Hentai Shinobi Rule 35: Don't write checks your ass can't cash.
***
17th February, Freakday.
Though primarily green, the forest around Konoha wasn't immune to changes in the weather. The cold struck a few, leaving the leaves brown and brittle. Crisp as they were, the leaves carpeted the ground surrounding the trees, forming temporary nests for a few predators to prey on their unsuspecting targets. It was the way of nature—the strong devoured the weak.
The predator consumed the prey before the vicious food chain victimized the predator into experiencing becoming prey to a more dangerous beast. Only a few beings stood atop this chain. They manipulated the cycle as they wished, preying on whomever they desired at their convenience. And being the pet of one such creature, Cinnamon stood at the pinnacle of the food chain!
Her tiny, jewel-red eyes observed everything despite Team 9's travel speed. Her eyes were dark at her birth, resembling obsidian. However, time bled red into her vision. Yet, as a tiny, artificially bred snake, Cinnamon wasn't above the biological functions of a natural snake—not yet, anyway. She viewed the world through her 'scent.' Like most chakra pets or summons, however, Cinnamon was brilliant.
Sentient.
She didn't understand her master's words but his tones. Eventually, she registered the words and tones into what seemed fit for a positive and negative reaction, choosing to act in ways that awarded her the former. That's how she was fed small saucers of milk till she was full and tiny bits of meat to nibble and swallow until she coiled around her master's middle finger in contentment.
See?
The very peak of the food chain she had become.
*Swish*
Cinnamon's head wobbled as her master and his squad cut through the dry trees, their feet barely registering on dry branches before they flickered ahead with a burst of incredible speed! However, it did little to unfurl Cinnamon from her master's sleeves. The small protective nest of her master's chakra kept Cinnamon attached to his wrist. She was a deadly weapon waiting to be called upon. Her master frequently clutched his heart with what felt like pain whenever she hissed at him. So, she had to be deadly despite the lack of poisonous glands or fangs.
*Swish*
*Swish*
She felt the momentary thrust of her master's feet against the branch. They had been traveling for a while. According to Cinnamon's accurate assessment, her team had been on the road for the time she takes to finish a saucer of milk times… more saucers of milk!
Cinnamon's tiny head quivered. She could pass off as a hybrid between an earthworm and a snow-white rabbit. Yet, a snake she remained. As such, she sensed a prey. Her body was minuscule compared to the furry giant. However, she was undoubtedly the predator in this equation by virtue of the human extending from the end of her tail. Cinnamon's hiss was soft against the whooshing wind. Nonetheless, she commanded enough prestige to halt the entire group.
<<<>>>
"Oh, that's a huge bear."
Kai paused along with the others. Team 9 spread across the nearby tree, each warily gauging the furry behemoth.
*Hisssss*
Kai smiled and glanced at Cinnamon, unaware of her thoughts. "Don't be scared and cozy inside the sleeve." He gently booped her head with his index finger. Despite the surprisingly gentle smile, his gaze was anything but so. Filaments of golden-brown irides replaced Kai's once dark hues, and cat-like pupils within the golden-brown hues momentarily dilated, reflecting the snow-touched Cinnamon in Kai's glassy feline eyes.
"Can't you also keep cat ears?" a whiny voice bargained as Kai scoffed. He didn't need a big chakra cat's enhanced vision to notice the pout that accompanied the voice. "I only have a cat's vision because a falcon's would be too disorienting. Why don't you try petting that bear instead?"
"Enough," Mikoto frowned, dressed for the occasion. Unlike Kai or Kushina, who decided to usher a casual fit into their first mission, Mikoto was armed to the teeth, from fuin scrolls fastened to her wrists under her sleeves to exploding tags secured in the pouch tied to the back of her hips and several smaller ranged weapons on her thighs. Meanwhile, Kai wore a singular thigh pouch for the fuin scroll acting as his inventory, and Kushina had one latched to her hips. The protectors on their foreheads marked their affiliations, and they had enough sense to equip another primary protective material—their mesh shirts or body suits, which peeked from their collars or the edges of spats in Kushina's case.
"Listen to Mikoto if you don't want 'idle tomfoolery' in your mission remarks," Tsunade narrowed her eyes, appearing the most changed once out of her usual mesh bodysuit revealing crop top and almost-miniskirt. The wild flair of her blonde locks appeared tame in those low and loose ponytails. The green flak jacket constricted her once bountiful treasures, a sight for which Kai almost shed a few tears. Was there no peculiar kimono-style blouse with a plunging neckline to let those puppies breathe? Besides, the forehead protector through her bangs and the set of full-sleeved dull-grey top and trousers alongside the standard open-toed sandals cut Tsunade into a stern and no-nonsense individual when her team knew better than to believe this facade.
"Bears are deceptively quick and silent," the Team's Jonin-Sensei instructed. "Unless you all would like to complete the mission as a bear's shit, I suggest you rack your brains on how to deal with it. It likely wandered near the woods after having its rest disturbed by some other beast."
Bears in this world share the same characteristics as the ones in Kai's previous ones, except for one exception—chakra. The beast scratching its hide into the tall, almost unbending yet painfully creaking tree was unbelievably humongous. Its head nestled into the tree's crown, rubbing its fur against the rustling canopy. Rumbling, gruff grunts accompanied each forceful scratch as the brown beast hugged the tree without care. Yet, as Tsunade warned, these creatures were nothing to scoff at. That's why more C-rank missions centered around controlling the population of such chakra beasts around Konoha instead of nomadic bandits.
"Can't we skirt around it?" Kai frowned. "Our mission isn't to deal with a bear's interrupted hibernation. Besides, as the team's medic, I suggest avoiding unnecessary confrontation."
"Come off it," Tsunade scoffed with a tone dripping with mockery. "You're only an appointed medic without any iryo nin under your belt. Did you not read about bears for your transformation jutsu? They have an outstanding sense of smell for their prey. It just so happens these bears think of us as prey, too."
"Then go kill it," Kai shrugged. "As the team's appointed useless medic—" he emphasized with a challenging smirk, "—I refuse to let my team get in harm's way when our Sensei can one-tap the shit out of the bear."
Tsunade raised an eyebrow before glancing at Kushina and Mikoto.
"You're right," Tsunade admitted with a smile, but it did little to earn her team's appreciation since that smile didn't reach her amber hues.
'She's going to bait the bear,' Kai blinked.
'Uh, it's going to be another test?' Mikoto almost disrespected her Kunoichi role model with a roll of her eyes.
'How does bear taste in a ramen?' Kushina crossed her arms with a ponderous expression.
"Here I go!" Tsunade grinned, punching without care as her fist generated a wild gust that struck the tree's crown and went past the bear without touching it at all.
Kai and Mikoto sighed since Tsunade had already flickered away. Meanwhile, Kushina unconsciously licked her bottom lip.
"Grrrr?"
Interrupted yet conscious of the team, the bear turned to look at them. The cover of forest mixed with vibrant green and dried brown alike failed to keep the team camouflaged. The beast's moist nose at the end of its muzzle twitched before it pulled back from the tree. The nearby smaller trees tumbled and splintered under its weight as the bear sat on its hindquarters, quietly and eerily focused on the team with its fist-sized 'beady' pupils. A visible trail of saliva spilled past the corner of the bear's muzzle as it let out short and gruff pants.
"He looks hungry," Kai muttered. "We should feed him something."
"What?—"
Mikoto frowned when the tree under Kai instantly transformed into a massive pile of cooked meat without any usual smokescreen. Instead, a delicious aroma wafted over as the bear instantly stood and charged at the team.
"See? Now, we need some of this."
Kai formed another seal before transforming the top of the pile into a strange plant.
The trio flickered away as the bear neared the pile of meat. Yet, it was only the bait. Once near the pile, the bear focused on something far more alluring—the plant. The bear circled the pile, constantly sniffing the plant a few feet from its muzzle. The more the bear sniffed it, the slower it got until it collapsed on its torso and forelimbs spread out.
"What was that?" Kushina instantly questioned in a hush when someone else answered in Kai's stead.
"Herbology has a fascinating relationship with the animal kingdom. That plant is a natural drug for most animals, and being near it calms most animals a great deal except…"
Tsunade stared at the trio expectantly until she grunted.
"Ugh, it was page 343! Slugs, snakes, and toads have shown great resistance to this plant."
"Whatever," Kushina scoffed. "I was expecting a fight. And you can't leave us to tackle things like that, dattebane! Isn't it against the rules?"
"What rules?" Mikoto tilted her head. "The Team Leader is the one who makes the rules."
"And why enter conflict when you can adopt a smarter option?" Kai snickered.
"You're the last person who gets to say that," Mikoto replied. "Are you well? You aren't sick, right?" The sincere concern seeping into her voice didn't make Kai feel better as he offered the Uchiha smug shit a deadpan before glancing at Tsunade.
"So, Sensei? What next?"
"What do you mean?" Tsunade grinned.
"It's the first time you did something like this. Leaving genins to deal with Chakra beasts isn't a known tradition in Konoha."
Tsunade shook her head. "As if I'd do something as moronic as test you guys in the wild. Well, if it's any consolation—I had everything under control—even the bear." She casually jumped down the tree as Kai's transformation undone itself without more chakra, returning the pile of meat and the plant into one tall tree. Tsunade gently petted the bear's muzzle, claiming, "These bears have an uncommon practice of searching for a viable mate when others hibernate. Us Shinobi call these bears smartasses since they like to treat hibernating beart with contempt and only form a family with the superior ones who don't follow nature's call for hibernation. So, the bear never considered approaching you until Kai formed a pile of meat."
"So," Kai blinked before grinning. "He really was hungry, eh?"
"Mikoto, pinch Kai's cheek and make him feel short."
"Yes, Sensei!"
Mikoto appeared behind Kai, instantly glomping his cheeks from behind while cooing. "Ooh, you're still so short, Kai-chan!"
Kai rolled his eyes and pulled away as Tsunade continued. "There was also another reason I wanted you guys to have a one-on-one with the bear. Kushina and Mikoto, you two have outstanding chakra reserves. Especially you, Kushina. What are your thoughts on fostering summons?"
Tsunade turned on her heels and glanced at the two girls. "A bear is a good practice target if you have a favorable opinion on summons. They can be helpful, and those with massive chakra reserves, such as myself, tend to form a contract with multiple summon animals or one peculiarly chakra-demanding summon."
"Nope," Kushina shook her head. "I don't like bears. Maybe a koala!"
Tsunade shifted her gaze to Mikoto, who momentarily considered before shaking her head.
"I don't have many thoughts about summons and would like to consult my father before a concrete answer."
The Senju accepted the answers and cleared her throat. "Let's go. Just because we're on a mission doesn't mean we cannot be flexible about our routes. We'll visit the towns around Chikara Town to collect information before tackling the bandits."
<<<>>>
The month spent with Tsunade allowed Mikoto to learn much from and about her role model. The Uchiha prodigy was swift in realizing her error of putting the lone Senju on a pedestal and corrected her ways soon after noticing Sensei's gambling addiction. So, yes, Mikoto was apprehensive that their trip to other establishments around Chikara Town would lead to many gambling houses and exploration of their current town's underbelly, which would have been a colossal waste of time, in her opinion.
However, against all odds, Tsunade led Team 9 to transform into traveling merchants from another town. It must have been a place Tsunade visited since she informed the group about their identities and briefed them on the lives of their said identities. With that, Team 9 infiltrated a small settlement west of Chikara Town— Kakin Village.
The objective of this infiltration was to understand more about the bandits.
As Shinobi, even vast traveling distances between other Shinobi Villages fell to meager days. Sure, the ever-growing use of Railway Transportation was another favored method nowadays amongst the Shinobi if Mikoto trusted her father. Of course, she did. However, using it to travel to smaller settlements or other countries was out of the question. What should have been an hour's distance for Team 9 from Kakin to Chikara was a trip of at least 8 hours for Kakin's residents if they packed light and encountered no troubles on the way.
So, Mikoto felt like she was the only one who wondered why Tsunade stopped so far from their target for information gathering. One glance at Kai, who transformed into a portly bald merchant with a thick mustache and a purple hat, and Kushina, who was in the guise of a scrawny, pockmarked, and buck-toothed man, informed Mikoto they didn't share her doubts.
"Here we are." A deep, resonating voice paused the group's pace as Mikoto glanced at the leading man. He had flowing brown hair, a chiseled face, attractive eyes, and a broad chest. Yep, Tsunade chose to be the only handsome team member, forcing the most outrageous transformations on others to enhance her presence.
A glance into the building's window allowed Mikoto to observe the shadow of her transformation.
Thick lips, balding head, creased forehead, a quivering fat belly, and the most beady-looking, evil pair of eyes—Mikoto was a fat, ugly bastard!
To make matters weirder, Kai insisted she would look good with a green hat for some reason. Trusting his words, Mikoto fashioned an outfit around the small green hat on her head.
'Does Kai like this?' Mikoto momentarily mused. She began suspecting the boy's motive fifteen minutes after they infiltrated the town. After all, several men shot her aggrieved glares. It didn't help that smiling at them made Mikoto appear even more devious than she expected!
Just like that, Tsunade led team 9 into the tiny grocery store, where she began to chat with the storeowner, questioning him about the rate of products and whatnot. They only left after the proprietor offered Tsunade a scroll of the list of items and their wholesale prices.
It continued several times, from store to store and owner to owner. What was unexpected was Tsunade's visit to the local 'lady.' According to their Sensei, their covers needed their leader—Tsunade—to relieve herself. Sure, Kai was quick to offer extra money to the lady to join in on the fun until the woman tossed Kai a disdainful look.
Yeah, that was weird—not Kai offering money to see Tsunade in action or join in. That was annoyingly characteristic of the pervert. However, the lady's response was something else. That woman appeared 'superior' to the group.
<<<>>>
"So, did you guys learn something?" Tsunade inquired with a teasing smirk once a reasonable distance away from Kakin. They sat on a branch, their bodies disguised by a transformed sheet mimicking their surroundings—a mixed use of the Transformation Jutsu and Cloak of Invisibility.
"Let's start with Mikoto," The blonde resisted the urge to snicker as she recalled Mikoto's green hat. "Any questions? Did you realize what we're doing?"
"I…" Mikoto frowned. She momentarily contemplated before shaking her head. "I think that prostitute's behavior was strange."
Tsunade nodded before glancing at Kushina and arching a brow. "What about you, Kushina?"
"Well, I thought you'd be gambling all our funds. But you didn't… that was weird. Also, why were you even trying to act as an experienced man when you haven't been with any, dattebane?"
"Snnrk!" Kai lowered his head.
'Oh, good. I wasn't the only one who noticed about the gambling,' Mikoto sighed in relief.
"You three," Tsunade narrowed her eyes. However, one look at Kushina's sincere gaze and Mikoto's relief made the Senju further indignant. Why did these kids have to poke where it hurt?!
"I'll just make your theory exams more difficult," Tsunade sighed with a cheerful smile. "And what about you, Kai?"
"Oh, that chick was an informant," Kai shrugged.
"Wait, really?" Mikoto gasped.
"Not just that," Kai hummed. "I think they were a Shinobi. Say, Sensei, do you think they actually sleep with all the customers? What if it's a guy behind the transformation jutsu?"
"Why do you think that prostitute was an informant and a Shinobi?" Tsunade tilted her head.
"I have a knack for seeing through the Transformation Jutsu," Kai revealed without an ounce of falsity. He was on his way to being a sensor, and his sixth sense for the skills he mastered were beyond the realm of extraordinary. "It was just my instinct."
Appearing impressed, Tsunade hummed and nodded. "Kai is right. That prostitute is Konoha's kunoichi. There are a few gender-specific missions for Chunins and Jonins. Being an informant in different villages for Konoha's spy network is one such mission. Of course, joining such a mission requires you to undergo a strict background check and preparations."
"Why?" Kushina blinked. "Isn't it just transforming into someone else?"
"It's because it's not just one Shinobi in a role," Mikoto realized, exclaiming, "Sensei, does the Village rotate the Shinobi but not their roles in different villages?"
Tsunade nodded. "For security's sake, a Shinobi cannot remain outside Konoha for extended periods except for a few unique cases. For instance, the prostitute we met will unlikely be the first Kunoichi in the role. As for Kai's question, how she wants to enact the role of the prostitute is not up to her; it is what Konoha's administration intends. That isn't to say she cannot just put her customers into a genjutsu illusion. Besides, these missions aren't available to the public, and the administration contacts you if you show promise. Us Jonins can apply to meet these informants."
"Did they ask you for such a mission?" Mikoto inquired.
"Nope," Tsunade dryly replied.
"Is it because you're a—"
"I'm gonna knock your teeth out, Kushina," Tsunade tossed the impish redhead a flat glare.
"It probably is," Kai hummed.
'Assholes.'
Tsunade groaned and removed the cloak around them. "Let's go. We've had enough rest. I intend to meet other informants before entering Chikara."
Kai noticed that Tsunade avoided answering why she was so wary of a group of bandits.
<<<>>>
18th February, Sexday.
"Welcome," a middle-aged man with an oily smile ushered Team 9 into Chikara Town. Like the raging trend in fashion amongst the civilians due to the artistic freaks residing in Land of Fire's capital, the man attired in—what Kai assumed to be—a luxurious jester's outfit.
Chikara's mayor swiftly brought Team 9 into his residence. It was surprisingly tame and not the kind of manor indicating the man bled the city for his gains. Surely, it confirmed one of the points in the intel Tsunade collected from other informants. Despite his deceiving looks, the Chikara Town's mayor was a beloved and benevolent figure for his people. The man rose from nothing and made it his mission to enrich everyone else's life.
'So, the intel on the man entering a physical conflict with the bandits a few times must also be true,' Kai mused as they sat around the table, enjoying a hearty meal. The youth found the mayor admirable. Not many displayed such commitment to their goals.
"Were you the one who applied for the mission or another resident?" Tsunade began after the meal despite possessing answers.
"It was me," smiled the mayor. A short scar peeked through the edges of his beard near his right cheek. "I tried paying off the bandit group at first. You know how they are—scared shitless by the possibility of attracting a C-rank mission. Besides, paying the bandits would have been cheaper than applying for a mission."
"Hmm," Tsunade nodded. "It's true. So, why didn't these bandits accept the offer?"
The mayor's expression darkened as he sank into silence. The clattering of the servants piling the plates from the table echoed in the dining room. Waiting for the completion of the servant's tasks, the mayor began once the room belonged to them.
"I don't understand myself, Kunoichi-san," he began. "It's not the first bandit group. Most of them are usually a desperate bunch who are too lazy to find work and too egoistic to beg for food. However, this band didn't care about the money. I even knocked a few of them out recently. But…"
The mayor clenched his jaw and interlocked his fingers, squeezing his hands together as the flesh under his clothes trembled.
"These men and women began to kidnap our people. I tried resolving the issue with more money, food, and even a portion of our land—anything to calm them and get my people back. Yet, things turned for the worse once they snatched my wife."
Tsunade and others maintained their calm expressions even if they felt anything of the sort.
Doubt clouded Tsunade's mind, and righteous angst filled Kushina and Mikoto. Meanwhile, Kai let his thoughts wander into nothingness. He didn't care about strangers—the bandits and the victims alike. They weren't his responsibility.
The mayor continued how they sent search parties to discover the bandit's tracks and inquired for assistance from the Capital before leaving a mission for Konoha through the Capital.
"Please," the mayor lowered his head. "Save them!"
"We will—"
Almost moved, Kushina leaned forward only to be jerked back by Kai and Mikoto simultaneously. Tsunade shook her head before clearing her throat.
"That's what we're being paid for," Tsunade replied. "So, there's no need to insist on the matter. Is there anything else you want to inform us before we leave?"
Hesitation flickered on the mayor's face before he claimed, "We suspected enemy shinobi, Kunoichi-san. The bandit group's behavior was too strange, and we couldn't locate their trail even with the best hunter in the search party."
Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "Anything else?" Visible tension fluctuated in the room as the mayor lowered his head. Everyone felt the non-existent pressure emanating from Tsunade across the room.
"N-No," the mayor whispered. "Just…" guilt shadowed his features. "Please prioritize my wife, whether dead or alive. I'm willing to pay extra."
"I'll think about it," Tsunade nodded before standing up and signaling the rest of the squad to depart from the mayor's residence.
<<<>>>
"Thoughts?" Tsunade began when Kushina ducked her head.
"Sorry, Sensei. I shouldn't have spoken up."
"Oh, that's fine," The blonde smiled as if the previous stoic pressure was an illusion. "Leaders have a way to rouse our emotions, and that mayor wasn't any different. So, what do you three think?"
"I can try sensing them using Sharingan, but I'm not very proficient in it," Mikoto sighed.
"There might be some Fuinjutsu involved in hiding the bandits," Kushina scratched her cheek.
"But can you kill your enemy?" Tsunade interrupted. "It won't be like the graduation exam. Sure, killing an unarmed opponent is significantly more challenging. However, I won't tolerate weakness in this mission." Her stare made the two girls lower their heads. It was still a sore spot for them, and Tsunade's righteous doubt hurt them more.
"Have some trust in us, Sensei," Kai grinned. "Of course, Kushina and Mikoto won't fail." His words brought a smile to their faces as they nodded with determination filling their eyes. Sure, Kai would love to extend the duo's innocence. But this world might not reciprocate his sincere intentions with kindness. Besides, Kai already had a reality check from Tsunade, allowing him to navigate this world's social and cultural norms after someone graduates from the academy.
"And what about you?" Tsunade hummed. "Can you kill?"
"Now hold on," Kai crossed his arms. "Why the hell would I enter the frontlines? Isn't my safety as the Team's medic your priority?"
The trio's expression froze as Kai continued cockily. "Besides, you said it. Remember? I'm just a fake medic with no iryo-ninjutsu in my arsenal. I'm officially useless. Let me know how things went with the bandits, 'kay?"
Kai giggled as he pointed at the nearby bakery. "I'll be waiting here to eat some cake. Say, Sensei, why don't you leave your clone for my protection? I'll pay for her cake from my pocket."
The more Kai spoke, the darker their expression grew.
"Don't you like pretending to be a man?" Mikoto mocked. "We might stop calling you Kai-Chan if you lead by example."
"Yeah! You must be brave to form a harem, Kai-chan!" Kushina added.
"Pff," Kai scoffed. "These tricks are useless. I've done the elephant's work in all our missions. It's your turn. A medic needs to chill, too."
Kai shooed them away with a disdainful expression as Tsunade glanced around before nodding, "Sure. Kai is right. He'll officially be a burden to us."
She formed a seal and created a clone with a poof of smoke.
"Kushina and Mikoto will come with me," Tsunade began as she saw her clone grin, resting her elbow on Kai's head, almost smothering the boy's profile with her constricted breasts. "And I'll eat cake~!"
Yeah, Tsunade couldn't do anything about the personality her shadow clone picked. It was always random.
"Now, shoo!" The clone gestured with her hand.
***
Alternate Title: Cinnamon Be Like: I See No One Up Here BUT ME; Meme Cinnamon; Cinnamon: I'm The Dread *Kai: Nah, You The Cinnamon-Chan*; Cinnamon: Make Way For The Alpha; Cinnamon To Kuromaru: You Are a Human's Pet. My Human Is My Extension. We Are Not The Same; Gustavo Ahh Cinnamon; Otsutsuki? Gods? No, It Was Always Cinnamon; Cinnamon's Proud Hiss; The Earthworm Predator; Get That Snake Some Milk; Freaky Bear; Bears Do Be Assholes; Cocaine Bear? Nah, We Have Chakra Bear; Imagine Motherfucking Runebears From Elden Ring; Tsunade: You're a Useless Medic *Kai: Say Less*; Kai's Uno Reverse; A Different Tsunade; A Serious Tsunade; The Gambling One; Mikoto Was Always Meant To NTR The Harem; The Green Hat One; Mikoto's First Mistake Was Existing Near Kai; The Informant Network; The Lore Expands; Kai Wanted To Expand Some Domains; Freaky Ahh Kai; The Travelling Log; Chikara's Issue; Shinobi Suspect; The Admirable Mayor; The Devious Bandits; Kushina Always Ready To Deliver Some Emotional Damage; Tsunade Never Stood a Chance; Superior Redhead Over Blondes?; Kai? Happy To Kick Back And Relax? Sus; Mikoto and Kushina: Be a Man *Kai: Laughs In Hobgoblin*
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