Have you ever noticed how comfortable you feel sauntering into
certain rooms? The chairs are arranged in a way that welcomes
you as if saying, "Come right on in and sit on me." Conversely,
you enter other rooms where you must navigate a circuitous route
around tables and dressers before you finally find a free chair.
Likewise, some people arrange their body furniture, their arms
and legs, to say, "Hey, come right on over and talk to me." Yet
other people's body furniture shouts, "Keep out! Approach at your
own risk." Shy people inadvertently say "stay away" when they fold
their arms. They give off insecure signals by clutching a purse,
clasping a drink, or smoking a cigarette.
Controlled studies show that party goers are more comfortable approaching people who stand with an open body, arms
uncrossed and hanging at their sides, legs slightly separated, a slight
smile on their faces. Any object between you and the crowd is a
subliminal cutoff—even your purse. More people approach a
woman who sports a shoulder bag than one squeezing a handbag.
The shoulder bag hangs behind her back, thus leaving the path to
talk to her open.
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How to Subliminally
Lure People to You at
a Gathering
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
Give Them the Ol' Wrist Flash
Now, here's the pièce de résistance. Next to your face, your wrists
and palms are one of the most expressive parts of your body. Palms
up speak volumes of good sentiments.
The Pope's wrists and palms are up when he beckons "Come
unto me my brethren." The burglar's wrists and palms are up
when he says, "I give up, don't shoot." The innocent man's wrists
and palms are up when he's saying, "I don't know who took
the money." Vulnerable, open palms signify "I have nothing to
hide."
They also signify acceptance. When you are listening to a
business colleague to whom you want to signal acceptance, make
sure your wrists and palms are up. Even if you're resting your head
on your chin, turn your wrists forward. Whenever you are chatting with anyone, give yourself a constant hand check. Make sure
you don't point your knuckles directly toward anyone. Let them
have the pleasure of seeing the soft, tender "come hither" skin of
your wrists and palms, not the wrinkled "go away" hide on your
knuckles.
Romance on your mind? Ladies, let your hands do some talking for you. Women instinctively turn their wrists and palms
upward when a man excites them. (In fact, the ol' wrist flash while
talking with males subconsciously gives them a sexy jolt.)
Pave a Clear Path for People Who
Find You Special
Frightened little jungle cats crouch behind rocks and logs so no
bigger animals will spot them. In the social jungle, shy people do
the same. They instinctively seek out corners and sit in seats where
they won't be seen.
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Whereas lynxes and lions stroll confidently to the center of
the jungle clearing, human big cats in the social jungle also stand
confidently in a clearing so others can see them. Like a politician,
position yourself near a doorway since everyone must pass your
way at some point in the evening.
Now we come to a technique all politicians use. In fact, some
political pundits have credited the election of both John Kennedy
and Bill Clinton to their mastery of the technique I call "Tracking