In contrast to the big guns of Killer Compliments for strangers,
and The Tombstone Game for loved ones, which we will learn
shortly, here's a little peashooter you can pop off at anyone, anytime. I call it "Little Strokes."
Little Strokes are short, quick kudos you drop into your casual
conversation. Make liberal use of Little Strokes with your colleagues in the office:
"Nice job, John!"
"Well done, Kyoto!"
"Hey, not bad, Billy!"
I have one friend who uses a lovely Little Stroke. If I do something he likes, he says, "Not too shabby, Leil."
You can also use Little Strokes on the everyday achievements
of your loved ones. If your spouse just cooked a great meal, "Wow,
you're the best chef in town." Just before going out together, "Gee,
honey, you look great." After a long drive, "You did it! It must have
been tiring." With your kids, "Hey, gang, great job cleaning up
your room."
I once read a poignant Reader's Digest article about a little girl
who often misbehaved. Her mother had to continually reprimand
her. However, one day, the little girl had been especially good and
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How to Make 'Em Smile
with "Itty-Bitty
Boosters"
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hadn't done a single thing that called for a reprimand. The mother
said, "That night after I tucked her in bed and started downstairs,
I heard a muffled noise. Running back up, I found her head buried
in the pillow. She was sobbing. Between the sobs she asked,
'Mommy, haven't I been a pretty good girl today?' "
The question, the mother said, went through her like a knife.
"I had been quick to correct her," she said, "when she was wrong.
But when she tried to behave, I hadn't noticed it and I put her to
bed without one word of appreciation."
Adults are all grown-up little girls and little boys. We may not
go to bed sobbing if the people in our lives don't notice when we
are good. Nevertheless, a trace of those tears lingers.
Little Things Mean a Lot
Little Strokes are indeed, little. But as every woman knows, they
mean a lot. I've yet to meet a woman who wouldn't agree with
these lyrics from an old song sung by Kitty Kallen:
Blow me a kiss from across the room.
Say I look nice when I'm not.
Touch my hair as you pass my chair.
How to Make 'Em Smile with "Itty-Bitty Boosters" 215
Technique #56
Little Strokes
Don't make your colleagues, your friends, your loved
ones look at you and silently say, "Haven't I been pretty
good today?" Let them know how much you appreciate
them by caressing them with verbal Little Strokes like
"Nice job!" "Well done!" "Cool!"
06 (199-228B) part six 8/14/03 9:18 AM Page 215
Little things mean a lot.
Send me the warmth of a secret smile
To show me you haven't forgot.
For always and ever, now and forever,
Little things mean a lot.
To further complicate the art of the compliment, one must
consider timing. Blatant, barefaced, brazen flattery turns all but
the blindest egomaniacs off. But the human animal never fails to
amaze observers. There are moments when, if you don't give a blatant, barefaced, brazen compliment—even to a bright individual—you lose. The following technique defines those moments.