"Have you eaten?" I asked when I got home and saw Ránjìng curled up on the sofa watching TV.
Ránjìng shook her head, still focused on the TV.
"Dieting?" I continued.
This time Ránjìng looked up at me, then stood up from the sofa and struck a few poses to show off her figure, saying smugly, "Do I need to?"
"Don't be conceited. If you haven't eaten, let's order something," I suggested, meaning ordering takeout.
"Oh... Ah..." Ránjìng exclaimed twice, then looked at me and said, "I've already ordered, but I'm still hungry."
I looked at Ránjìng helplessly, feeling amused and frustrated at the same time. I ended up calling to order takeout myself and asked her what she wanted to eat. But just as I was almost finished ordering, Ránjìng suddenly said, "I don't feel like having takeout. Can you treat me to dinner instead?"
"Hey, why didn't you say so two minutes ago? I've already placed the order. You want to go out for dinner now?" I exclaimed.
"Please? Pretty please?" Ránjìng pleaded with a cute expression, and as an ordinary mortal, how could I resist?
So, I found a nice restaurant nearby and we sat down to order. The restaurant had a good ambiance and the dim lighting added a touch of romance. Having dinner with a beautiful woman under such lighting was truly enjoyable. Unfortunately, just as the dishes were all served, my phone rang.
"Who's calling?" I asked, my polite tone changing to irritation.
"It's me," a familiar voice came through the phone.
"Who's 'me'?" I didn't bother to guess the caller's identity with my current mood.
"Hey, why are you so grumpy? It's me, Wáng Lěi," said the voice on the other end. Wáng Lěi was a good friend of mine from college who had recently come to Shanghai. Since he was relatively new in town and didn't know many people, he enjoyed bothering me whenever he could.
"I'm not grumpy, but I'm having dinner now. Can't you handle it yourself?" I replied.
"No, I have an urgent matter. You have to help me out," Wáng Lěi pleaded.
"What urgent matter? Can't you handle it yourself for a while? I'll talk to you after I finish eating," I insisted.
"Then you'll be collecting my corpse. Please, bro, you have to come and help me. Remember to bring some money," Wáng Lěi's tone was almost desperate, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.
"How much do you need?" I asked, though I wanted to say, "Did you get caught hiring a prostitute?" But considering Ránjìng was sitting across from me, I held back and asked calmly.
"3000 should be enough. Bring that amount, and meet me at Héngshān Road subway station," he said before hanging up. Despite being a typical person who prioritizes appearance over friendship, there are situations where priorities need to shift. It seemed like Wáng Lěi was facing a serious problem tonight, so I had to sacrifice my dinner with a beautiful woman.
"I, I have something urgent to attend to. You finish your meal, and if you can't eat it all, pack it up for me as a late-night snack. Thanks," I said, rushing out before Ránjìng could stop me. I was afraid that if she did, I might really forget about friendship.
I took a taxi to Héngshān Road subway station and found Wáng Lěi pacing anxiously.
"What's the matter?" I asked as I approached him.
Wáng Lěi pulled me aside and whispered mysteriously, "I've set my sights on a girl, she's gorgeous, and I think she might be interested in me too."
I waited for him to continue, wondering how this was an urgent matter, but it seemed like he was waiting for me to say something.
"And then?" We stared at each other for three seconds before I broke the silence.
"Then I want to pursue her. I've arranged to meet her tonight, and I want to do something romantic, but I'm broke this month, so I had to ask for your help," Wáng Lěi said with a sneaky smile.
"So, because you have a date with a girl, then you're short on cash, and then you urgently called me to bail you out — with money?" I struggled to contain my anger as I recounted the situation.
"Yeah, bro, my future happiness depends on tonight. Isn't that urgent?" Wáng Lěi replied.
"Fine, fine, you win," I said, handing him the 3000 yuan, regretting that I didn't stick to my usual policy of prioritizing appearance over friendship and letting myself be used by this guy's shallow desires.
"Not so fast. You still have to be my strategist. I'm not familiar with Shanghai, so you have to give me some advice," Wáng Lěi insisted.
It was too late to rush back and have dinner with Ránjìng now, so I decided to help this guy plan his "emergency." I accompanied him to meet the girl, eased the slightly tense atmosphere between them, and then left. When I got back home, Ránjìng was already asleep, or more accurately, she had gone back to her room. There were many takeout containers on the table, and upon inspecting them, it seemed she had brought back everything we ordered for dinner. She hadn't eaten anything herself.
The next day at work, I was regretting what happened the previous night. I wondered why Ránjìng hadn't eaten anything. Was it because my leaving had hurt her feelings? If so, then perhaps Ránjìng had feelings for me...
Since I was fairly well-connected in this city, former classmates would occasionally visit me. Ránjìng always warmly welcomed them, chatting with them even more enthusiastically than with me. She'd always say something like, "I didn't expect you to..." after they left, which became her standard comment after these visits.
After many visits from male classmates, finally, a female classmate called me and said she was coming to Shanghai for work and wanted to see me. We had some ambiguous relationship back in school, and we used to call her "Gégé." However, we didn't spend much time together back then, and there weren't many memories or impressions left between us. But since she said she wanted to see me, I couldn't turn her away.
"Will you be home tomorrow?" I asked Ránjìng, knowing she was always willing to help with reception duties, making things much easier for me.
"Yes," she replied.
"I have a classmate coming over tomorrow. Can you help out?" I requested.
"Sure," Ránjìng agreed enthusiastically.
The next day when Gégé arrived, I was surprised by her appearance. Back in school, I hadn't noticed anything particularly outstanding about her, but now, after a few years, she had become much more beautiful, with a stunning figure.
"Come over here," Ránjìng pulled me aside fiercely, twisting my head to shift my gaze from Ge Ge's body to her face. "How come it's a girl?"
"Is there a problem?"
"Weren't they all guys before?"
"Then I should have some female classmates too, right? We're not an all-boys school. Besides, I'm quite charming. I'm popular among female students," I boasted, feeling proud. In reality, I just felt happy to stimulate Ránjìng's interest in me.
"You're just being conceited."
"How am I being conceited? You saw it yourself. How was it? I have a good face, good figure. Back in school, she was quite flirty with me," I bragged, feeling pleased. Actually, I only felt happy because I could stimulate Ránjìng's interest in me.
"Hmph, just wait," Ránjìng ignored me and walked towards Ge Ge. "Ling Shuang, please introduce us," she said to Ge Ge.
"Oh, this is my college classmate and good friend Wang Yue. We all call her Ge Ge," I pointed to Ge Ge and then turned to Ránjìng. "And this is..."
"I'm Ling Shuang's... friend. My name is Ránjìng," she introduced herself proactively. I was surprised. When did I start being called Ling Shuang? That name sounds awful. We're just friends, no need to be so formal.
I've seen Ling Shuang's classmates before, they were all a bunch of shady characters. I never thought he'd have such a pretty female classmate," Ránjìng said while glancing at me. How could Ling Shuang's friends have changed like this? When they came, you were chatting with them enthusiastically. Now they've turned into shady characters.
For the rest of the time, even though the three of us were chatting, only two of us were talking—Ránjìng and Ge Ge. But the topic of conversation was always me. They were speaking softly and laughing loudly. I didn't know whether I should be happy or helpless in this situation. Neither of these girls had any real connection to me. But still, I felt proud of being the center of their conversation.
Time passed by second by second. Ge Ge finally excused herself and left. As she was leaving, she said to me, "Your girlfriend is really nice." I could clearly sense a sour scent. It seems that if it weren't for Ránjìng's interference, there might have been a chance with Ge Ge.
After seeing Ge Ge off, Ránjìng sat smugly on the sofa, looking at me with eyes full of a victorious smile.
"What were you trying to do today, causing chaos? If you bring such a beautiful girl over without my permission, I'll kick you out the door," I complained to Ránjìng. Even though I didn't mind her actions, and was even proud of them.
"Until I have a boyfriend, you can't have a girlfriend. That's Rule 24 that I just thought of."
"Why not? How about this, you... be my girlfriend," I hesitated for a moment and decided to test the waters by asking the question I had been wanting to ask for a long time.
"No way, no way, no way!" Ránjìng said three "no ways" in a row, each one more certain than the last. I felt somewhat disappointed. Her rejection was too direct. It seemed like I didn't have any chance at all. I had been feeling good about myself all day, even though Ránjìng had driven away Ge Ge, it didn't mean she had any feelings for me. She was just in a period of emotional vacuum and needed me as a well-behaved and sometimes amusing playmate. My mind was flooded with thoughts.
"You've never even pursued me, and you want to call me your girlfriend? Dream on," Ránjìng continued. Looking at her, it seemed like she was saying, "Hmph, what can you do to me? My mood has definitely returned from hell to earth, but heaven is still a long way off."
"Do I have to give flowers, go for dinner, watch movies? Let's not do those clichés. You've known me for a while now, you've discovered my strengths. This is just a natural progression, why bother with so many formalities?"
"I'm giving you a chance, but if you don't want it, then I won't bother," she seemed to have me figured out. But now that I think about it, comparing us in terms of height, looks, income, etc., I and Ránjìng weren't in the same league. The term for us would be "out of one's league," or maybe even "marrying down"?
"Okay, I'll leave it up to you. Let's have dinner together tomorrow, watch a movie?"
"That's so old-fashioned, I don't want that."
"How about singing, dancing?"
"That's so boring, I don't want that."
"How about tea, playing cards?"
"You're so uncreative, lazy like a pig, always just lounging around at home," Ránjìng said disapprovingly, giving me a disdainful look.
"Well then, tomorrow get yourself cleaned up and wait at home. I'll suggest an activity that's productive."
The next day, when I woke up, I found a pair of eyes right above me, which startled me.
"You lazy pig, you're just waking up now. I've already showered. What's your productive suggestion?" The lock on the study door was broken, and this girl actually intruded into my "bedroom." I had been tossing and turning half the night just for this productive suggestion, even posting on BBS to ask for advice. Unfortunately, those jerks online either joked around or didn't give a proper opinion.
"Have you thought of something?" Ránjìng pressed.
"I have. Swimming." That was the suggestion I remembered from an article I once read. I couldn't recall the title, but the gist was to take a girl swimming. The activity itself wasn't productive, but the article listed various benefits of taking a girl swimming, mainly to check if she's truly pretty, if her body is really good, and how to conduct the examination. Even though Ránjìng often roamed around in pajamas at home, I still wanted to see how she looked in a bikini, wet with water... My mind was filled with lascivious thoughts. When a person is indulging in fantasy, imagination becomes rich.
"Is that your idea of a productive suggestion?" Ránjìng's tone didn't sound particularly disappointed.
I've been sitting by the pool for half a day. This girl also made a fuss when changing clothes. It's not like choosing clothes to go out, it's just taking them off. But taking off her clothes takes as long as us men do. After waiting for a while, when Ránjìng appeared in front of me, my mouth opened wide. You must have misunderstood, that was a disappointed expression.
"Why did you get a one-piece swimsuit? Look at all the girls in the pool, many of them are wearing bikinis. You got a one-piece, wrapping yourself up like a rice dumpling..." Looking at Ránjìng's increasingly wide eyes and pouting mouth, I swallowed the rest of my words.
"I'm not going in."
"Not going in?"
"Not going in!"
"Why not?"
"I don't know how!"
"I didn't expect you to swim. What kind of swimming are you doing?"
"You're the one who called me."
"Then... let me teach you."
Actually, my own swimming level is at most the kind where I won't drown if I fall into the pool. Not to mention teaching someone else. But if teaching isn't the goal, I'll still do it.
"Try to keep your body straight, paddle with your hands, kick with your feet. Don't be afraid, I'm here to support you." I said half-heartedly, with my hands on Ránjìng's abdomen. In my heart, how beautiful it is to swim, and teaching someone to swim is even better. Teaching a beautiful girl to swim is the best thing of all. I must remember to write a follow-up post for that guy.
Lost in thought, I forgot to exert force with my hands. Ránjìng struggled for a moment and fell into the water. It turns out, the struggling posture of a beautiful woman in the water isn't pretty either. I quickly lifted Ránjìng out of the water.
"What are you doing? Don't you want me anymore?" I don't know if Ránjìng misspoke in her haste, but those words, "Don't you want me anymore," made my heart tremble violently.
"I do. I'll never not want you." Holding Ránjìng and feeling the closeness of her skin, my courage grew, and I spoke without reservation.
Ránjìng didn't say anything, her face flushed red, whether from choking on water or from hearing my words, she kept her head down and didn't move, letting me hold her.
From then on until we got home, we hardly spoke. Walking on the road, I wanted to hold her hand, but in the end, I gave up. I didn't know if she would, like in the TV dramas, complain about my timidity and cowardice.
When we got home, both of us busied ourselves separately, without any communication between us. I felt a suffocating pressure, thinking back, according to my past experiences of pursuing girls, when a girl is willing to let you hold her like that, she won't refuse any further advances. But why is it that after that embrace, our relationship seems more distant than ever?
Normally, Ránjìng and I could chat and joke around without any restraint. Now, even saying a word seemed cautious and polite. It's like we've lost the ease we had when we first met.
"I'm flying tomorrow, back in three days." Ránjìng said to me before entering her room. In the past, Ránjìng always came and went without a trace. This is the first time she's told me where she's going and for how long she'll be gone. I nodded without replying. Ránjìng looked at me as if she wanted to say something, but in the end, she didn't, and she went into her room alone.
The next day, when I woke up, Ránjìng was already gone. There was no miraculous breakfast or note on the table to surprise me. I couldn't even smell Ránjìng's fragrance in the air. I stood foolishly in the middle of the living room, closed my eyes, and asked myself, are the things I've experienced over the past few months real or not?
These days I worked unusually hard, always coming home late, and immediately going to bed when I got home. I even gave up my usual enthusiasm for online games. Gradually, I realized that perhaps my feelings for Ránjìng were just a kind of affection that a man has for a beautiful woman. But now, I've completely fallen in love with Ránjìng. The old me, although I also had thoughts of possessing Ránjìng, we were still just ordinary friends, friends living under the same roof, I could still joke around with her, play around, and tease each other freely. But now, when I realized that I might turn the thought of "possessing her" into reality, I became at a loss.
Three days is a long time, at least for me it's torturous. My inner self eagerly hoped for Ránjìng to come back soon, yet I didn't know how to face her.
Three days is also short, today is the day Ránjìng should come back. I still pretended to be diligent at work until 10 o'clock before leaving. When I finally arrived at the gate of the community, I saw Ránjìng, and also another tall man. My heart felt a pang of pain. They stood facing each other, I couldn't tell what they were saying, both of them were very calm, which made it difficult for me to guess the nature of their relationship. Until the end, the man hugged Ránjìng and left. At that moment, I wanted to go up and beat him up badly, but unfortunately, I would never do that. My heart sank, I started to become narrow-minded, I even began to vent my anger on Ránjìng, waiting for her at home for four days, only to be greeted with this result. My mind couldn't control the emergence of a certain thought: Ránjìng was late because she was with this man.
After seeing Ránjìng go upstairs, I waited downstairs for half an hour before following her up.
Opening the door, Ránjìng jumped out from the doorway, happily putting her arm around my shoulder and saying to me, "I'm back."
I furrowed my brows, shrugged off Ránjìng's hands, and answered indifferently, "Oh."
"What's wrong? Why are you so upset? Did something happen? You're in luck, I'll lend you my ears and listen to your complaints." Ranqing asked with concern when she saw my unusual expression. If she had ignored me, I might have given up and slowly mended my heart, letting her fade from my thoughts. But why did she have to care so much about me? My heart grew even more confused. I was desperate to know who that man was and what their relationship was, and then vent my anger on Ránjìng to quell my dissatisfaction.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
"Oh, wait a moment." Ránjìng fished around in her luggage for a while and then handed me a wrapped box. "It's a gift for you." My emotions started to spiral out of control. What kind of girl was Ránjìng? She'd just been close with another man, and now she was being so nice to me. Was she like many other girls who had multiple boyfriends and took pride in playing men? My darker thoughts erupted fully, and I began to see everything in the worst possible light.
"Can you not do this?" I said, my tone heavy, refusing to take the gift she offered.
"What do you mean?" Ránjìng looked at me with puzzled eyes.
"I don't want your gift. We're just housemates living together. You don't need to explain where you go or when you come back. You are you, and I am me." I didn't even know what nonsense I was spouting.
"Oh... I get it. You're upset because I came back a day late, aren't you?" Ránjìng seemed to understand something, then looked at me triumphantly. "You were worried about me."
"Why would I have the right to worry about you? Whatever you do is none of my business."
"I really had something come up. I promise I'll come back on time next time."
"This isn't your home. You're just a squatter who hasn't even paid rent. I've been covering all the expenses." I regretted my words the moment they left my mouth, but my damned pride kept me from backing down. I stood there, unyielding, and stared at Ránjìng. The smile vanished from her face. My words had hurt her. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she fought to keep them from falling.
"Sorry for bothering you for so long. I'll find a place to move to tomorrow, okay?"Ránjìng's voice cut through me like a knife. Humans think with their brains, so why was my heart in such pain at that moment?
Ránjìng went back to her room, and I collapsed as if all my energy had drained away. What had I done? I had hurt someone I loved. As a man, I had no magnanimity. I hated myself. I lost control just because I saw her with another man. My jealousy made me irrational and caused me to say things I didn't mean because I was afraid of losing her. Even if I never really had her, I thought I could. I...
Over the next few days, Ránjìng and I didn't see much of each other. When we did, it was only for brief moments. We didn't know what to say, and we just nodded at each other and went about our business. I tried several times to apologize, but "sorry" seemed too weak.
I fell back into my old habits, staying late at work and avoiding home. I didn't know how to face Ránjìng. But today, I couldn't avoid it. A message from Ránjìng appeared on my phone: "I'm moving out tomorrow. Let's have dinner together tonight? Just to thank you. I made some food and will wait for you at home."
Sitting at the table, I felt lost. Ránjìng didn't say anything either. We just sat across from each other, staring at the dishes. I suddenly remembered that since Ránjìng had come into my life, I had only cooked for her once. It was just egg fried rice. She often made breakfast and dinner for me. I even forgot that since she arrived, Auntie Wang hadn't come by. Many things Auntie Wang used to do had been taken over by Ránjìng. I had even grown accustomed to having clean clothes to change into.
I felt like crying. I was such an idiot. For some inexplicable reason, I had driven away such a wonderful girl. Guilt and regret gnawed at my conscience.
"Let's have a drink to thank you for all you've done for me." Ránjìng raised her glass, speaking calmly. The light illuminated her face, and I once again felt her beauty. Maybe because we had spent so much time together, her beauty no longer dazzled me as it once did. But today, I felt the same as the first time I saw her.
"Okay." I mechanically raised my glass and drank it in one gulp.
"Don't drink so fast; you'll get drunk." Although Ránjìng said this, she refilled my glass, and I drank it down again.
"I'm moving out tomorrow. I've already packed my things." She said, and I noticed the bags in the living room. A sharp pain and a sense of loss hit me. Tomorrow, I would be alone in this empty house again. Maybe I adapted well before she arrived, but now that she was leaving, could I go back to the way things were? It felt like winning a lottery and losing the ticket on the way to claim the prize.
"You've helped me a lot during this time, and I haven't even paid you rent. I don't know how much the rent is here, so I calculated it roughly. This is 6000 yuan. If it's not enough, you'll have to take a loss." Ránjìng pushed a stack of money towards me. The overwhelming guilt made it hard to breathe. The embarrassment sent blood rushing to my head.
"And there's something else I want to explain, but it feels too long-winded to say. I wrote it down and put it on the coffee table. You can read it later. Now, let's have another drink." Ránjìng raised her glass again, and I downed my third drink.
"Why aren't you saying anything? Don't you have anything to say to me?" Ránjìng's eyes were so clear and calm, contrasting sharply with the turmoil inside me.
"Don't go," I finally managed to say.
"What? What did you say?" Ránjìng looked at me, confused and puzzled.
"I said don't go. I know I was wrong that day. I lost my mind and said things I didn't mean. But I saw a man hugging you downstairs. I like you, and I can't handle that. I thought you liked me too. If you did, you shouldn't have let him hug you. That's why I got so mad. I really like you. I care about you, so I got angry. I lost my mind and said things I didn't mean because I was afraid of losing you. Even if I never really had you, I thought I could. I..." I blurted out everything I wanted to say, in a rush, and in a mess.
"Do you understand?" I looked at Ránjìng.
Ranqing bit her lip and nodded calmly. "I understand."
"Will you still leave?"
Ránjìng didn't answer me. She just sat quietly with her head down. I couldn't see her expression. I couldn't give up this last chance. I walked over to her, squatted down, and looked up at her, hoping to see her face.
"Please don't leave, okay?" I looked into her eyes. I must have looked ridiculous because Ránjìng smiled. She tried to hold it back, but her eyes revealed her triumphant amusement.
"Hmph, you think I'm really mad? I'm not that stupid. The worse you treat me, the better I'll treat you. I want you to feel guilty for the rest of your life." She came up with this absurd theory again.
"As long as you stay with me forever, I'll feel guilty forever." I'm the type to give an inch and take a mile.
"As if. Look at your lecherous face. It's disgusting."
"No matter how disgusting, as long as you don't leave."
"Why would I leave when I have a free place to stay?" Ránjìng took back the money she had just handed me, carefully put it in her pocket, and patted it.
"Does that mean we..." I gestured between us.
"What?"
"Does that mean you like me too?"
"What do you mean 'like'? That's so crude. Yes, I used to like you, but your performance last time was so bad, I don't like you anymore."
"Don't tell me you can just stop liking me all of a sudden?"
"If you want me to like you again, everything has to start over."
"I can start over, no problem. But can you at least tell me who that guy was?"
"No—way! I'm not telling you."