Nagato
As soon as Yahiko was gone, Konan tossed the blankets down onto her lap. "I'd better be decent if I'm going to have so many people talking to me," she muttered.
Nagato opened his mouth to ask her why she said that when she was already decent. Then he remembered how he'd worn the cloak as a form of psychological armor, and closed his mouth. That explains why she wears it all the time. It was a mystery solved, although he would have preferred it to be solved in a happier way.
*ping* Nagato's phone went off. Hidan had thought to mention his plans for the day on the group chat, asking if anyone wanted anything. "Do you want Hidan to get anything while he's out?" Nagato asked.
Konan considered the question. "Cat treats and a giant feather should do nicely. Nothing else at this time."
Does interacting with Hidan count as pet therapy? Nagato wondered as he submitted the request. Seeing him happy does have this way of lifting one's mood. Does his power really only go one way?
Nagato saved that as another question he should ask Itachi. "I'm glad," he murmured. "That everything's looking up. It's freeing. Which is good, since I have a lot to get to today."
"Such as?" Konan raised an eyebrow.
Nagato counted off on his fingers. "In the area of things I would like to get to in the near future, I have: going out there in five minutes to make sure Yahiko's alright, finding Itachi and asking him two questions, finding Sasori and telling him everything you just told me about this jutsu, going out to the library and getting books on every kind of supernatural phenomena that might possibly exist around here, and, if I have time, finding myself a training partner. That was a really good idea Deidara had." Nagato restarted the count. "In the area of things somebody should have gotten to earlier but nobody did because we had better things to worry about, there's: finding whichever part of upstairs is beneath that crack in the ceiling and checking if it's leaked, filling that crack in the lobby wall with something, getting a freezer, and going back to my apartment."
He folded his hands in his lap and looked down as he thought aloud. "That last could take up the whole day by itself," he muttered. "I don't know what I'll find. All the time we've spent here is just like being in another world. My mind feels like it's in a different mode, like it's stuck in this other world, if that makes sense."
Konan sat next to him softly, so as not to make a sound. "That was my intent," she mused. "Although I never expected it to work this well."
Nagato looked up at her. "Wasn't it Yahiko's idea to stay here?"
Konan nodded. "But it was my idea to bring you here at all. I chose this location because I expected it would be impossible to believe me if you were surrounded by whatever lives you had before. I wished to leave a lasting mark. For that, I needed an isolated place. Not too isolated, or else no one would come, but isolated enough for separation."
Nagato blinked. "Did you learn that kind of tactic when you were learning diplomacy or battle strategy?"
Konan bit her lip. "Neither, or both. I'm not sure. It just seemed natural to me that I would have to destroy the falsehood that already existed. I thought of it as an attack from the beginning." She tilted her head. "Is there any other approach I could have taken? I didn't take much time to consider the possibilities."
Nagato looked around. "Actually, that raises an even better question," he realized. "Why did you want to bring us into the ninja life in the first place? You chose the best possible strategy for submerging us fully in this world and breaking our ties with the one we had before. Why?"
Konan closed her eyes and breathed out through her nose slowly before speaking. "I thought at first that you were the people I had known," she admitted. "I only realized otherwise when I saw Sasori under clear lighting. Original Sasori turned himself into a puppet at the age of 15. When I saw that this version of Sasori was fully grown, I realized he was really different." Her hands tightened at the memory. "I thought you needed memories restored. After that...I no longer had any idea what I was going to do."
Gods, we've been pressed. Sharing thoughts like this could have been just as effective as that funeral Hidan planned, but there was no time. Nagato squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated on sending his thoughts up to the universe. Universe, give us some time.
When he opened his eyes, he looked at her with a warm smile. "You know, we never did get to the part of Hidan's plan where we introduced ourselves."
Konan stared at him, comprehension dawning slowly. "We did not."
He held out his hand as if to shake hers. "Hi."
She took it. "Hello."
"I'm Nagato. I spend all my spare time with Yahiko posting inspirational things on social media, supporting various causes, things like that. At this time of year, I would already be drafting a list of happy phrases short enough to write on rocks, which we would leave in the park and on street corners. I have my own place, but I practically live in his. That's the only reason my apartment isn't a mess heap."
Konan shook his hand back. "I'm Konan. I admire origami for its neatness and tidiness. I am not organized, so I like things that are. My favorite weather is rain, because the weight of the clouds is comforting. I used to live in the Village Hidden in the Rain. I was a public figure there, nearly worshipped, and I was heavily involved with administrative duties related to running the village. I suppose when one factors in increased difficulty from not knowing precisely where I am, running a group such as this is an equal task."
"A whole village?" Nagato tried not to stare. "Wow."
"Don't sound so admiring," she ordered. "You were the one in charge. I handled everyday duties and interacted with the public more. That's all."
"Still." Nagato was determined to be proud of her. "But Other Me was the one really in charge of things? Instituting new programs, or...repairs, or…" He didn't actually know what running a village required.
"Making decisions about how we would relate to other villages, overseeing border security, directing shinobi forces. Yes." She turned and inquired, "What is social media?" She didn't actually know what a civilian in this world did.
Nagato chuckled. "You've used the Internet, and you've seen the group chat. Social media is like those two things, combined. The ability to talk with anyone else who has Internet access (billions of people), alone or in a group of any size you want, using images or words or videos, even your own voice. It's more than a little intimidating to think about, but it's okay, because only a few hundred to a few thousand people are likely to be looking in your little corner. We don't actually have to deal with billions of people."
Konan's eyes were glazed over, and had been since he first mentioned billions. Nagato waved at her. "Konan?"
"Several hundred thousand, maybe," she whispered. "Perhaps up to half a million. No more than that in the whole continent."
Now Nagato's eyes glazed over, as he realized she was talking about population. Only half a million people? That's… When was the last time our world had so few? Was it during medieval times? What kind of society can they possibly have over there? The general geopolitical landscape of her world could explain so much, he realized. Wait, she didn't say world. She said continent.
"What about other continents?"
Konan shook her head. "If there are any people across the ocean, they must be descended from before the time of shinobi. That was a long time ago."
Nagato had too many questions. He tried to restrain himself from speaking, and mostly succeeded, although a few garbled sounds escaped. Konan looked at him. "It sounds like another group discussion is in order. Perhaps one more like what we had at the party, and less like a meeting."
Nagato nodded vigorously. Yes, yes, absolutely! "W - well, maybe… We should ask." He took deep breaths and thought of how the other Akatsuki members would respond. "Yahiko and I take some interest in how people relate to each other, and Hidan does too. I can't be sure anyone else would be interested."
"I would like to talk to Kakuzu as well, because of his age." She stood up. "Let's not take any more time. You were right; there is entirely too much to do already."
Nagato nodded. "Right. Have to go check on Yahiko."
"I'll want a full report," Konan told him. "I shall go upstairs and look for possible leakage. It's time I familiarized myself with what exactly is up there, anyway."
Nagato nodded and left. I'm glad she's getting back to normal. Really glad. Half the things I listed are matters of administration. We actually do need her skillset. He chewed the inside of his cheek. Yahiko should be really happy to hear that. I hope his talent for getting along with kids works just as well on demonic ones…
He stepped out onto the back stoop, eyes already scanning from side to side looking for a spot of bright orange. He didn't see any. Did he go somewhere else? Should I call him? Nagato lowered his eyes to the ground, hoping to see no sign of trouble. He jumped.
How did I miss that?! There was a black-haired boy standing in the middle of the grass, looking up at him. I didn't see his hair, I didn't have that feeling you get when someone's watching you, nothing. Maybe he's not a normal person. Nagato had figured, ever since she told them it was possible to detect someone by feeling the chakra in the air, that it was probably the reason why he could tell when someone was watching him. If that was true, then not being able to tell meant this boy did not make noticeable changes in the air's chakra. If he's like the demon, he might not have chakra. He could be another, different sort of creature.
This thought brought a smile to Nagato's face. He walked down the steps and crossed the grass, stopping a few feet in front of the boy. "Hello," he greeted.
The boy looked very sad, just as Hidan had described way back when. Nagato knelt down in front of him. "Are you alright?"
The boy tilted his head down and then up, very slightly. Nagato bit his lip. "Okay."
The boy stared at him sadly for a few more seconds, then started fiddling with his toy snake. Nagato bit his lip harder. How do you engage a mute toddler in conversation? He was the first to admit he wasn't as natural as Yahiko was about interacting with children, but that probably wasn't the reason why he was having trouble here. What would Yahiko or Hidan say?
Nagato sat down cross-legged on the grass and sighed. The boy stopped fiddling with his toy snake and sat down as well, looking up at Nagato. Nagato saw the sad look in his eyes. It's almost like he understands, and sympathizes. He looks so kind. Even though he would have rather seen the boy happy, seeing him sad felt strangely good. Nagato supposed he should make the most of this silver lining. "Is there anyone looking out for you?"
The boy nodded again. A smile flickered over Nagato's lips. "That's good." He thought of his parents. Hidan. Yahiko. Konan. "As long as there's someone looking after you, there's a real limit to how bad anything can be."
The boy looked down. Nagato smiled more fondly at him. "Having someone or something looking out for you promises an end to the bad things. If you were alone, you would always have to deal with them yourself, but if you aren't you can go home." Oh, crap. "Um...assuming you have one. Do you have one?"
The boy's lips twitched upward, so faintly that Nagato had to strain to see it. He looked to Nagato's side, towards the back wall. Nagato followed his gaze. If you could pass through the building, you'd get to the front, then onto the street, and I guess he is looking horizontally enough that you could go down the street too.
Nagato turned back to find that the silent boy had disappeared. He looked around the backyard, his eyes eventually catching on the snake's white clothes as he stood in the shadow of a tree just inside the forest. Nagato could've sworn he had looked over that exact spot several times. He really isn't a normal kid. Nagato chuckled to himself, then got up and followed.
"The demon? He's your home?" The snake boy continued to hold the leaf of the plant he was looking at, but nodded. Nagato scratched his head. He really is alright, then. It sounded like the demon actually does a pretty good job taking care of the ghosts; this kid's probably in safe hands. Nagato stood aside and let him fiddle with various plants silently. It makes a kind of sense, too. Birds of a feather.
The back door opened, and Yahiko came out holding a pair of scissors. He grinned at the sight of Nagato. "Nagato! You won't believe what I've seen. It's amazing! You have to see it!" He scratched his chin with the scissors. "As soon as I find him."
Nagato looked down. The toddler was several feet away, getting to his feet. He ran with a speed and silence that Nagato found unnerving to Yahiko. "There he is!" Yahiko brightened. He gestured for Nagato to follow. "Come on!"
Nagato listened with growing amazement as Yahiko described how the snakelike toddler had done the things he showed Nagato. "I have so much to learn from him," Yahiko concluded as they returned to the patch of well-grown grass and sat around it. "This is huge. It's just like everything I would like to be able to do. Make things even more of what they can be." He looked at his hands and sighed. "I don't think my chakra can do all of that, but I'll get as close as I can."
Nagato nudged him in the shoulder. "I'd love to stay here and watch, but I already planned to go to the library and get the books you wanted, on supernatural spirits and things. As long as I'm thinking about it…" He trailed off remorsefully.
"There won't be much to watch," Yahiko reassured. "Just stay for a minute." Yahiko took the scissors and, with whispered apologies to the grass, cut off several inches of a patch of grass no larger than his hand. He then threw the scissors in his lap and put out his hands. Yahiko took a deep breath; in, and out, centering himself. Then he began.
Nagato stared at the chakra (I had no idea chakra could be visible. Wow!) for several seconds before tearing his eyes away. His cheeks turned red and hot as he carefully reached into Yahiko's lap for the scissors. Nagato pushed his sleeves back and used the scissors to point at a specific blade of grass. "Can you direct it over here?"
"I can try…" Yahiko squinted as he tried to concentrate his chakra on that spot. He whispered through gritted teeth, "This is really hard," after a few seconds. "Not that one, but I think I'm getting the dozen or so it's sitting in." He stopped the flow of chakra and folded his hands in his lap, panting. "I'm doing really well at keeping the amount of chakra constant, though. It feels like it would be really easy to accidentally use too much or too little if I couldn't control it."
Nagato prodded the grass with the scissors. The cut ends had healed over, he noticed. The patch Yahiko had concentrated on did not look very different from the rest, but Nagato thought its cut ends seemed more rounded, as if it was starting to grow back. "That's a really good starting point," he told Yahiko. "Here." He handed the scissors to the snake. "If it's important to be able to concentrate on a specific area, the grass would be really good to practice on."
"Yeah…" Yahiko looked at him with gratitude shining in his eyes. "Thank you."
Nagato flushed. "It's okay. I'll get you those books." He stood. "Have fun with your new teacher, or helper, or whatever he's doing." It doesn't feel as weird as I thought it would to call a toddler those things. My standards of weirdness have really changed. "Good luck."
Above all else, it was the feeling Nagato had from helping Yahiko that he held onto the most. He wasn't sure what to call this feeling. It wasn't quite pride; it was closer to love, but not exactly that either. It was a feeling like he had done exactly what he existed to do, which happened to be helping Yahiko make progress on his own dreams. Nagato decided it must be rightness, just like what Yahiko had felt to be learning medical jutsu in the first place. Of course it's right. All I've ever wanted is to walk beside Yahiko, help him, be there the whole time to see him get wherever he's going. He's the most interesting thing I've ever seen, and I want to be fascinated by him all of the time, truly see how amazing he can be. Pushing him to become better and better, reveal more of what he is already, is my dream. Nagato was aware that, as a fully functional person, he had more dreams than just this one. Ideally, he would feel this rightness more often as more of them came true. I can't wait!
He was floating along so easily that he almost didn't hear Itachi's quiet conversation with Kisame. Once he did, Nagato stopped in his tracks and listened. Itachi murmured something. Kisame responded in a surprisingly light-hearted manner. Samehada made happy sounds. Nagato relaxed. It sounded like a conversation that was safe to interrupt.
He knocked politely first. Samehada made loud inviting sounds, so Nagato opened the door and poked his head in. "Hi. I just wanted to ask Itachi two questions. One of them's trivial, and the other is an intermediate level of importance. Is this a good time?"
Kisame nodded. "We just finished going over everything important about my stay with the wolf people. It's fine."
"Okay." Nagato entered, closing the door behind him. "My first question is: why do you and Hidan both think of Yahiko and me as being like the sun and moon? Is there a reason for that?"
Itachi replied, "You two are powerful, and moreso together than apart. I thought about this after the first time I saw how much more money people donated when you and Yahiko were there listening to and enjoying my music. His orange hair led me to think of sun and moon deities. They are depicted together the majority of the time, usually married, and they have complementary qualities. That perfectly describes the relationship you two appear to have."
Nagato stopped himself from either flinching at the word "married" or wincing at the phrase "appear to have." Appearance is reality; he'll never be interested in me that way. I just have to make peace with that. He nodded instead. "Thank you. It makes a lot of sense when you put it like that. I'll have to ask Hidan later; he probably has different reasons. Speaking of Hidan, have you seen anything strange about his ability to feel what other people feel? He's always fairly cheerful, and he always makes everyone feel more cheerful when they're with him. Is it possible that his power doesn't only work one way?"
Itachi took some time to respond. "That's a very difficult question to answer. He has a natural charisma to him; from what, I cannot tell you. In addition, he has many years of practice helping people to feel better. In even more additions, these first two facts cause people to like him, which mean that of course people will feel better around him, because it feels good to be around friends. There are too many confounding variables."
Nagato shook his head. "No, I don't think so. You already described it, when you said he had that charisma. What is the cause of that? That's what I really mean to ask about."
Itachi shrugged. "I am unable to explain that. He just seems to be very important for some reason. It is difficult to disrespect or ignore him. I can't find anything in his behavior, body language, speech patterns, etc. to explain this."
Kisame folded his arms. "What are you talking about? I had no trouble questioning him when he first had that idea for the training room full of punching bags. It didn't sound so impressive."
Itachi nodded. "I don't mean to imply he's blatantly out of the normal. If he was, he would be far less effective. But in terms of probability, how often is he questioned, and how often would anyone else be? And how much of what he isn't questioned about would be unacceptable from anyone else?"
"Kakuzu was pretty mad after Konan first told us about ninja things, until Hidan started talking," Nagato recalled. "I agree with Itachi. Who else could have inspired even you and Kakuzu to lower your guard and try taking a shot at something out of curiosity?"
Kisame rolled his eyes. "He just hit the right chord, that's all. I was just now talking about how finding out more about myself and where I came from is important to me, and I was really curious about all the strange shit going on that I didn't know anything about. There's nothing mystical about that."
Itachi shrugged. "Time will tell."
Nagato ignored Samehada's chewing on his arm. "Kisame…" he began. "How did you feel when Konan installed the symbol in the basement?"
"Irritated," Kisame growled. "I could feel something when I came back that day. My first thought about it was something like 'This shit?' I have no interest in dealing with that thing and would rather it wasn't here."
Nagato said nothing in response to this. Itachi watched him with the Sharingan, looking for the reason he'd asked that question. To his eyes, Nagato appeared to be thinking intensely, but also reluctant. He was not going to tell them why he'd asked. He seemed to be having mixed feelings about his own conclusions, whatever they were. Itachi deactivated the Sharingan and settled in to perform his own thinking.
Nagato looked down at Samehada. "Why are you chewing on my arm?"
Samehada let go and warbled at him. Thinking Person was very smart; Moon Person's chakra did indeed taste a little like how the moonlight tasted. The moonlight was nice to lick sometimes when it lay on the carpet, all soft and comforting. Samehada rumbled as he realized he had never thought to taste the sunlight. He should, and then taste Nice Human to see if Nice Human tasted anything like it! Samehada's tongue lolled out of his mouth happily.
Nagato patted him on the head. "Speaking of which, Konan told me some things about what chakra is and how it works that I hadn't thought of before." He looked at Kisame. "Now that Konan's feeling better, you should ask that guy - Ruta - to come over as soon as he can. It would be so much easier to have everything we know about chakra typed up in one document that we can share in the group chat so everybody doesn't need to repeat the same things over and over as we learn them."
"She's feeling better?" Nagato nodded. "That much?" Nagato nodded again.
"That's part of what I learned. Chakra influences the mind, giving it energy just like it gives the body energy. Lacking chakra was part of why she was feeling so terrible," Nagato explained.
"Interesting." Kisame nodded back. "I'll be sure to tell him."
Nagato turned to leave. Still a lot to do. Konan's presumably looking into fixing the crack and other preexisting issues, so I still need to get books and check out my apartment. But before he did so, Nagato remembered something. He turned back to Itachi and Kisame. "Hey.
"Deidara had a good idea." Nagato explained the logic behind partnering up for training. "I guess, since we each get along with everybody else, that such arrangements don't have to be fixed or formalized. We could train with different people for different things. It's a thing to start thinking about."
"That explains why Hidan's plans for the day included buying supplies in preparation for a fight," Itachi murmured. "I sent him a message not too long ago asking what fight he was talking about. A training fight would be interesting to watch." His Sharingan activated on reflex.
Nagato shrugged. "Go ahead. I told Deidara that everyone would want to watch, and he said it was okay as long as everyone kept a safe distance. Anyway, I have to go. I have errands to run in town that will probably take up all the hours." He waved behind himself on his way out the door.
Samehada wrapped his mouth around Kisame's hand and pulled. "Where do you want to go now?" Kisame asked. "The lake? Ruta? Konan?" Samehada shook his head to all of these. Kisame watched his wagging tail thrash back and forth as much as it could. "No wait, let me guess: you just want to have fun outside?" Samehada nodded Agreement several times.
"I'll come," Itachi decided. "Play is good for thinking."
Samehada led the way to the door, which he growled at because it had a knob, which meant it was biased in favor of humans.
Hidan
A dead guy fell flat on his back beneath the weight of the demon boy's latest bone ball. Taking inspiration from nature, he'd wedged a bunch of straight bones together and stuck others into this lattice, so it did not feature as many ribcages as previous balls.
The demon boy giggled. Upon impact, the dead guy had released a huge cloud of sparkles so it looked like a fancy impact animation in some video game. Some small sparkles still remained in the air like diamond dust.
"Get me one of those small ones," Hidan ordered. The demon boy handed over a ball composed mainly of hand and foot bones. Hidan wound it up and slung it at a crowd of lady zombies. The demon directed all of the sparkles upward so they could see the full amount of zombies that one ball sent sprawling. "Hey, I think that's a record," Hidan told the demon.
The boy searched his memory. "Yeah!" He shaped his darkness into a piece of paper and a pencil. He wrote the number down and folded it over. "It's an official record, dated and sealed and everything. Wait… I don't have a seal."
"Just make some wax and I'll use my fingernail," Hidan suggested. The boy did so, Hidan stabbed his fingernail into it, and they waited until the wax had cooled and hardened.
The boy nodded. "It is so," he said in a solemn voice. Then paper, pencil, wax and all returned to being darkness, which he reabsorbed. The demon leaped on top of the tallest memorial in the graveyard for a better perch. "I'll beat it! Really easily!"
Hidan tossed him a hand-and-foot ball. "See if you can!" he taunted. "Without cheating!"
"Nya!" said the demon boy. He giggled soon after doing so, and Hidan smirked. The boy assembled the group of zombies again, spun in circles to wind it up the old fashioned way, and launched it.
Hidan counted. "Shit," he muttered. "It's the same."
The demon boy wrapped his arms around Hidan's neck from behind. "Of course!"
Hidan gave him a piggyback ride by walking over to personally inspect the zombies. "They're looking a little dented," he told the boy. When he looked back, the bodies were no longer dented.
Hidan paused for a moment here. "Y'know, I'm glad you're being less of a dick," he told the demonic child. "It works better."
The next second, the demon boy was off his back and lying face down on the ground in a full body sprawling pout. "Gahhh, it's haaard," he whined. "I could do anything I want and everything was still boring. Boring huuuurrts." He sniffled and looked up at Hidan. "Why does doing anything you want make things hurt? It's supposed to be better."
Hidan shook his head. "Power isn't everything. Trust me." A shiver ran up his back. The demon boy whined and activated all of his demon senses at once to take his closest look, but for all of his power, he still could not see where Hidan's memory of saying those two words disappeared to. He banged his head against the grass.
"Hey," Hidan said. He lifted the boy from the ground. "It's okay."
The demon glared up at him. "Maybe it doesn't work because it's still not enough power," he accused. "Maybe if I had more, then it would be everything. I'd be able to control the idea of happiness itself."
Hidan hugged him closer. "But you'd always know you were. It would ruin the fun." His eyes were distant and unfocused. "Fun means being small enough to be surprised," he murmured in the voice of a psychic during a trance. "You would have to have enough power to not be able to understand fun anymore. Be a stranger here. Not belong in this world."
The boy hugged him back. "Aww...So…" He sniffled. "Thanks."
Hidan's phone buzzed. The demon levitated it out of his pocket and checked it. "Your buddies want a giant feather, cat treats, a rubber duck, for you to stop by the auto shop and check the back parking lot, whatever people use to clean concrete, and to know what fight you were talking about," he read to Hidan, who was still unresponsive.
Hidan's eyes had drifted closed. The demon physically pulled one open. Hidan's eyes flushed with pink as he did so. "Aw, shit," he complained. "That means I'd better get moving. Well, fuck, this was fun while it lasted."
"Uh-huh," the demon boy muttered while typing on Hidan's phone. "Sure. Yep. Hey, what do you think sounds better: Epic Battle of Coolness McAwesome, or 'wait and see'?"
"That first one," Hidan said. "Totally fucking better."
"Loud, proud, and obvious! Me likey," the demon boy declared. He rapidly finished typing on Hidan's phone, then handed it back. "Heeheehee."
Hidan fought back the urge to see what he'd done this time. "Yeah, well, see ya kid." He jammed his phone back in his pocket and turned to go.
The boy gasped. Before he could ask, Hidan faced him again and turned female. The boy applauded and marveled at the transformation from several angles afterwards. Hidan bowed. "Thank you, thank you." The boy hugged him. Huh. Don't remember him being huggy before. Maybe it's part of this "life" he's figuring out how to get.
Another shiver went up Hidan's back and he winced. The boy pulled back and looked into his face. "Hey! What is it? Hey!"
Hidan shook his head as if he was surrounded by a cloud of flies. "It's nothing. Just…" He cracked one purple eye open to look at the demon. "Just remember what it means. The more power you have, the less you can do."
The demon boy pouted. "Well it's not like I can do anything to change what I am! Unlike some people."
Hidan rubbed his head and mumbled, "Just try to do what you can to find happiness, then. It's so fucking hard." He shivered, shaking himself all over. When that was done, he blinked his pink eyes open and spoke clearly with no mumble. "Hey, I don't know what's making you all huggy, but keep it up. That's good shit."
The boy glared at him and kicked some grass spitefully. What'd I do? Well, it's not my fucking job to put up with his mood swings. I don't have to deal with them. Hidan yawned. "Che, whatever." And he left the graveyard with absolutely zero regrets.
Hidan pulled his cart to the side so he wouldn't block the hardware store's narrow aisle and consulted his phone. "Pet store, somewhere else, auto shop," he murmured. "Might be something to clean concrete with here." And now to see… Hidan looked around, then carefully scrolled down to see what message the demon boy had sent.
It read Oh, nothing much, just THE EPIC DUEL OF AWESOME COOLNESS that's scheduled for a few hours from now. It'll be great! It'll be even better once the giant fireballs start interrupting things. Hey Crow Boy, if you don't want fireballs, you might consider bringing some of that awesome black stuff as a bribe. It's a very good bribe. Thnx :D
There were several more messages below that. Hidan didn't read them before issuing a clarification: Dear everyone, that jerkwad demon kid typed that. Dunno what he means. Probably someone does, so ask around. I do not endorse the asking of bribes, and if said bribe is costly or dangerous to supply, I'm going to have words with that little fucker. Sincerely, Hidan.
He then scrolled up to see the replies. As he read them, Hidan started giggling to himself. I love these people! They're so fucking cool. They are the best friends. He wiped a tear of pride from his eye as he read a number of messages calmly speculating what the "black stuff" was and how to provide it, with a subgroup of people making plans for dealing with the promised fireballs. Hidan had never felt such a sense of belonging in his life. They think like I do, they understand me, and I get them too. Love those bastards. He sent a second message to the group chat saying as much. It had a crying emoji at the end.
He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and took two minutes to compose himself, before venturing out into the wilds of the hardware store. As he passed an aisle for cleaning products, he stopped, unsure whether he should go in. "What'd he mean?" Hidan asked himself. "Something to clean concrete… Is that a cleaning product, or a tool, or what?" He remembered that there was no way Deidara had actual concrete to clean, so whatever he'd asked for was probably not something specific, and anyway it was a bad idea to mess with cleaning products if one didn't absolutely have to. Hidan turned his nose up at the cleaning products aisle and moved on.
He came to an aisle with tools in it, followed directly by an aisle with general supplies that those tools would likely be used on. Gotta love this place! Best layout ever. Hidan turned into the general supplies aisle and started browsing.
Oh. Oh, yes. He reached up and, carefully, as if it was made of precious metals, carefully lifted from its hook and brought down an incredibly large coil of rope. A rope-like thing, anyway. He checked the tag to see what it was actually made of. Is that...does it say…'carbon fiber'? Hidan immediately placed the coiled mass of blue into his cart. He did not bother checking the price on the tag; he knew full well the price was affordable, the actual number be damned. The rope was heavy, though. He was going to need a harness. He found a harness across the way in a neighboring aisle. Life was good.
He whistled his way back to the aisle with the tools. The hammers and hoes and rakes and such were of no interest, but Hidan found a scrubby brush that promised to be able to remove all foreign particulates and leave a patio as clean as the day its bricks were laid. It went in the cart. He hummed his way to the front of the store where the contents of his replacement wallet just managed to cover everything (but of course), and sung to himself on his way out. Dub dah dub, dub dah dah dub, dah DUB de DUB de DUB bom bom bom.
Hidan selected a feather with just the right combination of stiffness and softness to send shivers down his spine at the pet store, along with his favorite brand of cat treats. Joy of joys, the pet store also contained a number of toys suitable for keeping one's fish company, including a ducky. He also managed to get a "Cute Kitty" discount at the checkout, which was no surprise at all on a day like this.
Hidan had no idea what he was looking for in the auto shop's parking lot, but a badly wounded tricycle probably wasn't supposed to be there. Hidan gasped and stumbled, almost falling to his knees. Ah! This should hurt. It should. Why doesn't it? Oh fuck this feels so very wrong. He squeezed his pelvis to reassure himself that it was intact, and hobbled over to the broken toy. "Oh, you poor little *ow* thing," he whispered to it. "You shouldn't be here. You should be with someone who can help. Let's get you there." Fuck, I seriously hope this isn't going to mess with my driving. He knew it would. Evidence of his hands be damned, his mental map of his body was very convinced that his pelvis was broken, and that was enough to cripple his ability to walk. The mere thought of sitting made his throat go dry, but it had to be done if he was going to get himself and his injured passenger home.
After carefully buckling the tricycle into the passenger's seat of the truck and double checking that the pile of loot he had to shove into the foot space was high enough to protect it in case the seatbelt failed, Hidan hobbled his way around to the driver's side. His journey back to the hotel was marked by much stopping and starting. Don't crash this thing Don't crash this thing Don't crash this thing. He guided the truck somewhere in the hotel's exposed and cracked parking lot and got out, not caring that he had somehow managed to cross three lines. He was in a very bad mood by the time he finished crossing the entire lot and banged on the door to the shed.
Sasori opened the door in no hurry. Hidan glared viciously at him. "Here." He held out the tricycle.
Sasori took it, handling the tricycle very carefully. He observed Hidan's crabby mood. "How do you feel?"
"How do you fucking think?!" Hidan snapped. "My mind thinks my body's broken, but it doesn't hurt, which ironi-fucking-lly means it does kind of hurt in a worse way because I expect it to hurt, so now I'm on edge waiting for it to start hurting, and that expectation's giving me trouble walking or sitting so it might as fucking well hurt, not doing me any favors by not." He pouted at the wounded tricycle, but couldn't summon the coldness to glare at it. It was just too pitiful to be angry at.
Sasori gave him a second to calm down. "But it does mess with your mind?" he clarified. Hidan nodded angrily. The redhead looked down at the toy in his arms. "Interesting."
Hidan tried to find something to distract himself with. As bad as feeling other people's feelings was, he didn't really mind having his heart messed with. That was nothing compared to the special torment that was having his mind messed with. The hand that wasn't rubbing the side of his head clenched. I'll save Konan if it's the last thing I ever do. He also reserved a special hatred for mind-altering things. Nobody he cared for could be allowed to have their head messed with. He didn't like that.
For now, he focused on helping himself. "So…" He shook his head to break some thoughts loose. Finally, one came to him. "Why was that in the parking lot?"
"It's where I work," Sasori explained. "Where else would they end up? I don't have anywhere else I can be found reliably, except for here, and this is too far to reach."
"Well, I'm not going to put up with this," Hidan objected. "Which means you need to, whatever, build like a shed somewhere they can go, and check it after you get out of work or something. Or make someone else your delivery boy. I'm not doing this again." He jabbed a finger into Sasori's shoulder to emphasize his point, and grumbled when the satisfaction he got from the redhead's unexpressive face failed to compensate for the unpleasant feeling in his shoulder. I'm fucking wasting my time here.
He turned and stalked away. Upon getting back to the truck, he sat down on the pavement and breathed a sigh of relief. Ahhh. The illusion of brokenness was lifted. He laid there on his back flexing his legs and luxuriating for several minutes, until the front door opened and Kakuzu came out to ask Hidan how he'd somehow managed to cross three parking lines with one pickup truck.
"I'm awesome," was Hidan's reply. "And how have you been?"
Kakuzu kicked his arm. "It's not much fun glaring at that thing in the basement just to prove I can, but it's necessary. Get up." Hidan obeyed, rolling to his feet and walking away from the truck in the opposite direction from the shed. He tossed the keys at Kakuzu. The masked man caught them and climbed into the driver's side seat. Hidan hopped into the bed for the fun of it. The ride over the grass was surprisingly smooth. Me likey. He was purring when he dismounted and Kakuzu got out.
"Why'd you have to glare for?" he asked Kakuzu.
Kakuzu slammed the car door shut. "I don't like it," he answered. "Strictly speaking, I don't have to glare, but I do consider it necessary to get used to that thing. That means spending time around it, and it just so happens that my face settles into a glare when I do so."
"I don't think glaring helps with teaching yourself to get along with something," Hidan pointed out. "Could you try not glaring?"
"You don't think I have?" Kakuzu crossed his arms. "Of course I have. It's not that easy. The symbol changes everything in every direction. It feels like everything, including the air in your own lungs, is wrong somehow, and that wrongness strikes you on every level down to the instincts that keep you alive. It's not as easy as 'Just try not to.'"
Hidan squinted and reached out to touch Kakuzu's arm. He concentrated on the feeling he found there. Kakuzu waited patiently. When Hidan lowered his hand and stepped back, Kakuzu was annoyed to see that the younger man looked confused. "Huh." Hidan shrugged. "It does feel bad and make me want to glare, but it doesn't feel different from other feelings, really. I don't get the...everywhere-ness you said. I mean, I don't get it get it, not that I don't get it from you. Everything's everywhere, isn't it?"
Kakuzu's irritation evaporated as he listened to what Hidan was saying. "No. Not for me." He leaned against the truck and scrutinized Hidan very closely.
Hidan scratched behind one ear. "Maybe it's 'cause of what I am," he speculated. "Maybe this thing I do sends feelings all the way down there when it picks them up. Or maybe I just feel things very much."
"Or maybe," Kakuzu suggested, "it's because those instincts that are too deep to be disobeyed are constantly being activated in you. You can lose your memory at any time, and you don't have any control over it. It's as if you have to."
Hidan stopped scratching. "So I could have whatever I feel up here, and there's also a constant disturbance and shit down there, so everything I do has some activity down there?"
"Probably." Kakuzu sighed. "When you don't lose your memory completely, or just before you do, you act like your life is in danger. What are you so afraid of?" He searched Hidan's face for a reaction.
He got one. Hidan whimpered, the sound rising from his throat so quickly and so piteously that he didn't realize he had made it until after it was a fading memory. He scratched harder. "I dunno. I don't... " He glanced at Kakuzu warily. "Just don't. I don't want to."
Kakuzu unfolded his arms. "Of course. Of course," he repeated in his most soothing tone of voice. "You don't need to do that. You're going to thin out the hair on that side."
Hidan stilled his hand and ran it through his hair in fear of that possibility. He found no unusual quantities of loose strands and relaxed. "Nah, it's fine. Don't threaten me like that, asshole! Almost made me freak out."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Of all the possible threats, you freak out the most over threats to your glorious mane. Of course you do. Should've seen that coming ever since I saw you with those lions."
"I'm more like a tiger, except smaller. Maybe more like a mountain lion," Hidan theorized. "Yeah! I can totally picture myself as a mountain lion. That."
Kakuzu waved for Hidan to follow him around to the passenger side. "What's all this junk in here for?"
The Best Teachers Are The Ones You Choose Yourself
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. From his living room, he could hear that British guy announcing the start of a hunting scene. Who knew what that could foretell. Kakuzu had yet to see any consequences he cared about, but it was only a matter of time. There were reasons he didn't deal with kids.
He would have liked to go out there and make certain no consequences would happen, but the sausage and bacon he was cooking had him trapped in the kitchen for now. They were almost done; he only had to watch them for a couple minutes. That meant he had a couple minutes during which anything could happen. Kakuzu glared at the sizzling meat and steeled himself for the sound of something valuable crashing to the floor.
Hidan crouched low on the ground in front of the television. Slowly, with his eyes narrowed in single minded concentration, he edged himself forward soundlessly, his paws adjusting themselves so as not to provoke a single squeak from the wood floor. His heart beat with anticipation, but his attention did not waver. On the screen, a lioness edged forward with the same patience, seeking the right opportunity to break cover and race for the kill. Hidan breathed deeply, filling his nose and mouth with the scent of books and dusty knicknacks as he scanned the herd. He spied an antelope that seemed right, somehow. He could not have explained why. It was at the edge of the herd, but not alone. It had no obvious weakness. It looked around, its ears twitching, just as alertly as every other. Yet the sight of it appealed to him. He broke cover prematurely by taking a loud inhale of air as the narrator confirmed that the lioness was zeroing in on the same antelope. Hidan tightened his paws until they cramped to stop himself from breaking his cover in celebration. He had never selected the right target before the lions did before! But he shoved that aside. There was still much he needed to learn about the predatory arts.
He fought to keep his attention from wavering. That was what he was learning the most: patience. His imaginary tail flicked, but Kakuzu's house did not have any tall grass to rustle, so that was alright. Hidan leaned forward on his toes. He breathed as the lioness breathed, crouched as she crouched, and now he felt almost as if he was in her place. He could feel the bright sunlight on his fur, hear the dry crackle of the tall grass, and smell the scent of antelope. His haunches rose as he prepared to leap. His breathing was deep and silent. It would soon be time to leap. The prey took a step. In another few seconds- in the next moment- NOW!
"Hey!" yelled Kakuzu as he slammed the plate down on the ground, before getting out of the way. Hidan leaped towards the scent of meat to his right, instead of at the television. He came down with his front paws first, scratching the floor just beyond the plate. He knew it was a perfect grab - if he'd been leaping for prey, his nails would have dug into flesh. His hind legs came down next, his toes pressing into the floor as if to dig themselves in as well.
Growls came from behind him as the lions pursued their struggling prey. Hidan sank his teeth into a sausage and shook it from side to side, tearing through it and scattering pieces of sausage across the floor. He finished off the whole plate in this way, only stopping to retrieve the pieces when the plate was empty and the hunt on the television was over.
Kakuzu praised himself for his quick thinking. It wasn't easy housing an apex predator in a regular human home.
Hidan turned in circles, sniffing out more pieces he might have missed. Satisfied that he'd gotten all of them, he sat back and panted. It was a good kill.
Kakuzu knew better than to turn off the documentary. He removed the plate while Hidan was recovering, and came back to find the boy once more crouched in front of the television. Without making any sudden movements, he edged his way over to sit next to Hidan. "Learn anything useful?" he asked.
Hidan headbutted his arm. "I chose the prey before they did this time!" He purred. "And I didn't move a muscle before it was time. I knew when it was time! I breathed too loudly when he said I'd gotten the right prey, though." Hidan looked up at Kakuzu with a wide grin. "I can practice being stealthy anywhere, but I'm getting the timing, and that's the best part!"
Kakuzu patted him on the head. "You can practice being patient any time, too. Specifically, any time you're in my house." He looked at the screen and wondered what Hidan saw in large cats that prompted him to imitate them. "You'd better be graceful enough not to knock anything over either."
Hidan growled. "I've never knocked anything over!" Kakuzu raised a hand to point out the mishappen pile of books in the corner. "Anything that wasn't just a book!"
"I intend to keep it that way." Kakuzu shot him a sideways look, before turning back to the screen. "What do you see in these things?"
Hidan bristled, and protested that the lions weren't things, they were people! He nuzzled the screen, where two lionesses were grooming each other over the shared meat. Hidan softly purred and brushed his face against Kakuzu's shoulder, copying the way the lioness on the right brushed over the back of the other one's neck. Hidan took his hands off the floor and rolled over onto his side playfully batting at Kakuzu's legs, just moments before 2 cubs went tumbling in the same way as they played. Kakuzu reached out. Hidan took his hand gently in his mouth. He inadvertently bit down a little too hard, but loosened his grip at a stern glare from Kakuzu. Hidan continued to chew at Kakuzu's hand softly before raising his hands to bat at Kakuzu's arm in harmless little swats.
The male lion came onscreen, letting out a loud roar before settling down to eat. Hidan immediately released Kakuzu and rolled over, getting to his paws again to watch. The same two cubs tumbled into the male lion's side, beginning a light scuffle next to his belly. Hidan purred tolerantly and nudged the carpet with his hand. The male lion looked over his two charges stoically as they took turns pouncing on his and each others' tails.
When the documentary was over, Hidan let out a loud yawn. "Noon, better rest," he explained. Kakuzu saw him out the back door and watched Hidan disappear into the woods. When the boy had been out of his sight for ten full seconds, he turned back. He went to the little shelf of DVDs next to the television and began to pull out the documentaries, placing them in piles on the coffee table to the left of the TV where today's documentary lay. Kakuzu emptied the shelf and immediately put that one back on it. He turned to look at the others. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at their near-identical covers. He had not watched most of them, the one they'd just finished being the sole exception. He was going to have to at least fast-forward through all of them.
It was very important to make sure Hidan had positive role models.
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