Politicians don't wait for others to approach them. If the party host
or their campaign manager has not supplied a "must meet" list,
they choose their targets while Rubbernecking the Room. As their
keen eyes scan the crowd, they're asking themselves "Who would
I most enjoy talking to? Who looks like they could be most beneficial to my life? Who could I learn most from in this gang?"
How do they choose? They look at everyone the same way my
friend, Bob, the caricature artist, looks at people. You can tell a
whole lot more than you realize if you keep your gaze fixed on
someone. Every twinkle in someone's eye and every line surrounding it tells a story—the story of the life he or she leads. Who
was it who said, "At age thirty, everyone has the face he deserves"?
Yet few of us consciously look into strangers' eyes. How foolish
that, at a party or convention for making contacts, most people
are embarrassed to make eye contact with people we don't know.
In my networking seminar, I prime participants to make
intense visual contact by asking them to form a big circle, walk
around the room, and silently stare at each other. "Gaze into each
other's eyes," I tell them. "Examine each other's movements."
As they are walking, I say, "The most important business contact, the dearest friend, or the love of your life is probably not in
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How to Meet the
People YOU Want
to Meet
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
this room. Nevertheless, sometime soon, you will be in a room
where you will spot someone you sense could change your life. I
want you to be prepared. I want you to have the courage to make
the approach and not wait in vain for that special someone to
approach you." While strolling and staring, I ask them to silently
choose the four people they most want to talk to during the break.
"Only the Beautiful People Will
Be Chosen"
When given this unfamiliar and uncomfortable assignment, the
participants assume everyone will make a beeline for the most
attractive people. It never happens. Something mystical occurs
when people take the time to really look at each other. Everyone
discovers a distinctive beauty in one or two other people that is
very personal, very special, and speaks uniquely to the seeker.
The dearest friend in my life was a homely little fellow named
Chip. He was only 5 feet 2 inches tall. Chip had a huge nose and
funny little eyes peeping out through thick glasses. At a party,
without using this technique, I probably would never have noticed
Chip. However, my concentration was on him the day we met
because he was giving a speech. When I gazed intently into his
eyes and watched his lips moving, I saw such subjective beauty
coming from his face. He became my best friend for twelve years
until a tragic disease took his life. Nevertheless, Chip remained
beautiful to me until the end because, no matter how twisted his
body became with illness, the beauty shone through his spirit.
As the seminar participants explore each other's faces and
movements, they discover the subjective beauty in their faces, in
their spirits. No one can explain why one person chooses another
as one of his or her special four. Yet practically everyone returns
from the break having made a new good friend. Never is anyone
left unchosen.
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When you seek people's special qualities by exploring their
faces, you will find them. If you want to walk out of any gathering with your life enhanced, spend time with people you choose,
not just those who choose you. Be choosey in who you pick. But
don't wait to be the choosee.
"Sure, in a Seminar, It's Easy, but
What About Real Life?"
Sometimes, after the break, a participant will say, "It was simple
to go up to people I wanted to talk to this time because you gave
it as an assignment. But what about at a real party?" Recently, one
of my participants named Todd asked me this question in front of
the group.
I asked, "Todd, how did you make the approach this time?"
"Well, I just went up and said, 'Hi, I'm Todd. I wanted to talk
to you.' "
"Well?" I asked.
276 How to Talk to Anyone
Technique #73
Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee
The lifelong friend, the love of your life, or the business
contact who will transform your future may not be at
the party. However, someday, somewhere, he or she will
be. Make every party a rehearsal for the big event.
Do not stand around waiting for the moment when
that special person approaches you. You make it happen
by exploring every face in the room. No more "ships
passing in the night." Capture whatever or whomever
you want in your life.
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It dawned on him that he could use this opening phrase to
meet anyone at any party. To smooth a potentially awkward
moment, you quickly follow up with an innocuous question like
"How do you know the hostess?" or "Do you live in the area?"
Now, you're off and running just as though the host had introduced you.
Of course, other choosey people will be prowling around the
party. Some of them, after scrutinizing you, will decide you are
one of the special people they choose to talk to. The following is
a subliminal maneuver to make it easy for them come over to confirm they made a wise choice.