It was a Saturday and I spent the entire day in the library doing an extreme cramming session. Tristan and Bo, my two good and only friends in Princeton, had left an hour ago, deciding to push off their work load tomorrow to make way for a party held at one of the fraternity houses in Princeton known for throwing the wildest parties at the university while I stayed behind. I needed to settle everything before I carried on fucking up my life.
I was on my way home, deciding to continue with my work there. Bo had left messages that I deliberately ignored. I saw my brother's chosen car of the week parked inside the underground garage of the complex as I pulled up on my bike and I dreaded having to face him. It was exactly why I decided to spend my Saturday in the library instead of staying at home.
I shifted my hold on my backpack and helmet as I entered the apartment quietly but the sound of loud gunshots and gruff voices inside meant I wasn't going to be able to get in without being noticed.
I moved silently as I walked down the hall. Jude was sitting on his ass on the couch and playing video games with some other douche. I hastily walked towards the stairs.
"Come back here," my brother called.
I pursed my lips, wanting to spite him but obliged instead. He's been making a habit of conducting lectures nowadays and I was in no mood for one.
I walked back inside the living room, holding my helmet close to my chest as if it could protect me from my brother's scrutinizing gaze. He didn't disappoint as he raked his eyes over me before searing me with a glare. I faced him dead on. I had nothing to hide anyways.
"Where have you been?"
"Library."
"You weren't answering your phone," he said, his eyes still fixed on mine as if searching for something.
I sighed, fishing out my phone and throwing it at him. "The battery died," I said while he looked at it. I made sure to drain the damned thing before coming home.
He nodded in satisfaction as he handed my phone back to me. "You drove your bike to school?"
"Yeah, so?"
"You got ticketed again, didn't you?"
I pursed my lips. "Not my damn fault the fucking cops get a hard on over slapping me with a slip."
"They're doing their job. You're not supposed to be speeding," he muttered, holding out his palm. "Give me the tickets. I'll handle them."
"Nah, I got it."
"Last time you said that, the court issued a warrant for your arrest for failure to pay your fines and sentenced you to serve eighty hours of community service," he said in a flat note. "Give them to me."
I sighed, digging into the front pocket of my bag and handing him the three tickets. "You just get a kick out of diminishing my pride, huh?"
"You do that yourself," he muttered as he scanned the tickets. "Seriously, Gel? Going eighty on a forty five? Would it really hurt so bad to follow the law?"
"I was in immense pain trying not to beat the cop with my helmet. Following the law would have killed me," I muttered sarcastically.
He gave me a flat look. "You've been ticketed five times in one month. Sooner or later they're gonna suspend your license."
"You keep saying that and yet you keep bribing the judges to let me walk. Aren't you just a box full of contradictions?"
He glared at me. "Start following speed limits or I'm taking the bike away."
I smiled, quickly dropping it. "I'll try."
"Have you eaten?"
"No."
"I meant, have you eaten today?" he clarified.
"Yes," I hissed.
He looked at me for a moment, as if trying to cut through my bullshit. "You haven't."
I took a deep breath, not wanting to scream. "I haven't."
He glared. "We've talked about this."
No. You talked. I pretended to listen.
"Fine. I forgot. I was too busy trying to get myself an A for fuck sakes," I muttered in annoyance, purposely shifting my hold on my bag to emphasize my point.
He looked at my bag for a moment. "Empty your pockets."
I bristled, my temper rising. "Seriously? Do you want me to walk in a straight line while reciting the alphabet backwards too?"
"I won't mind if you do."
I gritted my teeth, leaning closer to him till we were eye to eye. "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA," I spat harshly. "Now make sure you watch." I turned on my heel, stomping up the stairs. I did so without faltering in my steps.
I entered my room, slamming the door shut behind me and jamming a wooden chair underneath the doorknob. I dropped my things on the bed and went to the ensuite bathroom, turning the shower on as I stripped my clothes off.
I took out the small plastic packet from my wallet along with a rolled up twenty dollar bill. I stood before the sink, pulling out a drawer and taking out the small square mirror inside. I placed it on the sink, pouring a small portion of white powder on the surface, inhaling deeply as I fished out my credit card and formed the powder into one line.
I could feel jitters down my spine as my fingers trembled in anticipation for the fix that I needed to keep going. I looked at my reflection, the girl in the mirror staring lazily back at me with dead eyes, her purple shade mane seemingly eerie while her pale skin almost seemed ghostly and the scars on her torso only served to make her image more haunting than it already was.
I inhaled once more, rubbing a finger under my nose roughly and tucking my hair behind my ears. I could hear Jude and his friend shouting at each other outside as they played some violent game. I licked my dry lips as I held the rolled up bill between my fingers, thinking of the things my brother has been telling me. I tried to convince myself that he was wrong, that I could stop if I wanted to but I knew too well I was far gone.
I curled my hand into a fist, the rage inside me coming alive.
You're pathetic.
With one last look at myself, I bent over, putting the end of the rolled up bill against the opening of my nostril while the other was directly before the line of white powder, and then I inhaled sharply, running the bill forward. I straightened, inhaling a few more breaths as I rubbed a finger below my nose, feeling the drug enter me at a quick pace.
I sighed in relief, my nerves calming down. I looked back at my reflection once more. The girl in the mirror gifted me a sly smirk, her bright grey eyes seemingly filling with a glaze of euphoria. Thoughts of my brother's words slipped away as I entered the shower, harsh streams of ice cold water raining down on me and I welcomed it, feeling at ease as I escaped my reality that haunted me at every second that I was there. My body was reinvigorated with a new sense of life that only my poison could offer and I could feel my cheeks lifting up as my lips curled into a wide smile.
I felt alive.
I amused myself with the feel of the water along my skin, humming along the music in my head, chuckling as I nearly slipped when I stepped out of the shower stall after I was done. I dressed myself in a pair of cotton shorts and a camisole, feeling more enthused to finish my work.
The drug in my system was offering me more energy and life, motivating me to keep going and I craved for more but knowing I only had enough to last me till morning, I held back. I couldn't get lost, especially not with Jude hammering me down every chance that he could get.
He came knocking at some point, calling me out for dinner. I got up from my bed, not wanting to have him haul me out of the room himself. I brought along the book I was reading, needing to have an excuse not to talk to him, or even look at him. I headed for the dining room, clicking my tongue in displeasure when I found his friend sitting on my chair.
The handful of instances Jude let the few friends he had within the same room as me, I always made a conscious effort to ignore them more than I usually did with most people. I didn't see the point in remembering anyone I wasn't allowed to interact with beyond social niceties, and I had no patience for social niceties to begin with. Especially not right now with me half high off mind and easily tempted to remedy my boredom.
Becoming aware of my presence, the guy looked up at me from his phone, offering a smile as he stood from his seat.
"Hi," he said.
I tilted my head, raking my eyes over him as I tried to place his face in my memory, the crash of my high causing my thoughts to become hazy. I put my cigarette between my lips, taking a long drag as I looked at him while he shifted awkwardly under my gaze. He was quite good-looking, it was a shame that I couldn't remember him, but I did. I just couldn't place his face with a name.
There was Geoffrey Turner, our first cousin and the only living relative we considered to be family, who co-founded Dahlia Holdings with Jude and has been its Chief Investment Officer since its inception. Dexter Adams, his college roommate, who I'd been forbidden from going near after I made the poor thing cry at our first and only meeting. Chandler Wright, his childhood best friend and my first boyfriend, who I still secretly regularly fucked whenever he came into town. Racquel Hagen, Luis' daughter, who had grown up under the same roof as us and was currently serving as one of our father's aides while operating as an asset to Jude. Charles Montgemery, a friend of his from medical school, who has made it clear he wanted to get into my pants since our introduction but never entertained cuz selfish lovers were not my type.
Those were the only people that I knew of Jude had allowed himself to keep by his side. I didn't know who the hell this good looking schmuck was.
Jude came out from the kitchen, carrying a bowl and placing it with the salad dish on the table. "Oh, Gel... remember Rick? He attended your birthday last month," he said while walking back inside the kitchen, obviously playing nice for our guest's benefit.
My brows raised in recognition, blowing out smoke through my lips and pointing my cigarette at him. "Frederick Richardson Jr," I said. "The asshole who hid my shoes."
He chuckled uneasily as he rubbed the back of his neck. "The third," he corrected. "Frederick Richardson the third."
I smirked. "Don't give a shit."
He pursed his lips, nodding. "Right. Of course."
I slid my tongue over my lips as I regarded him fully, finally remembering the man who was hankering me down that night for my so called story.
I had considered fucking him that night but he had said no and I respected the shit out of that. He didn't look as pompous as the last I saw him too. He wasn't even wearing those stupid sweaters and freaking khakis that seemed to be the only content inside my brother's closet.
"Sit," Jude said as he placed a bottle of white wine on the table.
I didn't stray my eyes from his friend, continuing to take one drag after another from my cigarette. He slowly lowered himself on the chair behind him while obviously growing uncomfortable as each second passed.
"That's my chair."
He sprung up to his feet immediately. "Oh, I'm sorry. Here." He stepped aside and held out the chair for me like the fucking gentleman that I was quickly remembering he was.
"Angel," my brother called in a warning tone.
I raised my arms in surrender and bit the filter of the cigarette between my teeth as I pulled out the chair across from our extremely flustered guest. I placed my book on the table and took a seat, grinning as I looked at him.
"Please, sweetheart." I gestured at the chair he was holding out for me. "Do sit."
He glanced at my brother and Jude just waved a hand as he rolled his eyes. Frederick smiled through pursed lips as he sat across from me, averting his eyes from mine while I made it a point to sear him with my gaze as I blowed smoke in his direction.
"Didn't we make out or something?" I muttered.
His eyes widened, snapping over to Jude. "We didn't."
"No, we did. I remember. You even helped me take my corset off."
He shook his head vehemently, practically pleading for his life. "No, I didn't."
I let out a snort, snickering at his flustered state while he sent me a glare. "Ah, right, it was the guy hanging around Andy at the party," I lied carelessly. "Or, it might have just been her."
I felt my brother kick me under the table and I brought my gaze to him just as he placed a plate of food in front of me and snatched the cigarette from my lips, stubbing it on the table with a subtle glare. I played along. We rarely had guests here.
I reached for the wine bottle but Jude snatched it away before I could get my hands on it, filling my glass half way and barely enough for my satisfaction. I took the glass anyways but he placed his palm over the rim and I glared.
"Eat," he ordered.
I shot him a sarcastic smile as I picked up my fork and stabbed at my food, shoving it inside my mouth. I chewed it grudgingly and rolled my eyes when he lifted his palm off the rim of my glass. I snatched it immediately as I swallowed down my food, tilting my head back and downing the glass in one breath but it only served to make my thirst grow.
"Jude, can you pour me some more wine?" I asked sweetly.
"No," he retorted curtly as he ate.
My jaw ticked and I kicked him under the table. "Ne soyez pas un âne." (Don't be an ass.)
"Just eat, gel," he said and engaged our uncomfortable dinner guest in a conversation to save his grace.
I huffed in annoyance as I took out my pack of cigarettes from my pocket and lit up another stick, ignoring the glare my brother was giving me.
"Eat your food," he bit out in annoyance.
"Fuck off," I spat, taking my book and resuming my reading instead. He glared and reached for the cigarette but I held it away. "Si vous voulez que je joue agréable tout au long de ce dîner, foutre." (If you want me to play nice throughout this dinner, fuck off.)
He clenched his jaw, still glaring at me but he drew back. "Eat," he ordered, pushing my plate closer to me before turning back to our guest who merely watched us in quiet discomfort.
They ignored me as they talked about their days in the fraternity they both joined in college. Jude would occasionally kick me under the table and I would shove a piece of chicken in my mouth to humor him. The telephone started ringing halfway through our meal and I made a move to pick it up but Jude gestured for me to sit down and let the machine take it.
"Hey, Gel. It's Bo," it began much to my horror.
I sprung back to my feet but my brother sent me another warning glare and I inwardly groaned as I dropped back on my seat. I've been ignoring his and Tristan's calls to get me to attend the party because I was sick of having Jude press me about my so called problems even more.
"Yo! Everyone! Say hi to Angel!" the idiot exclaimed and a chorus of, "Hi, Angel!" came.
Jude and Frederick's eyes snapped over to me and I just tucked my head low, hiding behind my book. I guess we couldn't play charades anymore then.
"Where the hell are you, man?" he said in a drunken slur, his voice muffled by a loud ruckus of music. "Did you fall asleep in the library or something?" He laughed and I was sure the idiot was high. "Dude... come on! The party just started! Get your head out of the book you're holding and get here already! Tonight's going to be sick!" he exclaimed, his raspy voice ringing in the air as he sang the last word and I clutched the book I was holding even tighter. "I even brought some good shit for you! And trust me, they're fucking good, man! Fucking mind blowing, I tell ya!"
I grimaced, closing my eyes briefly. "Fucking dumbass."
"So, come on! Take the C!" he cheered and a few voices cheered along. "It's fucking harmless, man, just fuck it and shove it up your nose!" he urged some more while people kept chanting 'take the C' over and over like idiots. "Oh... and if Jude gets to hear this, I'm just a half decent guy and I have no intention of fucking your sister. Bye."
He snickered before cutting off the message and I made a mental note to hang the idiot by the balls when I see him.
Jude folded his arms, regarding me with a death glare and I already knew what was coming and I decided to beat him to it.
"I'm not going."
"What did he mean by take the C, gel?"
"It's nothing, just an inside joke."
"Why don't you share it then?"
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Is Boaz your guy, gel?" he hissed, his glare murderous.
"No!"
"Then what does take the C mean?" he hissed. I opened my mouth and his eyes narrowed. "Your next words better not be a lie, little Angel."
I sighed, glancing at our unfortunate guest before settling my eyes on my brother. "I got a C on Economics for my midterm grade," I said in resignation, holding out the stupid book I was reading. "And I'm trying to get an A." He blinked at me for a moment, his brows furrowing at my words. I chuckled as a thought came to me. "What did you think it meant?"
He shook his head as if dismissing my question. "How did you get a C? Have you been picking fights with your professors again?"
I rolled my eyes. "Of course not. This professor is just a massive asshole." I leaned back against my chair and flipped the pages of the book to where I had left off. "I wrote a six page essay for my midterm exam regarding this book... which he authored." I snorted. "And let's just say he and I don't share the same perspective regarding the superiority of the 1920's, which he saw as the best era of this to date." I scoffed at that as I lit up another cigarette. "I debunked all his accounts of superiority and he's been deliberately failing me since then." I lifted my head up to face him and sighed. "The C... it... it's going to cost me my place in the honor roll if I don't pull the grade up. Princeton has a policy. They won't accept anyone below a B+ in their honor's list." I let out a harsh breath, dragging a palm over my face. "My current GPA is 3.3."
He gave me a look of disbelief. "How is that even possible?" I pursed my lips, shrugging. "This is why Gramps didn't want you doing a double degree. I told you that you should have-"
"Hey. Knock it off." I kicked him under the table. "I'm graduating with two fucking degrees to my name. It's either that or nothing. I ain't gonna be a laughing stock."
"How about leave the ego for a sec and think straight. It's already nearing finals. What are you going to do about this?"
"Don't worry, I'm taking extra credit and doing work for my professors. I can get a 4.0 by the end of the semester, okay? It's just this holding me down now cuz the guy won't give me a fucking chance."
"What's your professor's name?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Let me talk to him, maybe we can settle this grudge he has against you."
"It won't work."
"Have you even tried?"
"Of course I have and it didn't work."
"Give me his name and let me see what I can do," he pressed further.
"You can't fix this, Jude."
He was silent for a moment, staring at me. "Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid." I pursed my lips, averting my gaze, and he muttered a curse. "What did you do?"
"Nothing."
"Vivien Angel Howard-Lastor," he snapped sharply, making me wince.
"I… got even" I relented grudgingly. "Fuck. Can we not talk about this right now?"
"Tell me what you did." He tapped his open palm on the table so gently he might as well have just slapped me. It would have been less threatening. "Now, little Angel."
"My god, fine. Just chill out. I screwed with his son as payback for giving me a C, alright?"
"Screwed with him how?" he pressed.
I rubbed my face in frustration. "He had a panic attack and fainted while I was giving him a lap dance at a frat party and then he pissed himself while he was unconscious." I bit my lip, glancing at Frederick who was doing his best to pretend he didn't exist. "He attempted suicide after someone posted a video of the incident on Youtube and was admitted to a psychiatric facility," I added quickly.
"Jesus Christ, Gel!" Jude exclaimed in disbelief.
I sighed. "I know, I fucked up."
"You think?" He let out a harsh breath. "Why would you even do that?"
"At least I didn't have sex with him. He probably would have died," I muttered, earning a glare from him. "Oh come on, it's not my fault he couldn't keep it together. Besides, I wasn't the one who posted the video."
"You are impossible." He shook his head, getting to his feet. "I need to make a call."
"This is why I didn't tell you! You always try to fix things!"
"You could be serving life without parole if I didn't fix things for you, Gel. I didn't have to but I did because you promised me you'd change and stop doing stupid shit." He stood over me, glaring. "Well, guess what? It's been three years and nothing's changed. You're still doing stupid shit. So don't think for a second you get to complain about anything when you can't even keep your word."
He walked out of the room before I could respond and I thumped a fist on the table in frustration.
"I should go," I heard Frederick say hesitantly. I looked at him but, for the first time since meeting me, he kept his gaze elsewhere. "I don't want to-"
"Do you think I'm messed up?"
He blinked for a moment, finally bringing his gaze to me. "What?"
"Do you think I'm messed up?" I repeated.
He sighed. "It's not my place to judge you, Angel."
"Just answer the fucking question."
"Yes," he said, looking me in the eye. "You manipulated someone because you wanted to get even. That's pretty messed up in my book."
I sighed. "Ronald Philson was a twenty-year old virgin with braces, thick glasses, and a face full of acne," I said, grabbing the wine bottle and taking a large swig. "He hated himself and all he craved for was human connection. To actually feel alive. He knew exactly who I was, he just didn't give a shit. He let me play with him but it's not like I made him miserable. Hell, the few days he spent with me was probably the best time of his life. It's not my fault he couldn't handle it."
"That doesn't justify the fact that you used him for your own vendetta."
I shrugged. "I'm Angel Lastor. People like Ronald fantasize to have just one night with me. He had three."
He eyed me intently. "Are you serious right now?" I shrugged again. He laughed, shaking his head. "You manipulated someone and humiliated him in front of his peers. Caused him to attempt suicide and lose probably his sanity. And you're saying he should be grateful that you spared him three days of your life because you're Angel Lastor." He looked at me as if I was insane. "Just what world are you living in? Because I'm sure we're not living in the same one."
"I live in a world where I'm worthless if it wasn't for my name and I might as well make a use of it."
His brows furrowed. "Just what does that even mean?"
I smiled. "If I have to tell you then talking to you has been pointless."
I stood and started piling the dishes while he remained seated, staring at me. I handed the plates to him while I took the glasses and headed into the kitchen. He wordlessly followed me, placing the dishes in the sink. I took out the platter of tiramisu from the fridge and fixed us both a plate. He took it hesitantly and I hopped on the counter top as he stood across from me. I eyed him shrewdly and he returned it with a gaze of his own. We didn't say anything, just silently eating tiramisu while staring each other down.
"Come here," I called in a hush voice, tilting my head to the side as I urged him with a nod. His eyes widened for a fraction, obviously taken aback by my audacity. "Come here. I have something to say to you," I said when he remained rooted on his spot.
I reached out to him as he took a reluctant step forward, his wary eyes watching me as if a prey expecting its predator to jump on him. I grabbed a hold of the collar of his t-shirt, bringing him close to me and placing him between my legs.
"What the hell are you doing?"
He took a step back but I wrapped my legs around his waist and his eyes nearly jumped out of their sockets in alarm.
"Oh no, I'm not falling for this again," he said as he tried to pull my legs off him and that right there piqued my interest.
"Falling for what?" I asked innocently.
I slid a hand over his chest and he shot me a glare. I merely chuckled as I shifted, moving closer to the edge of the counter top and locking my ankles together, effectively caging him in.
"I know what you're doing," he hissed lowly as he tried to move away but I gripped his shirt still.
"And what am I doing?" I retorted as I wrapped my arms around his neck, eyeing his face intently.
Frederick Richardson was a beautiful man indeed. He didn't have a hint of vanity in him. His clothes were old and worn. His phone was outdated. His hair was overgrown. His watch was practical. He didn't indulge in any form of luxury, I knew because he smelled of sweat and his hands were calloused and had patches of blue paint on them. He wasn't clean cut but he wasn't rugged either. He seemed like the type of guy who did what he wanted but also kept himself within a moral code.
I could sense it, that he was something else. Something I've only encountered twice in my life. Good.
I remembered now, why I walked away from him on my birthday instead of playing with him. It wasn't just because he rejected me. No, it was because I couldn't play with him. People like him, the good and pure of heart, were rare and I wasn't so selfish to ruin him for my own sick entertainment. Maria would rise from her grave and slap me for doing something so despicable.
I smiled, pulling back and letting go of him. "You should make it lighter."
"What?"
I met his eyes. "You're painting a house, aren't you?" I said, smiling. "It's preferable to use light colors. It makes the environment more relaxing."
His brows furrowed. "How'd you-"
I took his hand, showing it to him. "Letting paint stay on your skin for a long period of time causes dryness and on rare occasions, rashes." I met his bemused gaze, offering a faint smile. "It would be a shame to ruin something as beautiful as you."
He was looking at me in that way again, like he was trying to see something. I pressed my lips to his in a chaste kiss, just a harmless peck that could easily have any man begging for more. But I was quickly realizing Frederick Richardson the third was not just any man.
He sucked in a sharp breath as he drew his head back almost immediately, staring wide eyed at me, looking repulsed to say the least.
"Are you gay?" I asked, my interest in him growing despite whatever small amount of morality I had told me.
"What?"
"You've rejected me twice. Only gay men have done that but even they find me attractive to some degree." I looked at him intently, seeing the confusion in his eyes. "You're not gay." I shook my head. "Huh." I shrugged as I let go of him but he didn't move away still. I lifted a finger, tracing my lips as I looked at him. "I don't like you. You're not like the others and I don't like that."
He wasn't like the others. He didn't kiss me back. He didn't respond to my touches. He wasn't affected by my tricks. Hell, he practically hissed in dislike when I kissed him. I've never encountered men who responded like that. He was different. He wasn't among the likes of Ronald Philson who melted at a touch of my finger. He was, from what I gathered in his conversation with Jude, the president of his fraternity in college and only dated cheerleaders for crissake. He wasn't gay either, at least I didn't think so. He literally hounded me during my birthday party trying to play mind games with me.
He was attracted to me, he couldn't deny it. But he didn't want me. I don't think I've ever been unwanted by a man besides my father before but he's an entirely different case. Frederick Richardson was a different kind and for the first time in years, I met someone who couldn't care less about my name or pretty face.
The last person who treated me like I was a person died four years ago and I guess I've forgotten what it was like to simply be a person again. It was quite humbling.
There was a clearing of throat and Frederick cursed under his breath as he jumped back almost in fear. I tilted my head and grinned at my brother who was glaring at us. He never liked it when I got too close with his friends. He had so few and I was so destructive, it was only logical to keep me away from them. And I respected that because despite being an almighty son-of-a-bitch, I valued my brother more than anything else.
I took it as my cue to leave, passing by Jude with an innocent shrug in return to his annoyed glare. Instead of escaping to my room, I leaned against the wall outside the kitchen and waited for them to start talking.
"Rick..." my brother began with an apologetic tone. "Stay away from her."
"I didn't touch her. We were just talking," Frederick said reassuringly.
"I don't care if you were just breathing the same air as her. Stay away from her," Jude muttered in a low voice. "Look, man, I'm not just being her brother here. I'm being your friend too. If you're in any way interested in her, I suggest you drop it. Trust me with this one. Just stay away from her because I don't want you to fall into the same hole as every other person who got too close to her, alright?"
Frederick scoffed. "She's not even my type."
My brows rose at the claim and I pushed myself off the wall, sauntering back in the kitchen. They shut up immediately. I shot them a sarcastic smile as I headed for the counter where my beer laid.
"Forgot my dessert," I said as I snatched the plate of tiramisu off the counter. I headed out of the kitchen but whirled around, leaning my head against the door frame. "Listen to my brother, Frederick," I said with a solemn smile in return to Frederick's confused gaze. "I always hurt people. Sometimes, I do it for fun. Often times, I don't mean it. Besides-" I smirked. "-you'll lose your sanity if you fell for me."