A very wise man with the funny name of Zig9 once told me, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much
you care . . . about them." Zig Ziglar is right. The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them!
Your body is a twenty-four-hour broadcasting station revealing to anyone within eyeshot precisely how you feel at any given
moment. Even if your Hang by Your Teeth posture is gaining their
respect, your Flooding Smile and The Big-Baby Pivot are making
them feel special, and your Sticky Eyes are capturing their hearts
and minds, the rest of your body can reveal any incongruence.
Every inch—from the crinkle of your forehead to the position of
your feet—must give a command performance if you want to
effectively present an "I care about you" attitude.
Unfortunately, when meeting someone, our brains are in overdrive. Remember Shakespeare's Julius Caesar? He said of Cassius,
he "has a lean and hungry look . . . he thinks too much . . . such
men are dangerous." So it is with our brains when conversing with
a new acquaintance. Our brains become lean. (Some of us are
fighting off shyness. Others are frantically sizing up the situation.)
And hungry. (We're deciding what, if anything, we want from this
potential relationship.) So we think too much instead of respond27
How to Make Someone
Feel Like an Old Friend
at Once
✰6
01 (001-042B) part one 8/14/03 9:16 AM Page 27
Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
ing with candid, unself-conscious friendliness. Such actions are
dangerous to impending friendship, love, or commerce.
When our bodies are shooting off ten thousand bullets of
stimuli every second, a few shots are apt to misfire and reveal shyness or hidden hostility. We need a technique to ensure every shot
aims right at the heart of our subject. We need to trick our bodies into reacting perfectly.
To find it, let's explore the only time we don't need to worry
about any shyness or negativity slipping out through our body language. It's when we feel none. That happens when we're chatting
with close friends. When we see someone we love or feel completely comfortable with, we respond warmly from head to toe
without a thought. Our lips part happily. We step closer. Our arms
reach out. Our eyes become soft and wide. Even our palms turn
up and our bodies turn fully toward our dear friend.
How to Trick Your Body into Doing
Everything Right
Here's a visualization technique that accomplishes all that. It guarantees that everyone you encounter will feel your warmth. I call
it "Hello Old Friend."
When meeting someone, play a mental trick on yourself. In
your mind's eye, see him or her as an old friend, someone you had
a wonderful relationship with years ago. But somehow you lost
track of your friend. You tried so hard to find your good buddy,
but there was no listing in the phone book. No information online.
None of your mutual friends had a clue.
Suddenly, WOW! What a surprise! After all those years, the
two of you are reunited. You are so happy.
That's where the pretending stops. Obviously, you are not
going to try to convince the new person that the two of you are
really old friends. You are not going to hug and kiss and say, "Great
to see you again!" or "How have you been all these years?" You
28 How to Talk to Anyone
01 (001-042B) part one 8/14/03 9:16 AM Page 28
merely say, "Hello," "How do you do," "I am pleased to meet
you." But, inside, it's a very different story.
You will amaze yourself. The delight of rediscovery fills your
face and buoys up your body language. I sometimes jokingly say
if you were a light, you'd beam on the other person. If you were
a dog, you'd be wagging your tail. You make this new person feel
very special indeed.