I was getting suffocated. I tried to move only to be pressed into something hard. I groaned, pushing it away but it merely answered back with its own groan.
"Stop moving."
I blinked my eyes open and frowned when my eyes settled on the bare chest shoved in my face. I didn't have to look. The scent of roses assaulted my nostrils and I idly wondered how he could maintain such a scent. Or maybe he bathed in roses every day.
I tried to move again, needing air to breathe but he just pulled me back, his arms tightening even more.
"Sleep," he grumbled, burrowing his face in my hair and sighing. "Stay."
I stopped moving.
"Good girl," he said, kissing the top of my head.
I made a face. "The fuck?"
The rumbling of his chest made me realize he wasn't asleep at all. I scowled and started pushing but it only took him draping a leg over me and tightening his arms to effectively make my struggling futile. I felt like a physically abused teddy bear.
"You're suffocating me, asshole."
He shifted, loosening his arms for a fraction and leveling his head with mine. I swallowed hard when our eyes met.
"Hi," Rick murmured with a small smile on his lips.
I frowned, trying to catch up. Memories from last night slowly settled in my hung over brain. After he got even with me by leaving me without a backwards glance, I went to the hotel bar and got pissed drunk.
I faintly remembered yapping off the bartender's ear about my sorrows and then the guards had to drag me back to the penthouse suite after I smacked some random guy who wouldn't stop pestering me about joining him for a drink. And in my drunken state, I threw myself at Rick. Confessed my ill gotten feelings like a blubbering teenager.
I cringed, both from shame and the pain throbbing in my head.
Good fucking Morning, Mexico.
"How do you feel right now?" Rick asked when I said nothing.
"Like shit."
"Medically speaking, baby."
"Medically speaking, I feel like shit."
He sighed, his arms unraveling from their hold on me as he sat up. Panic rushed into me.
"The fuck did I do now?"
"Nothing. I'm just thinking," he murmured, his back to me. "Give me a second."
I frowned, watching him bend forward and clutch his head.
"You can leave if you want to."
He looked over his shoulder, glaring. "No more leaving, remember?"
I lowered my eyes. "You don't-"
"I'm hard, Angel. Give me a sec. I can't hold you when I'm thinking about bending you over and fucking you."
My throat ran dry. My lungs malfunctioned. My brain might've tilted.
I didn't say anything. I was filled with the urge to grab him and hold onto him, and yet, I wanted to run as far away as I could from him.
I cautiously lifted my eyes just as he was turning his head to look at me again and it was instant. The fire. Burning and spreading all over my body, exhausting and pouring out of me, filling every inch of space in the room. I knew he felt it. It was too intense not to feel.
The frustration in his eyes was replaced with something ferocious. Something darker. Consuming him. And me.
My breathing quickened. His grew harsher.
I bit my lip. He clenched his jaw.
I reached for him. He lunged at me.
Our lips clashed together, the harshness enough to be painful. There was no sense of gentleness. No hesitation. Just us. And this unyielding force that has been growing stronger the more days that passed with us denying the one thing that we both knew we wanted. Each other.
I shut off. My thoughts became filled with a frenzy of chaos. My body, as if a mind of its own, responded to every frantic touch he laid on me. My lips only had one track in mind, to be on his. At every small bit of millisecond that we could, we'd gasp for air, barely parting. Our limbs coiled together, hips thrusting, desperate for friction. That connection. My skin felt like it had been grazed with a great fire and he was the one who held the torch.
I whimpered at the feel of him between my legs, my hands frantically skimming over the taut muscles on his back, his arms, his neck, before fisting at his overgrown hair.
Somewhere along the way, we rolled to the floor, hurriedly tearing each other's clothes off. It was then that our eyes met and for one splitting moment, the world stopped spinning in its axis and everything went deafeningly silent.
We stared at each other unblinkingly, our foreheads pressed together as we shared every breath that we took. Something happened then. Something snapped. Something broke out of us. Words weren't necessary. Our eyes spoke for us. Speaking in ways our words could not have done.
We knew. We both knew that if we went through this, there was no turning back anymore. This wasn't just any fuck. It was more. It needed to be more.
His eyes slowly closed, his lips parting, almost as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. My heart was slamming against my chest, blood surging in a rush to and fro while I trembled as his body pinned me to the floor, the plush carpet pressed against my back.
I bit my lip, lifting a shaking hand to his face and cupping his jaw. I gazed up at him, taking in the beautiful man before me, battling within himself. I pretended not to know what he was fighting against. I pretended not to feel it. I was too much of a coward to face it.
His hand came to hold mine. He turned his head for a fraction and placed an open mouthed kiss on my palm. A kiss that meant more than a kiss.
He opened his eyes and I struggled to breathe. Struggled to function. Seized to exist.
He whispered something to me but I was too dazed to comprehend it. He lifted me up in his arms, carrying me back to the bed and placing me carefully as if he was afraid to break me.
I was bare. Naked in the purest way. Not one piece of clothing sparing me a bit of dignity. No wall barring him from seeing everything inside of me. And yet, as he took a step back, appraising me, gazing at me with a look that made my back arch, I didn't give a damn.
His eyes slid over every inch of skin he could see. Every crack. Every curve. Every mark. Every scar. He took it all in. As his eyes met mine, I caught the astonishment, as if he couldn't believe he was seeing me. That I was in front of him. He looked at me as if I had once been a dream that came to life. And his eyes worshiped me as if I was a miracle.
I felt alive.
"Come here..." I whispered. Begged.
He sucked in a shaky breath, taking that one step that it took to be as close to me as possible. His body covered mine while he reached for my hand, twining our fingers together. We gripped each other, our holds so tight it seemed we shared the same fear. Losing each other.
His free hand caressed my cheek, his eyes taking in every inch of my face as if committing my image to his memory. Our lips met, the kiss slow. Unhurried as we savored each other's taste. He tasted of whiskey still. I figured he'd been trying to drown away his sorrows during the late hours of the night when I came in. Sorrows that I brought him.
I casted my thoughts away and kissed him more urgently. Desperately.
His hands caressed my bare thigh while his tongue tangled with mine. There were no fireworks. No butterflies. But there was a shitload of coals being set aflame and burning fiercely inside me. Inside him. Between us. Around us. I could feel it. Feel him. He was inside me. Around me. Consuming me to the core.
It was exhilarating. To have something fill the emptiness inside me. To feel something. To have him take me in as he peppered my skin with lingering kisses as if he was worshiping me. I reveled in it.
But I was growing impatient. I needed him. And I needed him now.
"Left side. Top drawer," I breathed, fighting a shiver as his lips sucked on my pebbled nipple.
He blinked, his eyes flitting back to mine, the haze of lust making them a shade darker.
"Hm?"
I smiled, reaching between us and grasping his hard member. He grimaced.
"Left side," I whispered, slowly stroking him, earning a low groan from him. "Top drawer."
I leaned forward, placing my lips on the fading scar that I had left on his neck and licking it.
"Hurry."
He forced his stiff body to move into action as he yanked the drawer out and slammed it on the table. I chuckled, trailing lingering kisses all over his chest. I licked up his Adam's apple, simultaneously tightening my grip on his cock. He cursed out.
"You're killin' me, gorgeous."
I smiled, looking up at him sheepishly. His eyes were screwed shut, his face a picture of pain, frustration, restraint. And need.
He pulled his arm back, his eyes snapping open as he held up the box of condoms, a look of relief appearing on his face that made chuckle. But then he shook it, his face falling at the emptiness of the box.
He ripped it open. Nothing. He let out a frustrated growl as he threw the damn thing to the side while I dropped my head on the pillow.
"Baby, please tell me you didn't…"
I shook my head vehemently, looking up at him, meeting the thunderous look on his face.
"I didn't. I found that there when we checked in."
His face softened as he sighed deeply. "Good."
I pursed my lips, stroking his cock with my fist. "How about you?"
He muttered a curse when I gripped him harder. "What do you think?"
I narrowed my eyes at him, tightening my grip, deliberately choking his cock.
"I didn't!"
I smiled, loosening my hold. "Good."
He shook his head before burying his face against the pillow beside my head.
"I'm going to lose my mind."
I groaned, glaring at the cock in my hand, the tip seeping with precum while the veins snaking all over it made it even more.... intimidating. And arousing.
This has to be a joke.
While I was sulking, Rick was pulling out every drawer of the two tables at either side of the bed and throwing them to the side when it offered nothing that we both needed while muttering curses as he went. I laughed at our ridiculous struggle.
I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me. His face said it all, he was one second away from tearing the room apart.
"I'm clean," he blurted out.
I smiled wryly. "I don't doubt that."
"This is the part where you tell me you are too."
I chuckled lightly. "Jude has been running mandatory monthly tests on me ever since we started living together. I've only ever failed the drug tests."
He licked his lips, pressing his body against mine. "So..." he said, clearing his throat rather suggestively.
I shook my head, lifting my head up to look at him. I smiled at his pleading gaze.
"Maybe Andy has some."
He frowned. "The blonde?"
Like on cue, she walked in, kicking the door open. Rick cursed and yanked the duvet over our bare bodies. She winced when she took in our situation.
"Oops. My bad." Her eyes slid over to Rick as he laid beside me and she smirked. "Hi there."
I glared. "Fuck off."
She pouted, skipping towards the bed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she chanted repeatedly, jumping on me and wrapping her arms around me. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
I groaned, pushing her away from me. "Shut up."
"Are you still pissed?" she mumbled dejectedly, pulling out the injured puppy routine.
I sighed. "No. Now go get us some condoms."
She chirped at that, grinning. "Okay. Okay. One sec."
She rushed out of the room. Rick arched a brow, giving me a questioning look.
"Meet my best friend." I waved at the door. "Alexandrea Allen. Rock star by profession. Heiress of Washington and California by birth." He looked at me in confusion. "Oh, her family owns the West."
"Seriously?"
"I mean, not all of it but yeah."
Andrea came rushing back in, looking like a giddy six year old. She threw a large box of condoms on my lap before slamming the door close. And then she started taking her clothes off.
Rick glanced at me, a wary look on his face. "Uh… baby?"
"Andrea!" I yelled out, jolting up in a sitting position.
She paused as she was about to take her bra off. I took a deep steadying breath.
"No."
Her brows creased as she made a face.
"No?" she mimicked, almost as if she didn't know what it meant. I doubt she's heard the word said to her before.
"Dee..." I sighed, pressing my temples. "We're not going to..." I trailed off, uncertain of what word to use.
"Share?"
Bless her for supplying it.
I shrugged.
She looked shocked, offended even.
"But we always share!"
Rick choked on air while I closed my eyes briefly, asking all the Gods for patience.
"Not this." I shook my head, giving her a firm look. "Not him."
Her brows furrowed, tilting her head and looking at Rick, raking her eyes over him calculatedly. As if to see why I was suddenly being selfish. He awkwardly pulled the duvet over his chest.
"Why not?"
"Because I said so."
She pouted. "This ain't fair. I always let you join! Wha-"
"Andrea!" I hissed, glaring at her and she cowered. "Get out."
She grumbled like a child and picked up her clothes. She turned for the door but then paused, looking over her shoulder.
"Can I at least watch?"
"Oh god, get out already!" I snapped, throwing a pillow at her.
She poked her tongue out at me before stomping out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
"Don't use all of it!"
I let out a large breath and dropped back on the bed, groaning. Rick chuckled. I glanced at him, catching him looking at the door.
"The fuck are you looking at?"
He pursed his lips. "Nothing."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Do you want her to join us?"
He looked like a deer in head lights. "Of course not."
I pushed him back and shifted, straddling him by the waist and glaring down at him.
"You. Me. No one else. Got that?"
He smirked, taking my wrists with one hand and shifting. He pinned me to the bed, pulling my arms over my head.
"Say it."
My brows creased. "What?"
"Say it," he whispered, dropping his head and pressing his lips on my collar bone. "Say you're mine, Angel."
I stilled.
He took a pebbled nipple between his lips, teasing me as he swirled his tongue around it before biting down. My back arched and I tried to pull my arms free.
"Rick..."
I whimpered when he slid his cock along my slick opening, doing it over and over while he sucked and bit my breasts all over.
"Say it, baby."
He licked me from the breast to my neck and then he trailed his way back down through chaste kisses. I was panting. On the verge of exploding and all I had was friction. I needed more. But he stopped thrusting and stopped kissing.
He let me go, sitting back on his heels and taking the box. He ripped it open, packets of condoms littering the bed. He took one, tearing it with his teeth while holding my gaze. I bit my lip, watching him roll the rubber on his hard cock.
I decided that was the best damn thing I've ever seen in my life. Watching him put a condom on. Shit.
He started stroking himself, pumping his fist along his still hardening cock as he raked his eyes over me, lingering on my pussy. I moaned when he quickened his strokes.
I've never envied anything in my life as much as I envied his hand right then.
"Come here," I whispered. "Please."
He pushed my knee with his, opening me up for him and aligning his tip directly at my entrance but when I tried to push against him, he held me back, shaking his head.
"Seriously?"
"We're settling this now. No more mixed signals. No more games. No more running away. I'm yours, Angel. If we're going to do this, I need you to be mine too because I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else."
I sucked in a sharp breath, blindsided by his brusque words. This guy just doesn't stop. He acted purely on his emotions. Not urges. Not physicality. His heart. His godforsaken heart.
I reminded myself to breathe but it was a struggle when he was looking at me like this. It was scaring the shit out of me again. The way my heart beat so loudly I couldn't hear anything else. The way his words hung on repeat in my head.
"And if I don't say it?"
He shrugged, pushing his tip into me. I gasped at the entry.
"Then I'll fuck you till you can't walk straight and we'll go our separate ways."
He said it so simply and yet I had no doubt he meant his words.
I screwed my eyes shut, trying to find the right thing to say.
"You're asking for too much."
"I know, it's selfish but I need something to hold onto."
I let out a harsh breath, opening my eyes. He was looking at me and my breathing faltered. His eyes were blazing. Everything that he felt was there. I just didn't know how to fucking deal with that. It was too much too soon but it was too late to back out. He was inside me and I was inside him. We couldn't get out even if we tried.
This is madness.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat, looking away from him.
"You have to understand, Rick. I've never had to answer to anyone. Everyone in my life takes what I give them and don't ask for anything else. But you..." I trailed off, laughing humorlessly. "You want so much from me and the fucked up part of it is, I want to give you everything. I just can't. I don't know how. I don't even know if I can give you the things that you want from me. I've never dealt with these... feelings. I never had to. I don't know what to do with all of this. It's... overwhelming."
He leaned down and braced himself on his forearm while he cupped my cheek, making me look at him.
"Just for once, have faith," he urged. "I know you're scared, but you don't have to be. I'll be good to you, but you have to stop pushing me away. If things are getting too much, talk to me. Just don't run. Don't shut me out. I want you, Angel. Every inch of you, even the bad parts."
He spoke with so much sincerity that I felt the hairs on my body stand in the attention. He blew out a sharp breath while I just stared at him, too taken aback to react. He grabbed my hand, placing it over his chest and my eyes widened at the feel of the frantic beating of his heart.
"This is what you do to me," he whispered.
I didn't bother breathing at all anymore. What was the point if he kept knocking the air out of me? He was making me feel too much of things I had no clue what to make of. Unlike him, I was still trying to grasp these unfamiliar feelings. I never let myself indulge in my emotions before. I shut them down. That's all I knew. It was what I was taught to do. But I couldn't do that with him. Not if it meant losing him again.
"Say something," he whispered, fear and uncertainty etched in his voice.
I swallowed hard, shaking my head and kissing him. I just kissed him because what was I supposed to say? That I felt the same? That these two weeks were absolute torture because I thought I had lost him after running away from him? That I found it hard to function without him?
There wasn't any pushing anymore. It was pure harsh shoving and we were hanging onto the edge of the precipice.
As our lips tangled with a sense of desperate urgency, I knew fighting would be futile. So I let myself fall just a little bit more for him.
"I'm yours," I whispered. "Always."