Don drives the car to the highway. The city remain behind when he and Free took their direction to the Training Center where the younger would spend his next four months. The training was about to start, now, today. Weeks after Frees first so called mission in field went by with more preparation and training with Taro and Don. All of a sudden the day to go was here.
Now, sitting in the car with Don, Free was calmly looking out the window, in his thoughts. It will take them over five hours to drive to the location, three planned possible stopping places on the way. Free doesn't remember ever been inside a car that long. To not let his own mind run wild, Free should talk about something else than the upcoming. "So..," he then suddenly states. "Why you lived alone when you were fiveteen years old?"
Don was surprised from this sudden question from no where and glances Free calmly. "..Why?"
Free hums. "You told me before you were living alone ever since you were fiveteen," he recalls. "Last time you kinda move past that before I could ask more about it."
Older smiles back, looking back at the road. Sure, this question was about to bring up sooner or later. "Well, my last foster father let me live alone in his other apartment, since it was impossible to live with me without a fight during that time."
Don lived in foster homes? Not with his real parents? Somehow that didn't surprise Free that much. If man had any relatives, by now Free should probably have heard about them already. "Then.. You fought a lot?"
Man hums back. "All the time. I was a home changer. Got my first foster home when I was six, because I was so violent. I destroyed everything. Was angry all the time. It's something to do with my brain, I can't stop it not being active, I can just ignore it, distrack it. But I didn't know back then why I was how I was."
Don saying it out now so casually, the actual cause of his anger issues.. That kind of stunned Free. Leaving him even more curious. There were suddenly so much he wanted to ask. "Did your parents abandon you? Because of that?"
"Probably. I don't know anymore who they were since they didn't want to have anything to do with me after," Don clears honestly. "Can't blame them, really.."
Free has met all kind of people in streets. Orphans. Abandoned. Kids who ran from home.. Those who lost their homes and end up in streets.. His brothers from the Main House were perfect examples here. Tim and Dino were orphans. Kain had run away from home. The most similar to Don was Leon, who was a home changer. Had told tons of stories from different times with different families, with a very negative tone in. There were violence. Coldness. The constant feeling you were just an outsider forced to stay in mold.. Free knew very well how that felt like. When you have no word of your own, when the only way to survive is do exactly as you was told.. Even after becoming someone so influential as CIDs most known figure, Don wasn't that different from those streeters. He too has just climb up from nothing. "Are you really like that? Angry? All the time?" younger then wonders, actually showing a doubting smile, teasing. When ever Don mention his so called anger issues, Free felt like man was talking about someone else. This man was usually a calm himself.
Older glances him once, smirking. "Believe me, there was a time everyone around me could easily tell. But I have learnt to ignore it."
"Ignore?" Free keeps, thinking. "Sorry but it's still really hard to believe you of all would have anger issues or anything.. I know you can be violent but.."
"I think I have been very direct about that from the beginning," man points out. "Don't worry. I'm used to that reaction. It just shows how good I am hiding it nowadays."
Free felt even more confused after hearing that. But actually starting to slowly understand more. Don indeed has been very honest with his words. The more Free realizes how much he really hasn't paid attention of Don but more like only for himself, made him feel mad. No wonder this gap felt so huge to clear and Don doesn't want to accept his feelings. He has indeed act very egoistic before. "It sounds pretty lonely," he then speaks his thoughts out. "Your life, when you were younger.."
"Says the kid who live alone with a drug addict and TV until the year of ten," man snaps back. His life couldn't even be compared to what Aki has been through. "Believe me, I had a lot of 'friends' after middle school. There were many who want to hire me to play their bodyguard or just show up to fight. Didn't matter where I live or what school I attended. After all, it was quite useful to know current gang members from those times. I even send one of them behind the bars without raising my hands, because he remembered me. Didn't want to fight back. He already knew to scare me."
Free laughs now. "Why it doesn't surprise me hear something like that happened. You know, like, everyone. Know our city very well."
"Not really. I just know the right people who know. You streeters are perfect source of information when needed."
That just made Free click his tongue. True, if he wanted to know something about someone, his kinds were the ones to approach. The very eyes of the streets. "Then how long have you lived here?"
More questions? This really became one long questioning.. But Don doesn't really mind to answer these questions. "Not. I had seven different foster homes, three different cities. My last foster father lived here. Since he left the apartment where I lived to me after he pass away, I ended up staying here. That apartment is the same where we moved you in while you were working under," he add the rest to note he was actually the one owning that place.
It was Dons place all along?' Free sighs deeply out. "Wow. No wonder it was so simple and clean place. It was yours.."
"I keep it under a false name, in case I need a place to hide in future," older man admits then. "When your training is over I will give you the spare key back. You can use it when ever you need. It will become handy when you are alone in the field and need a place to stay."
While still keeping his admiring eyes locked on Don, Free leans his head back. Kind of digesting now everything Don just told him. How there could still be so much Free didn't know about Don? Every new fact just made him look at the man next to him even more respectfully. "The more I learn about you the more I think how awesome you are.."
To that Don couldn't but snort smiling. "Awesome? Don't think too highly of me. There is nothing awesome being a rotten, violent creature like me. People like me shouldn't even exist."
"Don't diss my lover," Free tsihs back. "What I mean is.. Leon also had many foster homes before I found him wandering on the streets,"he clears. "Said he would be better without any grown ups and would gladly live with us in streets. Year later his attitude had changed when he told me he was seriously thinking was it a right call to run.." Remembering those times felt very melancholic, but still sweet in someway. That was the reality they lived back then. "But it's just an era, right? You can't be sure of anything without knowing what you want. 'It's the knowledge of yourself that defines how you work, who you are'. I hope Leon will find where he belongs too. You ended up being fine, right? Even with the background like that?" now Free just gets excited again, smiling to older guy. "Like, you are now a detective on his thirties with a rank so high I should have been scared when I played with someone like you. There was no way I was winning. I was tantalizing the last Boss without knowing.."
"Last Boss, ha?" all that sound just ridiculous to Don who wasn't even so sure how he should take others point.
"If it was hard to you before to control your anger, now it is totally different, right," Free continues. From that the air around Don change even more. "You have overruled it. You are cold-blooded, think before you act. You do everything with so surely and planned. The way how I've seen you 'fighting' with Milo is amazing. Those movements were like waves. And guns! You said you don't like 'em, but you could handle one so fine. The way you taught me in the range was so easy to understand. Doesn't matter what I learn from you.. You always know how to talk to make it easy to get. Is there freaking anything you can't-"
"That's enough," Don suddenly stops Frees excessive flow of words, making the younger turn his asking look at him. "Just.. that's not right." All Don could think was where all this nonsense was coming from..
"Ha?" Free is confused. Did he say something wrong??
Don breathes ones in and out, turns to look at Free. His look was somehow uneasy. Kind of nervous. "I'm not that awesome. What is with that praising. Who are you talking about..?"
Free just stares Don in silence. Then he smirks. So this man couldn't take his words as compliment? How humble. "What? I'm talking about you, Don Palenne. My lo-"
"Even if it makes me really happy to hear you say that, stop speaking nonsense," Don states clearly. Using strong voice, eyes ahead. Looking angry. "You are speaking way too highly about me."
"You don't like to hear that?" Free smiles, teasing.
"I don't. Your feelings are blinding you.."
Free couldn't help but keep up the teasing. Dons reaction was so out of his character. "I can tell you more how awesome you are. You're also handsome. Got a nice build. Had teach me so many new dirty tricks I can't even count them all. And.. right now you are blushing.."
Don breaths out, calming his mind. He wasn't talking about his looks. He knew he was handsome, popular with women. Knew how to fight. Like he wouldn't know he was good at his job too. One of the bests. That wasn't the case here. But how kid said it with. "You know you might be the only one in the whole world who could say something like that about me.. Seeing me like that.."
"You are wrong," young man states proudly. "I'm not the only one who thinks you are awesome. You have a stamp on you. What you earned yourself. There are many at our workplace who admire you. Speaks highly about you. How you can't see that?"
"I know I am the best of what I do. But that's different," Don turns his eyes on Free. Smiling, but stil looking damn pissed in a way. "You might want to polish how people see me, but you can't polish what is hidden inside. You are trying to make me look like a way better person I actually am," he clears out, sounding very serious. "That is why hearing that all feels wrong."
"It's not polishing. I know what you are and have done. And that doesn't change a thing," Free tsihs annoyed, eyeing Don who now moves his own look back forward.
Being annoyed back, Don decided to make Free face the reality. Speak out straight and hope kid would take a hint. "Know what I have done? I have killed nine people by these hands of mine. Maybe some random others while on the field I can't even care to remember. My first one was when I was seventeen," he then suddenly announces. Stunned from this sudden turn, Frees eyes went sharper. "I killed them. Did so intentionally. Knew what I was doing. That there makes me just another murderer. The kind I myself am after.. It's not just the anger issues, but how my mind works. How I can't care. Normal people can't accept it. It's unnatural."
Don sighs. Young man would probably not even blink after hearing his confession and that was exactly what worries him. But clearing this should at least make him see the point. What ever Don has done, was not right. Couldn't be accepted. Be taken so lighly. "Saying I could control my anger now is false. I can hate anything around me without a reason, including you. Even when I care about you a lot, there are times I can't stand you either, but I can hold it because it's you. Knowing that much sometimes I can't even tell when I should really feel angry and when not. I have learnt to tell the difference by watching others, getting to understand how my head works. After all I'm just evading the situations what could escalate to the mess. And in time to time I will relieve all the anger inside me toward something... or someone. Because everytime after, I can feel so calm I can't feel that anger. I can feel nothing. That is the awesome way of my control you are talking about with such a nice emphasis."
For short moment, their eyes met. "I told you before I work as a detective now only 'cause it's a way to control myself. I act 'cold-blooded' now because I have to. I'm good fighter just because I have fight my whole life. I am good with guns because I have to have the control in the situations when I have to use one. I have to plan everything forward to not go with emotions first. Or I have to shut it all in, face things without feeling," Don has went through this all in his head so many times he kind of knew exactly what to say here. How to explain his flaws. How those flaws were controlling him overwhelmingly. "Those are not strengths. They are all necessary. So I can be 'normal'. Saying those 'abilities' makes me awesome is.. wrong. Everything I am today is to avoid to lose against my anger. And end up to the point I might cross the line." Now Don shows a smirking smile. "Well, how ever I have tried I always seem to find a way to keep going how ever. Cop or not. It feels like this ever going circle I'm running. I start something. Deal it. Then do it again.."
Sighing loudly after Don finally seem to stop talking, Free couldn't but feel a little empty here. Or overfilled. "Wow, what a sudden confess." There indeed was a lot just now..
"And as always it doesn't even stonish you?" Don tsihs, looking Free once. "That is why I say you are weird."
Maybe. But all that still wasn't enough to totally shake Frees determined mind. Although that all sounded damn awful, he felt now even more certain about his own role here. "All I hear is that I need to think a way to control you, so you will not end up in prison or something," young man calmly mulls over. "I don't care have you killed one or tens. Even one is too much. I will not lose you just because you can't control one emotion inside your head." Making his thoughts damn clear here.
Now that was something very different, new. Don sighs his stress out. He has clearly unintentionally got himself his own guardian.. "You never fail to surprise me," Don notes, keeps eyeing Free. "Sometimes I have no idea what goes in your head. You feel unreal."
How you couldn't know? From Frees view he was just thinking damn simple here. As things should be thinked through. "What you have done is wrong. I don't like it. So we have to think a better way to control you. As simple as that," Free smiles, acting so relaxed. "So behave until I figure out something. We need to.. stop that circle of yours." Don couldn't do but stare Free, really think over what he said. And eventually young man shows him even wider smile. "It's called a movie logic. And with that I am an expert. Besides, you might have reasons behind why you are like you are. But that doesn't make you any more less. Those abilities are what makes you you. Awesome. And that I love."
The car fell into silence. Once again Don was wondering what he has done right to have someone like Aki in his life? This kid was like a guardian angel. Or, 'guardian ghost', like Aki has called himself before. As long as Don could remember, he has always been alone with his thoughts. And now, after all these years, there was suddenly someone else who was thinking with him, living with him, fearing for him, processing things for him.. He has someone beside him.. And this one was even steading him when he himself was thinking doubtful. After all that time together almost non stop, no wonder Aki has learnt to speak more mature or, like, more calculating. He has been influenced by Dons way of acting and thinking. Was it good or bad, who knows.
After a while Don turns his eyes ahead on the road, slowly letting his varying mind calm back down. "You won," he says quietly. Once again others words were straight and reasonable. Don just has to accept them. When Don can never make this kids mind turn around. As long as he has Aki with him, he could ignore all the haze inside him. Maybe learn to change things eventually for the better. "Thank you," he adds then. Showing his usual gently smile. "For seeing me. Now."
Free was smiling to finally see other go back to his usual spirit. Keeping his eyes locked on the man sitting next to him Free couldn't bear not to note back. "I am your lover. Of course I see you," he whispers. Not that Don would accept the word 'lover' yet. But that didn't stop Free from using it.
Four months. After that Don couldn't run from him ever again. Just four months.
- - -
The next hours went by with more chatting about this and that. They didn't talk about the previous subject again. Or about the Training. Slowly getting closer the moment they would be seperated for four months felt unreal to Free. But it was something that he has prepared for. Or, rather, he has push the matter aside and hoped he could deal with it when the time comes...
Don did state clearly that it would do good for them to be separated. They were way too keen to each others nowadays. Being together almost non stop the last few weeks. Sleeping together. Eating together. Training together. Not that Don liked this situation, having to be seperated for that long. It was something unavoidable. Something what must be done. They should take advantage of this time and see how this would effect them. Learn to be alone. But still together. Well, how ever Don put it, Free knew it was the way Don to control his obsessions. Reasoning this. So he wouldn't lose to his anger, stop Free from going.
"You are not allowed to call me when I'm there," Free points out. They have driven hours for now and it was almost the time they were about to arrive to their destination. "I will call you if I feel like it. And I will keep you updated what is going on. I will message you." The faster he moves forward the easier this would be.
"Sure," Don tsihs, feeling a little amused. But he knew exactly the reason for Frees statement. When it was about work or, in this case, training, Free has to be alone. To focus. Without Don in his mind. This younger lover of his was clearly a fast break-upper, figuratively. Just bye and go. It might be easier to Don also. He has to drive back alone and even his own thoughts too. Then go back to their routines alone.
This time apart would be way more harder to him.