Alex was ransacking my phone with calls and texts, threatening to quit after a sudden rush began at midnight through a dozen strong barhopping girls celebrating the 21st of one of theirs, accompanied by out-of-town bikers who came in throngs to celebrate with them. Several fights had broken out along with a strip tease that had taken over the band onstage while MJ was getting body shots done off him instead of tending bar. For a Tuesday night, this was quite the precedent.
One of the guards, who I was informed had been assigned to me by Ben, insisted to escort me. It was far too late and I was simply too fucking sober to make a fuss over it, and just let him stand in my shadow as long as he made it so I could effortlessly disregard his presence.
"Stay out of my sight," I said in warning once we'd parked outside the bar.
I got out of the car and walked ahead, with him quietly following several paces behind. When I entered the bar, Mark, the bouncer, was in the middle of getting himself beaten by both sides of a fight he was apparently trying to break up. The guy was nearly seven feet and three hundred pounds, but the sake of universal balance rendered him a fucking pussy who didn't know how to throw a punch. Not that I've ever seen him take a swing.
"R-Red!" he called out when he saw me approach, struggling to hold the drunken fools apart.
I held up a finger, heading to the bar where MJ had apparently graduated from getting body shots done off himself to being the one doing them on some chick's bare chest.
"I left my bed for this shit," I muttered to myself, yanking MJ by the hair.
He spun around, scowling and swinging an arm. He visibly flinched at the sight of me, his fist stopping inches from my head. He spat out the lemon in his mouth, flashing an easy grin. I dragged him off the bar, throwing him to the floor. Mindy, who was standing behind the register, reached down and tossed me the bat from under it.
"Hey, babe? You still can't kill, right?" MJ asked warily.
I sent him a glare. "Expect a pay dock, shithead."
"Oh, come on! I just got new rims for my bike!"
I let the bat thump against his head as I walked past him, heading over to the group of bikers swarming over Mark. By the looks of the two varying patches on their leather, I deduced another club had intruded. If not for the policy that all arms had to be deposited at the door upon entry, I had no doubt this would have devolved into a WACO situation.
I looked over to the stage where the band still continued their dog shit performance while a pair of girls were practically melting into each other in their underwear as bills showered them from the cheering audience.
I gestured for Mark to move aside and cocked my head to the stage. He nodded and rushed off. The moment he did, both sides tried to lunge at each other.
Bending at the knees, I swung low, the bat slamming hard at the legs of those that got in its way. They cursed and staggered from the hit. I stepped forward, holding the bat in the space between them as I took out my phone, scrolling through my contacts and pressing call on NY/MC (Savage).
"Say, what's a bunch of Savages doing across the river? Thought you people only let your precious wheels touch New York gravel?" I asked, tilting my head slightly to see past the visor of my cap. "Is trespassing a thing these days? How fucking uncultured."
"That's fuckin' right!" one bleeding biker seconded.
"Shut the fuck up," I snapped, swinging the bat at his shoulder. "You think just cuz MJ runs with you morons, you can treat this place like your clubhouse?"
"Uh, hello? Angel?" a disembodied voice called from the other end of my phone.
I huffed out a breath. "You know, Spike, I've always respected you and I have never been ungrateful for your respect. I like to think of us as friends. Don't you agree, Spike?" I said, glaring at the intruders who flinched from hearing their President's name.
"Why do I feel a knife to my throat?" Spike muttered gruffly. "I'm pretty sure I've paid off all my debts to you, so what the fuck is happening?"
"Well, your kids are making a mess in my bar and, out of respect for our friendship, I wanted to give you the choice of how I send them home." I walked closer to the group, eyeing them up and down. "Crawling or bleeding?"
"Shit! Hold on."
"Put me on hold and I'm sending them to the cemetery."
I raised a foot, stomping it on the gut of the man who was crumpled on the floor and clutching his shin. He let out a grunt and his so called brothers started forward. I swung the bat carelessly and they jumped back.
"I'll shoulder the funeral expenses, as a courtesy," I went on, pointing the bat at them.
"Alright. Uh, someone called Rage should be there. Put him on."
I rolled my eyes, pulling the phone away from my ear. "Rage, I have Mr. President for you."
A hulking leather clad man with a thick beard dampened by blood and beer stomped over to my side, tentatively taking the phone.
He cleared his throat before speaking, "Prez?" Muffled yelling and cursing went on the other end in response. "It's my old lady's–" He pursed his lips when another string of curses cut in. "Copy. Yeah. Got it. Yes, Prez."
He handed the phone back to me and turned to his group. With a grunt and a tilt of his head, they quietly shuffled to the door while dragging their women behind them after Rage shoved a thick wad of bills at one of the bus boys.
"I'll give them a talking to," Spike was saying in my ear. "That's Viper turf, right? I'll smooth it over with their Prez. You can send the bill for the damages over to the club."
"Your boots don't touch my ground," I added. "Haven't I told you that already?"
"It's these new fucking patches. I swear, they get dumber each generation." He let out a long suffering sigh. "I'll keep them away."
"Yeah, you do that." I cut the call, turning my attention to the remaining group. "Pay your tab and get lost, before I call your daddy. And clean this fucking mess."
Muttering and grunting, they started picking up the debris of broken glass and stray teeth from the floor. MJ was dutifully mixing cocktails with his shirt on at the bar when I returned.
"Not even a single broken bone, Red?" he quipped. "Shit, you should let Doc take you out more often. Bet he can bring about world peace if he keeps at you."
I glared in response, throwing the bat him. He caught it mid-way, snickering.
"You make sure those brothers of yours pay in full," I said sharply. "And I better see some generous fucking tips."
"Uh-huh. So, about my pay..." he began, pouring me a glass of whiskey.
I snatched the glass, hesitating for a moment before downing it in one breath. The burn as it glided down my throat only worsened my thirst.
"You can keep your tips. Pay dock's non-negotiable," I muttered, setting the glass on the counter. He quickly filled it up again. "I left my bed. Someone has to pay for that."
"Was it Alex who dragged you out here? Dock his pay!"
"I would, if he was actually on the pay roll," I retorted before downing the drink. When he was about to fill the glass again, I flipped it over on the counter. "He upstairs?"
"Hell if I know," MJ muttered grudgingly.
"He is," Mindy interjected with a roll of her eyes while organizing the bills in the register. "He's digitizing the books. Said not to bother him."
I strayed my gaze off to the side, finding my so called guard standing against the wall near the entrace with his steely eyes firmly latched on me. Turning around, I headed up to the office, faintly aware he was following me.
"Hey, he said not to bother him!" Mindy called after me.
Alex lifted his head from the ledger he was reading at my entrance, puffing smoke through his lips before taking another drag from his cigarette.
"I told the kid not to let anyone bother me," he said in greeting.
"You fucking bothered me first, asshole."
I tried to shut the door on the guard, but he slipped his foot against the frame and placed a palm on the door. We stared each other off. He broke away first in apparent discomfort, but remained firmly standing there.
"Fine. It's your grave," I relented, letting him in.
He took his post beside the door, his eyes quickly taking in the room.
"All good?" Alex queried, looking back to the computer screen without sparing him a glance.
"No thanks to the lot of you," I snapped back, going to the closet to take out the things I'd left when Rick dragged me out of here the other night.
"Hey, you sent me here for bookkeeping. Dealing with Viktor is already pushing it. And by the way, why didn't you mention MJ was a fucking one percenter?"
I scoffed. "Please, those idiots barely do enough crime to be considered petty these days. They just like riding bikes and pussy."
"Well, I don't want them anywhere near me so do something about it," he muttered while typing on the keyboard.
"My God, if you become even more of a pussy, MJ will try to fuck you," I said, zipping up my backpack.
"Hey, I was perfectly satisfied rotting in my shithole until you dragged me out to the surface. I don't want to get killed cuz someone with half a brain figured I look way too clean to be one of your people and starts digging for dirt."
I sighed, dropping my backpack beside the seat across the desk. "Fine. I'll take care of it." I picked up his cigarettes, taking a stick and lighting it before sitting down. "I need a favor."
"As you can see, I'm in the middle of doing you a favor right now," he muttered, shifting his gaze between the ledger and the computer screen. "Who fucking runs a business analog in this day and age?"
"I'm serious, babe."
"So am I. Look at this. You can't expect me to–"
I stomped my foot against the desk. He flustered to catch a haphazard pile of documents that toppled to the floor.
"The fuck, Gel?"
"I need a favor."
He stared at me with furrowed brows, raking his gaze over me. "Something to do with the suit?"
I shrugged, taking a drag from my cigarette. "That's just my father throwing his weight around. It's nothing."
"A Lastor throwing their weight around is never nothing. Especially not when it's Anthony Lastor."
"Well, I haven't decided what to make of it yet, so I'll let it be nothing for now."
He shook his head, bending down to pick up the files. "What'd you do this time?"
"Went on a date with my boyfriend."
He laughed, sitting back up. "Aren't you taking it too far?"
"Well, from how my father's acting, I ain't got no choice but to go further."
He sighed, stubbing his cigarette onto the ashtray. "You're gonna get yourself beaten to death, kid."
"Don't give a shit."
He chuckled humorlessly. "Right, of course you don't, but I bet your guy will give a shit when he sees you the day after Anthony does." He leaned forward on the desk, looking at me with a grave expression. "I love you, kid, but you're just too messed up to be with someone like him. He's too good for you and your world. Let the poor guy go before he ends up dead. You're just gonna hate yourself for it."
I took a drag my cigarette, blowing the smoke at his face. "I don't think I'm gonna take relationship advice from someone who murdered the mother of his own child."
He laughed. "You're pissed at me for telling you what you already know. And FYI, she was already dying."
"You could have still brought her to a hospital and saved her life."
"She was better off dead."
"You mean you're better off with her dead."
He shrugged. "Yes."
I scoffed. "You're sick."
"I know," he admitted with a laugh. "That's why I'm content with being alone. Sick people like me, and you, can't live with the rest of them. It's just not possible. He's better off without you and you know it."
"And so does he. Yet he's laying on my bed, waiting for me, and I'm starting to think he'll always be there. Waiting." I flicked the ashes off my cigarette, sighing. "That's why I need you to promise me you'll protect him when I can't go back to him anymore."
"And why should I?"
"Because I'll owe you." I stood, leaning over the desk to stare him down. "Anything you want. No questions asked. You got it."
He smirked, eyeing me through narrowed eyes. "Those are very dangerous words, Miss Lastor."
"But the right ones to say to you."
He shook his head in dismay. "You're in too deep, aren't you?"
I took one last drag from my cigarette before stubbing it on the ashtray, letting out the smoke in a sharp exhale. "I'll tear the fucking world apart if they so much as draw a single drop of his blood." I straightened, tilting my head. "Will you do this for me or not?"
He eyed me for a moment, tapping his finger on the arm rest of his chair. "I'll think about it."
I nodded, picking up my backpack. "You got till the end of summer."
"And that thing?" he said, nudging his chin at the guard.
"Well, I was hoping you could help me decide. What to make of it, I mean." I went over to where he remained standing, stopping in front of him. "Thoughts?"
Just as Alex let out a long suffering sigh, two successive pops erupted from behind me. The man dropped dead to the ground, a loud ringing piercing my ears and adrenaline pulsing through my veins as I watched his blood quickly pool on the floor.
"Yeah, that's what I thought too," I mumbled softly.
I took a deep inhale, breathing in the scent of gunpowder and blood. Bursts of aggression made my insides burn, a destructive urge to wreak havoc coming alive within me.
I crouched down, touching the man's face. He had light brown eyes, dull and lifeless as they stared back at me. His thick lips were parted slightly, as if he'd been in the midst of taking his last gasp of breath.
I was tracing the bullet hole at the center of his forehead when Alex slapped my hand away. He picked up the shells off the floor, folding them into a wad of tissues and putting them in his pocket.
"I need a fuck," he muttered, tugging his tie loose as he straightened. "Can you handle the rest?"
I nodded, reaching into the jacket of the brown eyed man and taking out his phone. "Yeah, just stay off Mindy."
"Will you cut that shit?" he complained, stepping over the blood on the floor and opening the door. "She's a kid for god sakes. Even I got morals. I'm a killer, not a pervert."
I snickered, going through the phone's contacts. There was only one saved number. I pressed call on it.
"Jenkins," a voice greeted the instant the call was answered.
"Did I wake you, sweetheart?" I murmured, tracing a finger on the puddle of blood. It was still warm.
"Miss Lastor," Ben uttered tersely. "Is there a problem?"
"Well, I don't, but you do." I flicked my finger, splattering blood on the man's face. "What a mess you've made, Ben."
* * *
I sat on top of the desk, watching as the cleaners quietly went about their task. The body had been stripped and hauled into a drum. They were now spraying every surface in the room with a potent mix of chemicals, using a vacuum to suck away every trace of dust and blood.
Ben had come with them, his suit uncharacteristically crumpled in places and his hair ruffled. Yet, he remained ever so statuesque in his composure.
One of the cleaners came up to Ben, whispering something to him before returning to their task after a nod of acknowledgment from Ben. She sneaked a glance at me, flinching when our gaze met and quickly looking away.
Ben approached me. I offered him a cigarette, but he declined with a shake of his head. I carried on smoking mine.
"The weapon is missing," Ben informed me.
"Is that so?"
"It would be dangerous if it is left unsecured."
"So you are still able to determine dangers." I smirked, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. "I wasn't sure, considering your recent actions."
He sighed. "I can only offer my objective advice if it is called upon, but it is not my place to go against a direct command from the Head."
"I can appreciate that," I conceded. "But to trespass into our home? To hold my brother captive for hours and kept from reaching me? I do not appreciate any of that at all." I tilted my head, smiling. "In fact, it is insulting. I am deeply insulted. You have insulted me, Ben."
He lowered his gaze, keeping his hands clasped behind him. "It should not have been executed in such a manner, but my authority was overruled by the Head. There was nothing I could do."
I scoffed. "What are you even good for then?"
He shook his head in dismay. "My sole duty is the protect this family, especially you, but when you are actively endangering yourself and the family with your actions, you give me no choice but to disregard my affections for you. And I am truly sorry about that."
"I was just on a fucking date with my boyfriend. How was I endangering anyone?" I snapped.
"As long as he remains untethered to the family's laws, he will always be a danger," he stated firmly. "You know what must be done, if you wish to keep him. He cannot be made an exemption to our laws."
"I will not give him to any of you," I spat back. "He's mine. You don't get a single part of him."
"You are not only risking yourself, but him as well," he pressed. "For now, Master Anthony has been kept from doing anything to him by the rest of the council out of respect for you. If you wish for him to continue being in your posession, then you need to offer them something worth allowing it. Otherwise, you will inevitably face conflict against the council."
I took a drag from my cigarette, letting it out slowly while thumping my boot against the desk in a mindless beat as I contemplated his words.
"It's been a while, since I've gone to war," I mumbled quietly. "How's the field looking these days?"
I caught him flinch at my remark, stepping closer to me. "Miss Lastor, it is one thing to face them as individuals, but another as an institution. Because that will be what you'll be up against, and I guarantee, you will not come out unscathed in a war against an institution such as the Lastor family. No one has."
"I know."
"Then you have to–"
"I know," I cut in, looking him in the eye. "I know, Ben."
He stared back at me, his jaw clenched tightly. "Don't make me hurt you, little Angel. Please."
I smirked. "You're getting soft, soldier." I hopped off the desk, stubbing my cigarette onto the ashtray. "I want the other one gone when I get home, or I'll do it myself."
"I've already recalled him from his post, but you will have to bear with the surveillance."
I nodded. "We'll call it even for now," I said, heading to the door.
"The weapon..."
I waved a hand dismissively. "It's secured."
"And the gunner?"
I clicked my tongue against my teeth, opening the door. "Don't make me repeat myself."
I headed down to the bar where everyone was in the midst of closing down. I helped out MJ with the glasses, taking the opportunity to inform him he had to find another watering hole for his sworn brothers to piss in. He figured out pretty quickly that Alex was the one delivering this order through me, thus breaking the last straw he was apparently holding.
"I've fucking had it!" he snapped, throwing aside the dish rag. "You either get rid of him or I quit!"
"I leave my family in your care," I recited as I carried on wiping the glasses. "I trust you, L'angelo mio. I know you'll keep them safe. Promise me you won't turn your back on them."
"Don't bring Ma into this! This has nothing to do with her!"
"She has everything to do with me," I said flatly. "I am here because of her. I have been here because of her. And I brought Alex here because of her. Everything that I've done for you and everyone has been in her honor."
I set down the glass in my hand and went to stand in front of him.
"I'm leaving and there's no one I trust more than him to be here in my stead. This is not for your sake, or Mindy, or Mikey, but for Ma. Because I promised her. I owe it to her and I won't let anything get in my way of doing right by her, not even you." I reached my hand up to grasp his chin, pulling his head down slightly. "If you trust me, then trust him too."
"He reeks of blood," he hissed lowly. "And you want me trust him?"
I smiled lightly. "I carry the same stench, and yet you trust me."
"That's fucking different."
"You're right. I have more blood on me than he does and ever will." I lifted myself slightly, kissing his cheek. "You don't have to get along, but you need to let him do his job. I need him to be able to do that."
He sighed, shaking his head in resignation. "My brothers get to come whenever. He doesn't get to have a say on that."
I nodded. "Alright, just keep them out of his way." I patted his chest. "I'll finish up here. Go home, take Mindy with you."
He frowned, looking behind me. "Mindy can ride with Uncle Paulie. I'm staying."
"M, I got it." I pressed my palm on his chest, pushing against it. "It's my responsibility."
I pushed at him again and he grudgingly backed away. I called out to the rest of the staff, telling them to go. I finished up with the rest of the cleaning, leaving the night's audit for Alex.
When Ben and his crew were finished, I walked them out, watching one of them get into the black sedan I had ridden in with the guards earlier. As they drove away, I glanced over to the other remaining car parked beside mine on the lot.
Alex came out of the back seat with a woman following him. I remembered her to have been the lead singer of the band that played tonight. He spoke to her for a moment, sharing a laugh and a torrid kiss, before letting her in the passenger seat and approaching me, the smile on his face vanishing like it had been a lie.
"Since when did Jenkins do cleaning duty?" he muttered, evidently agitated despite his almost lazy disposition.
"When he knows he fucked up." I sighed, leaning against the wall. "Do you think I can win?" I asked. "If I use all that I have, can I take them?"
He tilted his head, eyeing me for a moment. "Don't go there, Gel."
I shrugged. "I said if."
"No," he replied. "Not with the way you are now. Maybe if you were when I met you, maybe you'd have a shot. But never like this."
"I can be that." I tilted my head back, closing my eyes. "I can be that monster again. Even worse than I used to be."
"Your guy wouldn't want that for you."
I pursed my lips, banging the back of my head against the wall. "He'll forgive me. He's kind. He can forgive me."
"I have a daughter that I've only held once. Just once and I couldn't stand touching her again. Holding her made me realize how filthy I was. There's nothing I want more than to hold her again, but I know if I do, I'll ruin her. I would never forgive myself for that."
I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze. "What do I do then?"
He shrugged. "Let go. Until you can find a way to not ruin what you're trying to hold onto, you gotta let go."
I chuckled weakly, pushing myself off the wall. "Life in the gutters has made you so fucking pathetic, Archibald."
I walked past him, slipping my cap back on and heading to my car. I tossed my backpack on the passenger seat as I got in, quickly speeding out to the empty street. When I parked in the underground garage, I took a moment to gather my thoughts.
I glanced at the backpack sitting next to me, tentatively pulling open the zipper of the front pocket and taking out the pink pencil case. It had cute little unicorns on it.
I brought the case to my lap and opened it, my pulse quickening in anticipation at the sight of the plastic packet filled with powder and a syringe beside it. It was my own personal cocktail. A few drops of heroin. A dash of oxy. A bit of fentanyl. One hit would buy me a dreamless sleep for a few hours. A painless existence. A peaceful mind.
I shut my eyes, banging my forehead against the steering wheel. I made myself think of Rick. How waking up next to him made going to sleep sober bearable. How I wanted so badly for that to be enough. How I had to go back to him before I lost myself again.
I snapped the case close and shoved it back in my backpack, hurriedly going to the elevator. Rick was still sleeping when I came in and I quietly stripped myself off before crawling into bed. I slipped back in his arms, sighing in relief when I felt him tighten his hold.
"If I open my eyes and see a new bruise on you, I'm going to keep you tied to this bed from now on," he mumbled groggily.
"I'm all good, Doc," I said, chuckling. "Not even a single scratch."
He shifted, pulling back slightly to look down at me through half open eyes. I offered him a smile, kissing him lightly.
"I like coming home to you," I murmured before kissing him again.
"Is that your Angel way of asking me to move in?" he said with a wry smile.
I pressed my face into his chest, kissing his skin. "Would you?"
"Hm. Tempting, but I don't think I can share another roof with your brother. I barely pulled through four years of that." He kissed my ear, holding me flush against him. "You're pretty tiny. I'm sure I can squeeze you in my even tinier apartment."
I smiled. "I get full authority of the thermostat."
"Gorgeous, you have full authority of everything I am and have."
"Bet."
We continued to whisper, and kiss, and laugh until we fell asleep. Everything felt so right in this moment. Falling asleep in his arms with his lips on my skin brought me the kind of calm satisfaction that I had only ever experienced through a needle in my vein.
I could live with myself like this. No matter how excruciating it would be, I decided he was going to be enough from now on. For him, I could live with myself.
This was enough. He was enough. I resolved to make him enough.