"Su, you won't have any issues with the rent next month, will you?"
The landlady's eyes were filled with suspicion, and she even suddenly pulled open the door to Su Huai's bedroom, peeking inside as if she were investigating a thief from the countryside.
All Su Huai could do was nod and offer a forced smile: "No, no, there will not be any issues!"
...
"Can you not always make jokes at my and Su Huai's expense, okay?! Do we even match?!"
Xiaomei's outburst came without warning, her irritation escalating to anger, instantly chilling the atmosphere at the department's dinner party.
Embarrassed, Su Huai murmured something, his lips twitching twice before he swallowed back any defense.
I really wasn't thinking about you at all...
...
"Mr. Su, thanks for the treat, but I'm afraid we're not suitable. Oh, right, I'll pay for half of it myself."
The blind date barely touched her food throughout the meal, her polite demeanor was impeccable, and after rejecting half the bill, she left as if relieved.
Su Huai felt relieved as well.
He quite liked her, but knew he wasn't a match, so from the moment he sat down, he was plagued with insecurities.
The outcome, as it was, didn't seem so bad.
...
Were they too much?
Actually, no one was too much.
They were just normal people, earnestly protecting their own interests. It was harsh, but they didn't intentionally insult Su Huai.
Yet, the total sum of these interactions kept Su Huai living in an environment where he constantly hit walls, and this was also a fact.
The society hardly had any utmost absurd idiots; it was filled more with ordinary people who idolized the strong, despised the weak, weighed interests, and practiced double standards. If you weren't successful enough, they would weave a large net to disgust you at every turn.
Whom should he blame?
Su Huai didn't think it was his own fault.
As an average-looking young man from a small town with average height and intelligence, struggling to live earnestly in an era of soaring prices was already quite a challenge.
He was hardworking; it was just that he couldn't do more.
But sadly, a Darwinian society had no pity for the weak, nor sympathy for excuses.
The strong could treat the world as they pleased, charging through as they wished, whereas the weak could only suffer, repeatedly crushed without a shred of joy in the process.
The world had always been like this.
Having lived for over thirty years, Su Huai had seen it all too clearly.
His mindset was becoming more stable, more imperturbable by external disturbances, but when some people haughtily questioned whether he had "tried hard enough," he couldn't help but scoff in that moment.
What more do you want me to try?!
His grandparents were ordinary rural folk who spent years sowing and sweating in the fields until they finally got his parents out of the countryside.
His parents were also tough, studying while cutting pig grass when they were young, eventually settling down in a small town.
Su Huai himself had burned the midnight oil and plunged himself into his studies, ultimately making it to a second-tier university.
Generations of my family have been honestly working hard for decades, and you simplify the reason to us not trying hard enough?!
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
It's damn ridiculous!
Su Huai didn't vent online; instead, he angrily carried a case of beer back home.
As he drank, he reminisced about his life.
Childhood was the happiest time, a type of carefree joy he would never experience again.
The most profound memory of high school was striving to study amidst feelings of inferiority, then becoming more and more insecure under the blows of limited talent.
In college, he juggled studying and part-time jobs, which was fulfilling, but deep into the night, he would often be tormented by confusion and anxiety.
After starting work, he became a corporate drone, gaining broader perspectives and becoming more shrewd, yet the future seemed ever dimmer.
Now, it seemed, things had gone too far to turn back.
Fucking tragic...
Su Huai shook his head and bitterly smiled, his gaze distant, suddenly wanting to call his mother, yet he feared it would worry her.
When an adult son wants to share everyday things with his parents but is concerned about causing them worry, it shows that he is not their pride, but their burden.
That's too sad.
A feeling of oppression welled up inside him, driving Su Huai nearly mad.
If...
If he had been more diligent in high school, could he have gotten into a better university?
Not likely.
After maxing out the intensity of my studies, it all came down to sheer IQ and comprehension. For those killer math problems, if you couldn't solve them, you simply couldn't solve them—there was no chance of an upset.
...
If I had acquired more certifications in university, could I have landed a better job?
Not much difference.
Postgraduate studies, foreign enterprises, big tech firms—these were the best exits available.
To ascend to a high-ranking executive with an annual salary and achieve true success, in the end, you need ability, EQ, background, and resources.
By just working overtime, you'll be the department's scapegoat until you die.
...
If I had started a business early on and seized those so-called opportunities to turn things around, could I have achieved financial freedom?
I doubt it.
A person will definitely encounter many opportunities in life, but most ordinary people can't grasp them—that's the norm.
In Douyin, those gurus who open their mouths to speak of 'cognition' and close them to talk of 'vision' act as if paying for a course to enhance one's cognition guarantees success. But is it really that simple?
Bullshit!
There are plenty of opportunities within one's cognitive scope. Looking back, those opportunities seem oh-so-sweet. But before the fact, who can guarantee success?
If success isn't 100% certain, then you must face the consequences of failure.
Those with capital never fear starting from scratch, but Su Huai and the millions of ordinary workers have no margin for error.
One failure and you're saddled with crushing debt, huge time costs, and never a chance to recover.
Under such immense pressure, even if you dare to gamble and find the right project, it's more likely that an imbalance in mentality and altered operations will lead to failure.
So, cattle and donkeys of the corporate world really aren't cut out for entrepreneurship.
Su Huai had his restless phase in his early 30s, but once he truly saw himself for what he was, all he felt was relief.
Start a business? Are you fucking cut out for that?!
Men in their middle age aren't worth a damn, going bald doesn't make you strong, it just makes you ugly.
Really, it's a good thing I didn't take the plunge.
...
If I hadn't been so stubborn and tried to marry a little rich girl while young, could I have changed my fate against all odds?
Well, that's a bit more plausible.
In college, it's still possible to find true love, but the issue is, what 20-something has the thick skin for it?
And just having thick skin isn't enough, either. If you aren't good-looking, difficulty increases by +100; if you're not sweet-talking, difficulty increases by +500; even if you're gifted, what's the use if you can't apply it?
Oh, right, that last line was me bullshitting on a regular day. I'm not really gifted—just an old-fashioned flashlight at best.
...
"If I could do it all over..."
A half-drunk Su Huai clenched his fists, his tone was as fierce as it could be—
"I'd fucking lick them to death!"
Working for someone else is out of the question; playing it straight, you'll never catch up with inflation your entire life.
Starting a business is even less appealing—busy, tired, and under huge pressure.
Su Huai really fought the good fight, but now he just wanted to go back to his younger days, find a rich beauty to mooch off, comfortably make his first pot of gold, then seize any one of the three big opportunities—live streaming e-commerce, Bitcoin, or the '22 World Cup. After that, he could happily enjoy life.
But these grand ambitions lasted only seconds before Su Huai's spirit deflated.
"Licking your ass! With the way I look, I'd have trouble with even an 80-pointer Xiaomei, let alone trying to charm top-tier beauties."
The majority of men know their limits, and Su Huai, whose hairline had receded 4 centimeters, was especially aware of his.
When he was in his prime, he was a bumbling, broke, and tongue-tied fool. Now that he's ruthless and savvy, he's been ravaged by time into a greasy, blackened strip of oil-soaked fritter.
In short, no matter what age, he was never... never fit to woo women.
"Forget it, I don't want to start over, just give me a Mr. Tongzi!"
A drunk Su Huai flung his can, aiming for a basket in the corner, but it ended up against the wall.
With a loud bang, he was jolted awake.
"Fuck!"
Su Huai smacked his thigh, disgusted with himself beyond measure, "What the hell, little brother, you can't even dream the dreamiest dreams? As an adult, why deal with multiple choice? Of course, you take both!"
Humming an unfinished tune, Su Huai staggered onto his bed. Just before he fell asleep, he had only one thought—
If I could do it all over again, I'd choose Li Bai.
Laugh off a cup of wine, kill time in the city.
******************