Sasori
He walked into the shop feeling restless, uneasy, and with a vague tight feeling in his throat. He wondered about that tight feeling and vowed not to cry if he could help it. He usually would have been pretty confident that he could help it, but Sasori found himself unsure of everything today. He purchased a bottle of soda on his way in just to look at it and wonder if it felt the same way after he shook it.
He noticed his feet flexing automatically, moving him along with stealth as he entered. He prayed for nothing today to be any different than it usually was. I'm not in the mood to be handling any more change. Just stop. He didn't know who he was addressing, if anyone.
His prayers were not to be answered on this day. Sasori realized this as soon as he saw the front desk girl smiling. She never smiled. That was absolutely unprecedented. He stood and stared. She noticed his attention and waved. She never did that either. He continued staring blankly as he waved back. Sasori exerted tremendous effort to look anywhere else, aware that he was being rude. In the few seconds that took, she noticed and squirmed uncomfortably.
He sighed and turned to go to his area. The girl stopped and blinked, realizing for the first time how she was acting. She leaped out from behind the desk, stepping into Sasori's way. He stopped short to avoid colliding with her. It occurred to Sasori that on this particular day, they shared a common cause for misery. If she was happy, could that mean there was a good surprise?
In that vein, he mustered up some cheer and friendliness. "My apologies for staring. I was just surprised by how happy you were. Any reason?"
She smiled, and it actually seemed half genuine, which was more genuine than it ever was. "Yeah, I know, I just realized I don't usually walk around with a smile plastered all over my face like this." She giggled quietly, as if in secret, and looked over her shoulder as she leaned in. She whispered conspiratorially, "The boss took today off. He didn't say why, but he'll be gone for the whole day. Can you believe that?"
Sasori felt himself react automatically, and consciously relaxed and allowed it to happen. The girl was astonished to see his lips form into a genuine smile and his eyes grow bigger. She was the one staring now. He always seemed to be so unaffected, so… Well, she knew how people came to resemble their pets or spouses or whoever they spent the most time around. She blushed and looked down, ashamed now that she realized she'd assumed that applied to machines too.
Sasori brushed that off and discovered something highly unexpected within himself. He was pleasantly surprised by the presence of a desire to continue his good day, the motivation to, and the knowledge how all present together. He extended a hand. "I'm Sasori. I don't think we've ever talked."
She was startled, and took his hand shyly. "L-Laurie. I don't think so too."
A very Deidara-ish idea came to Sasori. Or maybe it was more Hidan-like. Either way, he whispered to Laurie, "Excuse me, I need to go use the phone in his office. You're welcome to poke around if you want."
Her mouth fell open and she cringed. That was...bold. But he was her senior, and had a better idea of how to work here, so she let him lead her to the office. She looked around, disappointed and amazed that the boss' office was really so...ordinary. Sasori went to use the phone as he had said.
He could have used his own phone, but where was the fun in that? He did look up Kakuzu's number from his phone, and dialed it into the shop's landline. It rang several times before Kakuzu picked up. "What?"
"Hi, it's Sasori. I'm calling because my boss is out of the shop for the entire day. You remember that paper? If you have a few minutes anywhere…" Sasori let the last few syllables trail off into the air, whispers of exciting possibility. He was smiling as he spoke.
There was quiet on the other end for a few seconds. Then Kakuzu replied, sounding much less irritated. "I see. Konan's keeping us busy for now, but she's learned a lot about how to use a computer." There was heavy, waiting silence for a few seconds. "How concerned are you about that break in last night?" Kakuzu asked, warily. Sasori's smile faded. Laurie came around to see what was going on. He looked at her and remembered all that could change in one day.
Sasori fought to keep his tone level as he replied, "I assume you ask because you've found out something about who broke in and what they took from my house." He was not entirely successful. Laurie's eyes went wide. She winced in sympathy, but said and did nothing else. Sasori appreciated that.
Kakuzu was silent for a few more seconds. Then: "Konan's mental health isn't very good today."
Sasori froze, his skin paled, and his eyes went wide. Laurie looked very worried. The silence dragged. Sasori opened his mouth, tried to articulate something, but could not make a sound. He remembered how Hidan had asked about a computer for the "research" he and Konan wanted to do. He...she… How? Sasori finally asked a question that might have been foolish, but at least it was something. "Why didn't he stop her?"
Kakuzu's discomfort was audible, but only just. "I did say just a minute ago that this is some kind of mental health issue. Redhead and I had to drag him outside this morning because he was acting, and feeling, all out of his mind. He couldn't."
Sasori's other hand was shaking. He stilled it. "How did she even find my house?"
Kakuzu's voice dropped to a whisper. "She seems to be out of her mind in an unusually rational way. There's every possibility that she did something smart like look it up before the library closed."
Sasori's mood from earlier closed in around him, and he regretted calling Kakuzu in the first place. "Thanks."
Kakuzu returned to normal. Sasori could hear the shrug as he said, "Well, better than waiting. I wouldn't have said anything if you didn't sound happy enough to take the blow. She's got it here. We'll keep her from smashing it in anger. Have fun without that asshole around." Kakuzu stayed on the line to allow Sasori to have the satisfaction of slamming the phone down onto the receiver, which he took full advantage of. After the harsh clang finished echoing around the room, he noticed his breathing was fast and ragged, or his equivalent of that anyway. Laurie looked between him, the phone, and something else he didn't look at. Her eyes were wide.
"That sounded terrible. Can I do anything to help?" she asked.
Sasori made up some euphemisms on the spot to explain, "I've been hanging out with a club for the past few days, and I just found out the person who recruited me is batshit crazy and broke into my house."
Laurie extended a hand, then dropped it in a weak offer. "Sorry." She was at a loss for words.
So was Sasori. His hand tightened until it hurt, then suddenly sprang open. He threw his hands into the air. "Stay here, talk to customers. I have a side project to work on today. To hell with work." He had never spoke or thought a phrase of similar sentiment in his entire life. It felt strangely good. He supposed that meant he was going mad.
Laurie started. "Wait, you're leaving? I thought we could at least talk. Or maybe not, I could just get you things to drink or something. I thought it would be nice to share a day like this with someone…"
Sasori looked around, towards his own space. He did have all his tools there. He did like fixing machines. She was right, a day without the manager around was a day to be cherished. He suppressed the urge to punch something.
Then he unsuppressed it. An idea that was more like something Konan would have come up with seemed brilliant now. He turned to Laurie. "Sure. I'll bring it here. If we get a customer, I'll work on that. In between, you could help me with something." He was pretty sure she was a normal person of this world. Her name, at least, didn't sound anything like theirs. He did not care.
Kakuzu
He sighed as he walked back to join the two of them. Konan looked at him impatiently. "What was he calling for?"
Kakuzu continued to look over in Yahiko's direction. Now that he had some idea why the look in her eyes scared him, it was even worse somehow. He hoped he was good enough to keep that a secret. "Just to take me up on something I offered him. It's not important."
Yahiko sighed sympathetically. "I hope his day's turning out better than it started." Kakuzu confirmed it was, and Yahiko smiled at the good news.
"Now then," Konan interrupted, "I have news." Her arm swung, tapping the laptop she still held against her side. That and her obvious impatience were the only signs of anything being wrong. It could not yet be determined if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
Yahiko straightened and faced her more directly. "What is it?"
She turned away from his attention, and paused. The laptop stopped swinging in her grip. Konan looked down at the infernal thing. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't actually shown Nagato anything she could not have told him. All she'd accomplished was to waste his time. Annoyance flared into outright anger, so she held out the laptop to Kakuzu. Sasori would be glad to hear he'd been so helpful, but not that anything of his had been smashed to the littlest of minuscule pieces like she was compelled to do at this moment. Kakuzu took it from her without hesitation, as if they did not need words to communicate this truth. That was very good. Perhaps it would help her decide what to start talking about first. There was so much!
Kakuzu tucked the laptop under his arm protectively, and waited. Nothing happened. He looked closer. To his astonishment, Konan's eyes were darting around as if she was overwhelmed. Interesting. Perhaps it's different between her and Hidan. He offered, "To start with, what are we worried about?"
Her eyes focused in his. He fought not to look away. Thankfully her gaze slid off of him as she replied, "Of course." Glancing far enough in Yahiko's direction that she might have caught a glimpse of his feet, she began. "It seems that the being which hurt Hidan was a succubus, a kind of demon that can change its sex. It turned into a man when hurt."
Yahiko tilted his head. "Huh. I did see it do that, and we did say it had to be a demon, and that is the only demon I know of that can do that…" He flushed slightly. "I would've thought of that eventually!"
Kakuzu rolled his eyes. Insecurity lane. "So," he prompted, "what can they do?"
Konan started speaking before he was finished with that sentence. "A succubus is just like an ordinary person, except they possess powerful lust-based hypnotic powers. After selecting a target, they will take the appropriate form and approach. When their prey sees the demon, they will be blinded by uncontrollable desire and lose the ability to fight back. By having sex with the target, a succubus can steal their soul. The hypnosis can affect multiple targets at once. We should form mixed groups for defense."
Considering that the Akatsuki was almost entirely heterosexual male… Damn. There are only two people we know that can mix things up. That means only two groups. Kakuzu sighed at the thought that he would have to hang around with so many people until the problem was resolved. And Hidan's useless in either case, so he needs extra protection.
That was when Kakuzu realized that letting Hidan run off to be alone might not have been the best idea. Damn. Should I mention that or not? If Hidan was alone, he would be easy prey. But if Hidan was here near her, he would be impossible to protect and possibly get everyone killed. Damnit, Hidan… He never made anything easy.
Konan did not notice any of this. She continued on after figuring out what she should say next. "There are only two people in this group, that I know of, who are not attracted to women, so we'll have two groups. You -" she gestured to Yahiko "- can be with Nagato, Sasori and Deidara. Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi and myself will be the other group. Hidan's useless and inedible, so he'll be best off elsewhere until we defeat the demon."
Yahiko sputtered in protest. "Wha- Useless and inedible? How can you call him useless? He's a very useful guy!"
Konan growled. "Yes, but not in this particular problem. He can't protect anyone besides himself, so he's best off alone. He'll be fine."
Kakuzu stared at her with sharply narrowed eyes, scanning her face for any clues as to why she claimed that. She could know something I don't. Or she could be overconfident. The one thing he didn't think she was was purposefully lying. He thought she would protect Hidan, if she believed him to be in any danger. Why doesn't she?
Konan straightened again, standing at attention. "That's the entire briefing. Any questions?"
"Shouldn't we find out where they are, if they're even angry at us, and try to make peace before anything bad has to happen?" Yahiko asked.
Konan blinked. "Yes, of course. But if we do have to battle this demon, we should be prepared."
"To do what?" Kakuzu asked. "Did you find any demon-destroying advice while the rest of us were sleeping?"
She blinked again, seemed off guard. "No. I did not. How is a demon typically destroyed?"
Yahiko, eager to show off his knowledge, butted in before Kakuzu could sarcastically retort. "Well, I've always seen religious rituals like exorcisms used to send them back to Hell. We could find a priest."
Konan narrowed her eyes and stared into nothing in particular. She seemed distracted again. "That boy…"
"Hm?"
She extended her thoughts. "That boy claimed to be a demon. A different kind, clearly. What does demon mean in this world?"
Yahiko's confident grin slipped. "W-well," he brushed his fingers through his hair, "he didn't say what kind, and I've never heard of anything like him. We know what kind this is, and I have heard of it. A succubus is known, so there should be stories. Someone has to have said something."
"Maybe," she murmured. "I've spent a long time on research. It's time to do something else. What kind of training do you want to do?"
Neither Yahiko nor Kakuzu were quite done with this topic, but they remembered Nagato's advice. She was bored. That meant this topic was over for now. Yahiko stifled a giggle and failed to suppress a smile. He positively glowed at this change in direction. "It would be good to start at the beginning, I think. So...what are all ninjas from your world supposed to be able to do…?"
Her eyes focused as she reached back for the pouch she wore at all times. Kakuzu was excited at the idea of finally finding out what she kept in that thing. She took it off and turned to face the trees at the edge of the forest. They followed suit, which was why Yahiko was blindsided by her pouch as she threw it at him. "Excuse me. I should put targets on them first," she said before disappearing inside. Because he was blindsided, Yahiko had of course caught it accurately. Kakuzu came over and they opened it up very quickly. The two of them were somewhere between surprised and not to discover small knives inside. Demi-surprised?
She came back out in an unrealistically short time, carrying the last of the paint that Nagato had loaned her. "They're called kunai," she stated with a note of joy in her voice as she painted, "and this should be no problem at all."
Sasori
He heard nothing upon his return to the abandoned hotel. Good. The excellent part of his choice of a workshop was that this little shed was on nearly the opposite side of the building from any place people might have reason to be in. It was perfect. Sasori took the cover off the small bicycle, then shook his head. No way, no how am I staying here with a nutball that will break into my house and steal my stuff. He walked out without looking at any part of the still-unfurnished space.
Laurie was very curious upon his return. "A bicycle?" she asked. "Where did you find it?"
Sasori pointed to the outside lot with his head. She looked if anything even more confused by that. He shrugged. She looked at it and shrugged too. "Are there any bike parts in this place?" she asked. "I don't think we have anything."
Seeing that she was willing to follow him to his workspace, he explained on the way there, "We do not. I shall have to buy some."
"Okay," Laurie said. "So, see you later?"
"Yep." She left. Sasori's mouth twitched. He was getting to appreciate her style. It seemed highly compatible with his. He went to work.
Repairing a bicycle turned out to be more complicated than he thought. He hadn't ever had a bicycle as a child, and his training only covered motorized vehicles. Therefore, he was required to pull up diagrams to figure out what he needed to do and how to do it. The parts were easy enough to find (Too easy, he thought. Why the hell would the one hardware store in town just happen to have everything I need?), but then he discovered his tools were inappropriate. He discovered this in the course of shopping so no time was lost, and was struck by a strange idea. Sasori went to the lady manning the checkout counter. "Excuse me, do you know where I can find the tools required to install these parts?" he asked, holding up the parts in question.
She pointed him in a direction, and there they were. This is freaking me right the hell out, he decided. His heartbeat was just a touch above normal. He looked up which ones he needed, decided for some unknowable reason to hell with it and bought all of them instead, and returned. Proceeding by diagrams and mechanical intuition, the actual repair was a piece of cake. The result of his labors and freaking out was a bicycle with all parts bent or not bent as they should be, with rotating wheels and newly oiled gears, just because why not. He wheeled it out to the back lot where he had found it and left it there.
Laurie looked up quickly when he came back and asked if any customers had come in. "No. Are you done with the bike already?"
Sasori nodded.
Laurie looked thoughtful. "There's no way I can get a satisfactory answer, but I have to ask. Where'd you leave it?"
"Exactly where I found it. It didn't come with a note; I'll trust it to get home on its own."
She smiled. "Yeah, sure. So… What did you want me to help with?" She leaned forward in anticipation, her lower lip between her teeth to restrain herself from grinning all the way.
Sasori felt similar anticipation rise within him. "Do you have any martial arts training?"
Laurie burst out laughing. "I thought you might ask something like that, after the phone this morning! Yeah, I do. I wasn't very good at it, but I remember some basic forms and things." She looked at him hopefully.
Sasori sighed. Good. I don't know what I might be capable of, and she is not a ninja, but at least it doesn't seem like I could accidentally kill her. He punched one hand into the opposite palm. "I don't think I know very much either, so that makes us even."
"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't totally own you."
"I have the power of anger on my side. Bring it."
Just in case anything destructive happened, they went to the boss's office before starting.
Yahiko
He and Kakuzu stood and stared at their handiwork. The large target painted on a tree opposite where they stood now had no paint showing. Instead of red, its circles were clearly outlined in the steely black of kunai. They had both tried to hit the center at first, and the center now had two kunai sticking out of it side by side. Yahiko fumbled with a kunai as he stared at what they had accomplished, turning it over in his hand unconsciously.
Kakuzu looked down, flexed his hand and wrist. "So this is normal, huh?"
"Shuriken, too." Konan handed them shuriken as well. "Most shinobi carry both. They can be very useful for setting traps, forcing enemies to move in certain directions, and so on. Try making a new target above this one."
Kakuzu nodded his head in Yahiko's direction. The younger man fumbled with the shuriken, trying to figure out how to hold it. There was only so much muscle memory could tell him about fine details. He turned red after a few seconds of this and fumbled more, almost dropping it. Kakuzu also tried holding a shuriken as if to throw it, and discovered that he didn't know how either. The sound of steel drawing across steel drew their attention, and Konan held up a shuriken pinched precisely between the knuckles of her fingers in a way that neither of them would have tried unless desperate. Yahiko adjusted his grip and attempted to emulate Kakuzu. He doesn't know the little details, either. It's fine. We're both learning. I'm probably never going to use this anyway. It helped that this was the second time he tried to talk himself out of being embarrassed, after she had previously shown the two of them how to hold and throw a kunai.
He took aim, or hoped he did, and swung his arm out. He tried a strategy he'd thought of to keep from being distracted, and distracted himself by closing his eyes and imagining moonlit moths in the instant before he threw it. When he heard a thunk, he opened his eyes and saw the shuriken embedded in the center of the trunk above the rings of kunai. It was angled weirdly. Yahiko wondered if that was a bad angle or a normal one for shuriken as he stepped back.
It turned out that there was no such thing as a weird or bad angle for shuriken. Their skills with shuriken were less precise, so only one fuzzy circle was traced around the central one, and it was filled with shuriken at all angles. Konan hummed some wordless tune as she walked around behind the tree after they were done, picking up the shuriken that had missed entirely. Yahiko recognized that he and Kakuzu were practicing and refining more than just weapons skills. He'd missed fewer times than Kakuzu; the older man did not seem to have any coherent technique for avoiding distraction like he did. Konan did say I could use some mental training! She'll be proud of me one day, when she's comfortable enough to. I know it.
Konan continued humming whatever it was as she came back and refilled her pouch, right up until she spoke. Yahiko thought it sounded different now. When she spoke, he lit up and grinned, forgetting to wonder about changing tunes. "Ideally, ninja should be able to use weapons without having to distract themselves," she murmured, "but learning to distract yourselves is also good exercise."
He looked at Kakuzu with face beaming after she said this. It would have been tacky and unbelievable to say out loud that he had just been thinking that, but Yahiko thought Kakuzu could understand a look just as well. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. That did not injure Yahiko's sunny disposition in the slightest. Konan finished and stood up, but did not immediately begin doing anything. This left Kakuzu an opening in which to clear his throat.
"I have news," he offered. His dark eyes were narrowed squarely at Konan. Yahiko was confused. News? Has anything happened? Oh...Yeah! He looked to Konan too, eager for her answer. She looked back as if their eagerness was infectious. After replacing the pouch with great haste, her hands began to tap against her thigh.
"Report," she ordered. Yahiko would have thought it was funny if her eyes didn't have a strange glimmer in them now and she wasn't leaning forward, looking like she might pounce. He unobtrusively stepped back.
Kakuzu held his ground. "The dominant religion of this area," he began, "is centered around a man who lived 2000 years ago and is believed to be a manifestation of God, or partially God, or the son of God, or something along those lines. People thought this because he, supposedly, performed a bunch of miracles when he was alive."
"And?" she urged.
"These miracles were things no human being could have the power to do, like multiplying bread and fish, turning water into wine, things like that."
"And?"
"The most well known and fantastical sounding of those miracles was when he walked on water," Kakuzu finished. "Weapons training is all well and good, but when Fluffbrain over here said he wanted to hear more about what was normal for people in your world, he was asking about the fact that impersonating deities seems to be a thing all ninjas do."
He paused, so Yahiko continued. "Yeah, that. Heck, even Jesus just walked on water. We heard about this when I kinda fell and rolled across the little stream in the woods. I've heard of some people showing how it's possible to walk on blocks of stuff that's invisible underneath the surface of water, but rolling is...different. That's just completely different from anything. It's magic."
Konan's mouth was open. Her jaw worked back and forth while she processed, as if she was reading their words back to herself. "All it takes is chakra and the ability to use it...could this really be the first time?...I've never considered...no, but that's very different. Or is it?..." Her words trailed off, fragments of sentences hinting at very, very interesting things drifting from her as she thought out loud.
When at last her jaw moved and her eyes shifted back and forth but no more words came, Yahiko cleared his throat quietly. She blinked, came back to the current situation. It occurred to Yahiko that ninjas were supposed to work in the shadows, right? That probably wasn't something she would normally do. If I think about what ninjas are supposed to do, she shouldn't be making people mad by breaking into their houses. She shouldn't be randomly running around or destroying things, without taking caution. She shouldn't be talking so openly like this either, or losing track of what's really happening. Those aren't huge problems here. Bad, but not life-threatening or anything. But before, with other ninjas around… Yahiko considered the implications of that.
He only got in a couple seconds of considering before her attention turned toward him, which was the point of clearing his throat in the first place. All his recent mental training came in handy for pushing aside all of his thoughts on that matter and recovering his previous thoughts on other matters. "Um...so...right!. So, what were you just talking about?"
Konan seemed unsure. "I don't remember." Oh, right. Runaway train of thought, of course she wouldn't.
"Well, you were just saying something about 'the first time' and something you never considered and chakra." Even Yahiko had doubts that that would be enough for her to remember from.
"Ah." Konan finished piecing together the remains of that train of thought. "You here can use chakra. That's a skill that requires two things. You have to be able to use it, and there has to be chakra available to use." She looked around and up, as if trying to see something in the world around them that was not apparent to normal senses. "I doubt this Jesus was a shinobi, because he's fully belonging to and in this world and you are not, but maybe this has half happened before." She shook her head. "I mean...what I mean to say is, maybe...There are two parts to the usage of chakra. There has to be chakra, and one must learn to use it. All of you are here, and this is a region that provides everything you need, including chakra. Maybe something similar happened, creating this environment but not reviving anyone from my world. Maybe exceptional people of this world can learn to use chakra without guidance."
Yahiko replied, "But chakra's in our bodies, and we control it in our bodies. Do ninjas have any special body parts used to connect with chakra or something? It kinda feels like we do. I don't think just having chakra around could make a normal person grow those."
Kakuzu backed him up with, "A form of energy like this has to have changed the course of evolution. I'm amazed that the greatest differences we've seen are animal characteristics, strange eyes, and hair colors that would get a non-superpowered animal killed. It's incredible that humans evolved in your world in the first place. I agree with Airhead here, the abilities we have are almost certainly impossible for a normal person to learn."
"Ah...so...it is not likely that Jesus was a shinobi," Konan concluded. "Then how?"
Kakuzu snorted. "Those are just stories, put together by a bunch of people who weren't Jesus after he died. Somebody with that name probably founded his own religion, but that's as far as I'll believe."
"It doesn't matter, anyway," Yahiko deflected with a smile. "We just thought of that as a way of understanding and saying how awesome these abilities you take for granted are in this world, that's all. We know what we can do now, and we'll hear more from you. There's no need to really think more about him at all."
Kakuzu interjected, "Thought exercises."
"Yeah...it would be really interesting to have a big group discussion of this, actually. We should!"
Konan shook her head as if to dodge another runaway train of thought before it could kidnap her away. "It sounds like you two are requesting a lesson on the nature of chakra."
Yahiko raised a hand shyly. "Well, wait...I like amateur stuff the best. Can we have a big discussion before you mention anything? Maybe, as people who don't know anything, we could even think of something new and revolutionary," he added to justify his wish.
"All right, all right!" Konan snapped, though nobody had been speaking very loudly or bothering her at all. "What else?"
"Maybe we should go back to the task at hand," Kakuzu directed. "We are here trying to defeat a demon. Maybe we should explore how."
Konan's eyes focused clearly again, and she made a reasonable suggestion that they agreed to. They were in the clear.
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Sorry for the delay