I once asked a well-connected friend who works in a top Los
Angeles talent agency if she knew any celebrities I could contact
for a project I was working on. Tania flipped though her Rolodex
and came up with just the names I needed. It was obvious to both
of us, I owed her big time.
When I thanked her profusely on the phone, Tania said, "Oh
I'm sure you'll find a way to pay me back."
"Well, of course I will," I said. "That goes without saying."
And well it should have gone without saying. She was reminding
me the favor wasn't out of friendship, but because she expected
something in return.
Two days later, Tania called and said she was coming to New
York in a few months. She was just checking now if I could put
her up then. Naturally I could, but blatantly cashing in on the
return favor so quickly was not a smooth move. When someone
does something nice for you, you find yourself with an elephant's
memory. In fact, you consciously look for ways to return the favor.
Had Tania called, even years later, of course I would have remembered "I owed her one." Frankly, I was glad it came up so quickly
so I could even the score. Nevertheless, I do wish the whole barter
aspect had been left unspoken. It tarnished what should have been
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How to Ask for Favors
(and Get Them!)
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
a generous sharing on both sides. Tarnish always wears off on the
tarnisher.
When you do someone a favor and they obviously "owe you
one," wait a few weeks. Don't make it look like tit for tat. Allow
the favor asker the pleasurable myth that you joyfully did the favor
with no thought of what you're going to get in return. They know
that's not true. You know that's not true. But only little losers make
it obvious.
The next three techniques also involve timing, not of favors,
but of important discussions.