Deidara
Dei's sleep was poor. He did not see Sasori after talking with the others, and retired to his own room with a great many questions in his head. Is he okay? was the first. It got more specific from there. After 2 hours of lying in bed with his eyes closed, but only with effort, Dei still found himself asking What's going to happen now, hm? over and over. Nobody else in the room had been very happy after hearing about Konan's crime. Kisame in particular seemed reluctant to let go of Samehada, not to mention anything else. Hidan's relentless cheer did little to calm him down, especially after Hidan started indiscriminately hugging people and talking past the topic about cool things he only half-finished explaining. He was able to bring himself back to reality after Nagato tapped him on the shoulder and Kakuzu glared, but Deidara doubted any dent could have been made in Kisame's mood even if that hadn't happened.
Kakuzu was being cautious around her from now on, and everyone else seemed mostly worried. Deidara couldn't be sure for who. He worried about Sasori. Laurie was great, but Dei had actually really enjoyed having more people around and involved. He thought Sasori did too. He hadn't mentioned it the previous day, but Sasori had mostly lost the thoughtful, hopeful look he'd gotten in his eyes after hearing about making puppets. Of course, Dei didn't even know what to think of Konan anymore. Dei now closed his eyes firmly and conjured up an image of the Big Bang, of something exploding and scattering. Go away! I don't need to think of this now, hm. It's fine. Like Sasori says, whatever's going to happen will happen, yeah? Yet the feeling he had of something about to fall apart remained. He thought of yesterday, of hanging out with Laurie talking about ninja things and problems and how to solve them. It had seemed pretty good back then. It was a long time still before Deidara got to sleep.
He dreamed about falling flat on the floor and woke up. Ah! Wait...it's soft...oh, it's my bed. I was dreaming, hm. Deidara was still helplessly paralyzed by desire not to move for another five minutes at least. Then the quiet sound of Konan's footsteps rushing past woke him up to full alertness, and Deidara remembered everything. Damn, hm. He swung out of bed, sat for a moment to let his blood flow adjust, then stood up and slowly walked to the door, feeling his way along the walls in the darkness.
There was the sound of eager whispers some distance away, then more quiet footsteps rushing in another direction. Deidara opened his door and peered out into the hallway, but saw nobody. He heard nobody as well. What time is it? Doesn't seem like anyone's up…
He turned and felt his way in the direction of the front of the building, where a faint glow seemed to shine on the floor. It was light. Deidara wondered what controlled the hallway lights, and where to find it, and if anyone would thank him for turning them on at this godforsaken hour. He decided against it.
Something moving fast brushed past. Deidara jumped as Hidan apologized, "Sorry," and went digging through the desk. Hidan looked up after a few seconds. "You know where any string is?"
"No." Hidan cursed and scratched his head, muttering about something he'd forgotten to write down and how he was going to have to go shopping for more. Deidara was intrigued. "Do I want to know, hm?"
Hidan stopped scratching. "I just had this cool as shit idea for how I could use my scythe, and it involves throwing, and I was thinking of something having to do with strings so I could get more precise and shit, but now we don't have strings. Fuck. I'm going to have to use really small targets for now."
Deidara hmm'd. "You want to throw your thing more precisely? What will that do, hm?"
Hidan crossed his arms. "I have my scythe, some skill with blades like knives and shit, and some ritual that I can't fucking use. So I could try knives and get better at that, or I could stick with my scythe and learn to use it for something that's not going to drive me insane. I like my scythe. I want to stay with it." The weapon under discussion peered over his left shoulder like Samehada did with Kisame. Deidara found himself staring at it suspiciously. The two visible blades gave away no secrets.
He wrenched his eyes back to Hidan's face. "How's Konan?"
The shirtless man smirked. "I've kept her busy all night, no worries. I even got her to eat and drink something."
Deidara sighed in relief. "What's going on with her, hm?"
Hidan's face went blank. "Watcha mean?"
"I mean… You'd know best, yeah. What should I think about her?"
Hidan scratched behind his ear, which twitched backward to offer a better angle. "I don't know, actually. Something to do with her past, and she hasn't told me shit about that. I think if you want to stick around, you're gonna have to be patient, and watchful, and just more ninja-like in general. Take more training. But be careful; she brings her own weapons to that shit."
"And what if I don't want to do that?"
"Be a fucking civvy, then. Just think of her as something that might treat you nicely, or not, and you can't tell until it treats you however it will and you can't talk to it. Like a tiger or something."
Deidara felt himself smile, and wondered why. The answer occurred to him shortly. "Ha, I've never tangled with a tiger. But that sounds kind of like fun, yeah!"
"What were you just saying about tigers?" Konan asked from behind him.
Hidan bounced over to nuzzle her hair. "Deidara thinks you're a tiger."
"No, you-"
"I like that," Konan decided. "It's not quite right, but not so incorrect that I would mind. A tiger...symbol of grace, strength, and cunning...yes, that's acceptable. Will you be staying for training today?"
Dei blinked. "Ummm…" What will Sasori ask of me? "Maybe?"
Konan nodded. "You got some clay, right? We'll take it outside to the lake. Give us an hour."
They vanished. Deidara heard the fading echoes of Hidan lamenting the lack of string. He closed the drawers that Hidan had left open, then looked up to check on the sun. It was much brighter outside. Anyone on the side of the base where Sasori's room was would have to be awake or dead in this light. Deidara felt his guts sink as he thought Maybe it should be where his room used to be, yeah.
Deidara found himself walking in that direction. We did get back late. Maybe he has some stuff I could pick up for him. Deidara felt his face tighten. At least he's still interested in this ninja stuff, yeah? It'll be fine.
He stopped outside Sasori's door. Dei wondered why he was stopping. His hands clenched. His teeth clacked together painfully. He sucked on the first two fingers of each hand again and swallowed heavily. Out of reflex, nerves, and a weird tingle in his fingers, Deidara knocked on the door.
"What?" came a bland voice from the other side.
Deidara stood stock still for two seconds before grabbing the handle and throwing the door open. Sasori sat on his bed with his back against the wall, typing on the laptop. Dei's mouths fell open.
"You're - here?" he asked.
Sasori looked up at him. "Yeah." He looked past Deidara to the door. Deidara closed it and rushed over to sit on the bed next to him.
"I thought…" Deidara began. What had he thought? "You seemed pretty mad, yeah."
Sasori picked up a small red blanket lying next to him and rubbed it meditatively as he spoke. "I was."
"Why are you here then?"
Sasori's eyes remained fixed on the screen in front of him. Nothing was open; he was staring at his desktop background. "Because I don't think it's really about me after all."
Dei blinked and looked at him. Sasori's face gave away nothing. "What?"
Sasori sighed and held the blanket up under his nose. He offered it to Deidara, who sniffed it and realized to his surprise that it smelled faintly of mint. Why would it smell like anything, hm? Sasori held it in his lap again and closed his eyes as if to think.
Eventually he opened his mouth. Without opening his eyes, Sasori said, "She told me about something last night. About her own perspective, and what the consequences are for her. She knew I'd be angry, and she thought I would leave. It didn't sound like she was talking about me, really. Anyone. She said she was worried everyone would leave, and that would be bad."
There he paused. Deidara said nothing, because he didn't know what to say. So what does that mean? Does it mean pity? Or something else? Why is he telling me this? I thought he hated pity plays, yeah.
Sasori opened his eyes and stared down at the blanket. "She said she knew it would be bad for her, after all the effort she's taken. But she also said she didn't care, and it was okay if I left. And…" He looked at the desktop again. "Do you want to know what she said?"
"What?" Dei asked.
"She used the word 'succeed.'" Sasori's eyebrows furrowed a little and his gaze grew distant. Dei figured out what it was when he saw Sasori's hands clench the blanket tighter. Is that scared? "She said she would succeed when everyone leaves."
Deidara pointed out the obvious.
Sasori shook his head. "I know, it really doesn't. She also said she imagined herself as a car crashing, turning over, and that would be a lot of fun." No wonder he looks disturbed, yeah… "That was when I realized I have a choice."
"Huh?"
Sasori looked up to meet Deidara's eyes. "I can choose to stay, or to go. She can't. I've had a leg up on her this whole time. The idea of being near someone who would break into my house at any time felt like being trapped, but I'm actually not. I'm the free-est person here."
Dei struggled to comprehend this. But isn't having someone around who would do things like that still bad? That doesn't magically make it less bad, hm. "I don't get it."
Sasori sighed. "It's like I didn't actually know I could choose to stay before that, and even if I have, I could still leave. It's not all or nothing right now. I am within my power to give her a second chance."
That explained nothing. Deidara adjusted his front ponytail and said, "I still don't get it, hm. But it's your choice, yeah. So you, like, want to give her a second chance?"
Sasori looked around. "I don't have it here, but there's a book series I know that goes more into it if you want to try to understand. And yeah, I do. After everything you and Laurie said yesterday, I thought…"
"What?"
"Well…" Sasori tightened his hands on the blanket and said nothing. Dei looked, and he turned away. Is he embarrassed now? What else could looking away mean? Deidara raised a hand and cautiously put it on Sasori's shoulder. It's actually really hard to figure out what to do with him, hm.
Sasori gave the blanket a tight squeeze and let go. "All the stuff you guys said about heroes. Don't get your hopes up, or say I Told You So; I just mean that she also told me about the succubus, and I thought I could be helpful with that. I'm the only one here who's immune to it, after all. If I do leave, I think it should be after I help everyone out. Kind of mean to do it the other way around."
Dei smiled reassuringly, even though he was pretty sure Sasori was turned far enough that he couldn't see. "I just thought it was a good thing, hm. I wouldn't have said I told you so. Thanks, yeah!"
Sasori looked back cautiously. "You're welcome."
Deidara nodded. "Yeah! There's 9 of us, and Kakuzu seemed pretty sure that Hidan would be somewhere else entirely, so if you help that'd be two groups of three and one partnership, hm. You heard it could change sexes, right?"
Sasori said nothing, just rolled his eyes while he removed Deidara's hand from his shoulder and facepalmed afterwards. "Yes, I heard that."
Dei looked up with an injured look on his face. "What? Did I say something?"
Sasori put the blanket aside and pulled his laptop closer again. Dei saw that he'd opened up email correspondence with Laurie. The sound of keys clacking on the keyboard almost drowned out Sasori quietly muttering, "Not really. It's just that I've said things before and your ears are turned off."
Deidara wondered what his friend was referring to. Regardless, it sounded like apologies were in order. "S-sorry, yeah." If he'd said things before, he probably wouldn't appreciate being asked again, or would he? Deidara elected to keep his mouth shut. That was safest.
Sasori stopped tapping away for a moment. "Maybe being here will help with that. You're still a kid."
Deidara barely withheld himself from protesting, then realized that protesting like that was kind of childish. He remembered the quote about putting away childish things and sat back. "Fine. Sounds like I need to tell Konan I'm definitely staying for training, hm. I wasn't sure before and she wanted me to give her an hour."
Sasori hit Send. "See what you can find out in the process. Konan said she first didn't realize I would be angry, and then she did but didn't care. She seemed pretty worried when we talked. The worst just might be past."
Kakuzu
Kisame's door was closed, and it gave off the impression somehow that it wasn't going to be open for a while. Worried whining could be heard from within. Kakuzu got fed up with this state of affairs and knocked, loudly, disturbing the entire hallway.
"Who is it?" a guarded voice asked.
"Who else?" Kakuzu grumbled. "Open the damn door."
Kisame did so. Samehada lunged out ahead of him to lick Kakuzu's hand. As usual, licking developed into chewing in short order. Kakuzu ignored this and went on. "I'm not any happier about being this close to a dangerous nutball. You remember." Kisame did.
"So, what?" Kisame asked in turn. "You seem a lot more willing to put up with her, even so."
Kakuzu sighed. "Have you seen the children living here? Someone needs to look out for them, I suppose. Hidan's not in any danger, but his new orange-haired friend is. If I had your luxury of not having anyone to look after I wouldn't have ever been here."
Kisame stiffened. "You think I don't?"
"I think the only ones you need to worry about, you can take with you." Samehada stopped chewing and looked up, licked the air.
"So what?"
"There are three sensible people in this place. Before we make any hasty decisions, I'm in the mood for a meeting." Kakuzu turned and walked down the hall towards the front of the building.
Kisame and Samehada couldn't find fault with that and followed. Deidara met the three of them coming out of Sasori's room. He was smiling. "Hey guys! Wanna talk to Sasori?"
Kakuzu nodded.
Deidara reached back and opened the door. "You're popular today, yeah!" he warned.
Sasori had the laptop closed when they came in to see him and a suitably grumpy expression on his face. "Don't keep me too long," he stated.
Kakuzu shook his head. "I was only gambling that you'd still be here. Why is that?"
Kisame muttered, "Should've taken the chance to run. I would've."
Sasori looked blankly at them. Kakuzu eventually asked, "What?"
"Thinking."
Of what, he didn't say. Kakuzu leaned against a wall and took the opportunity to do some thinking of his own. What is it about that woman? He thought of Hidan, who actually had reason to think he would be unharmed but couldn't have known it at the start, then of Yahiko, who definitely did not. What is she doing? They're fanatically determined to stay for no reason, I'm here and I find myself believing most of what she says, and Sasori's still here even after she broke into his house and stole from him. Dammit, I should've… He thought back to Itachi's warning when they had been waiting for her to get back with the others. I was stupid. I should've seen what Itachi was really telling us about. She wasn't just going to use us against each other to get us to agree, but also to keep us trapped. I should never have let myself be trapped like this.
Sasori finally finished deciding how to phrase what he had to say. "I guess I'm here because I realized I wasn't trapped."
Kakuzu's eyes bored into him. Sasori met them unflinchingly, as if he had already known they wouldn't believe that. Kisame finally asked, "You serious?" in his most skeptical tone of voice.
Sasori nodded. "She shared with me her own viewpoint on this, and I realized that I have a better position than I thought. I can get away from her, but she can't. And she did not sound any more excited to be stuck with herself than I was, and didn't ask me to stay. I have a choice. More than one, actually. For now I'm thinking I'll stay long enough to help with the succubus problem, then decide from there."
Kakuzu's eyes were as narrowed as they could be. "So you're saying you don't have the feeling of walls closing in on you or vines wrapping around your legs?"
Sasori gave him a reassessing look as he replied, "Sounds like you do." He stood up and moved to get dressed. "Besides, I think the worst of it is going away." He knocked on the wooden closet frame. "She said she was completely unaware at the time that I wouldn't like being stolen from, and now she seems to be on guard against more bad decisions. Hidan's prepared, and she always has him with her. The element of surprise is gone."
Kakuzu couldn't believe what he was hearing. What the hell did she do to him last night? Before anyone could say anything more, Kakuzu turned and left.
His eyes stayed narrowed as he stalked to the back door, threw it open, and walked out into the forest. Maybe he's right about his own situation. Deidara would let him do whatever. Hidan's different. He remembered that, too, from their little break that day. That little asshole.
Speaking of… The sound of footsteps suddenly crashing only a foot or two behind him made Kakuzu whirl. Hidan looked at him with a searching, probing expression in his eyes. "You okay?"
Kakuzu glared and straightened to face him. With his best menacing loom backing him up, Kakuzu growled, "Thanks to you, no. What do you want now, you little manipulative asshole?"
Hidan looked injured. "Hey, I- "
"Something's up with you, and I don't feel like putting up with it," Kakuzu snapped. "Whatever the hell you are, whatever you're doing, I don't want any part of it. Especially not the part Konan has. I didn't ask to look after you, but I find myself doing that anyway. Why? Get the hell away from me!"
Kakuzu stopped to take a breath. Only then did the consequences of his anger come back to him. He belatedly realized that Hidan's quick flare of anger had extinguished after the first four words. The younger man now looked at him through eyes filling with tears. They dripped from his face silently, accompanied by quick, frightened breathing. Hidan's hands were trembling. He looked more than injured, now downright wounded.
Hidan looked down, now trembling in more than his hands. "Don't - don't say that- "
Kakuzu had never seen Hidan react like this to anything. He steeled himself against pity, against taking back anything he'd said. Just because he can cry, I'm not going to-
"To...to anyone...e-else," Hidan finished. Wait, what?
Hidan shuddered one last time before turning and running flat out, as if he was running for his life. He was gone from sight in less than three seconds, and the ground was not hilly nor the forest dense. Kakuzu stared after him. Hidan never seemed to care what anyone else thought of him, and Kakuzu hadn't said anything that qualified as blackmail material. Had he?
Kakuzu wondered what exactly he'd said to get Hidan to go away, and thought of some ways to utilize this power for good. He would very much like to be able to shoo away Hidan at will. Now if only the same could be done with certain other people… Kakuzu shook his head. Did he have as much of a choice as Sasori claimed to have? Well, I suppose it's not as if anyone here could or would kill me. Why did I think I was trapped again? His hands tightened at the thought of what he'd said to Sasori. That was humiliating. Dammit. I'd better go back before anything gets worse.
He walked calmly back to the building as if nothing had ever happened. Sasori's idea sounds good. I'll make further decisions when we're done with things. Things were getting complicated. On some level Kakuzu doubted if anything would ever be done with. I hope Kisame stays around. He is good to talk to.
Hidan was chattering with Konan in the backyard when Kakuzu returned. He had no trace of fear or sadness or whatever the hell that had been about him. Kakuzu walked up to ask what they were talking about. He kept an eye on Hidan as he did so, but nothing seemed amiss.
Hidan was even the first to answer, as he usually was. "Heya! We were just finishing talking about the training rooms. Have you seen them yet? We made all kinds of improvements, and did I say anything to you yet about how I've kept us busy all night doing productive shit and even getting Konan to eat and drink shit and I guess I didn't sleep so she didn't get a chance to get the instructions under my pillow but, oh well." The last was said with a shrug and a smile. By all accounts, Hidan seemed to be normal.
Kakuzu decided to run some tests. "Do you have any memory of what we were just talking about?" he began.
Hidan scratched. "Uh, no. I don't remember talking at all." He looked at Konan. "Is it okay that you're here, so I don't need to write anything down?" She nodded eagerly and turned to Kakuzu, motioning for him to go on.
Kakuzu wondered how much to mention. "I was angry with you, and said some things that made you upset. You asked me not to tell anyone else before running away."
Hidan stopped scratching, then raised his other hand to rub the top blade of his scythe. "Not tell anyone else? Huh." He looked away to think, and missed Konan's face turning to stare at him intently. Her eyes narrowed as she did her own thinking. She reached a hand up as if to put a hand on his shoulder, but stopped. Her focused face staring intently at Hidan as if trying to see into his soul combined with the hand that hovered just over his skin without his knowledge sent shivers up Kakuzu's back.
She decided against and dropped her hand just as Hidan finished his thinking. "The only thing I've ever been afraid of, really, is that I would like hurt someone, or do something else to cause bad feelings that I would have to feel all the time. Also, I like doing things for people. Maybe if nobody wanted me around and I couldn't do anything for anyone. Kind of the same, actually. Hating me qualifies as a bad feeling." Hidan winced. "Oh fuckwits. I just saw, in my head, nobody ever asking me for anything. Ow. That's definitely super bad. Fuck!"
Konan touched Hidan on the shoulder and waited a few seconds. When nothing happened, she squeezed his shoulder to get his attention. "Hidan, I would like to talk about Jashinist things now," she told him.
Hidan blinked once and muttered, "Yep, I'll be somewhere else," as he turned and walked quickly into the building. Kakuzu looked at Konan. She stared back.
"I questioned him about his memory, and found out that he dislikes and avoids some topics at all times. His original's religion provoked the strongest reaction," she explained. Then it was business. Konan walked directly up to Kakuzu, forcing him to stifle an urge to step back. How could she loom like that when she was shorter than he was? "Tell me the exact words of what you said to him," she demanded.
Kakuzu did as requested. Fortunately it hadn't been much, so it wasn't hard to remember. Konan looked around. Nobody was in hearing distance. Kakuzu wanted to know, "What part of what I said did that? He just said he was afraid of having nobody. I only said I disliked being around him. I said nothing about anyone else."
Konan whispered, "That's why he asked you not to say that to anyone else. It doesn't sound as if you know quite enough to understand how serious it is, but you know enough for me to tell you, I think." Even so she hesitated. Kakuzu leaned in unconsciously. "The important part was 'Whatever the hell he is.' Don't make any mention of him being different around other people," she finally admitted.
Kakuzu was suddenly certain that he could not leave if he desperately wanted to. This sounded too good, too juicy to leave alone. Dammit. That little- What was he? I probably don't want to know. Konan seemed to think it very, very important. I don't want anything to do with her. Maybe whatever he was had something to do with… No. Yeah, that line of thought didn't have enough information to be completed yet. Kakuzu gave up. Hidan always tells me I should have more fun with things. Maybe that's the only way I'm going to get through this craziness.
Konan glared at him. "I have no doubt that what he fears would come to pass if you're loose-lipped about this," she warned. "I will shut you up myself if need be."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "As if I have any desire to deal with this." He just wanted to learn more about himself and get what entertainment he could out of this. Was that so hard?
Konan smiled. "On that condition, I would be happy to consider you an ally and potential partner in this mission." She clarified, "The mission of finding out what's going on with Hidan, I mean. It could be important."
Sasori's words came back. The worst of it is going away. An ally or partner? If it meant she would be more forthcoming and pleasant in the future, sure. "I'd be happy to tell you if he has any more memory lapses, and what it was about," Kakuzu offered.
"Thank you."
Hidan sipped at his drink and wondered what he had lost, and if he missed it.
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