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Of all the people the headmaster could assign me to.
It just had to be those two nincompoops.
'Damn it my wings are tired. And why the hell are they not in the Marquis' estate!?'
If I could, I would've quit a long time ago, that shithead old man promised me that I'd touch the pinnacle of my realm if I became his familiar. Now I'm left as some sort of fucking carrier pigeon.
'The locator is pointing towards that inn. Huh? Is this thing correct? No way those twins would be in some rundown inn like that.'
Making my way closer I chose to dive swoop into the window that I assumed to be open...
***Crash—
It wasn't open.
***
"AHhh what the fuck is that!"
A tiny winged black silhouette crashed into the room through a window. 'Just when we were talking about ghosts too. We might be cooked here.'
"Eek! Is that a ghost!?"
I had already calmed down enough to notice it was a bird; Orphelia on the otherhand, seemed thoroughly spooked.
Just then,
"No you idiot I'm not a ghost."
"Holy shit IT'S A TALKING PIGEON!"
I knew we were in a fantasy world, however it finally clicked for me upon seeing a talking pigeon. Hearing the voice Orphelia seemed to finally calm down a little, just enough to correct my mistake.
"That isn't a pigeon dumbass."
"It isn't? If it ain't a pigeon then you tell me what it is bird expert."
I laced my words with a sarcasm that she seemed to instantly pick up.
"It's clearly an eagle idiot."
"An eagle....are you perhaps mentally challenged sister? Where in the world can you find an eagle that looks like THAT!?"
"You both are wrong."
Cutting us out of our debate, the "not pigeon" interjected.
"The two of you must be blind. I'm neither a pigeon nor an eagle. CLEARLY I'm a familiar."
Not pleased with it's tone, Orphelia asked it a question.
"Okay then mr 'familiar'. Care to tell us what kind of tweetybird you are then?"
A vein bulged on the familiar's head; clearly annoyed by the two of us as it explained.
"Sigh, Fine. I'm a Diudiu."
'Fuck is a doodoo?'
Unlike myself who tried to hide my laughter, Orphelia burst out cackling like a witch.
"Pfft-hahaHAHA You're a doo doo bird? No wonder you look like shit!"
"Excuse me!? I'll have you know us Diudiu birds are highly coveted magic beasts due to our high mana affinity. We are an extremely popular choice for familiars."
Hearing the bird's explanation I couldn't help but insert a quip.
"Popular choice? Doesn't that make your kind quite common then? I guess your rarity was also...doo doo."
Orphelia's laughter increased after hearing my pun. She had to hunch over holding her stomach to suppress her laughter.
"Hahaha! Good one Dir!"
Ignoring her annoying nickname I accepted her compliment.
"Why thank you Orphy."
"Though, If you ask me Dirdir and Diudiu sound quite similar don't they?"
'This bitc- ~inhale. Calm thought's Dirius, calm thoughts.'
"So why are you here mr familiar?"
I tried to be somewhat respectful to the bird as I had no idea what position his contractor held. Though I suppose it may be a bit too late for that.
---
I sat with my legs crossed staring at this little black bird with silver at the ends of each feather, it was honestly a pretty enough bird but it's feathers were ruffled, likely from its' body hitting the window. 'No way a bird this snarky would have it's feathers this messy.'
My breathing was no longer sporadic from my wheezed laughter and Dirius was also shifting into a more focused demeanor.
"I'm here on behalf of Laertes Academy. Some how your parents managed to get you two ingrates readmitted."
It's tone clearly condescending and callous, his eyes practically rolling at me. 'Also readmitted?' That means these dumb dumbs got expelled? I scratched my head lightly, my exasperation soothed a little by the prospect of what this academy could mean.
'Free lodging, free meals and free education!? THANK YOU PARENTS FOR LOVING YOUR SHITTY ASS KIDS!' I could practically cry, however my thoughts were interrupted by that bird again.
"Take this."
He used his beak to throw something at me. I reached out instinctively catching it.
"Hey what's this?"
"Magic item box moron, it has your school supplies for the semester."
He tossed a similar one to Dirius also giving him the piece of paper that was tied to his right leg.
"Now time to leave this musty ass room."
It began to fly away and almost hit the window again. I turned back to Dirius, he was already opening the letter.
"What's it say?"
Thank goodness we were able to at least have the basic skills to read and write in this world.
『 On behalf of the Laertes Academy board of directors,
Dirius Hendrix and Orphelia Hendrix you have been welcomed to begin your second year at our esteemed institiution.
All necessary materials have been provided for you in your designated item box delivered by familiar messengers.
Assigned rooms and classes will be given at orientation exactly one week from this letter's acceptance.
Respectfully Laertes Academy
』
"Guess we should start by checking what's in these item boxes."
Dirius suggested whilst already trying to open it.
"Woah."
It expanded into a large trunk, inside it there text books, writing materials, a course list of all the subjects with a detailed syllabus and a standardized uniform. It was honestly your cute typical magic highschool uniform.
The uniform was navy blue with a white trim and detailing with a dragon pin crest which was the coat of arms for the Alther Kingdom.
"Neat."
I smiled while holding up my uniform, the skirt length was mid thigh so it was modest enough to not be a nun.
"This was just what we needed Dirdir."
"The god of this world must've heard my prayers so I don't have to go to that haunted house your smartass was forcing me to go to."
"We don't know it's haunted, it's abandoned."
"For a reason, the reason being is that it's clearly a paranormal activity hub."
I sighed totally over this entire thing.
"Let's just talk about what we're going to do."
"We're obviously going to the damn school."
He says while pacing with the course list.
"There's magic, history, politics, swordsmanship and battle tactics, economics and a whole bunch of other shit."
"This really is the answer to all our prayers, and if we get our grades up our parents would probably reclaim us!"
I smile and jump a bit excitedly. 'Finally a silver lining, right?' My fantasy life experience just went from zero to six, not ten but we were getting there.
"Don't get too excited Orphy, you know this can go south based on how shitty the previous twins were."
"Piss on someone else's garden, I choose blissful ignorance right now okay."
He rolled his eyes at me but there was a subtle smile still playing on his lips. I knew he was also excited.
"So now the real issue."
"Eh?"
He face palms at my brains' noticeable absence.
"How are we going to get there Orphelia?"
"Our parents won't send a carriage?"
"Potentially, but if they don't then we're screwed."
"Right, we can't depend on them."
I motioned to the open item box picking up the geography text book flipping through for a map of Alther.
"Okay, the academy is two provinces away, it's the one closest to the capital. It's called Sarion, it's the largest in the kingdom."
"Well we should start to head there first thing in the morning. It would likely take us a few days."
I nodded at his suggestion, my anxiety screaming at me a little. Both of us weren't really the type who knew how to get around easily and being in a new world would only make things harder. The scent of the room seemed to get worse all of a sudden.
"How are we even going to sleep?"
"We should camp outside or something, we can take turns. My gag reflex has been going off every few minutes."
"Where even?"
"Follow me."
***
Having packed up all our shit we made our way to a lightly forested area behind the inn.
"This should be safe enough for a few hours."
"Bro how are you so sure?"
"Wishful thinking. Now I'm going to sleep I feel a hangover coming."
I scuffed rolling my eyes at his nonchalant attitude.
"Leave it to you to get drunk."
"The baddie was paying so how could I refuse."
Within a few minutes I could hear his light snoring as he rest his head on one of the suitcases while swaddling himself with a blanket like he had not a care in the word. 'Men.' I sat with a dagger in my hand guarding us despite my own exhaustion.
My headed threatening to nod off. 'Don't sleep. Don't sleep. Don't-' Hours had passed by now, my hand extending to shake Dirius awake when the nearby bush started shaking.
"Wake up!"