling. Kind of scared to even recall what happened. Since there was so much he couldn't understand still. His look changes. But he kept smiling. "I went to get the video materials for you, as Tony ask me to do. I end up finding the clip from the murder."
Don lets out a deep breathe. He had figured out already how slacky way the previous investigation team handlet this case. But to not even bother search the surveillance files right away themselfs in the first place.. No wonder he was asked to open the case again. There were people who knew things hadn't done by the book. And Don was a perfect person to question other authorities, bring the truth out to light without caring formalities.
Thinking how it went, Free laughs a little, pushing his frustration out. "Who the hell leaves their own shooting material in the files someone could find them? That's too insane..," like his mind was zoning, Free seem to look somewhere far, feeling like crying but still couldn't. "It was so random. I saw it repeatedly. Tony did it. Shoot the guy. Then the woman. There was probably an argument or something. Isa was there too.. So I kinda panicked. I didn't even realize the keeper there came back. He saw me. Saw what I saw.. I tried to keep my calm but.. I think I ran. Yeah, I ran. Get caught. After that it all felt like I wasn't even there. Like, when they moved me out, I didn't even try to resist anymore. I just.. I kinda stayed waiting.. what would happen next.. You know.."
When young man lows his head, showing he was done talking, Don moves a little, sighing. "I met Isa. After pointing out the facts you had already found out about the case he eventually told us everything."
Carefully Free turns to look at Don. "You met him?"
"It was his phone where I called from," older explains. "That is how I could track Tonys movements. And finally found you. I didn't know what happened. We could not find any leads you ever leaving the hotel on your own. Your phone went off. You were not in the apartment..," now Don shows this bitter smile, looking uneasy. "When I went to get those recordings and ask where his assistant was, he lied you had a day off. I had a feeling he had something to do with you suddenly vanishing like that. Took every part of me to control myself not to go in there. If you were still in, my actions could make everything worse. I searched Isa and made him talk. After that we could only wait."
Free was still eyeing Don. For a second Don actually looked really stressed. Remembering the moment. But then Don calms down a little, meets with Frees eyes, showing a smile. "He's fine. I made a deal with him. Let him go. Today Tony head out the city. I followed him. Found you. That is all I care. My men target the hotel. The owner is arrested too.." The silence. Don was eyeing Free, thinking. Looking very uneasy which was very odd from Don. "Even if you would have had everything under control there, losing the sight of you made me go over. But this time, after all, I'm glad I did."
That was exactly how Free imagined Don to do. Because he knew he was making Don worried sick. "I knew you would. When he told me I've been there over two days.. I actually warned him," Free clears. "Or was about to, but you were there already."
"Really?" Don quietly says and lows his head. "It's not that I didn't trust you. But I had the feeling everything was not fine..That is why.."
Young mans eyes followed when Don raises his look back up to Free, without ending his words. After a while looking each other in silence, Free finally turns his look forward, stares to nothing. He was so happy to finally get out of there. Be with Don again. But there was something he couldn't get out of his mind.. Process.. "When I saw that video.. It felt unreal. Seeing someone dying.. like that. I have seen it before. And still it felt.. wrong," Free says hesitatingly, trying to find right words. "I thought that after all I have seen and went through, something like that could not shake me. When it will get easier?"
"Never," Don answers immediately. And that made Free turn and look at him, feel a little confused. That wasn't the answer he thought Don would say. "Seeing something like that is never okay. It will never get any easier. Working in this field, you have to get prepared for everything, sure. You will even grow a little cold to deal it. But you don't have to deal it all alone."
Like piercing through Don, Free was staring at him, deep doubt in his eyes. How that man could even speak like that? Wasn't he clearly lying to him?! "Really? Then how you can feel it?" those words came out so defiantly even Free was kind of shocked how he couldn't hold back here. But he felt suddenly so irritated he couldn't help it.
Don could easily read Frees mood. Young man became attacking all of a sudden. Carefully eyeing back, man was going to answer but backs off. This was not about him, right? "It doesn't matter how I feel it. This is about you."
Young man tsihs. "It's like I'm just starting to really understand you. Even if I should have knew. You have told me it all already," he then says, turning his look away again. Like taking his own space, thinking. "The guards in there.."
"..."
"They were dead?"
Don starts to feel more uneasy. Did he need to confirm all this out loud to get even with his own mind, or something? Why he was asking something this obvious. "Yes," Don answers. And he could hear Free sighing for his answer.
"You killed them?"
Don wasn't sure should he even answer. "...I did."
"Was it necessary?"
"..."
Now Don kept his silence awhile. His mind started to tilt, fight against himself. Kid was playing with him. He was dangerous. Making him confess something like that.. When Dons breathen was about to get heavier, he silent his inner thoughts. He was getting paranoid. No way. If someone, he want to trust this one. Blindly. Carefully eyeing Frees changed appearance Don could easily see how the other was suddenly feeling very distant. Was it necessary? Don should probably lie. But he wouldn't. "At that moment.. No?"
Free turns his look back to Don, smiling. Blue eyes were as sharp as ever, like eyeing him disgusted. "I saw how you were smiling. When we pass them.. Is it always like that to you? If something like this happens again it's a free ticket to you have your fun?"
Now those words hit. "Don't..," Don speaks out but cuts his words, falls to silence. Something in him just went numb. His defence was up. Don didn't want to act suspicious toward Free, but his whole essence scream he has made a mistake. Trust wrongly. Spoke too much.
Trying to silent his mixed thoughts, Don closes his eyes, drops his head. Trys to calm down. He felt like suffocating. His chest hurt and made his whole body alert. His normal calm was gone. The feeling of anger was slowly trying to crawl out. The more still his mind was the stronger the drop back to normal hit.
After a small moment Don stands fastly up. Free startles the moment Don gets up. He didn't mean to be this wary, but his body react faster than his mind. Dons behavior has rapidly changed.
Older guy stares straight to Frees eyes. Realizing what was going on, he shows a smile. Ah, so that it has become. Of course. His inner voices were nothing but right. It was a matter of time anyway. He should have knew better.. With holding his anger still Don takes halfly one step behind.
"You are not wrong. And you are so wrong," he answers with flat voice. "I didn't go there to have a reason to kill. I came for you. But damn, did I like to crush some bones? Hell yeah I did."
Free could see this sadistic smile on Dons lips when he mentioned the word 'bones'. It was just a second or less. Then the smile was gone. But just knowing it was there just seconds ago made Free very charged.
Don was trying to be calm and intent to think this situation with common sense. It's not that Aki has grown to hate him. But he has finally realized what Don was able to do? Maybe thinking Don was now unpredictable and worth to fear. Since he could leave a scene like that behind? It was a repeat. Nothing new. Everyone around him feel the same. True, Don was exactly like that. Something worth to fear. Different.
He want to back off. Run. Lose this all. And at the same time he didn't want to let go of what he has created with this young man in front of him. His mind was about to crash. Because of how bidirectionally he could think.
"When you came live with me I've never kept anything from you. That has worked fine between us. I might have tell you more than I ever intent, but you didn't seem to be so scared of me, what ever I told you," Dons voice gets louder. Kind of distant, more calculating. "The way you are trying to get reactions out of me now is childish. That I have to accept because you really are just a kid. You are cocky. I know that. Know a lot. Since I have been watching you awhile now." More like explaining to himself, Don kept trying to make sense this moment. He gives this bitter smile toward Free, clearly showing his inner frustration. "But after all this, just NOW you decided to grow scared of me?"
Again, his voice went a little lauder. A smile came back to his lips for a second, just to fade away the more he speaks. "What are you doing? Are you playing with me now? If so, do as you wish. Fear me as much as you wish. That doesn't make a fucking difference, you are all the same," man speaks, taking a step closer. The way he suddenly act was not how Free has used to see him. Don was like a totally different person and because of that Free felt even more scared. The smile was not his normal, but more doubtful, sadistic, freely showing all his inner thoughts out. "If you are afraid of me, now that is your problem. All in your head," he leans his face closer, smiling. "So get fucking over it or just learn to accept it. Kid."
Free couldn't turn his eyes away. Don was staring at him with such heartless eyes, like he was looking at a stranger. All the sudden Free felt like man had just lock himself in. Out of Frees reach. Those eyes pierce him with such emotionless and cold way Free actually freezes.
Silence fell in the room. Don closes his eyes and turns away, walks slowly toward the back door which leave to the balcony. "I'm going out 'cause your fucking attitude pisses me off. When I get this angry and can't ignore it I usually do things what will get me in trouble later. I don't want you to see that," he says honestly while taking his jacket from the table next to window. "Take your rest." He steps out, closes the door behind him without looking back anymore.
Frees heart was beating fast while he looked Don walking away. After man was gone, he was finally able to close his eyes, breathing heavily. The ache burn inside him. Tears came out. What he has done? Was he really thinking Don didn't have his limits? He has made him really mad. This was the first time ever Free saw Don being actually mad at him. And no wonder. He said something really horrible just now. Didn't think it through before speaking out.
Free breathes deebly in and out, swallowing his tears. He has to think a way to clear his mess. He shouldn't have said that. Not like that. Act so surprised from Dons actions even when Free already knew.. What the hell he was thinking?! He's not really scared of him. Why he had to act so coldly? Of course Don would react like that!
Don has only spoken honestly to Free. Only Free couldn't hear him. Damn, he sure was just a brat.. Pointing out something that stupid.. just like Don said.. just to see his reactions..
He has to apologize. Clear how he really feels..
- - - -
Don was standing outside, smoking, looking at the night sky above him. The area where they were was in the medical center which located on the hill. This very building stood further from the main area, right next to the parking area. But the view was the most nicest here. Behind the green lawn opened the parking area. Behind that the black sky with hundreds stars. The city was down there somewhere. The sounds couldn't reach here. No wonder it was called the Healing Hill. Soul really could rest here. Your body take its time to heal.
After some time later Kyle was finally back, driving his car right next to the building, since he wasn't planning to stay long but leave after delivering the food. And after a while gathering his things, man gets out with two bags, heading toward the backyard where he could see Don standing.
"Here's your order," Kyle shows a smile while pushing the bag to Don, who takes it with a quiet words of thanks.
"Is it order if you don't even know what we want," Don puts out his halfly smoked cigarette, giving man a cold glance.
"You want hamburgers," Kyle answers, doesn't mind the cold act he was receiving, being so used to it. This younger man was always like that. "And I figured you would like some beer too. To relax a little. My woman asked to bring food home as well, so I'm going right away. I'll be back at morning. If you are gone till then that would be lovely." And since it was a rare opportunity, Kyle couldn't help but tease the younger a little. "Take care of your lover now. Make sure he rests well."
Don moves his eyes fastly back on Kyle, doesn't really know how to answer to that sudden calling. "He is n-"
"Don't even try," Kyle tsihs smiling and glances toward the windows. "If someone can make you feel something it's definitely him. I have never seen you been scared. Didn't even know you even had that in you. Today makes it a second time I have seen you acting like a normal human being, both times because of him. Acting so worried it was very amusing to witness," he shows this approving smile to Don and turns around, taking his leave. "Keep him close. He is interesting."
Quietly following Kyle getting in his car and finally driving away, Don drops the paper bag down on one of the sun loungers behind him. "Can you call someone like us.. lovers?" he tsihs and raises his head up, looking the stars. "As broken as we both are?" Seeing the sky from this view could really calm his mind, helping him push his selfish thoughts away. Like a stuck habit, Don searchs his pocket knife and wraps his sleeve up. Being so used to do this, he cuts the skin fastly three times, on different areas, then cleans the knife and hides it back in to his pocket.
The bleeding cuts weren't big, but enough to help him tolerate his inner pain. He was angry. Felt lost. To be able to think clear he wanted to calm himself before going back in again. He should shut his feelings in. As he always does. Do the right thing here. Draw the line where it should be drawn.
"I should back off now.."
- - - -
Free immediately turns his look toward Don when man comes back in. Don glances him once, this time with more calmer look, then turns his eyes away and walks in the back of the room, near the front door.
"Don?" Free carefully calls him, but doesn't get an answer. Instead he could hear the sound of water running. But not long from that Don walks back, carrying a light blanket with him, putting it wait on the table. Finally he turns to look properly at Free, walking straight next to the bed where young man was now sitting on, but on the other side.
"Do you need to use the restroom?" Don asks, without moving his look away. His voice sounded normal, but still a little cold.
"..No," Free answers quietly, following Dons every move when man leans toward the stand next to them, searching something.
"This might hurt a little," Don doesn't look Frees face when he takes the cleaning wipe, moves it closer the tube in Frees hand and slowly takes the dosing needle out, cleans the area, then the needle, leaving the bag still. He takes a hold of Frees right hand and makes him keep the wipe on the area Don just took the needle off from. "Think you can walk?" was what man asks next, meeting with Frees eyes.
Free hums. "Sure."
Older walks to the other side, waiting, looking at Free who moves and stands up. Since Free was just quietly staring back, properly standing on his own feet again, Don starts walking toward the back door, taking the felt from the table with him and showing the way out to the younger. Still doesn't say a thing. What ever man was up to Free really didn't mind. He would probably follow Don where ever when ever how ever.
The moment Free steps out and sees the backyard which opened on his left, he felt quite bemused. Not only the green ground around them under the street lights looked incredible green, the black sky with the stars painted one of the most beautiful views Free has ever seen. He could see the city from here, with thousands small lights drawing the siluette of that night city. But the sounds from down there barely could reach this area. The only thing breaking the silence was the calming sound of wind blowing through trees, rustling their leaves.
"Sit down," Don says after closing the door behind him. Free turns his look to him, then to the wooden sun lounger behind next to him. He sits down and Don places this warm felt around him, handling the bag of food Kyle had just brought to them. Only after Don lays his freed hand on his head and pets his hair for a second, as he has a habit to do, Free finally lets himself calm down. Man was not mad at him anymore?
Lowing his hand, Don walks to the other side and sits down on the other chair. "We got our food. Eat now when it's still warm. After that let's get you to shower and find something clean you to wear," he lights his cigarette and turns his face to look up to the sky. Free stares at him and sighs, turns his eyes on the bag on his lap. No, Don must be really pissed off. Man didn't actually smoke so much if ever. Only when he felt extremely uneasy. Free could easily tell that was one of his many ways to control his mood.
"The knowledge of yourself defines how you can work, right?" Free then says quietly. Don turns his eyes on him. And Free looks back. "It does work for everything else too, right?" Man sighs. But has no time to answer when Free speaks again. "I'm sorry. I- I should not have said what I said."
"It's not that you should not have. It's you should not have the reason to should," Don points out. "From my opinion, at least." They stayed looking at each other awhile. Until the older closes his eyes and turns his face away, taking another breath from his smoke. "I have been there. Done that. It's all about the trial of getting it out. The feelings you don't know. Can't deal. So don't worry about that too much now. I get it." Hearing that kind of ease Frees mind a little. And he could finally breathe some of his stress out. "I brought you here," Don keeps. "So what ever you will try. Will do. Will come up. I have prepared to help you find the way you want to reach." Then Don moves his eyes back on Free. "But know it's unnecessary to point out the facts you already know just to see my reactions. You can't play with me like that. I will break."
Frees eyes went wider from surprise. Those words were unbelievably straight and open from Don. The strong skin Don was always wearing had cracked, showing Free that this unshaken person in front of him wasn't so unbreakable after all. Understanding that made his chest hurt, not able to breathe, feeling like crying again. This was his fault. His doings. He was the one who hurt Don by using such thoughtless words, like taking his trust and throwing it down, stepping on it. That reflect straight back on himself. Hurt him back. He didn't mean things to end up like this. Sure he didn't know how to react to all what happened. And at that moment it felt the right way to express it out. But he wasn't scared of this guy, right? If only he could have explain himself more clearly earlier..
Don moves his eyes back up to the sky. "It's called a Healing Hill," he explains then. Younger follows Dons look up too. Looking the stars. "I remember this one time, sitting here, got a bad injury after jumping out from the moving car. This happened before I ever knew about you. It was the first time I showed signs of my bad temper in front of my Boss too. Blow my own cover back then. When I was so sure I had hide it well enough.."
Remembering those times made Don show a slight smile out. What Free definitely saw too. But the look on him was somehow sad. "I was with two dealers. Made them drive out the bridge after a fight in the car. Got jump out myself just in time. They died," man continues, taking another smoke before putting it totally out. "My Boss. He told me I should hide it. The way how I smiled after. I should hide the fact I wasn't even sorry for them.. How I am.. It can't get easier or harder to me when all it does makes me excited in the first place. It's like an euphoria shot going through my whole body.. Lilian said once I am like an old Roman, watching gladiators. Wanting more..." Now he glances Free once, thinking he shouldn't speak so honestly here but couldn't help it. At least this way he could make his point clear here. "I had to heal here a few days back then. All I had was the time and this view. Really made me go through why and how I became like this. The way I anchor my anger lead some point to this. It's something I learnt when I was young. Nuisances like myself should just vanish.. So I just.."
Free wasn't so sure what older guy meant by saying so. But that sound.. wrong.
"And it's okay to be scared of me," Don turns his look on Free. "It's only reasonable, smart. I have used to it. Everyone around me feels the same. I know that how I am is not normal. My men all know to be one step ahead of me. I have actually given them order to just shoot me if I ever went too far, did too much, stop caring about the consequences.." Admitting that out loud wasn't hard, but it always remind Don how differently he was seen compared the people around him. How he himself knew there was something wrong with him and he needed to be watched because of that. "They are both working under me and guarding me at the sametime. That's not normal.."
Don was still smiling, now turning his eyes up, definitely avoiding to look at the younger who was keeping his eyes locked on him, quietly listening. "I might miss something from my emotions but I am good what I do. So my Boss lets me keep working. Said it's not so rare having people like me in this area of work. But I should become aware of the thin line of what is alright and what is wrong. Honestly, after all these years I'm still struggling with that.
He told me to get help and do my job without going too deep again. Hide what I am from the others. That is the very reason why I have to meet Lilian once in a while. She is the only one who can keep me in or throw me out. But how I get help for something like this. I can't actually tell Lilian everything. People like me usually ends up in or under the rock sooner than later. I don't want that.."
Like letting go the rest of his smothered thoughts what he has been keeping in, Don breathes deeply out, dropping his smile. "My best shot right now is work as a detective. Make the ones close to me be them who will end up arresting me eventually. Stay away from the situations I could end up showing that side of me again. That is how I have live my whole adult life," he states and closes his eyes, thinking how he should put his next words. "For that.. You don't know this, but I remind myself almost every day how I should run away myself. Get away from you."
Frees look changes. Suddenly he felt very alarmed. Get away from him?
"The more I'm with you the more lost I feel. I have always kept my distance from everyone. Have this so called safewall around me. But this is the first time ever I think I.. Caring someone else is such a bother. I don't need that..," man whispers and after a brief silence he kept speaking his thoughts out. "I'm sorry. I should not have tell you anything before. But it was way too easy to talk to you. I let my guard down.. In front of you.. To be honest is good, but pushing all this to you was unfair. The more unfair is how I selfishly have made you stay with me. There is no real reason for us to be together like this.."
Free moves his hand a little toward Don. But stops. No. He was slowly realizing what Don was about to say. And he trys to open his mouth and speak back but just couldn't. When there were no words he could think of. Other than trying to deny that all.
"It's not too late and take you to somewhere else. Before us together becomes you tolerating me by force. I.. have really messed up everything..," if there was anything Don regret it was exactly this. How he knew all along how this would end but still did nothing to stop this. "That's what I'm trying to repeat to myself. Trying to think us with common sense. I'm the one being selfish here, keeping you with me. Just because I want. I don't want to let go. Can't let go." Don kept his eyes closed, reaching his own left arm while he spoke and presses his fingertips strongly around it, making his mind stay calm. "I'm not that kind of adult you should even have around. Haven't I damaged you enough already. Making up excuses to approve what I have done. Like it was all okay. When it definitely was not..," he says with a voice what sounded as it wasn't his own. He knew what he should do here. Clear the table for them and move on.
Free wasn't believing his ears. The more Don open up his mind the more panicking Free start to feel. That's not what he wanted. Don wasn't looking at him, but Free could definitely see how mans own words ate his spirit the more he keep speaking. Trying to approve something to be right thing to do just because he selfishly decided so? On his own? That Free will not accept.
"We.. we should move you out after yo-" "No," young man finally speaks back, cutting mans words. Don could feel this sudden touch on his face. When man hesitatingly opens his eyes and raises his look, he could see Free standing next to him. Without a break young man sits on him, staring deep in Dons eyes with frustrated look on him. "No," Free repeats with a silent but strong voice.
Don was staring back at him, alert, then breathing deeply out. "No?"
"This.. is all because of me," younger whispers, lowing his head. "I'm making you feel uneasy. 'Cause I didn't act as I should have..."
Don shakes his head. No. That was not what he meant. Correct it. Now. It's not something Aki did. Don't let him misunderstand. Make kid realize the reality. Anyone from outside would agree with his statement. Didn't Taro warn him before already. Their relationship has grown very toxic.
But Free didn't give him time to speak. Man has talk enough. It should be his turn now. "Like, until now I just, like, choose what I heard and pick up what I wanted to hear?" he keeps. "Everything you have told me from the beginning. I should have been more serious. Listen clearly. Try to understand. I'm.. so sorry.. for not doing that. It just.. I was kinda scared.. to see how you.. in reality. I thought you were lying when you said it doesn't get easier, when your own reaction was definitely different. But you were right. It doesn't get easier. I didn't think it through. I was hasty. I'm sorry," now Free shows a very angry glance toward Don, even smiling a little because he felt so annoyed. "But what you said.. about sending me away.. forget it. You are mine. I'm not going anywhere."
"That's n-" Free puts his hand on Dons mouth, stops him from talking back. "You don't get it, do you? How would you, when I have.. only..," sighing out he straightens his back. Trying to get his varying mind clear. He should just speak out. It's not that this man would get angry at him. But if Free doesn't say anything Don would keep misunderstanding him instead. "During those two day, alone, inside that room.. I felt so scared.. But without you I would have been scared more. Really have given up. When I realized they kept me there that long I knew you would come. Make him pay. I didn't even care how. I only thought that.. if he dared to do something to me, you would have all the rights to punish him. I didn't even care would I die there. I would get my revenge by you anyway."
"That's because I have done so once," Don moves Frees hand and speaks out loud, using very severe tone. "Of course I would do so again! But that is not something you should feel you are in debt. Don't mix your feelings. You owe me nothing. It's time you realize your own-"
"That's not all!" Free yells out, muting Don. How he could make his feelings clear here? "Even before that.. When you came to the apartment to see me. How I.. that I..," Frees voice quiets down. He should organize his thoughts before speaking but there was too much he wanted to point out. Too much to hammer in Dons head so the man would understand him, forget the shit about leaving him now. "You are the only one I need. Only one.. I want. How you can be here for me if you are not here with me? Going somewhere else? Bullshit.. If it's not with you then I will rather run back to streets and die," he says quietly. Intenting to let it all out and not give Don any change to speak back. "I don't fear you. How I could fear you who I trust the most. Who is always here for me. You I don't fear. But what Taro once said.."
Free lows his head and closes his eyes, taking a strong hold of Dons shirt. "Me being toxic. I thought I understood what he meant, but.. Once again I really didn't," a desperate smile comes out. Free was seriously trying to keep himself from crying. "Maybe I was trying to test you just now. I kinda hoped you would turn my words right back and clear there was nothing to worry. How stupid that was.. I ended up making you unhappy. I didn't really think how you would react. Just assumed you would never get mad at me... 'Cause you said you were mine," he gathers his will and raises his eyes to look at Don. A tear falls down on his cheek. But his voice stay strong. "I.. can't say much for my defence. I have always been alone. Done things alone. This is the first time I'm trying to.. I'm sorry if I'm not so good at this. I'm trying. And yet.. now you are saying you think it's better me to go somewhere else?"
Free leans a little closer, having this angry look on his face. Letting it all out now. "I might be just a kid. Full of bullshit with my big ego you are so much afraid of. Hell yeah I'm cocky! That's the only defence I have! But I know what I want. And that no one can take away from me. No one! It's you. You," he holds his hands back to both sides on Dons face, pushing the man back, so strongly that Don has to lean on his hands to not fall down. "Think you can run away from me? Try it! I still have my thirtyfive fucking hundred from the dealing shit I've been doing! I will get someone to find you! Make you pay if you now leave me behind. Gonna tell the whole world you touch a sixteen year old brat and drove the cop car to the river just for drunkfun! I will tell them everything! Everything you have ever done! All of it! If you dare to leave me now!!"
After that there was a long silence. Free was out of breath, trying to calm his fastly beaten heart and shaken body. That yelling had really tired him down. But his glance was as furious as before. Eyes still locked on Dons eyes.
Don himself was staring back at him speechless. He didn't want to hear all that. How he could possible back off if this kid was speaking like this now. That's playing unfair. The rampage in his mind calmed down a bit. He want so badly to give up. Stop fighting back. Breathing out a long sigh, Don closes his eyes and actually smiles now, taking his arms around the younger to hug him, pulling his body closer.
Free breathes his nerves out and closes his eyes, wiping his tears away. "I didn't mean to make you that angry."
"Yeah," Don whispers. "I know."
Hugging him back, Free holds his forehead against Dons hair. Did he manage to get his words through? Could he express his feelings properly? He was still unsure, so he felt alert.
"What was that? I'm trying to act responsible here and you defy me.. You dare to yell at me? You are so weird," Don then quietly says, holding the other against himself even stronger. If his body could know how to cry this might be the time for that. He felt so moved. Confused. Lost. Still incredible happy. No matter how he thought he had prepared himself to draw a proper line between them, shutting his feeling in and moving forward like nothing has ever happened, as he has so used to do, it didn't need much from this young man to totally crush his plans to pieces. This treasure wasn't willing to stay left behind. This one was moving with him.
"You like to repeat that a lot..," Free has slowly became to undertand really why Don repeat the same over and over again. Even Free could see this was probably not normal. What ever Don told him about himself, he wasn't too scared or even too surprised. Those were just facts what Free took with open-mind. He has taken his own time to really realize that and understand Don. Now he could feel his mind was more clear. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. Don was his. What ever he was.
If Free want to be with Don, he would take all from him. He was the one who forced himself into Dons life. Took advantage of him, didn't run when Don beg him. After all that and he himself has already been sucked in. There was no way Free would run. He wouldn't let Don back off either. If he must, he would lock Don in. And never let go.
"It's calming. Feeling your heartbeat..," Don then says and raises his eyes to look Free. He breathes deeply in and out. "It's all just talk, you know. Like I could let you go. If I did I would probably search you again. I think I can't.. let go of something this strong that makes me feel this calm. This.. No, really, you are unfair. Messing my head like this." Man holds his left hand to touch Frees face. "If I ever become too much, you better tell me. I can back off. Only for you, I think I can back off. But If you leave the decision to me I will definitely bite."
Free smiles and wipes his eye. Hearing that made him feel happy. Relieved. "I get it. I get it."
Don sighs and lows his head. "Do you really?" Doubting.
Free takes ahold of Dons hand, squeezing his fingers around it. "If I can't deal with you, for me you will, like, kill yourself to free me. Something like that?" Don moves his eyes back up. "Just thinking the extremities you might think inside your head," young man points out with a quiet voice. "Am I wrong?"
"You are inside my head now," man answers, smiling. "Might be something like that."
Free could feel the press inside his chest. Making him feel charged. There was no way Free would let Don do something like that. Not when he himself needed Don this strongly. His feelings were all mixed up. So mixed Free really didn't know which feeling to reach. But that didn't really even matter in the end. When he should just follow this one he could feel the most strongly. If he wants something, he would do anything to get it.
Just when he was about to move his face closer to Don, speak out his worries, Free spots Dons bloody wrist under his sleeve. "Why you are bleeding?" young man moves the sleeve a little, seeing these small bleeding cuts on the skin.
Man raises his hand, giving the cuts a very careless fast glance before looking back to Free. "It opened again when you pushed me back. Don't mind it," Don just says quietly, like there was nothing odd about it. "It's a habit."
"A habit?" Free tsihs. The cuts were similar to the light ones Don has on his arms. But these were fresh, new. Free could remember Don might have talk about his scars before. That was when Free first time saw these light scars all around Dons arms and asked about them. But so far young man has been so used to seeing the scars he actually didn't pay so much of attention on them anymore. "What? You did this?"
"It's nothing -" "It's not nothing," Free shouts back. He has always thought they were from some single incident, just scars. But it wasn't a simple broken skin, but many cuts done over the time. How many times man has done that? Why the hell he would even do such a thing?
Don sighs. "It's a way to relieve pressure," he calmly explains. "That's all." Since the young man was looking very upset about it, Don should clear it out before he would start overthinking.
Unbelieving, Free was glaring deep in to Dons eyes. This might be one of the things Free should learn to know about. Once again there was something what was right in front of him and he just didn't see it. "How cutting helps?" Free uses his own sleeve to clean the bloody arm, looking damn annoyed again.
"It releases endorphines.."
"What!?" Free can't really keep up with this all.
Don shows a smile and pets Frees hair. "Stop the questioning. I'm starting to get irritated. Don't try my limits, kid," man tsihs. "We can talk about this later. Come on. It's not me you should be worried about. Your food is getting cold. The main thing we should do is get your condition steady. That we can't manage if you don't eat."
Man started to sound his usual self again. Sure. Maybe it was better to leave it there for now. The least Free wanted was to make Don even more unhappy. Eyeing man awhile in silence, he finally moves his face closer to Dons. So close he could kiss the man. But doesn't. "Hey, Don."
"..."
"I wanna go back home. Can we?"
Seeing the other showing this kind of affection again could easily blind Dons senses. This feeling Don has was burning inside him. It was strong. Like a magnet it was pulling him closer to this other person on him. Day by day it seem to grow stronger and stronger. When apart he could definitely feel it. The cry inside him for missing something.
What had started as a small interest has became something more sinister, mutating his obsessions. And it was very hard to ignore. Change. This young man has let him so close. Was saying he would willingly stay with him. This was dangerous. This young man was. He was.
"Let's go.."