A day later, I was sitting in bed hugging my legs close to my chest and alone in my room. I haven't been outside since I woke up in my bed.
From this incident, I was sure that even if I wanted to die, I couldn't. I didn't want to make Seth go through that but when he was slowly draining my life with his own hands, the joy of the possibility of going back enveloped me rather than fear. In face of my desire to go back to my family, Seth's inevitable sorrow over what he did was nothing. I didn't think about what would happen to Seth. I didn't think about what would become of the twins if I disappeared out of nowhere. Even now, If I were given a chance to go back, I feel like I would choose to go without a second thought.
I feel guilty for thinking like that.
"Mother?" A small head poked out of the slightly open door and I visibly flinched. It was Noah. I immediately buried myself under the thick blanket and stifled my sobs.
"Are you cold, Mother?" A small hand patted my back. Even through the blanket I could feel the gentleness and the small warmth.
"Get well soon, Mother." I heard Cleo's small whisper as I felt another blanket covering me. As soon as I heard the door closing, I dived out of the blankets gulping for air.
It was suffocating. No matter how many times I breathe, It wasn't enough. My lungs burned.
It hurts. Seth. Please. Get me out of here.
* * *
As soon as Seth woke up, He ran to look at her. He remembered. Her eyes as he slowly suffocated her with his hands. He didn't want to imagine what would have happened if he weren't struck by lightning. It's been more than twenty years since he begged God for something.
Please. Please. Please.
He begged as he ran to her in the middle of the night. The first thing he did as soon as he laid his eyes upon her was to press his ear to her chest. He could only calm down when he heard the rhythmic beating of her heart.
But soon the calmness turned into horror as he caught sight of the faint bruises on her neck. Even healing from the priests couldn't heal them completely. But contrary to his worry, a mad smile etched onto his face. If the grand princess saw him now, she would have said, "I didn't know you were capable of making such a face." The blue eyes looked darker and the pupils became slits like that of a wild cat's. The softness she was used to was nowhere to be seen. It was purely an expression of strong desire to possess. It was a blessing that the woman sleeping peacefully in front of him was unaware of it.
His hand unconsciously pointed to his heart and with every second it pushed forward. First his nails made an impression on the skin and then began to dig through his skin drawing blood. The blood seeped into his white shirt and a scarlet flower bloomed above his heart.
He wanted to dig out his heart that felt joy upon seeing her hurt. The mark on her neck was made with his own hands, It was his. His mark upon her. A mad thought, like a spark bright enough to set the whole of Valoria ablaze, burst forth inside him.
It is dangerous. I have to stop. Before it burns her.
"Father?" A small voice broke the eerie silence of the night and brought Seth back to his senses. His hand stopped and so did the scarlet flower from completely blooming.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" Seth tied his robes over his nightshirt before turning to look at Cleo.
"Is mother alright?" The boy asked, rubbing his sleepy eyes and a moment later, another head poked out behind Cleo.
Seth's heart calmed down at the sight of his sons. He picked them both into his arms and walked out of the room.
"I was just checking on her. She will be fine soon." He said as he walked back to their rooms.
"I smell blood." Cleo sniffed, wiggling his little nose.
"My wound must have opened." Seth offered a half-truth.
"Wound? Are you hurt, Father? Where?" Noah fussed over him for a moment before his eyes stopped at the place where Seth's nails dug into his chest just a moment ago.
"It is just a small wound. Nothing serious." Seth shrugged it off.
But he obediently let the twins fuss over him and make him sit. He watched as the two toddle around their large room looking for something.
A minute later, Cleo came with a water bowl and towels. He began cleaning the wound as Noah appeared with a chest filled with medicinal herbs and potions.
"Mother called it a Medical Kit. This was mine and Cleo's is a different colour." Noah said proudly as he searched through the chest for the right medicine to apply. Seth couldn't help but watch their little hands that don't even cover a quarter of his palm work clumsily to patch up his wound.
Once the wound was closed, Cleo cleaned the blood with a towel and they both shared a look of approval which brought an immediate smile to Seth. He grabbed both of them and sat them on his legs, hugging them gently. It was no different from when he held them as warm tiny things wriggling and wrapped in a wad of clothes.
"How are you feeling now, Father? Do you feel any pain?" Noah asked.
"I feel as good as a healthy horse ready to gallop." Seth smiled at their inquiring eyes.
"That is good to hear." Cleo nodded in approval, making Seth chuckle. "You both did really well." Seth commended.
"Mother taught us not to panic when situations like this arise." Noah said.
"Yes. She also taught us how to use these medical kits." Cleo added proudly.
"Do you like your mother very much?" Seth asked after a few moments of silence.
"I like her very much!"
"Mother is the most beautiful person in the whole wide world." They chimed immediately.
"Mn. I agree." Seth nodded.
"Do you like her now or her from before?" He asked.
The twins hesitated looking at each other. "I wish, mother would stay like this forever." Noah replied in a small hesitating voice.
"I like her now!" Cleo however, was very clear with his answer.
"Even if she forgot she ever gave birth to you? Even if she doesn't know what she was like before? Even though… She is an entirely different person?" Seth asked again.
"If she were to reject us again, Mother told us to do the same to her. And that, it was just a stupid dream and that person was not her. She said she would be watching over us and that she would protect us like you do." Noah said, fidgeting.
"I like my mother now. I don't want to go back to that person before. We didn't call her mother before but now we do. So she is our mother!" Cleo's voice was stubborn as he hugged Seth, his little arms barely reaching to the sides of Seth's torso.
"Will… will she go back to before?" Noah was afraid.
"I too wish for her to stay like this forever." Seth replied, wrapping his arms around the boys. "If you wish for something with all your heart then it will come true. Mine became true so let's believe in it." He added.
Seth thought, at least this time he wasn't alone in what he wished for and the two tiny lives burrowed in his arms at the moment were with him. To give him the warmth he needed and him to them.
This is enough. I'm satisfied. I must not get greedy. He told himself and forced the fire in his heart to glowing embers. Just enough.