Chereads / Charming Beauties / Chapter 35 - Hysterical Ramblings

Chapter 35 - Hysterical Ramblings

I can feel every drop of blood trickling down every part of my body. The attack of spikes from behind, and the pierced attack on my legs...left multiple holes in my torso, making me vulnerable and hypersensitive about how much blood I've lost.

It's a curse. To be immobile and useless, yet still aware of my self-helplessness.

...I feel like I'm drowning in water, as a strong current from underneath is dragging me down its depths. It's a suffocating feeling, to collapse yet still be sentient of all the sensations I'm feeling.

But I couldn't move, even if I wanted to. I couldn't teleport to the pagoda because I didn't have the strength to get the ruby tablet in my bag...and I...I couldn't even open my eyes when I collapsed.

Why is this happening? Is it because I've gone senile? That because I'm not entirely fatigued, I can still feel and experience everything that's happening to my body?

But why? Must it be this cruel?

To the point that I'm falling prey to hysteria taking over my mind...to have hyper-awareness of the situation, and yet, still slowly growing delusional by the second.

Don't joke with me! This is just a game...it's just a damned game, it's not supposed to feel like this. It shouldn't feel like I'm on the verge of death. I should only feel minor pain...minor...not-

...I'm coughing up blood, the toll of all this is messing up my mind and pulling me into a further de-rationalized state. I can feel the intensity of my heartbeat, the sticky feeling of blood on my skin, and the heaviness of my eyelids that would never open up.

Will it ever open up? What if it stays this way? I...

No...no...I have to be positive...I'll feel better when I'm resurrected. It's going to be better when I have a stable sense of reality...

In minutes, when I die from too much blood loss...I'll be healed back up to pristine condition, even if I lose a few more of my items.

It's better than feeling like this.

It's better than the nausea felt all over my body.

...but 5 minutes are up, and I realize I can't do this anymore. I want to log out. I don't want to feel pain in this degree of intensity...this is torture. It's torture. I want to die quickly, painlessly.

So why did I kill the dungeon's boss? If...I gotten killed by the wraith, and I could have teleported to a safer place and escaped from this misery.

I shouldn't have...I...

But the egg...and...everything I stand for...

I can't...

...wait, the egg...what happened to the egg?

I want to open my eyes and see if the egg cracked, and that everything I've done to protect it has failed.

Has it? I don't know, but I wouldn't like it if it did...that would mean that this suffering, and everything else that follows it would have been for nothing.

...and if the egg has broken to pieces, I should have just let the wraith kill the both of us earlier.

If I knew it would end like this, I-

No...why am I thinking this way? Is this really who I am? 

They say that a step closer to death tells us about what type of person we are, and to see that I...am a coward by nature, only tells me so much about who I am.

This is despicable...I can't even believe that I'm thinking of things like this and trying to take the cowardly way out...it's disgusting.

I hate it.

I hate it so much.

...and 10 minutes later, the cowardly and disgusting thoughts never stopped flowing through my head. I can't help but feel like I'm the son of my dad. The despicable person who would break my mother-

My mother...

What would she say if she ever knew I would ever think of myself and my actions this way? Get a grip on yourself, Rodrick! Get a grip on reality...?

Wait...why am I hearing gibberish sounds?

I can't understand the sounds, except for the fact that it's loud and noisy...is it a monster coming to get me for good? Will I finally die?

...wait...what's going on?...

I can feel a cooling and numbing sensation all over my body...and in an instant, I feel refreshed and rejuvenated...but how? Was there someone who came to heal me? But I'm sure that I came to this dungeon solo.

...a sticky feeling that collides with my bland is instantly felt on my hands. It feels...soft...and jellylike?

A slime? It's a slime?

You mean to tell me that my egg hatched and it-

Okay. Okay, let's confirm things first before jumping to conclusions. I'll open my eyes, and then I'll see what's happening in front of me.

Thus, with opened eyes, I saw a petite green-colored slime wearing a farmer's hat. It was jumping on my hands in excitement, and its eyes were filled with happiness.

I look to the side and see...two wilted green flowers. One was a bloody mess...which could mean that it was the one in my bag. However...the other looked like a fresh flower.

Was that what my slime used to treat my injuries? I...I'm thankful.

To the side...I also saw a spectral cloak of shadows that looked mesmerizing. That must be the drop from the boss...did my slime grab it close to me?

I hold the slime with my trembling hands and breathe a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry you had to see your father like this..." I whisper, looking at it with gratitude.

I could tell that it wanted to tell me something, given how it responded by giving me obnoxious sounds that I didn't understand...but I am grateful to this little buddy of mine. He, or she...brought me back to reality and healed me.

I place the slime on my right shoulder and grab my weapons...I'm going to leave this place and reflect on my mistakes and actions. I feel ashamed of being someone who would resort to taking things the easy way out.

I'm a coward. A weakling...and a person who thinks nothing of themself.

Will I be like this every time I deal with life-threatening situations that don't go my way? Will I curse the world and all those who are involved whenever things end up badly?

I...don't want to be. I'm going to need a deep self-reflection on this...inner behavior of mine.

Of course, that includes how I will deal with my enemies from here on out. I need to be taciturn, to fight with my life on the line...mercy is a neutral option, that should only be given to those who sincerely seek it.

But will I turn out the way I wish to be? What if something goes wrong?

...oh well, I don't know, but the cuddles that a certain slime is giving on my cheek tell me that everything will work out in the end.

After all, my persistence led me here.

But before I go out of the dungeon, I'm going to need a couple more of those green flowers. They could serve as items for healing whenever I go out again...

...and so, after taking a couple of flowers, I go out of the dungeon. Being greeted by the sun that's about to set, I hear a familiar voice echoing in my ear. "Dungeon Complete! You can now grind as much as you want in the 'Wraith's Bequeath'!" The unknown voice of this game's 'system' comes up again, but I'm not ecstatic in the slightest.

I only frown and use the ruby tablet, being instantly teleported to Rosalina's pagoda.

The guards at the entrance were staring at me...or rather, at my bloodied clothes, but I paid no attention to it.

I just want to take a break after all this.

...I then walk to Rosalina's pagoda and see her, my wife, training in the courtyard again. 

And she notices me. Again. 

She always does.

Today, she looks at me up and down, her eyes dilated. It's probably because of the bloody mess on my clothes...a complete contradiction to the pure white dress that she continued to wear for the day.

 "You came back soaked in blood, husband...and with a peculiar critter." She remarks, casting her sword away. To respond to her, I only nod, not even saying a word.

The battle from earlier made me lose an ounce of my humanity...it showed me a deeper side of myself...a side of me that I vehemently despise.

...but for some reason, even if I never told her about my current predicament, she could instinctively feel it. "Ah...the sights in the battlefields are something that should only be exclusive to those who accept a life of bloodshed." She comforts me, looking at me with an intense and cautionary stare. "It is ultimately one's choice to leave their current path and seek another,"

I only look at her rather stoically, as the shades of the clouds in the skies match the intense and fiery red in her eyes.

"...my wife speaks wise words, but I have other intentions," I answer her, still unsure of whether I want to tell her why I'm feeling this way.

Her expression turned into that of her usual one, and her voice that was resonating with conviction turned into a monotone one. "I have misjudged my husband's situation, my apologies," She answers, and I can't help but feel guilty that I didn't say anything to her.

And before she goes, I made up my mind and stop her.

I grip her hand from the back, and she stops moving...I don't know why, but the near-death experience from earlier made my head a bit clearer...and bolder.

I try to say something, anything that could help explain what just happened moments earlier...but the only words coming out of my voice are hesitant murmurs.

"I'm a coward." I manage to say.

...in return, she only looks up at me and smiles bitterly. "Aren't we all?"