Samehada
Swim through the water, feel it in your scales. Swim through the water, feel it in your teeth. Swim after the light, and when you're far away, you'll find that you were home the whole time…
The water sloshed gently against the sides of the rubber ducky as Samehada guided it around the tub. It probably couldn't hear him, but that was alright. The song was his and his alone. He had no memory of ever hearing it, or of anyone he could have heard it from, so it must be his. The song made Same feel gentle, and the rubber ducky against his snout feel right. The sound of the rain against the wall outside only made it more important to be warm to this little ducky.
After the water was cool and Same took a break to let his singing voice rest, he saw movement from the doorway. "Hey," Kisame said. His voice was different than usual. Samehada immediately got out of the tub and climbed up to lick his Human Cousin on the face. Was something wrong? Human Cousin sounded a little sad. Samehada licked anxiously and chirred worried, you?
Kisame huffed. "Relax, I'm fine." His voice was back to normal. Same believed him and crawled forward so that Kisame was holding him in his arms. Samehada's tail wagged back and forth with happiness as he looked into Kisame's face. This house is a good place! He pointed his tail at the tub with the rubber ducky to emphasize his point. So happy we came here. So happy. Is it a good place for you? He made short questioning sounds at Kisame.
Kisame smiled. "I gotta say, this is one hell of a place to wait out a storm. The people here are...nice." Samehada chirped with joy. Usually Human Cousin had to meet someone several times to say that! The Animal People had to be very special to earn such a compliment so fast.
"Yeah…" Kisame looked uneasy. He glanced backwards, then quietly eased the door shut. Samehada stopped wagging his tail. Something important. What is it?
Kisame moved away from the door, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He scratched Samehada's dorsal fin before speaking. Samehada fought to keep this from affecting his concentration. Kisame was saying, "I don't really know what to think about them," in a quiet whisper like he didn't want anyone to overhear.
Samehada tilted his head. Hadn't Human Cousin just said they were nice? He didn't say that about people he didn't know.
Kisame took another breath. He seemed to be having trouble speaking. Samehada licked at his chin. His chakra was moving strangely. Scared? Why is Human Cousin scared? Samehada started to show his teeth. Was someone scaring Human Cousin? Who did he need to bite to make them stop? Nobody scares Human Cousin!
Kisame blinked. "No, no… You don't need to bite anybody. I just… It's another one of those weird human things like what made your head hurt earlier. I'm just thinking."
Samehada stopped the growl that was creeping up his throat and whined, confused. What could Human Cousin be thinking about that was scary? Could he help, like he'd helped Bird Person earlier?
"Same…" Kisame looked towards the door again and listened closely. He heard nothing, but still dropped his voice to a whisper so low that Samehada had to strain to make out his words. "You're really the only company I have. The only one who's...like me. You're special, Same."
Samehada's tail started wagging again. He didn't even notice. Me? Special? Good things! I like good things! He panted quietly, careful not to drown out anything more Human Cousin might be about to say.
Kisame made a small nervous laugh, which he immediately grimaced at. "Yeah, you are. I don't…" He glanced at the door and listened again. "I don't have anyone else who's kind of shark and kind of human, like I am. I'm not really either of those things. Aside from you, I'm alone."
Kisame could say nothing more beyond that. The importance of that statement stung. He hugged Samehada closer before it could sting anymore, and tried to regain his composure. It was a true statement, so why did it matter? Why had he never admitted it before?
Samehada would normally have started making comforting noises by now, but he was quiet. He was thinking. It wasn't something Samehada needed to do often, unlike his human friends who seemed to need to think every day at a minimum, but sometimes the shark could feel a deeper importance underneath something. He felt a deeper meaning to Kisame's words now.
Alone? Samehada remembered the Tank Cousins. They did not say much to him, or to each other, but Samehada knew there was something about the tank that discouraged talking. It was possible the Tank Cousins were like him but couldn't show it, because the tank stopped them from talking. The tank wasn't a good place. Either way, he supposed, the Tank Cousins weren't able to act like him. Did it matter what the reason was?
Samehada conceded that Human Cousin had a point about the Tank Cousins. But what about the other humans? They were strong, and used chakra like Human Cousin, and talked like him, and they were good friends to Samehada. He rattled question, answer at Kisame and waited for Human Cousin to explain.
Kisame could tell Same probably didn't know why he would be upset. He didn't either. What was he feeling like this for?
"I guess it's the way they live," Kisame tried to answer himself. "Those wolves that stay with them and look after them, they remind me of you. I've never seen any other person and animal work together like that. They knew to get water right away for you, and treat us like two guests instead of one, where most people would think you were just a pet or something. You're not a pet, you're my best buddy. And I think they know that. I finally don't have to explain or prove anything."
Kisame's eyes widened as he remembered something. "Hey, Same. There's something I just remembered about the aquarium. I've never told you because it sounds really weird to say, but maybe it's less weird now. The thing is, I've never really thought of the aquarium as my job. What I do, feeding the sharks, it's more like…" He struggled to come up with the words. "It feels like being around family. The other sharks are, well, other sharks. They feel different to think about than any other animal. They -"
Samehada cut him off with vigorous nodding. The shark understood perfectly. Why doesn't Human Cousin call them all Cousins, if he feels the same way? Samehada had wondered this before, and thought that perhaps Human Cousin did not have that basic, gut-level feeling of recognition, of sameness, with the other Cousins. He'd worked out a long time ago that the word cousin referred to people who were related to you, but not closely or in any specific way. It was just a recognition that in some way, they were similar to you. Samehada wagged his tail. It was very good to hear that Human Cousin did have the same recognition, after all! But then, why didn't he acknowledge them as cousins?
Kisame fondly patted the side of Samehada's head. "You know what I'm talking about?" The shark nodded again. "Good, because I don't."
He stretched his shoulders, rolling them in exaggerated circles. "I think it has to do with that, too. I've never heard of that feeling anywhere else. Other people might not experience it, or if they do, only towards other people. They wouldn't understand about an animal. But these people…" He looked at the door once more, this time without wariness. "I think they get it. They're the same."
Samehada's mouth fell open. This was a new idea. They are the same as Human Cousin? They are...Cousins? Cousins with Human Cousin, but not with me? The shark had never considered it impossible that Human Cousin might have other, human Cousins that he didn't share with Samehada. The shark had simply never considered the possibility at all.
So Human Cousin is Cousins with Animal People, and Animal people are Cousins with wolves and tigers and lizards, but only the Wolf People are Cousins with wolves even though any of the Animal People can work with them… His tongue lolled out of his mouth as Samehada's ideas of who was related to who expanded. This explained what the humans felt when they had to sit and do all of their thinking. They must be constantly expanding their ideas and making connections between things. How did they not already have the whole world tied together into one thing, if they were making so many connections?
Kisame stared at his shark with something like wonder. "I would give a lot of things to read your mind right now."
Samehada rattled amusement. Kisame shook his head. "No, I mean it. Have I ever told you? You're...important. You're the one I can talk to. You're comforting. You're really important. I'm glad you're...everything. You're everything." He grimaced, looking disgusted at how soppy he was getting. "Maybe company isn't overrated," he managed to get out. Kisame was suddenly nauseous. How had this disgusting soppiness caught him so quickly?
Even if this was Samehada, he couldn't tolerate this level of affection any longer. Kisame put Samehada down on the floor and shivered. "So, anyway, I told them a little more than I should have about all the weird things we've learned. They were lining up for headache medicine when I left. We should see how they're doing."
Samehada let out the most pain-filled whine Kisame had ever heard. It sounded like a vital part of him was being torn out. That was exactly what Samehada felt like. Did they have to go? He didn't want to go yet! He wanted… But Human Cousin was done; he couldn't be affectionate anymore. Samehada quieted down to sniffles and climbed onto Kisame's back. He wished…
Kisame stood still where he was. What had he done to hurt Samehada? He'd wanted to tell his shark how much his companionship meant, to make Samehada feel appreciated and loved. He hadn't meant to do anything that would turn that belly-up. Could he make amends?
"Same…" he started. He reached up to softly touch the shark's nose. "I'm sorry. What's wrong?"
Samehada stopped whimpering and nuzzled his hand back. Human Cousin shouldn't feel bad for being himself; it was okay for him not to be able to be as affectionate as Samehada wanted. Don't feel bad. You're not bad. More affection later. It's over already. He nudged Kisame's hand aside and licked the side of his face.
Kisame felt ridiculous. "Before I saw you, I was arguing with myself over whether I should take you out of the aquarium that day. Then I did, and I realized it wasn't my choice. You needed out, and that was that. It's the same now, isn't it? You need to not be left alone when I'm at work. If you're going to matter to me, I need to be open about it, and that's that. I can't just hide you away with the nearest guy. I'm sorry, Same. I'll make it up to you."
Samehada warbled cheerfully. As much as the tank was dreary and not good for talking, he did miss the Tank Cousins. His happy rumbling vibrated through Kisame's back.
Kisame turned to open the door and see how the Hatake Clan was digesting everything he'd told them, but stopped. Ever since he had first thought of this almost a week ago, he had been unable to fully stop wondering. "Same, how did you survive while I was on 'vacation?' You must have gone hungry without me to let you chew on my arm."
He had indeed. Those weren't happy days. Samehada whimpered. But the days had gotten better after Thinking Person showed up, and Samehada had looked distressed at him, and Thinking Person had started coming by to interact with Samehada more often. Thinking Person had nice-tasting chakra. Samehada waved his tail back and forth as he realized that he'd never told Human Cousin what Thinking Person had done for him. Human Cousin had to know how kind his friend was; Samehada resolved to tell him as soon as possible.
Kisame heard the whimpering end after a few short seconds, and figured that Samehada must have figured out some way to get what he needed. "I'm glad you didn't starve. The idea's been freaking me out ever since I realized that you needed to eat chakra. I'll never leave you with nothing again, I promise." He placed a hand firmly on Samehada's snout to seal his vow.
Samehada climbed a little higher on Kisame's back so he could bury his snout in the shark man's hair. Kisame chuckled, and finally opened the door and left.
Kisame
They both immediately sensed that someone was waiting for them. Kisame's guard went up immediately. His mind was prepared for an attack before he realized what was happening. What the hell? I'm not being attacked! He forced himself to relax, although his body still continued to ready for danger, heedless of his wishes. It's just somebody wanting to talk to me, who wasn't going to intrude on me and Samehada to do it. Calm down already!
It was Ruta. The half-tiger was standing awkwardly at the end of the hallway, glancing around and wavering from side to side. His laptop was under his arm. "Hey!" he brightened when he saw Kisame. "Um, about what you said, it could take a while."
"What could?"
Ruta shrugged. "What you said about being the most popular guy around. I can kind of see why, since half the confusion you described can be solved with some organization, but nobody wanted to hear more when I started talking about it. It's a little too fast, I think."
"Yeah, it is. I've been wondering if I should have said that much." Kisame tilted his head, inviting Ruta to walk with him. "So, what, they banished you from their company?"
"No, I just left. Figured they would be grateful, and it gives me more time for thinking," Ruta answered.
"Thinking about what?" Kisame was surprised that Ruta had anything left in his head after the speed he'd been typing at earlier.
Ruta smiled before speaking. Kisame had a flash of premonition that he would soon recognize this smile as being a harbinger of many things. "Well, it has to do with what you said about eyes. You said that it seems possible that individual body parts can have their own powers, but I think it's more limited than that. I mean, everyone knows the eyes are the windows to the soul, and all that. What if eyes can have special powers because they're sacred? Not sacred sacred, I just mean they have some spiritual connection. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong; the whole idea of generating our own magic energy just struck me as the kind of thing that would have spiritual or mystical connotations. I mean, where else would magic come from inside a human body?"
Kisame held up a hand to cut him off. "Okay, okay. First of all, you're completely correct. Konan told us a couple days ago that chakra is half physical, half spiritual, and souls definitely exist in her world. I can ask about the eyes. But, seriously. How are you handling all of this so well?" He stopped and searched Ruta's face, sure that the tiger man must be hiding signs of discomfort. "This is news that changes everything we know about the world. Our world. That we live in. How can you be taking this so easily?"
Ruta did develop signs of discomfort now, but not any of the ones that Kisame had been expecting. "Well, that's because it's not really true, I think."
"What isn't?" Kisame pressed.
"The real world, to me, is a bunch of interesting things that I can study and look at," Ruta explained. "Fiction, or fantasy, or things like that are also a bunch of interesting things that I can look at. I don't see any difference, really. Why can't magic be real? As long as it makes some kind of sense, I have no reason to think it can't be. I really like having more cool things to study in one place, actually. That's why I like hearing about all this."
Kisame stared and stared, but could not find anything amiss. Ruta was completely serious, and now that he had finished saying what he had said, completely comfortable. "You mean," Kisame pieced together a rather strange conclusion, "the part about you living in the real world isn't really true?"
Ruta blushed and brushed some of his long brown hair behind one ear, but did not waver. "I'm more a resident of my mind."
Samehada crawled directly over Kisame's shoulder to take a closer look at Ruta himself. If he was correct, Curious Tiger Person was saying that he thought even more than other humans did, so much more that Human Cousin was surprised. Samehada did less thinking and more living in the here and now than most humans. That made Curious Tiger Person his opposite. The shark was amazed. What was it like to think so much? Did Curious Tiger Person have the world all bound up into one thing already? Samehada imagined it; a giant ball that looked an awful lot like a ball of multicolored rubber bands, tightly strung together. Another ball approached, with its own tightly bound rubber bands. And then, before you could even see it, the first ball reached strings across and absorbed the other, becoming one big happy ball of connections that all made sense. The speed was breathtaking; Curious Tiger Person had only just heard about all of this, and already he'd made all the connections he'd been given and was reaching out for more. Amazing!
Samehada stopped here. He only realized now that this scenario didn't make much sense. If having ideas was like having a bunch of rubber bands bound together, then how did they absorb other ideas? Wouldn't some of the previous ones have to come apart? If that was true, thinking should hurt because it meant breaking things. Samehada recalled that, for most of the humans he knew, thinking did hurt. Well, maybe if Curious Tiger Person thought faster, he didn't spend a lot of time with broken bands because he could tie them together again faster, Samehada reasoned. The hurting would be too quick to really hurt, more like getting a needle jab than anything painful. So that was how it was possible to think so much!
Ruta patted Samehada on the nose very gently. "What does she think of me?"
"Same lives in the here and now, just the opposite of how you live. He probably understands you even less than I do, and I don't understand you at all." Then Kisame realized what the tiger man had actually said. "Wait, she?"
"Yeah." Ruta looked up and drew his hand back just an inch. "Is that not right? I thought…"
Kisame opened his mouth, then closed it again. "I don't know," he admitted. "How would you tell with all these scales in the way? It was just a surprise because I've always called him 'he.'"
"Oh." Ruta resumed patting Samehada on the snout. The shark licked his hand, and he giggled. "I just thought to call her 'she' because, well… You two seem really affectionate and all…"
Kisame froze. What the - what - do things work like that around here?! A blended smoothie of emotions passed over his face, ultimately expressing themselves in gently pulling Samehada back. "Uh, no."
Samehada allowed himself to be pulled back onto Kisame's shoulder. Was Curious Tiger Person saying that he thought… Samehada's heart beat faster. But then Human Cousin sounded…
Ruta drew his entire body back. Resident of the real world or not, he knew when other people were having a bad reaction to him. "Oh, well… Um… I just… It's not weird. Not if you're the same species."
Kisame put up another hand. "No fucking way. I just… No." He turned and walked away, leaving Ruta and this general topic far behind. Samehada made a questioning warble.
"I only mentioned that to you, and I'm not ready to mention anything to anyone else yet," Kisame answered. I know I just ten minutes ago said that sharks looked more like other people than animals to me, but no way in hell am I going to take it that far. I might be sharklike, but I wouldn't say I am one. Not yet. Who the hell does he think he is to tell me what I am?
Masume was the next Hatake to greet Kisame. He raised a hand and waved from where he was sitting on the arm of one of the couches. "Hey." He left the couch and walked over, leaving the two guys next to him to continue their squabbling. They sounded oddly relieved as they argued with each other, and the half snake laughed at a sarcastic joke the half wolf made. Sakumo and Mitsuki whispered together on the opposite couch, and almost everyone else who had been present was sitting in a circle on the ground on the far side of the couches, most of them occupying themselves with eating or drinking something. The half lizard leaned against the wall near this group, scanning the whole room with his eyes.
Masume looked briefly past Kisame. "How's Ruta? I know he was feeling kind of rejected after nobody wanted to talk with him."
Kisame was at a loss for words. How did one go about describing a person like Ruta? "I don't get him. He told me it's easy to think about real people doing magic because he lives in his mind, so he wasn't too attached to reality anyway. But… There has to be something real he holds onto. He's not psychotic, is he?"
"No, no," Masume reassured. "He just thinks differently. He likes to watch himself, just like you might like to watch someone else. That's all. I like to think about the future and I see things in terms of big ideas and meanings. It's just different. There's nothing wrong with him. I'm really insulted that you would ask if my best friend's psychotic."
Oh, crap, that is insulting. Kisame remembered realizing his thoughts as he was preparing to free Samehada were insulting too. Wow. When did my thoughts get so mean? I need to spend more time with other people.
"Yes, it is. I'm sorry," Kisame apologized. "Sorry. I just don't have that kind of distance from reality. It sounds like something strange and abnormal to me. I didn't mean to imply he was anything else. I still think he is going to be the most popular guy around here, once everyone's on board with getting this information organized."
Masume smiled weakly. "Yeah. Once he gets his hands on anything in need of thinking about, it turns into a science." He smiled more broadly at Samehada. "Hey, how was your bath? Did Ducky act friendly?"
The shark stuck his tongue out and panted. Ducky was very, very nice. He liked Ducky. He should get a Ducky of his own.
He sure did enjoy having something to play with. Kisame asked, "Hey, Same, would you like it if I got you a duck, or something else that you could play with in the water?" Samehada squealed and gave the entire left half of Kisame's head, including his hair, a thorough tongue bath. "I'll take that as a Yes."
The tongue bath reminded him of unpleasant things, though. "Does Ruta's thinking differently extend to this?" he asked of Masume. "He implied that he thought there was something else going on between me and Samehada. There isn't. But does anyone else think that?"
Masume turned red. "Um, yeah, there might be some others who think that. In all fairness, if a wolf crawled into someone's lap, we'd interpret that to mean something, just because wolves don't interact like that during play or any other context. Are the social norms of sharks different?"
"I don't know, but I know the social norms of me and Samehada are different." Kisame recognized that he was starting to growl under his words. He didn't care. "Besides, I'm not part of a whole family that considers being with animals normal. I'm not used to that, and I don't think of myself as a shark at all. Why the fuck would anyone think I'd do something like that?"
Samehada whimpered. He didn't like the upset way Human Cousin was sounding. Was this the reason why Human Cousin wouldn't call the other sharks Cousins? Samehada rumbled directly into Kisame's ear, hoping that Kisame would take it as a reminder of what he'd promised Samehada earlier. He couldn't be Samehada's friend and hide him away, so he couldn't recognize his Cousins and refuse to acknowledge them, either.
What am I saying? How can I say that Same's so important to me, and then say that I'm not like him? Kisame's frustration increased as he got increasingly annoyed at himself, as well as everyone else. His hands curled. "I don't even have a frickin' family like you people do. Why would I think of myself like anyone else at all?!"
He stopped to catch his breath and try to calm down, and realized the room was silent. He'd raised his voice quite a lot in his frustration. Masume looked startled. Samehada was still. Kisame could feel eyes boring into him from the couches.
He had a split second in which to decide how he was going to react. Kisame's still-tightened fist made the decision for him. "I don't have any clue where my family came from. I never asked. I have no idea why I look like a shark. And I've never met anyone else who wasn't fully human. Until today," he added in a whisper. His hand relaxed. I'm envious. When did I start envying them? I've never wished I knew any of this before. Why now?
Masume's startled look softened. He glanced at the shark on Kisame's back before giving Kisame as big a hug as he could manage. Kisame froze, offering no resistance but not returning the hug either. What the - Masume whispered, "It's okay," and Kisame started to actually believe him. This is kind of nice. The rain drummed on the roof above, and Kisame remembered that he was inside, somewhere nice and warm and comforting. They understand. His arms and legs tensed even further, and he still did not make any move to return the hug. Some instinct commanded that he avoid doing so.
Why? They're trying to be nice. I just told them about my family. Why can't I hug him back? Where did that instinct come from? Kisame couldn't remember anything that could reasonably have caused it. What world was that instinct meant for? Did it even apply here? Kisame called up all the anger and righteous defiance he could muster. Other Me, if you're messing me up again, I'm having none of it. Go kill someone else's friends. Go fuck yourself. With this anger, he shoved aside all forms of self-preservation, including that form. He raised one arm and patted Masume on the shoulder.
Masume released him and laughed. "You and Same can stop by any time. Really."
"Definitely," Sakumo agreed. Dropping whatever he had been doing previously, he came over to stand beside Kisame. "It might just be a wolf thing, but I don't like the idea of someone without a pack. I'm sorry to hear about your family."
Samehada rumbled, a deep, heartfelt purr that vibrated through Kisame's back. The shark man himself was completely out of words. He'd never imagined himself in a situation like this. He'd never imagined anyone in a situation like this. This was unreal, like something that might happen in a movie or a book written by some guy who wanted to rake in money writing a feel-good piece that gave readers or viewers the warm and fuzzies. It wasn't real. Except, as far as Kisame could tell, he was in fact hearing those words with his physically existing ears. This led him to question the reality of his ears.
"Uh...thanks," he heard himself say. It sounded mechanical, stiff, and like it was coming from a great distance. You know what, I think Samehada could use more bathtime. He did sound heartbroken to leave, after all. Yes. His body, too, seemed to be at a great distance as he turned away and headed back to the tub with the rubber ducky in it. No way. No fucking way. I'll make sense of this somehow, just not there with everyone around. Kisame was aware of his heart beating quickly, and various pleasant and unpleasant sensations all across his body. His throat was tight, making his fast breathing difficult to sustain. I wish making sense of things was as easy as it is for Ruta.
Right on cue, he passed the tiger man in question, who had stayed in his former position but heard everything regardless. Kisame spared him a glance. Ruta looked at him with great concern. You know, I think I understand a little. Right now, Kisame didn't give much of a damn what was supposed to be real and what was supposed to be fiction. What he'd just experienced was exactly as preposterous as riding a dragon. No, riding a dragon would be more realistic. If actually having a roomful of people declare support for you could really happen, anything could. Magic, dragons, fairytale princesses and knights of old - all of it looked the same. Maybe this feeling of everything being equally ridiculous was what Ruta felt all the time.
But Ruta wasn't Samehada, and Same was the only one Kisame was going to lock himself in a room with at this time. He'd apologize for walking away so rudely later. For now, he returned to the bathroom with the tub of water and the rubber duck, shut the door, locked it from the inside, and sat on the floor next to the tub, still trying to catch his breath. He didn't know why his breath needed catching, but it did. He would figure out the tightness in his face and chest later, the same later in which he was going to figure everything else out. That's all later, some other time. Here and now, I have my breath, Same, the tub. A locked door. Nobody around. That's good. That's enough.
Samehada left his back and crawled around the tub as stealthily as he could, making only a soft clicking noise. He crawled into Kisame's lap and cautiously licked his face, whining worry as he did so. He'd never realized before that Human Cousin didn't think he had any cousins. The idea of not knowing he had cousins struck Samehada as strange, bizarre, and very very bad. He pressed his snout into Kisame's cheek. Kisame's chakra was distant and cold, squeezed into a tight ball and hidden inside himself. Samehada licked his cheek to bring it back out.
Kisame wrapped his shark tightly in his arms, and recovered just enough to realize that the way he'd just acted was highly embarrassing. Samehada began singing as he licked Kisame's cheek. It sounded like the same song he'd sung to the rubber ducky. Kisame closed his eyes and let the song reassure him. So what if it's embarrassing? I needed this, and that's all anyone gets to say about it.
He cleared his mind of everything except the feeling of Samehada's scales beneath his hand, the sound of Samehada's song, and the sound of the rain drumming overhead.
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