I'll never forget the first time I gave a luncheon speech in front of
strangers. I'd practiced for the stuffed animals on my bed and my
roommate, Christine, but this was my debut in front of a real
audience.
As I shakily got to my feet, I looked out at seventeen smiling
Rotarians waiting for my words of wit and wisdom. My tongue
was dry as chalk dust, my palms as wet as a fish. The audience
might as well have been seventeen thousand judges waiting to sentence me to eternal humiliation if I didn't inform and entertain
each. I gave a last panic-stricken glance at Christine, who had
driven me to the club, and began, "Good afternoon. It gives me
great pleasure . . . "
Thirty minutes later, amidst scattered applause which I feared
was obligatory, I crawled back to my seat next to Christine. I
looked expectantly at her. She smiled and said, "You know this
dessert isn't bad. Have some."
Dessert? "Dessert! Dammit, Christine, how did I do?" I
silently screamed at her. A few minutes later Christine told me how
much she and, she assumed, everyone else enjoyed my talk. Nevertheless, by then it was too late. The crucial compliment-craving
moment had passed.
217
How to Praise with
Perfect Timing
✰57
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Quick as a Hiccup, You Must
Compliment NOW
When the doctor sadistically smacks your knee with that nasty little rubber hammer, you instantly give a knee jerk. And when people make a coup, you must instantly hit them with a knee-jerk
"Wow, you were great!"
Say they've just successfully negotiated a deal, cooked a terrific Thanksgiving turkey, or sung a solo song at the birthday party.
No matter whether their accomplishment is trivial or triumphant,
you must praise it immediately—not ten minutes later, not two
minutes later—immediately. The moment the winner walks out
of the boardroom, the kitchen, the spotlight, the victor wants to
hear only one sound: "WOW!"
But What If They Really Bombed?
"Are you asking me to lie?" you ask. Yes. Absolutely, positively,
resoundingly, YES. This is one of the few moments in life where
a lie is condoned by the most ethical individuals. Big winners realize that sensitivity to an insecure performer's ego takes momentary precedence over their deep commitment to the truth. They
218 How to Talk to Anyone
Technique #57
The Knee-Jerk "Wow!"
Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment
they a finish a feat. In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction
say, "You were terrific!"
Don't worry that they won't believe you. The
euphoria of the moment has a strangely numbing effect
on the achiever's objective judgment.
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also know, when sanity returns to the recipient and they suspect
they screwed up, it won't matter. He or she will retroactively appreciate your sensitivity and forgive your compassionate falsehood.
We've talked a lot about giving compliments, both covert and
overt. Now let's talk about a skill that, for many, is even harder—
receiving them.
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