The drive back home, Rick gave me my turn of asking questions and I asked him all the things that I never once wished to know of in anyone, and he gave me everything without reservation.
He was the eldest of three, born on the 8th of December. He spoke fluent German, having learned it from my brother in preparation for his move to Heidelberg. His first kiss was with Alicia Margolis during his Bar Mitzvah, who also became his first girlfriend up until she dumped him for being too 'studious'. He loved Italian food and spent a month traveling the country. He was a member of Yale's varsity rowing team and was the captain his senior year. Two years ago, he decided to become celibate after his last relationship ended when his girlfriend told him she loved him for the first time and he realized he didn't feel the same. He also knew how to play the guitar, though he refused to play for me unless I did the same.
Even after I ran out of questions, he kept telling me everything he could think of about himself and I listened intently, remembering each detail.
When Simon & Garfunkel's Cecilia shuffled into play, he started singing along, saying they were one of his favorite artists. He sang loudly and horribly, slapping his hands against the steering wheel out of beat and dancing in his seat.
It didn't take long till I had a stupid grin plastered on my face and took my phone out to record him. He got even more ridiculous when we stopped at a red light, singing at the top of his lungs until the other cars started blowing their horns at us when we didn't move after the green light.
As we gradually settled into a comforting silence, holding each other's hand, I started thinking about what he'd said at the diner, how ten years from now we'd be leading different lives and somewhere along the way, we'd cross paths and talk about what had become of us while at the back of our minds, we'd remember everything we've shared.
Thinking back from meeting him, I never considered the possibility he could affect my life so deeply as he had that it was almost an unbearable thought that I would inevitably be forced to walk away from him and live a life separate from his. How do I even start over and have a family with another man after having been with someone so wholly that I've surrendered myself to him?
Frederick Richardson had ruined me so completely that I was certain I could never be satisfied with any life without him in it. Something will always be missing. Something will always be not quite right and I hated it. I hated what he'd done to me because it wasn't fair. He was the only thing I had ever truly wanted for myself, but I could never have him. I was never meant to have him and it was wrong that I was entertaining him in this quiet charade. We both knew we had no future, but we still kept holding onto each other, refusing to live in our separate realities.
"Angel," I heard him call, his voice bringing me back to reality, stirring me from my thoughts of him.
I hadn't realized we were back already and when it came to me, I felt dejected. I was going back to my life now. Back to the wretched darkness. Back to poisoning myself. Back to a reality where he and I could never be.
Had it really been mere hours since we left this place? It felt more than that.
He cupped my cheek with his hand, brushing his thumb against my skin in such a gentle way.
"Let's do this again soon," he murmured. "We can go to a concert, or maybe go kayaking. Whatever you want."
"I hate lying," I said, the bitterness in my mouth festering. "How long are we going to live in this lie, sweetheart?"
"Where's the lie in this?" he retorted, chuckling solemnly. "I just want to get to know you. To be with you. Care for you. Kiss you. Hold you. While I still can. I can't promise peace and order when we're together of course because I don't think I'd ever be able to put up with your bullshit. I'm not promising you the world. Not even the stars. Or the seas. But for the life of me, stop trying to act like you're not crazy about me. It's getting old."
I managed to laugh. Here was one of the most infuriating men I've ever met. Who could be sweet and annoying at the same time. Who got on every damn nerve that I had almost every time we were together and yet made me feel safe in his presence. A man so beautiful that it actually made sense that he was an asshole sometimes because if he wasn't, he just might actually be perfect, and that's scary. It's scary when you can't find a certain flaw in someone, even just a little bit. Like a crooked nose or blemished skin, or even bad manners. But Frederick Richardson had a perfectly symmetrical nose and flawless skin, and was the most well-mannered man I've ever known.
How could I ever be worthy for such perfection when all I had to offer was myself? A broken and damaged person who was the furthest thing from perfect. He deserved so much more, and yet he was satisfied with me. It didn't make sense.
"You're really frustrating me with this silence," he said, sighing.
"I'm just thinking," I mumbled quietly.
"Think faster because I really want to kiss you now."
"And if I say no?"
"No about the kiss or no about the date?"
I shrugged. "Both."
"You know you want to."
"And I know I'm not supposed to."
"For once, let yourself have the things that you want," he murmured, leaning closer till our lips brushed. "You can have me, if you just let yourself."
I swallowed hard, staring back at his eyes as they dared me to go over the line. To reach for him and take him.
"I'm so fucking yours, it's insane," he whispered.
I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him to me, crashing my lips to his in a hungry kiss that I've been wanting to do all day. He was caught off guard, but gladly returned the kiss by parting his lips with a groan.
His hand snaked to the back of my head, fisting at my hair. I shifted, propping myself up on my knees and maneuvering myself onto his lap. When he slid his hands up my thighs, he sucked in a sharp breath at the realization I really was naked underneath this dress.
"Fuck, you drive me crazy," he bit out, squeezing my ass in his grip.
The kiss grew harsher as we pulled at each other and I could feel my chest constrict from the lack of air. I moved my mouth to his jaw, trailing towards his Adam's apple, licking and nipping at his throat as I went.
I started to rock against him in a slow rhythm, moaning at the torturous friction I was inflicting upon myself. His hand dipped from my ass, cupping my pussy, his fingers sliding across my slit and groaning when he found me wet for him. I felt myself shudder at his touch and I hastily reached between us, undoing his jeans.
He suddenly pulled away, ripping my hands off him as if my touch burned him, our mouths falling agape as we panted for air. His eyes travelled downward and I followed his gaze, swallowing at the sight of his hardened cock straining against his briefs.
I slippied my wrists from his hold and tugged down the waistband of his briefs, letting his cock free. The tip was damp with precum, veins pulsing along the throbbing shaft. It looked like it hurt and I wanted nothing more than to ease it, but when I tried to take him in my hand, he caught my wrist. I frowned, looking up at him in confusion.
He chuckled shakily, dropping his forehead on my shoulder. "I want you so much that it literally pains me to say no."
I couldn't help myself. I crashed my lips against his in a deep kiss, licking at his lower lip and begging for entrance, but he pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine.
"You're going to be the death of me, gorgeous," he whispered before quickly tucking himself away. I pouted and he chuckled, pecking my lips. "I gave your brother my word I wouldn't touch you. I intend on keeping it this time at least."
I sighed. "If he wasn't what I lived for, I'd kill him already."
He smiled. "Say yes." I frowned in confusion. "This so-called lie," he went on in a hush voice. "Live in it with me."
I shook my head dejectedly. "It's too dangerous, to taunt my father more than this."
He sighed, kissing me lightly. "Stop thinking and just say yes."
I screwed my eyes shut as I turned my head away. "I'm leaving at the end of summer and I don't know when I'm coming back," I confessed. "I'm going to England for medical school. I got accepted to Cambridge."
He was quiet for a while, staring at me as if trying to decipher the words that I just uttered.
"I should go inside," I said.
When I tried to move, he held me in place and pulled me closer to him, lifting his hand before running his fingers through my hair.
"I still want to be with you. More than ever," he said.
I shook my head ruefully. "I can be with you, but not the way you want."
"Why? Give me one acceptable reason why you can't."
I let out a heavy breath, laughing weakly. "Well, first of all, I'm engaged."
"And you're getting married in what? Six months? So much can still happen in between that time frame and it's not like you're cheating on him. He's your mother's lover for crissake, I think we're okay."
"I'm still leaving for Cambridge."
He merely scoffed. "Yes, at the end of summer. Is that all? You're still here, aren't you? And while you're still within my reach, I'd love for you to give me a chance to know you more and go on adventures with you. What's so wrong about that?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because!"
"That's not a reason dammit!"
I was getting pissed off and I just kissed him. He groaned, tearing his fingers through my hair as he kissed me back.
"Say yes," he said through gritted when we finally pulled away.
"Sweetheart..."
"What are so afraid of? Your father? What can he do to me with you beside me?"
I screwed my eyes shut, tucking my head under his jaw. "We can't be seen in public. Today was an exception."
"We'll be careful. I won't put you at risk. I swear."
I managed to laugh. "You're the one who's at risk just by being with me."
"I don't care as long as you're with me."
I groaned in frustration at his words and moved to get off of him, but he held me in place.
"Yes or yes?"
I sighed in defeat. "Yes, fine, but don't you dare blame me for anything by the end of this."
He grinned in triumph. I rolled my eyes and opened the door, sliding off him. He followed suit with a slight frown on his face as he looked down at the obvious bulge on the front of his jeans.
"I can help with that," I offered.
He glared at me, shifting his jeans. "Stop trying to seduce me, you temptress."
He opened the backseat, gathering the stuffed toys he had won earlier and passing them over to me. I had my arms full even with him carrying the other half.
"I'm not going to any amusement parks with you again," I muttered as we started heading into the building.
He laughed, slinging an arm over my shoulder. "Fair enough. Where do you want to go next?"
I thought for a moment before answering, "I like museums. They're quiet and people keep to themselves."
"Hm. I'll check out a few." He kissed my temple. "Thank you."
I rolled my eyes. "You can thank me after your funeral."
"Promise you'll cry for me?"
"I'll bury myself next to you."
As we entered the lobby, the concierge greeted us with a smile.
"Good evening, Miss Lastor."
I ignored her.
"Hi, Rick! How's it going?" she gushed.
I faltered, snapping my gaze to her.
"Hi, Josie. I'm doing good," Rick replied, returning her grin with a wink. "Really good."
She giggled, pursing her lips when she caught my gaze.
"See you later. Have a good evening," Rick said, waving at her as we entered the lift.
I shoved him aside the moment the doors slid close.
"Josie?" I spat. "See you later? What the fuck?"
He rolled his eyes. "I was only being polite."
I scoffed. "Babe, I know polite. I was taught how to be polite by a paid tutor. You were flirting!"
"You're exaggerating," he said with a sigh.
"You're on first name basis with the bitch! I don't even know her name and I own the damn building!"
"Of course I know her name! I've been begging her to let me in for weeks because your brother banned me from entering the building!"
I shut the fuck up.
He blew out a harsh breath, shifting his hold on the stuffed toys in his arm.
"Yeah. Pathetic, right? Begging a stranger to help me chase after the girl who's so intent on running away from me." He scoffed. "Can you please put in the code?"
Dumbly, I punched the numerical code for the penthouse on the pad. We stood in silence on the ride up. When the lift stopped and the doors slid open to the foyer, he took my hand and dragged me out when I remained still.
"I didn't know," I finally said as we stood outside the front door.
"Josie felt sorry for me so she let me in and made me promise not to tell Jude or she'd get fired. I've been coming here during my breaks waiting for you to show up."
"You're so stupid," I said, chuckling.
He feigned a smile. "Gee thanks."
I shook my head in wry amusement. "No. I've barely been here for the past month and ever since we got back from Cabo, I've been staying at Mikey's. When you clock out at midnight, I'd follow you home on my break before going back to the bar till closing."
I realized immediately how creepy I sounded.
"Only for your safety," I added quickly. A smug smile appeared on his lips and I scowled. "I had to make sure my father wasn't going to do anything to you."
"Uh-huh. Come here," he said, pulling me in his arms. He sighed, embracing me tightly as he buried his nose in my hair. "What am I going to do with you, gorgeous?"
I squirmed in discomfort. "So... you're not mad or freaked out?"
"Actually, I'm weirdly flattered by it," he murmured, chuckling softly. "I wish I could just take you home with me."
I bit my lip, looking up at him. "You should."
He smiled, tucking my hair behind my ears. "I'm tempted. I can't sleep without you anymore."
I managed to laugh. Same.
"This is very unhealthy," I muttered sardonically.
He shrugged. "It's called attraction. A potent mixture of physical and emotional pull. Very debilitating malady," he said in a grave tone.
I rolled my eyes. "You're so stupid."
He grinned, feigning to bite me. "Do I get to kiss you on your doorstep after the first date?"
"Or–" I began, pressing myself against him. " –we go back to your place and finish what we started in the car."
He chuckled, placing a chaste kiss on my lips. "I wanna do this the right way and as much as your brother pisses me off these days, I still respect him and I promised to bring you home before ten."
I made a face. "I haven't been home before ten since I was ten."
He smiled indulgently. "Offer me coffee so I can stay longer."
He grasped the doorknob, twisting it to open, but it didn't give way. He knocked instead. Nobody answered.
"You have your key?" he asked.
I shook my head, eyeing the closed door strangely. Jude prohibited locks in our apartment. Not a single door, including the front, had a lock on it. Whenever he was home, he called and texted me that he was, and if he wasn't, he'd do the same and say how long he'd be gone.
It occurred to me just then that he hasn't called once or sent a single text since I left. That overbearing freak never let a single hour pass without bombarding me with his nagging.
Anxiety cooled my veins and I dropped the stuffed toys in my arms as I moved to Rick's front, pressing my back against his chest. I clutched either side of him, roaming my eyes all over the foyer for something out of place. But everything was as I knew it was. Except for the locked door.
"Nonsense," I muttered under my breath, sniffing at the air.
Blood. It was faint, but I could smell it. Behind the door.
I reached into my jacket, taking out the knife from the inside pocket along with my phone. I dialed Jude as I began to back us into the elevator doors. I summoned the lift while holding the phone to my ear, listening to it ring and ring. And ring.
Jude always answered as if he was already anticipating my call every time. Not once has he missed any of my calls. Till now.
"Nonsense. Fucking nonsense. What the fuck."
I felt pressure tighten around my throat and realized Rick's hand was on me, stifling my breathing. I snapped my eyes up to his.
"Calm down," he said in a soft voice, easing his grip. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "What's happening?"
"I don't know," I whispered, the dread of not knowing overwhelming me. "Nothing is making sense."
The elevator pinged and I flinched, pushing Rick behind me as I shifted my hold on my knife. I relaxed when I saw that it was empty and quickly pushed Rick inside.
"Put it on emergency stop. Don't come out until I say so. Understand?"
"What? Wait just-"
"Frederick," I cut in sharply, grasping the collar of his shirt and locking eyes with him. "Do as I say or you'll never see me again."
He clenched his jaw, staring at me for a moment before nodding grudgingly. I stepped away, turning to my side to keep the front door on my peripheral while simultaneously watching the elevator doors close. When I heard the blaring of the emergency alarm, I shrugged off my jacket as I marched over to the front door, stomping my boot on it hard enough to jostle it against the hinges.
"Open!" I ordered, stomping against the door again. "Now!"
I heard faint shuffling on the other side of the door, and then the sound of locks clicking and an alarm beeping. I took a step back, holding my arms behind me.
Three men revealed themselves, the two stepping out and standing at either side of the door while the last one stepped in front of me. He moved aside as he pushed the door wide open.
"Miss Lastor," Winston Hagen greeted with a bow of his head.
The man had been my father's primary aide since before I was even born, and he had been molded into my father's image so perfectly that one could mistake him as his literal shadow. And just like my father, he so obviously detested my existence, in spite the courtesy he unfailingly offered me as a Lastor.
"How dare you dirty our home with your filthy presence," I uttered in a leveled voice. "You may be an extension of my father, but that does not give either of you the right to trespass into our private property without just cause."
"Master Anthony ordered for additional security to be put in place in your residence," he calmly replied, dutifully not meeting my gaze. "I will take my leave once everything has been properly settled. Please, pardon the intrusion."
"Was this approved by Ben's office?"
He nodded once. "Of course."
I gritted my teeth. "I've yet to hear your cause."
He cast a pointed glance behind me, at the elevator that continued to blare loudly. I wanted to gouge his fucking eyes out.
"A report was sent in earlier, regarding the existing threat to the family from within both yours and Lord Jude's circle. It was determined that security needed to be more visible and tangible, if the threat continues to compromise both of your safety, and consequently the family, with its presence."
The audacity of this vermin.
I slowly took a few steps forward, closing the distance between us. He lowered his head and kept his gaze to the ground as I stood before him, his feigned submission only serving to infuriate me as much as his obvious threat to Rick.
"Threaten what is mine once more," I murmured softly. "Go on. I dare you."
He bowed his head even lower, essentially offering his neck. "I'm obliged to remind you, as Master Anthony's aide, I am an extension of him and to harm me is akin to harming him. Not even you will be spared from judgment."
"I'm sure he was hoping for such harm upon you when he sent you to my doorstep." I leaned closer, bringing my lips to his ear. "And I shall welcome whatever punishment he serves me for touching what is his. Question is, are you willing to do the same for the sin of threatening what is mine?"
"I did not intend to cause offense."
"Then why are you still breathing the same air as me?" I murmured softly, gripping my knife tightly behind my back. "Get the fuck out of my house. Now, Winston."
"There are still–"
I swung my arm to the front, flipping my grip on the handle of my knife. He quickly jumped back, his eyes widening in alarm as he watched the blade slice across my cheek in a slant. Blood oozed from the shallow cut.
"Leave," I said as I held the tip of the knife against my eye. "Or I'll make sure you're held responsible for damaging your master's property."
He lowered his head again, taking out the pocket square from the front of his suit jacket and holding it out to me.
"I will arrange for an appointment with a plastic surgeon tomorrow. Would morning be acceptable for you?"
"Fuck off," I hissed through gritted teeth.
He looked behind him, at the group of armed men that had quietly surrounded us, before stepping around me and making his way to the fire escape with the men following behind. I stood still, listening to their departing footsteps until they were far enough I could no longer hear anything except the continuous blaring of the elevator. It kept me calm, knowing Rick was out of their reach and sights.
I entered the apartment, surveying the ruined furniture strewn all over the living room. Jude stood facing the floor-to-ceiling window with his back to me, holding his hands against his back. Dried blood stained his fingers up to the sleeves of his shirt.
"You should have called me," I said as I approached him.
"I left my cell upstairs, and they wouldn't get out of my way."
"When did they come?"
"Shortly after you left."
He turned to face me, revealing a gruesome image of blood splattered all over him from head to toe. When I locked gazes with him, I felt myself instinctively stiffen at the sight of him unguarded as the dormant rage he kept locked away completely and wholly came in view.
"Have your people contacted you?" he asked, his voice strained to remain hush.
"Last report was an hour ago. Nothing new."
"Are you sure?"
I eyed him intently. "Are you doubting me right now?"
"Should I? You brought this upon us with your reckless pursuit of Frederick, after all."
I scoffed. "If I didn't give Father cause, he would have eventually made one."
"I don't give a fuck what that piece of shit does." He leaned forward slightly, looking down on me. "I care about what you're going to do with this."
"What's there left to do?" I retorted calmly. "He's made his move. He won't do anything else until we do. He can't. Just humor him and let him have this. It's not worth going to war for when we're the ones with the most to lose."
"As if I'd ever lose to him." He walked past me, going up the stairs. "Have Stella brought here. Now."
"I advise against that. Her security will be compromised if she's too close to either of us."
"Now, little Angel," he uttered in a voice that warranted no room for argument.
I sighed, taking out my phone as I made my way out to the foyer. I pressed call on Felis Silvestris.
"Miss Lastor," Katrina Johnson, the Head of Security for all my dependents, greeted in a flat tone as she answered.
"The situation has developed. Initiate the countermeasures for Event F, but adjust for Stella to be brought here within the hour."
"Understood. I'll mobilize a convoy to escort her. Shall I prepare for your extraction?"
"Not yet. Just get this done."
"Yes, Miss Lastor."
I ended the call and made another to Rick.
"You can go now," I said once he answered, stopping outside the elevator. "Call me once you're home."
I heard the alarm in the elevator stop and a moment later, the doors slid open and instantly, Rick was in front of me, standing so close I could feel his erratic breathing.
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is happening," he snapped, his voice echoing as he kept the call going.
His gazed latched onto the cut on my face and he practically lunged at me, grabbing either side of my head.
"What the fuck?" he bit out, gently wiping the blood off my cheek with his thumb.
"You need to go," I stated calmly.
"Fucking make me. I dare you."
I let out a sigh, deciding it would take too much effort to rid of him in this state. I took his hands and turned around. The two guards at either side of the door remained standing there, stoic and practically unblinking.
"Pick up my things and take them to my room," I ordered as we passed them.
They moved, bending down to pick up the stuffed toys on the floor along with my jacket. I headed to the kitchen, pulling at Rick when he stopped to look at the wreckage in the living room.
"Jude," he muttered, sounding frantic. "Where's Jude?"
"Upstairs."
"Is he okay?"
"He's probably finishing himself off in the shower," I said with a disgusted scoff. "The guy gets off on this kind of shit almost as much as I do."
"He… did that?"
"You think people can break into his house and leave unscathed?"
"Have you called the cops?"
I paused as I was looting through the drawers for the coffee filters. I looked over to him, to see if he was actually serious.
"Call them for what? A ticket?"
"Your house was just broken into. You can't just-"
"My god, you're precious," I said, laughing as I went on to brew the coffee. "Babe, this isn't your quintessential break in. If anything, it's more like going through a toll booth."
"What?"
I set down a cup under the drip before turning to face him.
"I'm being made to pay for you," I said, folding my arms across my chest as I leaned against the counter. "You didn't think letting you have me came without a price, did you?"
A variety of emotions flickered past his face. Confusion. Panic. Fear. Anger. And then, understanding.
"What do you mean pay? What is Anthony going to do to you?" he demanded.
I shrugged, glancing at the new surveillance camera at the corner of the ceiling before bringing my gaze back to Rick. He swallowed hard as he stared at the camera, fear dominating every inch of him as if Father himself was watching him.
I pushed myself off the counter and went to him, bringing his arms around me.
"It is against the laws of our family to harm each other's dependents. Doing so grants the offended party the right to retaliate without facing judgment. I could never hurt my father, but the same can't be said for the rest of the family. He knows that, and so do they. Unless they wish to face my wrath in his behalf, they will never grant my father the satisfaction of drawing your blood."
I brought my palms to either side of his face, slipping my fingers through his hair and lowering him to me.
"No one touches what is mine," I assured him. "No one."
He let out a harsh breath, cupping my cheek and pressing a thumb against the cut as it continued to bleed. I sucked in a breath as the touch stung.
"What about your blood? How much do you have to bleed for my sake?" he asked, his face anguished. "Why… why do you have to suffer like this? Just who even am I to be paid for by your fucking blood?"
"Then throw me away," I said, taking his hand off my cheek and bringing his thumb against my lips. "Reduce us to nothing so we can be spared from this suffering."
He pressed his forehead against mine, tears filling his eyes, but unlike the tears he'd shed for me before, these were borne from rage. As he stared down at me, I could feel the blatant aggression in those blue pair fueling mine, burning me from the inside out with its intensity.
Sighing, I parted my lips and he met me halfway, greedily taking my lips in a furious kiss. I could taste the blood on my lips. Hear his ragged breath each time we parted for just a fraction. Feel how his fury burned his body as he held me tight against him, selfishly refusing to let me go.
I hiked himself up his waist and he made his way out of the kitchen, bumping against whatever furniture remained standing and stopping against a wall along the way. When we finally reached my room, we fell to the bed and hastily stripped each other all the while keeping our lips fused together. I shivered at the feel of so much of him all over me.
He trailed his lips down my body, his hot breaths burning me as he tasted every inch of me he was allowed to have. My neck. My chest. My arms. My legs. My feet. My pussy. He took it all and more, ravaging me with his lips and tongue.
He was almost merciless in his claim of me, holding me down and keeping my thighs apart as I writhed under his mouth. When I came, he took every taste of it as well, continuing to fuck me with his fingers and tongue until I had no choice but to surrender another orgasm to him. Still, I was insatiable.
"Please, you," I whispered urgently, gripping fistfuls of his hair and pulling. "I need you. Please."
He rose from between my legs, panting and almost manic as he stared down at me. I wrapped my limbs around him, angling my center to his. In an instant, he pushed every inch of himself inside me in one thrust. A cry ripped out of me, the pain of the sudden entry leaving me delirious with satisfaction.
"This is going to be fast," he bit out, lifting both my legs over his shoulders.
He started pounding into me in a frenzied pace, leaning over me and pinning me down at each thrust. It hurt. Fuck, it hurt so good, all I could do was hold onto him and submit to the punishing pleasure.
"More," I pleaded breathlessly. "Harder."
He shifted without slowing down, a hand coming up to my throat while the other held my ankles together, driving me closer the edge at every thrust and squeeze. He latched his mouth on my calf, kissing and licking the scars there while fucking me so hard and deep I could already feel myself bruising.
"Come for me, baby," he rasped, tightening his grip on my throat enough to seize my breaths.
He bit down on my calf, his teeth tearing into my skin, and I tensed at the sudden burst of pain from his savagery, a violent orgasm overcoming me. It felt eternal, the euphoric high of my climax as it pulsed throughout my body, electrifying every nerve ending as Rick continued to chase after his own release. And then he was with me, pressing down on my throat as he buried himself deeper into me and filling me till I could feel him spilling out of me. I came again, just barely remaining conscious as he released me and collapsed beside me.
I was panting, aching and trembling all over, utterly and thoroughly sated. I could faintly feel his cum dripping down my slit and I almost jumped when his hand came between my legs, wiping me clean with the bedsheet.
"Did I hurt you too much?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine concern.
I laughed and wanted to tell him that he might have just fucked me into enlightenment, but I just shook my head. He sighed almost in relief, tucking an arm under my head as he shifted to lay on his side. I moved closer to him, burying my face against his chest and breathing him in.
"Tell me what to do," he suddenly said, his lips pressed to my temple. "How can I stay with you, without hurting you?"
I sighed, closing my eyes. "I don't think that's possible, sweetheart. We're bound to make each other suffer, for as long as we exist to each other."
He started to cry, holding me tightly as if afraid I'd be taken from him then and there.
"I'll make it worth it," he whispered, his broken voice stabbing into me. "I promise, I'll make you so fucking happy. So, please, bear with me."
I shushed him, rolling him onto his back as I began to kiss every inch of him. And I took my turn of claiming him.
I could never get enough of him. I could never replace him. I could never feel the same with anyone. Ever. I was his. Always. Because of that, I knew he would be worth every ounce of pain I'd have to endure for allowing him to exist in my wretched life.
Fear started creeping up on me again. He scared me shitless. The way he made me feel. The way he treated me. The way his existence to me has become so necessary that I wanted to tear the fucking world apart and make it anew, where he and I could exist together. It scared me because I didn't know what to do with it. Didn't know how to do the right things.
He sat up, pulling me to him and kissing me, easily pushing aside the chaos of thoughts in my mind and becoming the only thing I had. He was like a fine bottle of scotch. A line of snow. A dose of heroin. Intoxicating me and taking over my senses.
It wasn't long till our kiss grew desperate with need, but his touch, unlike before, was soft and gentle. He pulled away and planted chaste kisses all over my face and then returning to my lips, as if cherishing my very being.
My demons rampaged, carrying my father's voice. Telling me this was wrong and that I was going to ruin him. That a worthless bastard like me didn't deserve him. That I was just a whore and all I had to offer was my filthy body.