Unsteady heartbeats, hitch-hiked breaths... Because of the mate bond, I felt emotions I never thought I could feel again, and I also never wanted to feel again.
Yet, the scent of Alexander, the feel of his hands on me... It was all too much, and also not enough.
I nodded and he helped me sit back down on the bed, his hands lingering on my arms a moment longer than necessary. As he pulled his hand away, my body yearned for the warmth his touch gave me, and I bit my lower lips hard so I could focus more on the pain than the man that stood close to me.
As the pain shot through me, my rational senses suddenly returned.
I frowned at the way the bond made me feel- like a teenager going through puberty.
I hated how easily my body responded to him, how quickly I felt comfort in his presence when not too long ago, I was staring death in the face, orchestrated by the man who had been my world for nine years.
Damian...
The very thought of his name brought back dreadful memories I wished I could forget. The dungeon, the chains, the glint in his eyes as he watched me suffer all came to my mind. My heart suddenly started beating in horror, and my lips became dry. My hands also clammed in fear.
Damian manipulated me, isolated me, killed my family, made me believe I was nothing without him. And when he had no use for me anymore, he discarded me like trash, willing to see me beg for my death. When this didn't happen, he wanted to execute me without a second thought, all for entertainment to the man in front of me who was his guest at the time.
I shuddered as those memories clawed my mind. I could still feel the frustration from the darkness, the helplessness from knowing my suffering was unending, Damian's smug smile as he reveled in my suffering.
And now, here I was, feeling an undeniable bond with another man. A man who was not just anyone, but Alexander Fenris, the most feared and respected king in the kingdom.
It felt too much to process. Too much to accept.
"Are you okay, Penelope?" Alexander's voice broke through my turmoil, and as I stared at him with all the emotions I felt, his gaze darkened. "What's wrong?"
I tore my gaze away from him, trying to collect my scattered thoughts. "Thank you for saving my life, and I'm really grateful for it, but I can't do this," I whispered, my voice trembling. "I can't feel this way again."
His eyes narrowed slightly. He must have sensed what I was about to say next, but regardless, he pressed, "What do you mean?"
I swallowed hard, pushing back the tears that wanted to form, blinking nervously as I stared at my soulmate, the one destined to be with me forever.
'Don't do this, Penny. Let's give him a chance' my wolf hindered, already knowing what I was about to do, but I ignored her.
"Please reject me," I spat out.