Alternative Chapter Title: Discovery Requires Experimentation (if you know where this title comes from hat's off to you I guess. Point out any errors if you find them, please.)
***
"She's delusional."
"Woof!"
"I know, can you believe the balls she has to do that shit Bronx, 'cause I can't."
"Woof!"
Raven was off to our side as I conversed with my best friend... ooh, I think she's angry. "Can you stop being an ass and take this seriously?"
"Why the hell would I do that, I thrive in humor and comedy... and sarcasm and dark humor... and--"
"Just shut up alright. This is something I want to try, and I want your support..." She spoke quietly at the end there. Why in the name of all that's holy would I support her, how would I even support her? Go Raven, you can kick the robber's butt. I believe in you! Whoopee!
Man, fuck that. "Hehehe, no. And it's not just a no either, it's a resounding one." Yeah, I think that's how you say it, right? "Even if I did support you, how would I go about that, hmm? Would I be the guy in the chair doin' all the boring shit while you're out there kickin' ass and killing cunts? If so, then fuck no." I'd rather just listen to my music and play Mortal Kombat... or Infamous when it comes out.
She looked a bit miffed, "I won't kill anyone, the only person I'd want to kill is Trigon. You know this so why are you being like this? Are you just that self-centered, insecure and egotistical?"
"Don't forget hypocritical, handsome and amazingly strong as well please."
She scoffed, "You know for some reason I thought you'd actually be supportive of what I want to do. Guess I was wrong." Well, it's not like everyone can be as right as me all the time and possess my genius to boot. "Do I need to beg? Is that it, do want me to beg you for your help with what I want to do with my life." Oh, for the love of...
"Christ you're being annoying, you know that?" She flinched at my words, and I frowned slightly. "It's your life! Yours, I'm not here to hold your fuckin' hand as you take every little goddamn step, do you understand?" She nodded meekly after a pause. "...I'm not saying all this shit because I want you fail and fall in a ditch somewhere and die. I'm saying this 'cause I know you and I know that this is something you're gonna have to do on your own. And you need to find a way to accept that, otherwise you're gonna be stuck with all that anger and hate."
Christ, you stress me the fuck out woman. Is this what Dad felt when he dealt with Mum? He really was right, bitches be crazy. "...Your right. I know you are but... this, this is terrifying; I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm going to do with my life from now on. And that scares me..." She told me.
God, I'm not good at this stuff. What do I say now? "I'm going to be honest here, I don't know what to say. But I'm here for you and your annoying ass if you wanna talk." I said. She mumbled a thank you and a stroke of pure unadulterated genius stuck my majestic ass, "I think this calls for a celebration Rae Rae," she looked at me wearily. I brought out a little baggie filled with my own batch of smokables, "You know what time it is and if you try and get out of this, I swear to God above, I will kick your ass. And fart in your face."
She cringed at my proposition, but eventually gave in to my demands. Yes! Victory at last, now I get to see what a high Raven is like. I moved from the kitchen bench to the wooden floor of our home, lifting a piece of it up and grabbing the weed I had stashed there. I wagged it in front of her, "Okay, now what you wanna do is simple, when you got the bong, you put a little bit of water in it, some weed to where your gonna light it, then it'll bubble up and that's when you inhale. Simple?"
"...What the hell have I gotten myself into with you?" I see you smiling a bit there Raven.
"Woof!"
"Damn straight Bronxy, you know I'm right when I say this'll be fuckin' hilarious." I whispered to the dog, mindfully ignoring the scathing look Raven was giving me. "And don't look at me like that, you know I know you know that you need to chill the fuck out. Trust me on this, what's the worst that could happen anyway?" Was I tempting fate? Indubitably so, would it be fun, chaotic and more? Abso-fucking-lutely. Bring it on Destiny, I'm about to make you my bitch.
***
So, transmutation... Why the fuck did I think studying this shit would help with controlling my magic again? Oh, that's right, 'cause I ain't got impulse control and no real idea on how to use my powers the way I want and not letting them control me. Go paranoid me, you got this.
Let's go back to basics; transmutation is the process of changing one chemical element into another. Conversion. But I have to factor in the magical effects of such a thing. Now if I paid more attention in science this wouldn't be a problem, alas, past Cain was an idiot in the back of the class that put the bare minimum into school. But that probably wouldn't help much either when it comes to magic.
No, what I need is something else. Wait, what if I kidna-- borrow a scientist or two with a specified field on transmutation? And experiment from there to see what works without resorting to other options that I know are out there but don't know if they'll put me in danger.
...Alchemy. That... might work. I mean, I'd have to get books on the subject or find someone and somehow get them to teach me, which I can't see going well. But this could be a proper start, I know from shows I've seen, namely Full Metal Alchemist, that the potential that alchemy has is vast. Gonna have to watch out for that Equivalent Exchange thing or whatever though.
Alright, this seems like a solid plan. Just gotta put it into action at one point or another. Preferably when I'm not high out of my mind, in the Watchtower that houses, oh you know, the fucking JUSTICE LEAGUE.
"Deep breaths me, you don't wanna spew out lunch." I said to myself, shifting in the metal chair I was sitting on. "If the goal was to give me a newfound hatred of metal chairs, you've succeeded. And you're now responsible for the genocide I'm gonna commit upon them." I spoke to the room which I knew was filled with listening devices.
I've been in here for hours, can you lot stop fiddling and diddling each other and let me go already. I didn't even do anything bad enough for the Justice League to be on my ass anyway. Giovani might have told them, but I get the impression that he'd want to save himself the embarrassment of getting his ass blasted by a kid.
The door hissed as it opened, leading my eyes to see a hot blonde standing there. Black jacket with blue accents running down from her elbow to her wrist getting wider and wider as it went down. Fingerless glove, and the holy fishnets. "God damn you're beautiful. What do you say you and I go on a date in like..." Let's be safe here Cain, "...6 years?"
Black Canary quirked an eyebrow and tried to stifle a smile behind her hand. "I'm sorry to say I'm spoken for. But I'm sure you'll find someone your own age to be with."
Socializing and... dating people my own age when I could tap ass like that-- Okay, what the hell Cain. You're not usually like this... wait a minute... "Did you guys hit me with truth serum?" How did I only notice it now? There was a heat that ran through my body, it reminded of the first time I was drunk. I don't like it, if I want that feeling I'll just crack open a bottle of Bourbon.
She sat down across from me, "Do you know why you're here today?" She asked, completely disregarding my previous question. I felt something when I recalled the events that led me here, I assume that was the drug they hit me with.
"Yeah... I'm here because of my intrepid go-getter attitude and charming demeanor. And 'cause I robbed a bank?" Whoo, this shit is strong. And invasive.
***
"Okay, you got everything you need?"
"Yes Cain."
"Water?"
"Yes."
"Late night snack?"
"Yes!" She snapped.
"No need to get testy with me, I'm trying to make sure you don't die of thirst or starvation out there since you had the brilliant idea to start helping people like some hero." I said to Raven. I still think this is a bad idea and want that to be on the record.
"Alright, have fun I guess, go break a few legs." I said to her as we stood on the balcony overlooking New York.
"I think you forget that not everyone is as homicidally sadistic as you." Ooh, what a scathing retort, and wipe that smug smile off your face before I kick you off this ledge. Actually...
I moved quickly making sure to place a portal a ways down when I shoved her, and she fell through it. I watched her appear like, two streets down, I think. God damn I'm a fucking genius, bow down to my superiority.
Now that the sour puss is gone, I can commence my plan. We're gonna need supplies, manpower, and the most important of them all. Money. I was interrupted by a ball of shadows coming straight for me at worrying speeds, so I dodged it, opened another portal smacking Raven upside her head and called it a victory.
But back to my plan, I'm gonna have to rob a bank.
...
It was the ass-crack of night (six-o'clock in the evening) when I finished casing my target, plotting my entrance points, exits, how many guards there were; you know, the things a professional such as myself would do.
Now, you might be wondering, "Cain, why don't you just teleport in there and just steal all the money? It'd be easy for you; you wouldn't even have to be detected." My response would have to be to shut the fuck up and stop pointing out the flaws in my perfectly devised plan before I shimmy on over to your universe and annihilate your entire bloodline.
Now, it's time to commence Operation: Money Up, Not Funny Up.
I crashed through the skyline, shot a pistol in the air and shouted, "ALL RIGHT PEOPLE YOU KNOW THE DEAL! MONEY! JEWELS! GIMME!" Screams sounded not a second later and, in that moment, I wish I brought earplugs. Eh, food for thought, I'll just do it next time. "HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GIMME MY MONEY!"
I whacked the butt of my pistol across the face of an old man, probably in his fifties. It drew blood and would leave him with a nasty bruise. The things I do for the happiness money can buy me... oh well. I pulled him up and held the gun to his head and nodded to the woman behind the glass, she opened the door and let me.
See, that wasn't so hard, was it? I threw the old man to the ground and looked at her, "If you wouldn't mind, I would like to squander away with the money this bank has if you please." I smiled.
"W-why are you doing this?" She asked me.
I gave her my most charming smile and soulful eyes, "Because."
"What?"
Yep, you heard me, "I'm doing this 'cause I want to and the best part? Who's gonna stop me?"
It was at this point that I should've been more aware, surrounding wise. If I was, I wouldn't have had a fucking escrima stick thrown at my head, and I'll give you no guesses as to who the smug little pansy bastard was. "OW! What was that for?!" I yelled at him.
"You're robbing a bank?" He replied just as incredulously as I did. Oi, don't try and change the subject.
"Ain't you supposed to be in Bludhaven or something. Off you pop Limber Lonnie, go back home, I got shit to do, money to steal. All that kind of stuff." I said.
"...Uh, aren't you like, 12?" And supposed to be in school? You do know there're better options than robbing a bank." I threw him into another universe after I failed to kick him in the nuts. At least that's what I would've done if the fear of Batman on my ass wasn't a reality that could come true.
"I'm gonna hit you now." Magic flared around me as I clapped my hands together and a blaze of fire flew from the tips of my fingers. The blast that Nightwing dodged slammed into the wall behind him, a spiderweb of cracks left behind.
I stomped my right leg against the ground bringing up a chunk of the marble floor with my magic and kicked it to where the vigilante would have been and hit my mark. "HA! Take that, bozo." Now, if I was some blubbering idiot, I'd have started gloating but me being me, I got what I came for and got the fuck up out of there.
The question I had on my mind when I came home was the fuck was Nightwing doing in New York. Or I suppose the better question to ask is what is Dick Grayson doing in my city. Opening up the computer at the desk in my room, I search the internet for anything related to Dick Grayson; results were as follows: Playboy Billionaire Bruce Wayne adopts orphaned boy after tragic circus accident. Richard Grayson sighted partying in Gotham city; will he be like his father? Richard Grayson in New York for a business deal between Wayne Enterprises and... --> Click here for more information.
Great, so it was just pure coincidence that the Bat's favorite son is here. Just what my night needed, a fucking vigilante that's seen me in action, whose connected to the Dark Knight, who runs the damn League. I feel like this would be a perfect time to pray to the Prescence but I'm stubborn and don't need an omnipotent being's help for anything.
***
"And that's about all I'll tell you now that this fuckin' truth serum's worn off. Douchebag move by the way, I approve. Now, I think it's time for you to answer my questions pretty lady. Why am I here? How did you get me here? And most importantly, the fuck's my food?" I said, liking to think I left her a little stupefied.
I also didn't tell her how I knew who Nightwing was or Batman. It was weird working around the truth serum, not knowing how to turn the truth into a lie or taking it apart and weaving lies into it, but hey, comfort zone and all that.
My hands vibrated a little when I drew magic into them.
"Or you know, I could break out of here and blow this place to kingdom come. And commit genocide upon all the metal chairs on the planet." I smiled as the vibrations grew more intense and I put my hands flat on the table facing downward, palm to metal. "And I'm telling you right now, you don't want that," Green licks of flame ran along the cuffs that held my hands together and melted them off my skin. "Ooh, that tickles."
"So, am I free to go?" I asked her and she stared at me, not in fear but wariness and caution. She brought her hand up to her ear where I assumed the League was debating what to do with me.
She brought it down when she spoke, "What do you think?"
"Well I... You're not talking to me are you?"
"No." She shook her head mirthfully as she smiled.
I didn't turn around because if I did then I'd have to deal with some bullshit. "He's right behind me, isn't he?" I asked, already knowing the answer. The Batman was stood behind me and I didn't notice, sneaky ninja cunt.
"Your accomplice is in our custody as you are now and despite the fact and clear indications that you dangerous, it's been decided that you and your companion will be put on probational oversight." Batman said, his voice gravelly. I honestly can't tell if he's using some type of voice modulator or that's just how he sounds.
"...I'm gonna kick your ass, you know that. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but I will. Best sleep with one open cunt." So, they had Raven, huh. Can't imagine that went well for her, I hope you at least put up a fight against them, show them you're not to be fucked with lightly.
The white of his cowl's eyes tightened as he looked at me sternly. I gave him the finger in return. Do something, orphan, I dare you.