Something rustled in her room. That was what woke Konan up and set her heart beating like a decent competitor to a hummingbird's. The image of wavering darkness and the sound of wooshing remained in her eyes and ears for at least 2 seconds after she opened her eyes, sat up, and looked around all in one move. It was, of course, a pigeon. She stared at the bird, and it stared back. Eventually she moved her hand and it leisurely flew out a broken window. The sun was shining down through that window upon the floor in a large square. How long had it been up? She kept her mouth shut, but uttered a curse or two in her thoughts as she packed up all her things, tucked them into her ninja pack, carefully hid her ninja pack so it wasn't very obvious and wouldn't frighten them off, and went up on the roof.
It was going to take a lot of traveling today to arrange this. If all Akatsuki members were here, they would probably have the same amnesia Sakumo's group had. That meant she would have to somehow convince them that they had once been a group called the Akatsuki, that they could be again, and what exactly that meant. Sakumo had said that he found his strength and physical durability strange. If being able to not break bones on a single tree was strange, how would she convince any of them that they had what she had to admit sounded a lot like magical powers?
What are my intentions?
To summarize, they are
1. To gather the Akatsuki in a group again.
2. To inform them that they are not people of this world, but actually come from another.
3. Enlist their help in figuring out how to get their memories back and find out what is happening.
She folded her hands in front of her and narrowed her eyes in concentration. To do that, I will need to actually gather them together in one space, tell all of them at once what I need them to know, and hope they'll believe it. She dug her nails into her forehead. That is the plan of a complete idiot. Just randomly hope they'll believe me, a strange lady who probably looks foreign to them just like Sakumo looked foreign to me? After I tell them they can do magic? Well, I have my own jutsu, but if they're like Sakumo was that might confuse them more than it would convince them of anything. I'll need an ally, someone more convincing to them. But of course, they're the only allies I have. Fuck. Well...there's a possibility some of them might be easier to convince than others. Who among them is the least likely to be skeptical, the most likely to believe his own eyes over his ideas of what should be possible, the least invested in whatever sort of life he may already have? She had to laugh. The answer to that was obvious. I have found Hidan's ideal world, haven't I?
Ah, but then there was the matter of finding a space to gather them in. Couldn't be too public, or self-consciousness and embarrassment would injure her efforts. How would she get them to go there? That would require convincing them she had something worthwhile to say while not mentioning what it was, a tricky idea. It all comes down to trust, and they have no reason to trust me. And there was the even trickier matter of finding them all. As an organization, they did not get along very well. The odds they can all be found close to each other are just about nil. And what if they do get along? They might have come to the same realization Sakumo's group has, banded together in some form already, possibly with others. That could make it even harder for me, as they would have an established order backing someone else. That was the moment she realized she had absolutely no idea what she was going to do.
The stage was set for a massive self-confidence crisis.Don't panic. Think! You've been part of the Akatsuki's founding before. How did it happen? Well, I already was a member of a group, set up by someone else (Jiraiya-sensei). We acted as a group, protecting innocents, not seeking very much to attract new members. New members just came to us, attracted by Yahiko's boundless hope and his terrible speeches. We never asked membership of anyone. Yahiko just...had the gift. He had Jiraiya sensei's hope and he had the look in his eyes to share it. He could share that hope, and Nagato had the power that could believably make that hope possible. What did I have?
I...I looked nice. That one man who joined early on wanted to be with me. I had bandages. I motivated Yahiko and Nagato, pushed them to move forward because I needed to be protected. Even that...I failed at. It was my fault Yahiko died. When he died, the rest of us forgot what it was we hoped for. Nagato didn't have that hope in himself. Our path fell into darkness. We were the enemy. Naruto had Jiraiya sensei's hope like Yahiko did, and we were his enemy. That wouldn't have happened...if...if I hadn't been captured. Why did he give himself up to save me? Recruit a medical ninja. Lean on each other. I wasn't needed, but he was essential. Did he think we could live without him? That'd be just like Yahiko...he was amazing. Nagato was strong. What am I?
What am I? What am I, without them? Her tears fell silently, darkening one of the red clouds on her cloak and dripping into her boot. Where is my hope? Do I believe the world can be redeemed? Can I be redeemed? She thought of a long time ago, sneaking through the small woods on the edge of the Rain Village for small creatures. She knew it was wrong, but the blood beating through her body, through her heart and all the way down to her guts, hummed with an energy that commanded her forward. A small mouse, gathering seeds for her babies too young to live without her. Repeated prodding with a needle revealed one spot on the back which elicited more squealing, more twisting and writhing from pain, than any other. Her heartbeat and breathing conspired against her - at the age of 6, she set down this mother mouse and watched until it thrashed so violently it broke its back and its flailing claws happened to catch the side of its neck. Had that feeling been fear? Fear isn't generally located in the crotch. I was sorry. But not sorry enough to stop. What good is feeling sorry then?
The answer is no. I never believed it could ever go away. This poisonous beat that throbs beneath my skin, through my nerves - it is a beat of darkness, squeezing ever tighter, and it will not let go. I don't have the strength to throw it off. It will squeeze me dry, dirty me, break every limit I have. And then it will turn on those I hold nearest to my heart. Did I help Nagato lose his way? I sure as hell didn't stop it. That beat which is the will that pushes me forward, a will stronger than all the words I have taken into my conscience from those I learned from, it did not have the inclination to listen to Yahiko's words.
My will...my will of pain…
She opened her eyes and cupped her hand beneath her face. Soon, it was full of pearls. One of them caught the sunlight and sparkled. She tilted her hand to shade it. Still, that one drop sparkled, even as the others darkened. It dripped from the edge of her thumb, and became a little red sparkle on her cloak. So she crushed it with her palm. That spot of red still seemed brighter in the sunlight. It was determined to be eternal.
Suddenly, she recalled something she had once heard about eternity. It was as they were sealing one of the tailed beasts. Hidan was very annoyed that he and Kakuzu hadn't been the ones to capture it, when were they going to get a jinchuuriki to fight, why did it have to be money money money all the time (Kakuzu pointed out that his sacrifice ritual was good for killing, not capturing, and bounties were useful dead while jinchuurikis weren't, but it didn't even slow him down), when would he get to make the decisions for once about what missions to agree to, and on and on. Nagato (as Pain) finally had enough and snapped that the organization needed money to achieve its goals, that its goals were the purpose of his membership in the first place. Hidan had not agreed with that statement.
"The fuck would you know about purpose?!" he'd asked. "What are our goals, again? Oh, that's right, power. Last I heard, power was good for 2 things: getting what you want, and keeping it. The point of power is to make yourself happy. If you're not happy, your life is nothing but stinking trash swirling down someone else's gutter. If you're not happy, and you have no plans to be, that's what the real death penalty is. All these fucking people I hear, saying shit like 'Let's change the world!', 'Let's help others!', 'Let's collect a shit-ton of money for no good reason' (only the fact that they had to stand still for the sealing ritual restrained Kakuzu from leaping at him at that point), they're just fucking around. By the time they realize the only point of life is to have fun with it, they're screwed. People who want to walk a path lined with unicorns and candy canes are always unhappy. They get a few good times, and then they're back to screwing themselves over for things that are fucking impossible anyway. I hate that word 'Sorry'. I've never been sorry. I'll never be sorry. 'Sorry' means that you have no sense, because anyone with a sense of basic math can see that one moment is not equal to a billion other moments. One hour of 'sin' ain't equal to the years idiots spend feeling guilty and sad for it. If your life is forever ruined by one thing, then just kill yourself. If you don't want to kill yourself, don't be sorry! I don't plan to spend the rest of my immortality swatting myself upside the head for everything other people say I've done. Go fuck yourself if you want to make me! My purpose here is to further my own happiness, no more. You can go shove your tiny 'purpose' up the ass of the real Purpose. I'll be here smiling."
Konan smiled at that memory. She had never heard Hidan be coherent when he was mad, and she never did again. Most of the time he just picked up his weapon and charged. And even then, it wasn't that coherent. It was just enough for her to hear what he meant, and that was what mattered. "Screwing themselves over for things that are impossible anyway"...was that what she was doing? Punishing herself for something she couldn't remember ever having been without, and couldn't remove? Was that unfair? She shut her eyes and ran through his entire rant again, and let out a small gasp of surprise when she realized that word wasn't actually in there. It was what he'd been talking about, of course. Eternal punishment for a single moment was not fair.
But...weren't there some things that were simply unforgivable? She recalled Nagato at the end, realizing what he'd become, not wishing for redemption. But he had died right after. The real death penalty. His death had made it more noble, in a way. If Nagato had kept living, always sorry, it might have been something like a different, much sadder death. What did her will have the inclination towards? Why, that was what all wills have an inclination towards. I want to live. She clenched her fist. I want to live. Yahiko's last words were to take care of me. I can't rely on Nagato or anyone else to do that for me forever, and if I let myself be condemned forever, that'll be one last failure. Perhaps there are other things that are unforgivable, but that would be the most unforgivable of them all. For him more than anybody else, I ought to live. If that's wrong, I'll remember. But it would be worse to be sorry.
She looked up and surveyed the landscape, the tears drying on her face. There's one thing I have. It's never been in agreement with me, so I usually don't count it, but nonetheless it's there. For better or for worse, there is this impenetrable will inside me, which nobody can stop or turn. She clutched her stomach. I can make the Akatsuki again. I will make it again. I know, because I can feel it. This is what I am! I am in alignment with myself!
Having settled that, Konan decided that, until she got everyone together and could hope for Hidan's support - but of course who knows how helpful he'll be, if they know him enough to trust him they probably know he's slightly nuts - and even if she didn't get said support, she still wouldn't be alone. She would be her own ally. That's a riskier gamble than betting on Hidan. At least he's sane. A very desperate gamble. But, I am desperate. So, she turned inward and asked herself what to do with all this uncertainty.
Wing it. It'll be fine, whatever happens. What are you worrying so much about?
Ah, yes, the old "who cares" line of reasoning. So, stick to the plan she'd originally come up with, if things didn't work out find another direction to pursue, all would be well. I'm starting to sound less than completely there myself...but I promised.
Step 1: Find a place to gather them all together for her pitch. An abandoned house would make a terrible place for them to believe her. The site should be somewhere not so remote, larger, better maintained than these glorified rat nests, yet not somewhere they would feel the influence of societal expectations of reason. In other words, a larger building closer to the town that was also abandoned but not for as long. A feeling of warmth seemed to unfold in her chest at these thoughts. Each glowing petal of it unfolded out to its full length, then continued. Further it grew, pouring through her muscles. She looked down to see she was not, in fact, floating. Yet the new strength convinced her she could. I don't have anybody, but I'm doing this anyway, and I think it's going to work. If this is what not being entirely there results in, I want more. The warm blaze sent her eyes in a southeasterly direction. Time to begin.
She got to her feet, wiped away any tear tracks that might still be on her face, and flew from roof to roof in that direction. Not literally, that would have been a waste of chakra, but metaphorically. Time seemed to stand still until she saw the abandoned houses thin out into empty roadside. The road was heading straight east, and she judged her position to be far enough south that she should be able to enter the town from the west if she continued on this path. She glanced for a brief moment at the road itself, though, because it was a very strange one. It had colored lines running along its length, yellow in the center and white on each edge. It was smooth black rock as well, not a dirt path, but that made sense because a dirt path could not be painted on. The direction of causality might flow in the other direction (it had been paved first, then someone realized that made it good for painting), but that was highly unlikely. Paved roads in the city made sense, but this was not in a city.
Why would anyone go to such expense to pave a traveling path? As far as she knew, traveling paths between settlements were mostly used by people on foot and the occasional carriage. Wait a sec! She looked at the lines again. The space between them appeared to be perhaps half a meter more than the width of a carriage, and there were two such spaces. Is it meant for carriages traveling to and from the town? Looking at the white lines marking the edge of the road, an image appeared in her head of similar lines, painted on pavement as faded and cracked as they were in front of a giant storefront. Was that a store for carriages? How wealthy is this world? It made sense they would have dedicated paths then, but why with lines on them, and why paved? Wheels did need a smoother surface than feet, but not this smooth, and the edges of the road were clearly marked with grass. Maybe if they were moving very fast, small obstacles would disrupt them more and it would be harder to see. Her legs moved before that thought was completely finished, propelling her away from the road and onto the grass.
How fast would that have to be? Fast enough it may be difficult to sense them coming. It's not safe to be a walking traveler here. Fast moving carriages owned by enough people that there are entire stores to sell them in? What is this world? Why didn't I ask Sakumo about any of this? What could be used to accelerate such large, unwieldy things to such speeds? Is there similar acceleration in common use for weapons? Hope to god that most people are peaceable…
This entire train of thought had taken about a minute and a half to run through, and as Konan waited for her heart to slow, she concentrated until she could feel hope and warmth run through her body again. Just a shadow of before, but still there. Even so, chills ran up and down her spine. Here was her first true, concrete proof that this world was only marginally like her own. Sakumo's assurances that she might not stand out seemed absurd. And if her friends had integrated into this world like Sakumo, how different would they be? They may not really be the Akatsuki anymore. If I'm lucky, they might still be a shadow of themselves, like this world is a shadow of mine. But so, so different!
A rushing sound like nothing she'd ever heard before filled her ears. It sounded similar to wind rushing along a desolate, rocky valley floor, but not quite. It was too purposeful and directed. It sounded like something approaching at high speed! She got to her feet, prepared for evasive maneuvers, but then something appeared over the nearest hill on the road and rushed past on entirely separate business. She didn't bother holding her jaw closed as it grew smaller and disappeared. If that was a carriage, she was a macaque. Perhaps a distant cousin, but certainly no near relation! It was larger, it was metal, it was shining, its wheels were small yet powerful looking and sturdy...An unusual feeling came over her at the sight of this. It felt like respect, only larger.
When Konan thought of the way her life had always been, it seemed distant. The road of the ninja was a twisting one, full of suffering and pain. It required no small determination to go down, and unthinkable personal strength to overcome its many obstacles, just like climbing over a mountain. She looked at this new road. Rock-hard, set in stone, unwavering. Control was in higher demand here than fortitude, and creativity in place of strength. She looked after the metal carriage again. What this road promised was unending power, but slippery power too. She felt something shift inside, and saw in her mind the metal carriage sliding on its wheels, lurching into the air and slamming down again, perhaps turning over. She grasped her stomach, gasping. Do I have that control? I'd better. This isn't a dirt path anymore. She stepped onto the road again, noting that it seemed right this time, and continued east with her ears on alert for other travelers.
After a few more kilometers, the road branched. Konan was standing on one of the branches, and the other took almost a 90-degree turn to her left. So, turn north to see what was up there, or continue east to enter town?
Step 1: Find a place to get them together outside of town.
Step 2: Find them, most likely in town. Follow the priorities. She turned left.
After some time buildings appeared on either side of her as she ran. They were houses. They certainly were larger and better maintained than the shacks she'd spent the night in, but they seemed too well maintained. She didn't see anybody, but a child's toy lay near the side of the road with not a scratch on it, nor a hint of rust. She darted her eyes around - curtains in all the windows. Good. She darted between two houses on her right, smiled at the providence that had not placed anyone in their backyards at this precise moment, and entered the edges of the forest again. If this was the worst inconvenience she found in this world, she'd be very lucky.
As she continued running, she wondered why it seemed that nobody was there. Even in the Rain Village, where people didn't spend a lot of time outside because of the weather, there was always someone returning home, leaving home, etc. And why did it seem as if nobody was home? She didn't see any mothers or children. Was there some mass abandonment of homes going on? But they still looked as if people lived there. The way people lived seemed to make little sense; Konan filed that under her rapidly growing 'Mysteries to be Solved Later' folder, right next to the lack of shops or other public spaces within reasonable distance of where people lived.
She also wondered about the features of their homes. Most of them had large white doors in front. Or, at least, doors were the only things it made sense for them to be. The other differences, such as lack of usable porches, she attributed to general difference in culture between worlds. But the huge doors, she could not figure out. That would have to wait until she reached the end of the neighborhood, where she heard yelling coming from inside a house that was not as well taken care of as the others. It seemed to be a woman yelling. A man replied angrily, and the front door made a slamming noise as he threw it back against the house while he left. Konan had crept closer to the corner of the house she was now peering around, and she watched silently with her eyes narrowed as the man used a side door to enter the space behind the large white door. It had no visible rust, but the straining sound as it opened suggested this part of the house received no better treatment than the overgrown lawn. Her heartbeat quickened as it struggled upward, and her mouth opened slightly as 2 round black shapes first became visible, and then the rest came into view.
People keep those monsters inside? How could they? Keep that beauty hidden in the dark? As the man got inside, turned it on (a mechanical carriage?) and propelled it out onto the paved path leading from the house, she got her first good look at a powerful metal steed that wasn't moving too fast to clearly see. Woah. The bottom of it was already a victim of rust that seemed to be creeping upward from somewhere below, and its wheels flattened slightly under its own weight, but that in no way detracted from its design, which gave her the same eerie feeling of speed and slipperiness as seeing the first one racing along had done. Those curves...Wait, flattened?!
Her astonishment grew as she noticed that yes, the wheels were changing shape as the man got out and reached for his bags. The average civilian here rides inside a metal, mechanical rhinoceros supported by air?? She forced herself to edge back behind the corner, slow her breathing, and pay attention to her inner thoughts. Her inner thoughts were loud enough she failed to notice the beginnings of discomfort in her eyes caused by excessive dilation.
Want. Want. Explode? Want!
Something else grew as, even while she was trying to reason that she wasn't ready for that speed yet, she heard the man let out a sharp cry of pain and begin cursing. In less than ½ of a second she looked again and saw that he'd accidentally hit his hand on the rusty corner of its hatch (Or would that also be called a door? This world's definition of door is too damn big) and cut himself. She'd only heard one other man capable of such rapid-fire, repetitive cursing in her life, and the thought of him did nothing whatsoever to shrink her pupils down to normal or stop the low purr that started in her throat. After he grabbed some tissues out of his vehicle and wiped his hand on them, he threw the bags in and eased it down the path and onto the road. She disappeared around the house as he faded into the distance, but resumed purring a second later. Actually, this round was inspired by the thought of her hand running down longish white hair, like she'd run her hands along a cat's, and the deeper purring/low growling that might elicit.
But on to other business. Konan pressed her thumbnail into her palm, blinked hard, and returned to the corner of the house. There were no more houses beyond his - the road seemed to fork at that point. She promised to get herself one of those machines as soon as possible, reason be damned, and went to check out the fork. One side curved back east, toward the town. The other went away from town, in the opposite direction. There were no priorities to follow this time, as neither path clearly indicated that it led into town. But, she recalled that one of the characteristics of her ideal place was that it should be abandoned, and she saw that the yellow lines on the road leading away from town were patchy, cracked, and the road itself had holes in it. Not gigantic holes, clearly it had been maintained sometime within reason, but certainly not as often as it needed. Abandoned, but not too abandoned. She promised not to waste any of this gift of good fortune and quickly set off down the yellow-patched road. Despite her earlier anxiety, fortune was swinging her way. Not for the first time, Konan wondered what, exactly, her inner will was and why Hidan was always telling her about Jashin-sama as if he was extremely relevant to her life. He can give me a necklace himself if he wants. I'm just going to see where this new road leads. Onward! The sun warmed her hair and dappled the flower in it as she ran.
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