Xiao Zhanyuan's Memories
Ever since he saved Xiangyu, Xiao Zhanyuan seemed unable to satisfy himself with just occasional glimpses of Xiangyu. He couldn't control his urge to see her every day at her university, just watching her from a far distance , as if he was a part of her life. Most of the time, Xiangyu was alone – going to classes, jogging on the sports ground , studying in the library, or working part time – and he would follow her everywhere. This went on for a long time. It was his secret, sometimes feeling his heart overflowing with joy, but other times feeling empty.
Then one day, he saw a young man walking Xiangyu back to her dorm, and Xiangyu holding his arm. They exchanged goodbyes at the dorm entrance, with Xiangyu even hugging the young man, smiling in a way Xiao Zhanyuan had never seen her smile at him. Xiao Zhanyuan clenched his fists so hard that his nails left marks on his palms. He didn't know if he felt pain, anger, or jealousy, but he knew he wanted Xiangyu.
That night, Xiao Zhanyuan stopped Xiangyu up on her way back. She was startled at first but relaxed upon seeing him. Xiangyu seemed like she wanted to say something to him but hesitated, perhaps sensing his strangeness. Xiao Zhanyuan had a bit to drink, almost forcefully pushing Xiangyu against the wall, his hands pressing against her, filled with infinite desire: "Xiangyu, choose me, please? Love me, even a little. Be my girlfriend, I like you, a lot." Xiangyu looked confused and worried, unsure why he was saying this. She subconsciously tried to refuse, saying, "I have…" But Xiao Zhanyuan silenced her with a kiss, consuming her thoughts. Xiangyu struggled, but her strength was futile against him. Xiao Zhanyuan kissed her passionately, one hand restraining her while the other held her chin, not letting her escape. He craved her so much, almost vengefully, and he kissed her deeply, even biting her lips until they bled. Despite her tears, mixed with salty and bloody taste, Xiangyu felt her heart being filled by that kiss. Eventually, he let her go but refused to let her leave, insisting begging her love, kissing her whenever she tried to speak. Exhausted, she cursed him as a lunatic. He held onto her, refusing to let go until the dorm gates were locked.
From then on, Xiao Zhanyuan pursued Xiangyu boldly, waiting for her outside her workplace and her dorm, despite her attempts to avoid him. Whenever he saw her, he wanted to embrace her, to kiss her. She always pushed him away with disgust, but he insisted on being even more assertive. However, Xiangyu never expressed any intention of choosing him or even gave him a serious look.
He sometimes felt disappointed and unwilling to accept this, while other times he felt sad. One day, he was retaliated against by the jerks he had fought before, getting his head broken. Lying on the couch with blood drying on his face, he coincidentally met one of his old friends who came looking for him. Xiao Zhanyuan asked him to find Xiangyu, eager to know if she had any place for him in her heart. And Xiangyu did come, showing her concern and help for him. This realization ignited a fire in him, determined to burn everything into ashes. Seeing her caring for him, he couldn't help but want to embrace her and kiss her. He really did it. He carried her to the bed, pressing her down, kissing her passionately, licking the corners of her mouth, her delicate neck, his hand gripping her waist. His heart was filled with desire; the girl he loved was right beneath him. She looked at him, her expression clouded, seemingly intoxicated. She was truly driving him crazy like this. He kissed her collarbone, neck, lips, earlobes, whispering to her incessantly. His girl, looking at him dumbfounded, her eyes unfocused, forgetting even to struggle. His hand traced down her waist, slipping under her skirt, caressing her legs. She seemed oblivious to what he was doing until his hand reached her hip, lingering there, kneading. His soul seemed to depart from his body as he couldn't help but let out a passionate moan. But Xiangyu, as if coming back to her senses, pushed his face away. Despite her initial confusion, Xiangyu eventually pushed him away, angrily questioning his actions.."You're insane, Xiao Zhanyuan, what are you doing?" His body still clamored, "Doing things to someone I like, don't you like it?" With sincerity and mockery in his eyes, Xiao Zhanyuan asked, "Don't you like it? Don't you have a place for me in your heart, Xiangyu?" Tears welled up in Xiangyu's eyes, a mix of embarrassment and anger. Xiao Zhanyuan stopped, reluctantly withdrawing his hand from under of her skirt. "Don't cry, I won't force you. I'll wait for you, until you're willing." He leaned close to her ear again, deliberately speaking softly and slowly, "Do you really not like it when I kiss you, touch you? Like this…" His hand squeezed Xiangyu's waist over her skirt. He wasn't mocking her; he genuinely wanted to know.