We have a national weakness: we don't know how to receive a
compliment! In fact, I would like to dedicate the following technique to my French friends who contend the French are better at
everything. Well, I concede one point. The French are, indeed,
better at receiving compliments. I'll explain how shortly.
Americans, unfortunately, are beastly at accepting adulation.
If someone compliments you and you react clumsily out of embarrassment, you unwittingly start a vicious cycle. A friend ventures
a compliment:
He: (smiling) "Hey, that's a nice dress you're wearing."
She: (frowning) "Oh, this old thing?"
He: (thinking) "Whoops, she didn't seem to like hearing that.
She thinks I have terrible taste to like that dress. I'd better keep
my mouth shut."
Three weeks later . . .
She: (thinking grumpily) "He doesn't ever give me compliments anymore. What a boor!"
He: (thinking gloomily) "What's her problem?"
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How to Make 'Em Want
to ComplimentYou
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
"Girls Don't Like What?"
Several months ago in one of my seminars, the group was discussing compliments. One fellow insisted that "girls don't like
compliments."
"Girls don't like what?" I asked incredulously.
He explained, "I once told a woman she had beautiful eyes.
And she said, 'Boy, are you blind.' " The poor chap was so
wounded by her reaction, he became gun-shy and had not aimed
a compliment at a female since. What a shame for womankind and
what a blight on his social skills.
Upon receiving a compliment, many people demur or proffer
an embarrassed little "Thank you." Worse, they protest, "Well, not
really, but thanks anyway." Some people toss it off with, "just luck."
When you react this way, you visit a grave injustice on the complimenter. You insult a well-meaning person's powers of perception.
"Vous Êtes Gentil"
Leave it to French folks to come up with a congenial catchall
phrase. Upon receiving a compliment, they say, "Vous êtes gentil."
Loosely translated, that is "How kind of you."
An American saying "How kind of you" could sound stilted—
like the little flower girl in My Fair Lady trying to be cultured.
Nevertheless, we Yanks can express the French gentil sentiment
with a technique I call "Boomeranging."
When you toss a boomerang, it makes an almost 180-degree
swerve in midair and soars back to land at the feet of the thrower.
Likewise, when someone tosses a compliment your way, let the good
feelings soar back to the tosser. Don't just say "Thanks." (Or worse,
"Oh it's nothing.") Let them know of your gratitude and find a way
to compliment them for their compliment. A few examples:
How to Make 'Em Want to Compliment You 221
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She says, "I like those shoes." You say, "Oh I'm so happy you
told me. I just got them."
He says, "You really did a good job on this project." You say,
"Oh, that's so nice of you to tell me. I appreciate your positive
feedback."
You can also Boomerang the good feelings back when people
ask you a question about your family, a project, an event, or anything that shows they are interested in you.
Your colleague asks, "How was your vacation in Hawaii?" You
answer, "Oh, you remembered I went to Hawaii! It was great,
thanks."
Your boss asks, "Are you over your cold now?" You answer, "I
appreciate your concern. I feel much better now."
Whenever someone shines a little sunshine on your life in the
form of a compliment or concerned question, reflect it back on
the shiner.
Incidently, in that seminar, I decided to do womankind a favor
by setting malekind straight on compliments once and for all. I
asked the fellow who swore women hated praise to give three
women sitting near him a sincere compliment. He chose the
woman with "the beautiful silver hair sitting behind him," the girl
222 How to Talk to Anyone
Technique #58
Boomeranging
Just as a boomerang flies right back to the thrower, let
compliments boomerang right back to the giver. Like
the French, quickly murmur something that expresses
"That's very kind of you."
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with the "hands like a pianist" to his left, and the lady with "the
lovely deep-blue eyes" on his right. He told them all.
Three women waltzed out of the room that night feeling a little better about themselves than when they walked in. And, I
hope, for all the women he would yet meet in his life, one man
left with a changed attitude about compliments.
As we come to the end of our exploration of praise, I want to
make sure you're aiming dead center for people's hearts. Whether
you're giving little Carrier Pigeon Kudos or laying a Killer Compliment on your conversation partner, this next technique keeps
you on target.