Would you like to have a little trick up your sleeve potent enough
to kick start commerce, ignite a friendship or even a love affair?
I'll give you one, but only if you heed its warning label. You must
register your tongue as a lethal weapon once you've mastered the
following technique. It's called the "Killer Compliment."
It was born one night some years ago after my then-roommate,
Christine, and I had just returned home from a holiday party. As
we were taking off our coats, she had a silly smile on her face and
a faraway look in her eye.
"Christine, are you OK?" I asked.
"Oh yes," she purred. "I'm going to go out with that man."
"Man? What man?"
"Oh, you know," she said, chastising me for not knowing, "the
one who told me I had beautiful teeth."
Teeth!
That night I happened to walk by the bathroom door as
Christine was getting ready for bed. I saw her grinning at herself
in the mirror, tilting her head from side to side, and brushing each
individual tooth. All the while she kept her eyes glued to the mirror, inspecting each one for the beauty her new admirer commented on. I realized the fellow who had given Christine the
211
How to Make 'Em Never
Forget You with a
"Killer Compliment"
✰55
06 (199-228B) part six 8/14/03 9:18 AM Page 211
Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
unusual compliment had made her day—and had made a killer
impression on her. Thus the Killer Compliment came into being.
What is the Killer Compliment? It is commenting on some
very personal and specific quality you spot in someone. A Killer
Compliment is not "I like your tie" or "You're a very nice person."
(The first is not personal enough and the second is not specific
enough.) A Killer Compliment is more like "What exquisite eyes
you have," (very specific) or "You have a wonderful air of honesty
about you," (very personal).
Because delivering your first Killer Compliment is difficult, I
trick my seminar participants into pulling it off. About midway
through the program, I'll ask them to close their eyes and think
about a partner they had in an earlier exercise. Then I say, "Now
recall one attractive physical quality or personality trait you
observed in your partner. Not one you would necessarily comment
on," I caution. "Perhaps your partner had a lovely smile or a twinkle in her eye. Perhaps he exuded a sense of calm or credibility.
Got it in your mind?"
Then the thunderbolt: "OK, now go find your partner and
tell them the nice quality you noticed." "What? Tell them?" The
thought paralyzes them. One by one, however, they courageously
seek their partners and deliver their Killer Compliments. As people hear a stranger tell them they have beautiful hands or penetrating brown eyes, joy fills the room. Laughter explodes in every
corner. I am now looking out at a sea of smiles and happy blushes.
Everyone loves receiving his or her personal Killer Compliment.
And everyone develops friendly feelings toward the giver.
The Killer Compliment User's Manual
Just like a cannon, if you don't use the Killer Compliment correctly, it can backfire. Here's the user's manual that comes with
the mighty missile.
212 How to Talk to Anyone
06 (199-228B) part six 8/14/03 9:18 AM Page 212
Rule #1: Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private. If you are standing with a group of four or five
people and you praise one woman for being fit, every other woman
feels like a barrel of lard. If you tell one man he has wonderful
carriage, every other feels like a hunchback. You also make the
blushing recipient uncomfortable.
Rule #2: Make your Killer Compliment credible. For
example, I'm tone-deaf. If I'm forced to sing even a simple song
like "Happy Birthday," I sound like a sick pig. If anyone in earshot
were foolish enough to tell me they liked my voice, I'd know it
was hogwash.
Rule #3: Confer only one Killer Compliment per half
year on each recipient. Otherwise you come across as insincere,
groveling, obsequious, pandering, and a thoroughly manipulative
person. Not cool.
With careful aim, the Killer Compliment captures everyone.
It works best, however, when you use it judiciously on new
acquaintances. If you want to praise friends every day, employ the
next technique
Technique #55
Killer Compliment
Whenever you are talking with a stranger you'd like to
make part of your professional or personal future, search
for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she
has.
At the end of the conversation, look the individual
right in the eye. Say his or her name and proceed to
curl all ten toes with the Killer Compliment