"Sirius, your answer?"
Sirius slides his paper to the old man. Trickling sweat descends from his hairline.
-Please be right.
Wilphrey examines the boy's answer. Today's class is a mixture of both language and history as Cilas is out for the day. Sirius was asked to write down the name of the previous king of Lunalir.
King Charles the Brillant
In history class, Cilas explained that Charles expanded Lunalir's market into the thriving mass it is today. Unexpectedly, a couple of years ago, the king mysteriously fell ill and passed away, leaving the kingdom in a state of panic. Unrest consuming the citizens, the nobles took charge and temporarily watch over the land in wait for the next ruler.
Aureole is one of the two candidates up for the running as she is of royal blood. Supposedly, the wristlet she owns can only be worn by those with royal heritage. If Sirius were to have put it on, it would have burnt through his flesh and bones.
Wilphrey stiffens his posture and scowls.
"Terrible. Again."
Sirius winces.
The paper is crumpled and tossed back in front of the boy. What did he get wrong? What is wrong with his answer?
Sirius scours the depths of his brain to try and reach an answer. Did Wilphrey ask a different question?
"You're too indecisive. Write down the answer. I know you know."
It would look bad to have him restate the question. Wilphrey can't know he wasn't paying attention. In a last-ditch effort, Sirius jots down the name of the king before Charles.
King Osric the Just
Handing the paper over to Wilphrey, Sirius sinks into his palms.
...
Wilphrey softens his features and expresses his content.
"Correct! Well done, Sirius."
Genuine relief washes over the boy. Those words fill him with drops of short-lived pride.
"Thank you," Sirius gleefully responds.
"You seem to be paying much more attention recently. Your results are proof of it."
"Well, I have such a great teacher, how could I disappoint him?"
The man and boy share a chuckle.
Korlin sits a couple of seats down from Sirius, watching the interaction unfold.
Wilphrey has been unusually harsh on Sirius during class recently. Barraging him with questions and quizzes and being openly disappointed when he fails.
Often vocalizing his discontent with: "You can do better than this!" or "Is this the best you can manage?" and even "This is horrible, what are you even doing?"
-How is Wilphrey alright with this?
Something strange is happening and Korlin is trying to figure out what exactly. It's clear Sirius is in a distraught mindset, but Wilphrey seems pleased by it.
-What is that old man thinking?
Class concludes and Korlin decides to confront his teacher.
"Hey, Wilphrey?"
"Yes?"
"Um, how is Sirius doing?"
"Quite exceptional. I must say, at first his disengagement concerned me. But now, his mind is much more focused."
"Don't you think it's... odd?"
"Odd? How so?"
"Well... I'm not sure if you've noticed, but Sirius isn't being himself. His mind is mixed up or something."
"..." The man falls silent, his features conveying a hint of disdain. "You do not think I've picked up on this fact?"
"So, you have... then why are you pushing on him so hard in class-"
"It is for the betterment of his education."
"Wh- huh? What are you talking about??"
"I've lived a long life. Over my many years, I've picked up on a lot of things. One of those things being how to teach people more effectively."
"What are you getting at?"
"People learn better under harsher mental conditions."
"...Pardon?"
"When put under excess stress, the mind is more active. Therefore, it heightens its ability to receive information. In short, his unstable mental state amplifies his ability to learn."
The voluble boy is speechless. Anger swells deep within his gut.
"Are you serious?!"
"Quite. It is the most efficient way to teach."
Though a lack of hostility or ill-will in the old man's words, the concept he presents doesn't sit right with the boy.
"Do you realize how messed up that is?!"
"As messed up as it is, it is truth. I, for example, experienced such methods first-hand."
A crippling urge to ask if he's talking about learning magic takes hold over him.
-Don't ask about magic school. Don't ask about magic school. Don't ask about magic school. Don't ask about magic school. Don't ask about magic school.
Fighting the urge, he resumes his frustration.
"Look, I don't know jack-shit about this world and its customs. I don't know if this is normal. But still, taking advantage of someone's instability is just wrong."
Furrowing his brow, Wilphrey scratches his chin. Indulging in deep thought, his demeanor sinks.
"Even if it proves erroneous, do the results not justify the exploitation?"
Once held high in his mind, the old man before him collapses the respect he had gained. Off-putting his previous outlook, Korlin can't stand to make eye contact with the man.
"No, it doesn't."
Korlin's eye catches the ring on the man's finger. Wilphrey has not once mentioned anything concerning a spouse. What's the story behind that?
Shaking off the curiosity, the boy heads for the exit.
"Wait."
"What is it?"
The boy purposely fills his response with disappointment. Fortunately, Wilphrey has picked up on the displeasure.
"Do you think ill of me?"
Considering his options, Korlin decides it would be best to be blunt here. Old men such as him are often too stuck in their ways.
"I'm starting to, yes."
The savior of the alley who he once admired is now falling from grace. Reality is often cruel. Never meet your heroes.
"...Apologies," regret ropes its way around the word and tickles the boy's eardrums. "In truth, I am unsure of how to approach you both."
Emotion tangles with the air.
"Oh..."
-Is he actually a big softie?
"My days of youth are distant. All I remember now is the teachings I learned; I know not how I felt it those moments." Nostalgia gleams in those hazel eyes. "I am not fit to be a teacher, even these old bones know that. I am not accustomed to the ways of youth either, my children..."
The old man stalks his ring, moisture swells in his ancient ducts.
Unsure of how to respond and overcome with emotion, Korlin eyes the hollow man. Seeing his mentor like this... how could he ever hate him?
"I don't think ill of you, Wilphrey. For what it's worth, you're a great teacher."
The man's aged eyes meet the ones of youth.
"Thank you."
Sincerity so pure it feels like an embrace.
"Though, you should consider a different approach. Children need nourishment."
"You are right. I believe I've seen you in the wrong light this entire time, you are more mature than you lead on."
"Thank- wait, what is that supposed to mean?"
"You are a wise soul. You even taught this old man a lesson."
Pride builds up and overflows.
"Why thank you, I have read lots of manga. They have made me quite the intellect."
"Man... gah?"
"Don't worry about it."
-That would be one hell of a conversation.
With the mood lightened and everything cleared up...
It's time to confront Sirius.
Korlin releases a drawn-out sigh.
"What are you planning to do?" Wilphrey asks, observant as ever.
"I'm going to go talk to him. If he refuses, I'll pin him down and make him."
"Perhaps your methods need to be reviewed as well?"
The two chuckle, a wholesome sight to be sure.
"See you later, Wilphrey."
"Mm, I wish you both luck. Next time I see the boy I will apologize for my actions."
With this, all his respect for the man rebuilds and then some.
"Good." He heads towards the door before shouting one final thing. "You still need to teach me magic! Okay, bye!"
Going beyond the doorframe, he hears the faint chuckle of an old man.
⧗⧖⧗⧖⧗
With class out of the way, Sirius roams for someone to impress.
A cycle he's repeated for the past couple of days. A routine.
His confrontation with Aureole still lingers in his mind. She stopped him from cutting his hair, but he still has his doubts. Was she just lying?
Lying about what? He doesn't know.
Stumbling around the corner, he runs into his companion.
"There you are!"
Korlin shouts and grabs Sirius' wrist before he can react.
Secretly, Sirius has been avoiding him. Korlin is strangely observant and would likely make a fuss over something if they interacted alone. And sure enough...
"Let's go take a walk."
Orange rays paint the skies above.
Korlin takes Sirius outside the manor and into the grassy plains. Heading up the mountains behind the mansion, the crisp air runs up Sirius' amputated hoodie. If he was wearing his new clothes, he wouldn't be so cold.
Words remain unspoken on the climb up. Sirius offers no resistance despite dreading their destination. Anticipation racks both their brains.
They come across a flat patch and rest on a nearby stone.
"So, what are we doing up here?"
Sirius' question is followed up by his typical smile.
"...Why do you do that?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why do you smile like that?"
Korlin's tone is blunt and jokeless. These moments are rare. In the time he's known him, Korlin has been energetic and talkative with only brief glimpses of this side.
"What do-"
"You always have that look on your face. You smile, but you're sad about something."
-----
A flash of light is followed by the image of his brother.
Canopus stands at the bedframe.
"You...you always have that stupid look on your face like you have something to be sad about."
And just like that, a crushing weight hammers in on Sirius' chest.
-----
As if he can't breathe, Sirius grasps his chest. His breath heavy, he starts to laugh.
He laughs and laughs. Not at Korlin. He laughs at himself.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Painfully so."
His laugh intensifies until it breaks down into silence.
Overrun with flashes of his past and anguish of what to say, Sirius tucks in his legs to prevent the chill from growing stronger.
"Here I thought no one noticed."
"Did you really think that? Everyone sees how stressed you are. Before I found you, I asked Aureole and she was worried about you, man."
"This is nothing. I've always been like this."
...
"When are you going to stop lying to yourself?"
"I'm not lying, though."
...
"..."
"..."
"I asked you before, but... what was your life like before coming here?"
"...It's not interesting. I shouldn't bore you."
"Please, Sirius. Tell me. I want you to tell me."
"No... really I can't talk about it. I hate it."
"Tell me! What did you do?"
"Stop..."
Frustration boils to the brink of explosion.
Sirius stands to get away from his assailant. He refuses to let himself get close to someone, especially him.
"What were you doing?"
His facade is on the edge of total collapse.
One more push and it will crumble.
"Stop hiding and tell me!!"
"..."
"TELL ME, SIRIUS!"
The rope snaps.
"You want to know what I did with my life before I got here?!" Sirius screams. "Absolutely nothing! Fucking nothing!"
It feels like a boulder rolled off his chest, he feels light. His pained expression reduces to a calm, genuine one.
There's no reason to try and hide it any longer.
It's time for a heart-to-heart.
"I woke up dreading the day. Going to school just to sit there like an idiot. I didn't have a job; I went home and did more nothing. Anything off from the normal routine was either super excited or I hated it.
I had friends but they weren't really friends. They were just people I sat with, talked to sometimes, but they weren't there. Or I guess... I wasn't there. I was just glad they talked to me.
I played soccer all my life, but I wasn't playing for the enjoyment of the sport anymore. It was just to please my parents and talk to the couple of people that would talk to me. I'd go to practice and then leave halfway through. And no one would notice.
My parents were divorced so I would go back and forth between houses. They would often argue about where I went, and I had no say. I felt like cattle. Maybe I was... I never resisted. I just didn't care.
I started to realize they weren't the best people, especially to each other. I lost respect for them, but still lived so they wouldn't be sad.
My brother... we used to be best friends, but... I ruined that too."
Sirius' voice strains. He looks at Korlin who is listening with his full attention and care. Kicking a rock off the ledge, Sirius breathes in and continues.
"I used to be so... happy.
I was a perfect child. My parents would constantly brag about me everywhere we went. I was athletic, popular, smart, and everything a perfect child would be. I guess they never got that image out of their heads... My mom would tell me I was great, but I couldn't understand why. Heck, I'm even named after the brightest star in the sky. I was always congratulated for everything I did. I had such big expectations set on me, and for a long time, I was perfectly fine with it.
As I grew up, I realized I was falling behind. Slowly, I realized I wasn't great at a lot of things. The sports I played forever I never seemed to get better at, art that I loved so much I realized I was mediocre at compared to others. There were always those who were better than me.
I was always smart as a kid but as I grew up my motivation declined, and so did my grades, but I... didn't care anymore. I didn't care about anything. I wanted to please my parents, but I just couldn't. Everyone is better than me anyway, why should I even try? Why should I need to feel inferior for existing?
There were those who had their whole life planned, knew what they wanted to be, had motivations and desires they sought to fulfill, and yet, I had none of those. Even now, I don't know what the hell to do. Keep my memories? Leave them to disappear? How should I know?
...
I slowly realized that I was worthless. My potential was wasted since I went nowhere with it. Before I knew it, my days were all the same, nothing changed. In my mind, I was alone and thought nothing of myself but dead weight. I still do.
The things I once loved to do, I felt nothing doing. The people that once made me laugh were nothing more than annoyances, my favorite foods tasted bland... Everything grew dull. I was an empty shell. I felt no sadness or happiness, and just existed, acting like I cared.
And yet, nobody else knew. To them I acted, I pretended as if I were fine. Even with all my failures in everything I did... I still went on and acted like I was content with them. My motivation was nowhere to be found but to them I was great, I was kind, selfless. A perfect child. I was told I was great, and what I once believed to be true, just wasn't. Those words were always out of pity.
No one really ever cared about me, did they? I was always a burden.
I never found love and once when I thought I did... it went down the drain.
I had so many friends and I lost them all.
I lived in my loneliness.
I was nothing. An empty shell aimlessly wandering through life.
The same thing day after day, the boredom, the loneliness, the depression, the inexistent will to live. Every day I told myself: "Tomorrow it'll be different, starting tomorrow I'll change" but I never did. I never got better.
I knew it was my fault, but I still refused to do anything.
And now... here, things have gotten better. I met you, I met everyone in that mansion... so much has changed around me. But I'm still the same worthless shell.
I haven't changed at all.
I don't know how to make friends, I don't know how to act in front of people, so I smile like an idiot, hoping they like me. I've only known myself for so long, and hardly at that. I don't know who I am or am trying to be... something I'm not that's for sure.
I just can't do... anything."
...
Korlin absorbs his companion's words. He processes all of it without a word.
"Have you told anyone any of this before?"
"No. I never went to therapy, I never went to the doctors to get prescribed, but why would I have?
I was perfect.
I mean, it's not like anything traumatic happened to me, there's no reason I should feel this way. I didn't need help, I didn't need saving, I lived a normal life... I didn't want anyone to worry about me. I never thought people would care, and all I ever tried to do was make others happy. Maybe if I could make others happy, I would be too."
Guilt also played a factor. If he were to ask his mother to take him to the doctor, and they found something... how would she feel? She'd realize her son wasn't who she thought he was. She'd also have to spend more money on him.
...
"Sirius..."
"You know... sometimes I wish my life was worse, so I'd have an excuse to be this sad."
"..."
"I know, this is a horrible way to think... I'm aware of my faults. Painfully so. I just... don't know what to do about them."
"...I know I said we'd talk but honestly I don't know how to respond."
"That's okay. You listening is enough."
"..." Korlin contemplates all his options. He's never had a talk like this with someone before. Neither of them has. "Do you feel any better?"
"...No. I don't feel anything."
"...You've been alone all this time, right?"
"Mm."
"This is just a theory but... I don't think you've lost your emotions like you think you have."
Sirius doesn't even look at him.
"That so?"
"You didn't lose your emotions, you hid them."
Those words resonate with the boy. He's right.
Sirius gives a brief chuckle to himself.
"Maybe so."
Seeing his response, Korlin gets a wave of determination.
"But you know, you're not alone anymore. You don't have to isolate yourself anymore, there are people who genuinely want to be around you!"
"..."
"I'm here with you all the way. Everyone is."
"..."
"Believe it or not, they care about you, Sirius. They're worried about you. They want you to be comfortable like how you were when we first arrived."
"That was just an act too... I don't..."
"Just be yourself, Sirius."
His words touch Sirius' heart. He feels like he's retreating into an infantry state of being. But somehow, he doesn't mind it.
"I don't know how to be me."
"Then we can figure that out together!" The boy rises and places his hands on Sirius' shoulders. "We're not on Earth anymore. Don't stay bound by things you did there."
"It's been so long... I don't know if I can change."
"You can! And I'll help you in any way I can. We're in a different world! This is the perfect opportunity to change and do what you want to do."
-What I want to do...
"I don't know what I want to do..."
"Then we can figure that out together too. I told you, didn't I? We're in this for the long haul. We're ride or die. Do whatever you want... and just be yourself."
Moisture builds up in Sirius' eyelids. Tears well and threaten to fall. Holding them back he shifts his head away from Korlin.
"Am I safe to be myself...?"
"You are. That's all anyone wants you to be."
On the verge of relentless tears, Sirius turns around completely.
Korlin smiles.
"What's this? If I recall, you told me you'd only cry for other people."
"Shut up," he chuckles with his croaking voice.
"Are you about to cry for yourself? I'm honored to be the first to see it."
His lighthearted comment is shot down immediately.
"Unfortunately for you, someone beat you to it."
"What?! Who-" He ponders a moment before the obvious answer reveals itself. "It was Aureole, wasn't it?"
"Who knows?"
Reminded of that moment with Aureole, combined with Korlin's heartfelt words...
Tears roll down his cheeks.
"Aww man, I wanted to be the first..." unable to pretend being upset, Korlin laughs at himself.
Sirius, his face wet with tears, faces his companion and laughs with him.
The golden sky dims and starts to sink below the distant mountains.
Eyes still red but tears subsided, Sirius sits next to Korlin on the stone.
They watch the fading sky melt into a deep violet. They see the green blades of grass illuminate into a fluorescent blue. Nature's glowsticks wave in the crisp wind and bring along a sweet melancholy.
"We're in another world, man..."
Korlin breaks the gentle quiet with a hopeful hint of optimism.
"I can probably guess but... are you alright with that? Family, friends, everyone from your old life, you'll probably never see them again..."
Korlin smiles, a trace of nostalgia seeping out.
"I didn't leave behind anyone who would care..."
"What about your sister?"
"...No. Not even her." Silence creeps its way back in between them. But not for long. "But that's alright. Dying and coming here... I couldn't ask for more. I'm content with starting over, wherever it will take me. Especially if I get to learn magic!"
"You really want to learn magic, don't you?"
"Of course! It's always been a dream of mine! Unfortunately, Earth is boring and doesn't care about my dreams. But here... I think I'll get to live a little."
As if a physical tug, Sirius can almost feel their bond grow closer. We really are alike...
"What should we do now?"
"Hmm... what do you want to do?"
"Whatever you want to-"
flick
Impacting his forehead is Korlin's finger.
"Hey, don't smile like that."
He hadn't even realized. Subconsciously he put on that same smile and put on his usual front.
"Sorry. I'm not used to being so casual."
"It's alright. I'll keep correcting you as long as I need to." Korlin smirks, wiggling his finger around.
Something like relief rushes over him. Confirmation, perhaps?
"Oh," Korlin claps his hands. "That's right! What about Rawlin's offer? What do you think? Do you want to keep your memories?"
That's right. If Sirius decides to help Rawlin, there is a possibility they can find a way to keep his memories from disappearing. If he refuses, his memories will slowly wash away until he remembers nothing.
Thinking carefully, Sirius comes to a decision.
"I want to keep my memories."
A smile rolls up on Korlin's face. Seeing his companion come out of hiding and make a large decision... fills him with a sense of accomplishment and joy. Despite their short time together, it feels like he's known Sirius forever.
"Alright then," Korlin stands up swiftly. "Then you can count on me!" He extends his hand to Sirius.
"What about you? Will you try and get them back?"
"...I don't know yet. But if that's what you want to do, I'll give it my all to make sure you succeed."
Smiles brimming on both their faces, Sirius grabs his companion's palm.
Rising up, Korlin pats him on the back.
"Thank you."
"Of course. May I ask something?"
"Go for it."
"If all these bad memories... why try and get your memories back?"
Sirius draws a blank. But right now, it doesn't matter.
"I don't know. I just want to."
"Hmph," Korlin takes pride in something. "Then that's enough reason." A chilling gale brushes their skin, sending goosebumps up their limbs. "Ah- for now we should probably go back to the mansion!"
"T-true."
Cold and motivated, they descend down back into the luminous plains and toward their newfound home.