A/N: No, this is not the point. Yes, all of this is important, and to the main plot, not to potential subplots like Konan's list was. This is not the first ship mentioned; the first ship mentioned in this story (the one I said was part of the original dream) was during Hidan's intro scene. In my defense, canon was really bad at NOT hinting at stuff like this.
***INTERMISSION***
Kakuzu
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. At least, that was the proverb that first came to mind. Kakuzu didn't know if that was the most appropriate proverb, but he supposed someone had to begin things. Since they were doing nothing but waiting around for other people, he might as well.
He heard a door close squeakily some distance away, then Hidan came speeding around the corner into view. The time elapsed in between seemed insufficient. He wondered if Hidan was on "coffee time". But no, there was no caffeine involved. Hidan was simply that excited to be exploring an abandoned building. The younger man had already stated his disappointment that it wasn't haunted when they entered, but his mood had recovered and ever since he'd been exploring all the rooms. In fact Hidan had already claimed dibs on one of the ground floor rooms that was carpeted and had a window facing in the right direction to receive the afternoon sun. He'd also begun to contemplate the virtues of some of the beds on the upper floor, but Kakuzu cut him off out of complete disinterest in the best places to have sex.
What he was much more interested in was the content of Hidan's musings. He'd thought at the beginning that Hidan had an unusually strong sense of direction for a boy. Later, he'd thought that Hidan had an unusually weak sense of direction for a man. There was nothing immediately obvious to disprove that conclusion. When asked about life plans, the younger man never had one. The direction he did show was probably pillaged off other people that felt they should make something of their lives. He seemed to swing wildly, as if on a string, not coming from anywhere and not going anywhere except by accident.
Kakuzu wasn't one to take things on faith, ordinarily. Despite this, he recalled the feeling of pity fading slowly until recently, only a few months ago, he'd realized that there was no pity left. He no longer felt any such thing about his companion, no longer thought it was sad how Hidan's nonexistent past and uncertain future almost certainly coincided to leave him nothing more than a mirror without even any framing of its own. It was just as well that Hidan had developed a strong sense of discretion from being privy to others' secret feelings; Kakuzu couldn't have discussed what he now felt anyway. With no obvious reasons to think any such thing, he now sensed Hidan's existence was empty only in the way a black hole was. The world slid toward him, and he slid toward it. Now, Kakuzu thought perhaps Hidan did not need a sense of direction. He thought he had some idea how the protagonists of fantasy stories felt when they stepped through a mirror to discover a world beyond. The feeling he could not describe was of deepening, of something deepening right beneath his feet. Hidan was not other people's reflections. There was something that he alone was, something which had Kakuzu a little freaked out. He would follow and see what Hidan was up to this time, simply because whatever Hidan was had ordained it. A long time ago, a little white-haired boy's smile at discovering Kakuzu when even he wasn't sure where he was had inspired the thought that that would be the rest of his life.
In that interest, Kakuzu patiently listened now to Hidan describing with the same boundless cheer the virtues of other parts of the building he'd explored. The basement - rather austere looking, from the sound of it. Hidan suggested in one of his cryptic offhand comments that it might be good for Konan. The roof - god alone knew how he got up there, but he'd found a corner that would be nice to sit in, if one liked sitting in a part of the roof whose outer structure had broken off. One of the rooms on the upper floor was a double. Birds used the back stoop quite often according to the amount of bird poop layered there. There was a garage around the side of the building, and among other things it had a jug of antifreeze on a shelf. There was also a little shed with access to the parking lot, not big enough to fit a car but perhaps a smaller vehicle. All this was announced rapidly, in about a minute, with Hidan counting off the items on his fingers. Now he paused, his counting finger moving on to the next and hovering there as if he'd forgotten what the seventh item on the list was.
"Hmmm…" Hidan tapped his counting finger up and down slowly. "Something else too, something important…"
"Hidan?"
"Huh? What is it, Kakuzu?"
"While we're waiting, I thought it was a good time to apologise."
"For what? We're cool."
"...I want to anyway. It defeats the purpose to handwave things away like that."
"Okay. Whadja want to apologise for?"
At that moment, the door burst open. Not loudly, but they'd been focused enough not to have noticed the sound of a car driving up, so it was startling anyway. A familiar smell reached Hidan's nose as he poked his head out of the kitchen and ran down to the front lobby. Kakuzu followed.
"Dudes! Hey Kakuzu, Fish Face and Band Boy are here!"
Kakuzu put his hand over his ear and winced. "I'm right here, no need to yell."
Kisame muttered, "Same," then turned to Hidan and requested no nicknames for the rest of the evening. Such a request was enough to make Hidan completely quiet as he pondered what to call them aside from the nicknames he had for them.
While he did so, Kakuzu turned and told the new arrivals of his encounter with the odd-looking woman who had invited them all here and his suspicions. Kisame nodded at the end of his explanation and said "Yeah, me too. Is it just me, or have things been weird enough lately? I did not need to find someone like her waiting for me on top of everything."
Itachi wondered what his friend meant by that, but asked nothing. "Sometimes tension needs to reach a critical point before it releases. I think she is that point."
"What tension?" asked Kakuzu, who was used to greater oddness and had overlooked the many smaller oddnesses he'd noticed over the past few months. "And what do you mean by that?"
Itachi explained. "From what you've said, it sounds like she was relying on persuading Hidan to get you here, so she didn't have to tell you anything about what she wants. I have not heard what she said to convince Kisame, but when she came to me she had to reveal some of her plan to bring me on board.
"What she said to me was that she knew I was seeking answers, and promised that she could tell me what she knows of them and help me find out more. She implied that she was very involved in the current situation in the process. As for bringing us here, she stated that the answers I want to know would be so unbelievable that she could not hope to convince me alone. Her plan is to create a sort of domino effect so we can convince each other of whatever it is she wants us to know. It seems that Hidan is to be the lynchpin. I decided to allow her to do this after she promised that what she wants us to believe are the exact answers to the questions I've been wondering about."
Kisame stared. "The questions? You mean...the weird things? She wants to tell us all about those?"
Itachi stared back. "Yes. I didn't think you would have… When did you notice, Kisame?"
"What the hell is going on here? What is she involved in? And why are you two talking like a bunch of psych cases?"
Hidan reached out and patted Kakuzu on the upper arm gently, as if he was consoling a peer over heartbreak. "Relax, Kakuzu. And also open your eyes and take a fucking look around. Shark-Boy's a shark, and he's got a friend who is a shark but also definitely not one, doesn't feel like any normal shark I've ever met. You've got like a million different stitches all over the place. Where the hell did those come from? And don't tell me that bullshit about getting all cut up from a tractor accident when you were in high school. That's bullshit. Your stitches are lovely looking fresh ones, not nasty old scar tissue."
Hidan turned to the other two and placed a hand over his chest to indicate himself. "Why yes, I did notice, you can close your mouths now. Say, did any of you guys get the feeling that she knew you already? I don't remember meeting her before, but we were not strangers. Or at least I wasn't. I thought she might be like a goddess or something, someone who has the power to know you without you knowing it." He looked sideways at Kisame, who was still staring coldly. "I'll think of something else to call you later, gillface. Just wanted to help Kakuzu here, so go fuck off yourself."
Kisame put his priorities in order post haste, and decided the nicknames weren't high enough on the list. That question was, though. "Well, she did stand a little close, and she didn't look at me like I was a new sight either. I don't happen to believe in goddesses, so I'm thinking that sounds rather stalkery." He moved closer to Itachi and lowered his voice. "You absolutely sure this is a good position to be in? She promised me the same thing, answers to just what the hell is going on here, but she didn't mention the part about invoking herd mentality. That's what anyone who wants a lot of people to do something stupid does. I'm not comfortable being a flock member. I want the right to get the hell out of here if she sounds like she's losing her mind. I already gave her tips on how to be less creepy, I don't have any more benefit of the doubt to give."
Hidan piped up, "She's not losing her mind! I would have noticed it if I'd felt all unbalanced and shit as soon as she walked up. I didn't!"
"You, balanced? I could see a lot of things that would fly under the radar using you as a standard."
Kakuzu sniffed. "Not to mention, he's in love. She's apparently so amazing, he just couldn't help it. I saw the hearts in his eyes myself."
Hidan turned red and punched Kakuzu in the shoulder ineffectually. "I am not in love with her! I remember that, and I remember her looking really cool, and it wasn't - "
The silence pulled everyone's eyes towards Hidan, who appeared to have run out of ranting midsentence. He now studied the floor somewhere to his right with a focused expression. As the seconds dragged on, he put his hand over his chest and muttered almost under his breath, "Konan…" Then he looked down at his hand as if paying attention to his heartbeat, and finally took it away from his chest and put it on his chin in a thinker's pose.
After a second or two, he came back to the space and time he currently occupied and looked at Kakuzu, who was very intrigued. "Huh. I am not in love with her."
Kakuzu embraced the intrigue. This is better than any puzzle I have ever found, almost better than a good book. I knew there had to be a reason I keep him around. His eyes widened as he became the first to figure out what was meant. "But...you were."
Itachi considered Hidan's perception, and his eyes widened too as the difference between past and present became obvious. "In other words, you only felt like you were in love when you were around her?"
Kisame was confused until Itachi said that, at which point he understood. His face paled. "So that means it was her that - ?"
"Yeah." Hidan raised a hand to his face and flicked himself on the nose as if to give himself a mild punishment for being a moron. "When she stood up to leave, I felt like touching and I realized that feeling came from her. How the fuck did I not see this?"
Kakuzu put a hand on his shoulder. "It's just as well I decided to apologise then. I was going to say I was sorry for making fun of you. I was just in a mood to tease. Looks like I have extra to apologize for now."
Hidan smirked. "Aww, thanks. That's sweet to say, even if we were already 100% cool." He then stuck his tongue out at Kisame, who was still shocked at this revelation. "That settles it, asshole! Definitely a goddess."
Itachi was as curious as Kakuzu now. "Sadly, she requested the locations of some others, so I sent her on to Sasori and the celestial twins. Sasori alone could take her a while, if she can convince him at all. We'll have to wait."
Kisame had recovered from his shock and found, to his surprise, that he was now disappointed at having to wait for Konan to come back. "Well, at least I have something to wait for now. This settles nothing; there's still no proof she came from 'fluffy, sunshiny' heaven as opposed to being a regular old stalker. I reserve the right to think the worst."
"Sunshine!" Hidan immediately put his fingers back into order and counted off the seventh thing. "That's it! I found this room that's not usable for much, except that it has gigantic windows to let in all the sun. Put some fluffy carpeting down, move in a comfy chair…" He started purring with his hands curled next to his cheeks and moved next to Kakuzu to rub against his shoulder in perfect bliss. Since when is he a fluffy little housecat? Well, I suppose it does no harm.
Kisame was fascinated in a repulsed way by this, but he shook himself out of his trance and returned to his priorities. "Itachi, why have you been avoiding and acting odd around me lately?"
"I'm sorry. I was looking into the oddities, I didn't know you knew..."
***END OF INTERMISSION***
Nagato
In the dark, the light shining from the moth's wings dazzled his eyes like the light of a revolving star. It poured through the air, as liquid as the scents from the flowers, and though he didn't know it he was smiling. Beauty and beauty together; and not the fading type, either. The thought Is this what people mean by "mystical"? waited patiently for the moment to end, at least in theory. As far as "mystical" could describe the feeling that everything inside his body no longer had any weight, just as if the light outside could pour through his eyes and settle inside, it was probably accurate. If it could convey the sense of rightness that allowed him to drift, helplessly like a feather on a river, toward the beauty he was drawn to with no obstacle, no obstacle at all to stop him, then it was probably accurate. Nagato felt nothing, no fear or doubt, just sheer desire to drown himself in that light as a celestial body desires to fall into its star. Gravity defied itself as the moth simply floated back into the air again, hardly seeming to move its wings. Slowly it hovered, then with a ripple abruptly broke out of the moment and flapped its wings to trace a path upward. That ripple Nagato swore he could see in reality told him the bubble was about to burst, the moment about to end. He redoubled his efforts, but alas, a thing that is only carried by a current cannot speed its journey. He was almost there, just about to reach it, when -
"Wow."
Nagato stopped moving. His face hovered only centimeters from its resting spot, but he remembered what he had forgotten in the moment with the moth, that the distance really was infinite. He had his own motion. He would never be able to fall into his star. Slowly, holding back both his breath and the tears slipping out to fog over his eyes, he slid backward so as not to draw attention. When he had regained a normal seated position still facing his friend, he sighed in relief. Thank goodness, he had not upset the world with his actions after all.
Yahiko had not closed his mouth after his previous exclamation of wonder, and still sat tracing the moth's flight, completely unaware of any potential to be upset. He watched the moths fluttering about in their dance, and wondered if they knew how they were. He smiled gently, a smile that Nagato believed could make anyone who saw it gentle too, and turned to share the sight with his friend.
When their eyes met, they both were smiling. Yahiko smiled wider still at seeing Nagato apparently so moved that there were tears in his eyes. He laughed, and gestured for Nagato to look up with him.
"It tickles a little when they do that, but a good kind of tickling. Kind of like...well...you ever held a caterpillar on your finger and watched it? Kind of like that, except… And, uh, their wings. The light shining through them is different somehow, more...fuzzy? It's like moonlight. A little. Kind of different, actually, but not very much. The whole thing is just really great. I mean…" Yahiko made several motions with his hands as he spoke, reaching out and closing his fists as if he could grab the words he needed out of the air. His face flushed bright red as they refused to come. "They're just so small and fuzzy, and the light's so nice and all of it's brightly lit. It's just right. I'm sorry…"
Nagato poked him in the shoulder. "Don't be sorry. I love trying to talk about things like this, actually. Let's see… It tickles very delicately when they do that, like the very edge of a very soft feather. The light shining through their wings is...that one's really hard to talk about without seeing it, but maybe it's a little like when you see light shining through the water? When you see light like that, and it's so smooth and kind of gentle. The moths are delicate and beautiful, and the light is delicate and beautiful, and the whole thing is just like a moment angels might have pictured on postcards in heaven, with no darkness intruding anywhere. Does that sound close?"
Yahiko slumped backwards over the bench. "Things just sound so good when you talk about them. I'd love to help other people feel good with my words like that. How do you do it?" He sighed and lifted his arms off the bench, allowing them to fall with exaggerated emphasis and sprawling in a full body pout. Nagato tried not to giggle, but ended up shaking slightly while smiling which was a dead giveaway so he needn't have bothered. Yahiko turned his head, and managed to keep a very slight pout on his face for only a few seconds before it morphed into a smile, then a full grin. "Well, the part about what it felt like was a little off, it wasn't quite like that," he said as the smile was turning into a grin. Then they were both laughing.
While still convulsing, Yahiko pushed himself upright and got the last of it out. Still grinning, he turned to ask Nagato who was still giggling "Wait a sec, do angels really have postcards in heaven? I've never heard of that, but it would actually be sooooo appropriate if they did. I hope at least some of them send mail to the demons. Imagine if you were just there, and everything was all dark and fiery, and then you get a postcard addressed just to you with a snowflake on it or something. That'd be exactly the sort of thing an angel would do, wouldn't it?"
Nagato held his hands in his lap to keep them from reaching out and screwing everything up. "You'd know what angels do better than I would."
Yahiko tilted his head. "What do you mean by that?"
Nagato realized then what he'd said and turned away to hide his slight blush. How to fix this? "Oh, I, I didn't mean...I just meant that you, uh, actually that angels are, y'know, quite simple beings. They spend their whole lives in the good parts of the afterlife and never even get tempted by anything. They just know what's good and what's not, like they're made of goodness. I have been confused, doubted, stolen pieces of candy from my parents, wondered how I would perform the perfect murder if I had a reason to murder someone, stuff like that. I know that's all pretty normal, but it's only normal for people not angels. You just seem to be a lot simpler than I am, have an easier time knowing what things are, that's all. More angelic than me."
Yahiko relaxed at this. "Simplicity is overrated."
"Maybe, but there has to be a reason it's rated in the first place. There has to be someone around who knows what they're doing."
"That makes sense." Yahiko paused. "Just, maybe, don't phrase it like calling me an angel. I don't get offended or anything, and it's not like I mind girly things, but I just can't help but think it sounds like flirting whenever I hear a guy talking about someone looking like an angel. I don't mind very much, it just feels kind of weird. That's okay, right?"
Nagato was almost as red as his hair by this point. "Yeah, um, I get it. That was an awkward way of putting it. I didn't mean that you look as beautiful as an angel or anything like that, it just came out wrong." Is this lying? "I didn't mean to sound like I was flirting with you or anything." Oh suuuuuurrre I didn't. "I won't say things like that again." Why did I even say that in the first place?
Yahiko waved his hand as if to deflect flies buzzing around his head. "It's okay. I didn't think anything like that, no awkwardness here." He then considered for a couple seconds. "Although, slipping in a phrase like that so easily could be a great skill if you were flirting. How do you not have a girlfriend?"
Danger approaching in 3...2… "How don't you?"
Yahiko's smile fell. "I...don't know. It just… Can we not talk about that?"
Aaaaaahhhhh, much better. Oh man, I can't believe I just did that to him. Was that the only thing I could have said? "Oh, sorry. Is it a big deal?"
Yahiko looked unhappy for the first time in a long while. Nagato wanted to smack himself for making his best friend feel like that, but now there was nothing he could do. He could only listen as Yahiko muttered in a low voice, "I'm not sure if it should be. I have no idea why romance should be important to me, I know I have a whole life of other things to be happy for, but yeah. It is a big deal. I'm sorry for being such a bummer." He twitched his lips into a smile again and said, with more cheer injected into his voice, "Well, that's enough moping for tonight. I just hope things are going better for you in that department!"
Kill me now.
Suddenly there was a tremendous noise from the bushes behind them. Both of them jumped. Wait, no, I didn't mean that literally!
The noise stopped just as they both turned to look around. Yahiko turned to look in the other direction just as Nagato's eyes focused on a moving shadow. He froze and said nothing as it swiftly came out from the path behind them that led into the woods. It seemed...human?
Yahiko turned around and his mouth fell open a little. The shadow entered the light as soon as it stepped out of the trees, and quickly resolved itself into the figure of a woman. Illuminated, she didn't look very different. The only changes the light made to her appearance were revealing the color of her hair and some cloud shapes on her otherwise shadowy black cloak, and making visible the flower in her hair. It also highlighted how pale she was on the very few patches of exposed skin they could see. There was silence as she stopped, still facing out in front of them. Yahiko thought - he couldn't be sure since there were other reasons for his heart to be pounding at the time, but he thought - she was kind of pretty.
Nagato turned again the same color as his hair, even as the voices of an angelic choir sung in his head. On the one hand, She saved me! I have so many thanks to give, but none I can express, definitely not in front of him. How can I express my gratitude for this most timely intervention? On the other hand, Was that deliberate? Did she really know when to do that to help me? How long has she been listening to us? Please don't tell him please don't tell him please don't -
His train of thought derailed on a dime as his eyes glanced over her hands while looking down. Her fingers were tensed. Not tensed and curled, ready for action, but tensed and uncurled as if to stop herself from reaching out, stop herself from showing too much. Some of that may have been projection. Nonetheless, concern bubbled up from its ever uncapped fountain, and Nagato looked up to see what he could of her face.
He could see almost nothing. Between her high collar and her posture, still facing away and not looking at them, nothing expressive was visible except the tilt of her head. She was looking down. Her shoulders seemed tense. Her breathing was very even and slow, too much so. None of this was of a very obvious nature, but Nagato knew well the attempt to avoid looking at someone out of pain. Is she possibly like me?
Her fingers relaxed. In a blink all these indications disappeared, forcibly dragged under the surface as if by an omnipresent Cthulhu or a living ocean. Her steps were perhaps a bit slow, but there was no obvious hesitation as she turned to face them. Only one thing remained, and that was the fact that she still refused to look at them. Without a direct view into them, Nagato could not read her eyes. He could not be completely sure there was anything in them to read. Yet just now he had seen…
"I have a completely ridiculous proposal for you two," she said, shooting the words out as if they might be poisonous. Nagato blinked then instinctively turned to Yahiko. Yahiko turned to him. After sharing some invisible communication that neither of them had the slightest clue what was going on, Nagato resolved to trust his instincts. He had seen what he had seen. That feeling of concern still remained. He turned back to face her and asked, "More completely ridiculous or less?"
Something changed in her expression, but neither of them could see what or even where in her expression it had happened. She made a direct movement, no distractions, under her cloak and retrieved a piece of paper. She handed it to Nagato. "I do not know, but regardless it is a group ridiculous proposal. Go there. Others are already waiting."
Nagato took the paper, glanced at it to see an address of some kind, and passed it to Yahiko without reading a letter. While the orange-haired sunbeam dedicated himself to studying it in greater detail, Nagato looked up at the lady. What are we doing?
He started when she looked back at him. He had not been hallucinating after all; there was pain in her eyes. In addition to pain, he could see a kind of distance in her eyes that reminded him only of loss. But then her eyes softened and became tinged with gentleness, just slightly. She mouthed words to him silently. His ears were convinced by his eyes that they heard "You're welcome" clear as day. Then with non-negligible effort her eyes jerked away, and the 3 seconds they had enjoyed together were over.
Yahiko looked up from the paper and handed it back. She took it, placed it right back under her cloak where it had come from, said "Thank you" at the exact same time as he opened his mouth to ask something, and turned away just a touch quicker than she had originally turned to them. She stood there for a fraction of a second, during which Nagato saw her hand flutter and fingers tense in response, then began to walk. With quick steps she returned to the darkness once more. Yahiko wondered if he'd only imagined seeing her fast walk become a run just before she disappeared. The night was quiet.
Nagato could still see the look in her eyes. He turned to Yahiko with a strength in his posture, no longer relaxed, and asked in a tone that was mild yet not to be argued against, "You got the address?"
"Uh...yeah."
"We're going."
Yahiko looked curious and felt bewildered. Not at the declaration, he was more than willing, but at the tone it was in. Nagato looked sure, a kind of surety from somewhere deep inside. Yahiko felt his eyes tearing up, and realized he was happy. It was good to have someone else with a strong direction. He understood much better what Nagato had meant. Just seeing this look in his friend's eye made him smile. Nagato smiled back and took Yahiko's hand, pulling him to his feet. With a tug he got them moving in the direction she had left.
Yahiko turned back and waved at the moths, fluttering up and down according to the currents of the liquid air, several of them having left at some point to pursue the ambrosiac scent. He smiled at them gently and said, "Bye! Have fun you guys."
Nagato squeezed his hand and tugged again, then let go. They walked forward into the darkness in harmony, Yahiko just behind.
Konan
How could he be here? I thought whatever this is was too recent! What is it? What is it that is torturing me with these reminders of the people I've loved?!
Yahiko had not been wrong; at the very edge of the fading light the feeling of his gaze had become too much to bear. She could only hope the light had not reflected off any of the tears currently escaping from her eyes. It was just so many things…
What is this? Is it hell or is it heaven? Shouldn't I be glad he's here? He's just as I remember from so long ago. He's just as I perceived him then. It seems I am still human, after all. If I can help him remember, it can return. She shook her head, tears still dripping down to the pavement. No. The past can never return. Not even here, in this place. Even if he did remember, Nagato and I have changed too much. We'd be like a puzzle whose pieces have changed and no longer fit togeth - No!
Just where the hell am I?!
There was no answer. The emptiness of the night whispered to her in a language of more emptiness. It was almost tangible, and Konan felt herself evaporate, as if everything she was was leaving her and becoming nothing. Without realizing it, she suddenly found her head lolled to the side and her knees halfway sunk to the pavement. She gave in, and it was quiet. Her tears dried.
Did Tobi make it happen? Did he make his world of illusions?
The nothing felt so...something. Her senses told her she was being watched from every direction, including inside. Her skin crawled with senses nothing like sight, yet it was the only comparable sense. Her eyes still stung, even after the tears had stopped, and it crept down. The stinging crept down those same lines in her face it had crept up from, flashing into a stabbing feeling at the top of her spine as if she had been struck by lightning. Down it swept, flashing at each vertebra and reaching outward from her, into… The nothing? But how…? No time. It kept going, tracing every line of her being.
Joining the nothing and the pain came a curious feeling. It was heat. The lightning feeling of being stabbed flared, and took on the heat of the sun. Konan tried to scream, no longer attempted to stop herself. But then she discovered something infinitely worse, which was that she could not scream. In desperation she reached inside, trying to strangle whatever it was that was watching, but it turned out to be nothing. A flower burst open inside her much too abruptly, spraying lava everywhere. It touched petals to her skin, and that was when she recovered the ability to feel her skin again.
Konan's eyes flew open, and she saw a star. It was ordinary. It was the same star she'd just barely seen through her tears. She looked down. She was standing with spots of darkened pavement at her feet, leaning against a wall. Her face was covered with tears, which continued dripping. Her head was upright. She experimentally pronounced, "Huh," and realized her vocal cords were now working. Had they ever been not working? Was it a highly compressed hallucination?
No, of course not. That would fly in the face of the list of "Unspoken Things One Agrees To By Becoming A Ninja" that she'd begun composing sometime into her training with Jiraiya sensei. One of the entries on there was "ninjas give up the right to disbelieve anything." If something ridiculous existed or was rumored to exist, Konan had begun to figure out that it probably did exist around the time Jiraiya sensei had started teaching them how to walk on water. Nothing in her career since contradicted that, so it was actually quite weird that she would even consider dismissing it as a hallucination. She dismissed that as a side effect of the general skepticism all ninjas were supposed to regard everything with.
Then what? The reality of such an experience almost makes me feel the urge to scream again. An illusion perhaps?
That was a lie. She knew it was one and still thought it, making it a double lie. The pain and everything else had felt so real, it could not be an illusion. And not all of the things she had felt were gone. Even now, she could feel a nothing in everything she touched, as if they were just illusions and the truly important material lay beneath, where she could not feel it. Silence is deafening. So true. It had somehow felt infinitely more real than anything materially existing she touched. She flinched at the mere thought of the I-word.
Tobi could never think of anything like that. He could never handle it. No matter what he claims he's not real divinity. What the hell was -
Her body temperature seemed to drop several degrees, and instead of think any more about anything she plucked the paper flower out of her hair. What reflex led her to do that could not be verified. Regardless, she stared at her flower. Normally its small paper petals were tightened around each other, as closed as it could be while still being a flower, but she continued to stare with open mouth. Each petal now was more open. Not much more, but somehow they didn't look like paper anymore. She could almost feel a readiness to spring out and finish their unfurling, the petals lengthening to their full length. Exposing the core. It was a very sinister flower. She shoved it back in place before it could scare her out of her wits for a real length of time.
Please let me feel alone again. The feeling of something looking at her from everywhere also remained, and passively did not fade. Is this meant to be comforting? The nothingness was exactly that, nothing, so she figured the answer was technically no.
What the hell am I even doing, trying to argue with the universe? Or am I trying to argue with myself? Which is what?
She no longer believed she was recognizable even to Nagato, who was only a few months gone. The tears began again, but a strange sense of comfort kept her upright. Her legs vaguely remembered the directions to Sasori, and without noticing she began to walk, stepping over her tears that were beginning to dry on the pavement.
Sasori
It was very dark. Too dark. It was probably a bad idea to be working this late. Fortunately, it was a Friday, so the next day would be perfectly available to catch up on sleep. Sasori was well aware that wasn't how sleep worked, and there would probably be some disturbance to his sleep schedule for the next few days, if he was able to successfully sleep in. Regardless, work was a good place to be.
He wondered at the convenience of his schedule. Was it lucky that he had superiors who would allow him to work this late, or was he just a "victim" of shady practices who just happened to be perfectly adapted to the demands? If so, should he bother protesting? In what fashion? With the next few twists, those questions settled down to the back of his mind, drifting to a neat orderly place. That place was "Maybe I'll think about that after I've earned enough money from this place to afford professional help." The idealists he knew would be disappointed, but some things were more important than standing against shady business practices.
A few more twists. Then a switch to a smaller, more precise tool. Get everything aligned correctly. Some delicate taps. A few not so delicate thumps with his hand to see how it sounded. It sounded good. Well, alright then. Sasori stood up and put his things away, slowly. The faint smell of oil lingered in the air. He didn't like that smell. Even so, this was a good place to be. A very nice, methodical place. Each tool went in its own space in his kit. He wished whatever it was Deidara was troubled by could be positioned so neatly.
Even after putting every wrench and screw away, he lingered. The oil smell surrounded him, the smell of a car's bleeding, dirty guts. He wondered if Deidara would understand this smell, suddenly realized that perhaps there could be a parallel between their experiences. Of course, it would probably be a bad idea to bring that up. It might make things worse. He should minimize his risks, mention it offhand on a good day. *sigh* When did it become like this, me looking after and watching my step around a kid like him?
Sasori figured the closest he had to an answer was the day Deidara had come back. But even then, he'd shrugged things off at first. There was no clear way to mark the time since. Somehow, he hadn't been paying attention. Somehow, he hadn't been marking the time as people trapped in unpleasant situations often do. Somehow, he still wasn't. It wouldn't have been correct to say he was trapped. He didn't see Dei all that often even now, wasn't like he lived with the kid. It would have been easy enough to just stop showing up, stop bringing him the occasional gift, stop making little things in his spare time for Dei to hang up. Easy enough in practice. In theory it was much harder. What else would he do in his spare time? It wasn't like there was anybody else to enjoy seeing him. I wonder how Granny's doing…
He decided to stop by and stay for a while tonight. To hell with proper sleep schedules. With quick, precise motions Sasori turned all around the smallish room he had to work in, switching off and shutting down machinery, putting things back in every drawer, and finally switching off the lights. As he did this last thing, his hand lingered over the last switch for a moment before switching it off. It stayed there afterwards, lingering on the dirty plastic cover for a few seconds before slowly dropping to his side. Sasori didn't understand this sudden hesitation, but he was well aware that everything had a cause, however remote. Therefore he must have perceived something which caused him to hesitate. He narrowed his eyes in the near-complete darkness to shut out the last little bit of light, and questioned himself. Is this going to be bothersome? Then he pictured in his mind's eye the well-practiced journey to the door and beyond, and heard a quiet sigh escape. The thought of beginning that journey met with resistance in his body and mind. Seems this is going to be bothersome indeed.
Steeling himself for whatever was set to interrupt his day, Sasori wondered why. People only needed to steel themselves for unpleasant things, usually. As unpleasant as the idea was, Sasori knew full well his days were overdue for some interruption. Sadly, logic could not override the lazy part of himself, so steeling continued to be necessary. He walked in his usual circuit through the darkness in no hurry, gathering his thin jacket, walking over to the desk in the back to collect his keys, finishing off his mug of coffee. It was almost Zen-like. Then he completed the circuit at the door, and, taking one last look through the darkness for reasons he could not have named, stepped outside.
The first breath of fresh air caused his throat to spasm in an effort to keep from gagging as the clean air reminded his nasal receptors of what air was supposed to smell like. Several quick exhales later, the vaporized oil particles were mostly cleared out of his system and he could enjoy the air without distraction. For some seconds, his eyes peered out at the darkness and unobtrusively scanned side to side, his expression never changing. Sasori saw nothing. Still he stood motionless, turning his head slowly and continuing to look around unhurriedly. He did this despite thinking the odds were low he would be able to see anything since he did not have any special night vision, and he was proven right. He saw nothing. The first sense to tell him anything new about his environment was his sense of smell, as soon as the wind changed to flow towards him from the side instead of his front. From somewhere in front and over to the right, he smelled something that did not belong anywhere near his workplace. The first thing he considered was that those two guys he sometimes saw in the park might have stopped by, but that was unlikely since they did not talk to him much and they did not seem to be the sort of people who would literally stand in the bushes, which was what a person would have to do for the scent of the park flowers to rub off on them. That ended up being the only thing he considered, since he had no other ideas. So he stared into the little light there was in that direction and waited.
After several slow, meditative breaths Sasori found something to focus his eyes on at last - a white thing that caught the little moonlight. He couldn't have said what it was, but from its position his eyes instinctively moved down to look at the rest of the shape he knew should be beneath it. Some white outlines appeared as if in thin air, cloud shapes surrounding patches that seemed just a smudge lighter. As the human shape before him stepped out from under the trees Sasori saw that this was because they were red and everything outside the patches black. His eyes naturally moved up to look at the shadowed face of the person before him. He saw nothing. He was not disturbed by this, because although he was facing into the moonlight he knew they must also be unable to see anything in his face. Public displays of emotion had never been his thing.
"Sasori," the person said, revealing themselves to be a woman.
Nothing he could control showed on his face as Sasori instantly settled into a defensive mood. He realized he was readying for her to say it just a split second before she spoke.
"I would like to offer something to you and Deidara."
Deidara… How much did she know? His eyes narrowed slightly, as much as he allowed them to. Something about this situation seemed off. What was it? He attempted to gain some control over the encounter. "What do you have to offer?"
She hesitated, as if unprepared. He would've expected her to approach with something planned, in these circumstances, at this time. He wasn't sure how to take her defiance of this. After only a moment she did speak, forcing him to reassess how prepared she was. "An opportunity. Something different. It will change a great many things for the both of you. I ask only that you listen."
"Who are you?"
"Someone who has been...subtracted from your lives, I suppose. But somehow you have not been from mine. I know you, in a fashion, and Deidara as well. I'm amazed to find him living on his own. I would not have expected him to fit in this world."
"Do you know where Deidara lives?"
"No. Out of respect, I shall leave up to you the decision to involve him or not. All I will say is that it would be better if you did bring him."
"Bring him?"
"Deidara's presence would make my goal more...complete. I've already asked others to listen to my request at a location not too far from here."
Just then Sasori realized what had bugged him about this encounter from the beginning. It was the way she stood. Looking at her, hearing her, it was quite obvious. Was she ex-military? Current military? Paramilitary? What did she intend to do with Deidara?
"Complete?"
"The others I ask you to meet are in the same position as you are. You do not know what the position is, and I'll explain if you decide to come. By 'you,' I mean you and Deidara. Although, I'm sure he is very aware that he is in an unnatural position. It would not be in his best interest to deny him the chance to find out what."
Sasori remained still and did not speak after she finished, his mind whirling. A feeling of unreality gripped him. The vague words, the mysterious woman offering answers to questions he didn't yet know he should be asking, military involvement… I'm in a mystery novel. He searched through everything he could think of to disprove that hypothesis. Nothing he could think of conclusively denied it. Only one thing caught his attention, and it didn't exactly promise to prove his world was real.
"How can anyone be subtracted from someone else's life? How do you know me, and I don't know you?" he whispered, dreading the answer already.
The woman seemed at a loss for words. She shook her head slowly. "That is the position you are in that I want to tell you about, Sasori. I have no idea why you don't know me. I would like to fix that if possible. As for how I know you, that's not exactly the right question. The right question is how I still know you." She seemed to want to say more, but ultimately settled for turning her palms up helplessly.
Oh god I'm in a paranormal mystery novel. I hate those. Actually, he hated mysteries in general. Everything always turned out to be so complicated that the chances of any non-fictional average Joe grasping it all seemed close to nil, just about everything would require a heroic sacrifice of their health or sanity, and reading one of those things always made him feel fascinated in a terribly uncomfortable way, like watching a slow-motion video of some helpless little insect wondering what was going on as a spider's strands wrapped it up slowly, leisurely, completely. To read a mystery was to have one's sense of reality slowly bent, scraped at, transmuted. To read a paranormal mystery was just to take a hammer to your sense of safety while you were at it.
Sasori remained silent as well, his hands slowly closing into fists. His face revealed nothing, but unbeknownst to him, the chakra he knew nothing about ran through a person's brain as well as body, connecting to their soul at several points. Because of this, it could be influenced by emotional states. Because chakra permeated all parts of the living and nonliving environment, this influence would in turn influence natural chakra flowing outside of a person's body, and if one was trained in the Sage Arts they could detect the influence of humans in the environment through this. Even if one was not trained in the Sage Arts, if it was strong enough a change in natural chakra could still be sensed as a vague feeling, like the feeling of being watched. His face showed nothing, but the aura in the air around him closed, folded, and rippled as if threatening to dissolve away entirely. Experienced jounin knew the aura of fear well, even more experienced negotiators and leaders knew the aura of resistance, and those worthy of the title of Kage, Daimyo, or any other commander of great masses of people knew exactly where one became the other. She froze immediately, changing nothing of what they were currently doing and eliciting as little of a reaction from him as possible. She'd practiced with the best.
The man she knew as the puppetmaster eyed her warily. She stayed still and took slow breaths to project an aura of competence, surety, and general reassuringness. Quickly, as quickly as one reflexively brings up an arm to shield oneself, Sasori darted a hand into his coat pocket and pulled out another of the little rectangles like the one Sakumo had checked the time with. The little bubble of light that appeared as it turned on and his own hurried tapping at it did much to isolate his aura, and Konan sensed it was now safe. She could no longer influence him. Whether or not that was a good thing… Just in case, she reached for the sheet of paper with the address and let it fall from her fingers, address up and landing in his field of vision, just to the side of the glowing rectangle. His eyes twitched to look at it before he pulled them back. Out of habit, she inclined her head toward him and departed swiftly and quietly. Left on his own, Sasori refocused and tapped out a few quick commands before bringing the phone to his ear and waiting for it to sound on the other end. It did so twice before he heard pained mumbling.
"Dammit, Sasori. Have you turned yourself into a machine or something? I have normal brains between my ears. They need sleeeeeeeep."
"Some things are more important than sleep. We have a thing. I repeat: we have a thing."
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