I came to at the feel of myself being shaken and I slowly opened my eyes, the sight of the sky reminding me that I was far from everything that I've been running away from for half of my life.
"Look," Rick whispered, pointing at the horizon.
I sat up, sighing as I admired the stunning scenery in front of me. The sun was setting, thick orange clouds sheltering it as it slowly descended. It was beautiful and it made me appreciate this horrid world, even just a little bit.
"Damn. Ain't that a sight."
"Yeah."
"It's tragic, isn't it?" I murmured, glancing at him. "How we can only appreciate something as simple as a sunset when we're far from the superficial things that we think we need in order to live. What's more ironic is that if the sun died, everything we've done all our lives would be obsolete because we will all die along with it and all trace of our existence will disappear. Somehow, I find that quite comforting, the tragedy that is our insignificance."
"Wow..." he breathed out. "You just woke up and you immediately spit out philosophical words about life. How do you do this, Angel Lastor?"
I rolled my eyes. "Why do you have to piss me off?"
"I'm starting to think you're always pissed off and you just direct it on the people around you."
I looed at him, momentarily taken aback by his observation, but he merely gave me a small smile before turning his attention back on the sunset, a sense of reverence reflecting in his eyes.
"You're beautiful, do you know that?" I said, earning an odd look from him. "I know nothing about you apart from your name but I can clearly see how good your heart is. It's the kind of good that knows no limit or condition and you have to stay away from me if you don't want that to be ruined because that's what I do. I ruin beautiful things."
He frowned, a tentative hand tucking my hair behind my ear. "I have this feeling that I'm not the first person you've told to stay away from you," he murmured, his eyes searching mine. "Why do you do that?"
I smiled. "Because no one deserves to suffer because of me."
"So you do care."
I shrugged. "I'm not heartless."
"Then why do you act like you are?"
I sighed, giving him a small smile. "Because my heart isn't as beautiful or as whole as yours and I'd rather not show it if it means I get to keep the pieces of what's left of it."
He bit his lip, his eyes conflicted. "How are you so good at this?"
I chuckled lightly. "You really don't trust me, huh?"
"You gave me a reason not to."
I sighed, leaning closer to him. "I'm not going to play tricks on you anymore, you have my word on that."
"Why should I believe you?"
I smiled. "Because you're a good person and you're the first person who's ever stood up to me in a long time. I respect that."
"You're not as scary as you think, Angel."
I shrugged. "I don't think I'm scary. A little dangerous maybe but only pussies get scared of that. You're not a pussy, are you, Frederick?"
He chuckled. "I don't think so."
I smirked. "Neither do I."
I reached a hand out and grabbed the front of his scrubs, his eyes widening in what seemed to be alarm.
"What are you doing?" he said warily but didn't move to pull away from me.
I didn't say anything and just kissed him because why the hell not. Just because he was a good person didn't mean I couldn't fuck him. Besides, I wasn't going to keep him.
He was reluctant at first, unmoving, but then I pulled at his nape and brought his head lower to me, inciting his lips to part as I sought out his tongue. As our tongues met and lips melded together, his caution slowly slipped away and he was kissing me back in earnest.
I shifted to face him and propped myself up so I could straddle him. His hands found their way to either side of my hips and he held me firmly as I started to move. I could feel his growing member through his jeans and I moaned into his mouth, my fingers gripping fistfuls of his hair as I pulled him closer. He broke the kiss, his lips trailing down my jaw to my throat in a frenzy while his hands moved to my ass, gripping me every time I swiveled my hips.
Growing impatient, I stripped his shirt off. He countered by doing the same with mine. He froze for a moment, looking at me from my face down to my torso and back up again. His eyes showing evident surprise at the sight of my pale skin serving as the canvas for the wounds I've made through the years. Etched on my torso were the stitches and scars that had left their marks, and a black ink portrait of a skeleton with a cigarette between its literally bony fingers.
I grew uncomfortable with the attention and I went for his mouth, biting and licking my way down his jaw and neck.
"What happened?"
I ignored his question and grinded my lower body against his anticipating member, making him groan. His mind shut off and he pulled me closer to him, kissing me harder. The need to taste more of him was insatiable.
I slipped my legs down his until my knees touched the floor, keeping our lips fused as I undid his belt. I reached into his jeans, taking a grip of his cock through his briefs. He let out a strangled groan, gripping fistfuls of my hair.
"Angel..."
Tugging at the waistband of his briefs, I pulled his cock free and let out a breath of satisfaction at the sight of him dripping and bulging at the veins. For me.
Shit. Even his cock was beautiful.
It had bee a while since I fucked someone with a properly working cock. One that hadn't perished from excessive drug use, or needed a pill to make themselves work. Junkies and drunks were such mediocre fucks, they couldn't ease my boredom even if they had all night. It's why I've had to make up for the lack of quality with a quantity bodies in one fuck more often than not.
"Angel..." Rick called once more, his voice strained.
I glanced up at him from under my lashes as I dipped my head, flattening my tongue along the side of his cock and licking up to his dripping head. He cursed out, throwing his head back as his grip on hair tightened. I continued to taste him, filling my mouth with all of him until I was breathless in my attempt to sate the growing need to have more and more him. I devoured him until he was begging for mercy.
"Stop, stop," Rick was saying, moving his hips back. "I'll come. Stop."
I kept going, locking eyes with him. His chest was heaving at every harsh breath. His eyes were filled with unrestrained awe and lust. His body was taut from a need for release. When he came, it easily became the most beautiful sight I'd witnessed.
I swallowed everything he had to offer and only released him until I was sure not a drop was wasted. Ravenous need continued to swell within me and I wiped my mouth as saliva dripped from the edges of my lips. I held his gaze as he watched me stand with eyes glazed over with satisfaction. I undid my jeans, dragging them off my legs along with my underwear. I straddled either side him, the hardness of his length nestling against the slickness between my legs.
He was as breathless as I was. As hungry. As needy. And our lips met in a clash of desperation. I shifted, laying down and bringing him with me. I writhed beneath him as he kissed down my neck and I pressed my center to his, trying to elicit friction to ease the aching inside me. He groaned, biting my neck but the pain only ignited more fire inside me.
He kicked off his pants and boxer briefs in one swift motion, kneeling over me in all his glory with the darkening sky at his back. This beautiful creature offering himself to the devil's spawn.
I licked my lips, wondering what it was like to have someone with a good heart. Or was he just like every other man made of flesh and ungodly desires?
I made a move to take him but he pushed me back down, shaking his head. "I want you," I whispered, stroking his cock.
He trembled and I wanted him even more. Shit, I wanted him in the purest way a woman can desire a man. I couldn't remember the last time I've ever lusted after anyone or felt this genuine desire to have someone. I don't think I've ever had and the fact that he's barely even touched me only had me burning in anticipation.
"Touch me," I said, guiding his hand between my legs.
Slowly, he caressed me, sliding his fingers along my slit in a numbing repetition. I groaned, wanting more and he granted my silent plea, pushing his fingers into me and pressing his thumb against my clit. I gripped his wrist, keeping him there as I grinded into his touch while he thrust his fingers in and out of me, the scent of my arousal mixing with the salty sea. I felt myself tethering towards completion and I impatiently chased after it while his fingers grew frantic as he watched me take the pleasure he was giving me. As I came apart at his touch, he kissed me and I welcomed the heat of his body against mine as our chests pressed together. When I felt his already hardened cock against the inside of my thigh, reason slithered into my lust filled mind and I gasped, my eyes snapping open.
"Condom," I bit out.
He stiffened, as if only just realizing it. "I... I don't have any."
I muttered a curse and shifted, reaching over to my jeans and taking out my wallet. I fished out a foil packet and threw it at him. He caught it, hastily slipping on the rubber. His breathing was ragged as he placed himself at my entrance but as if a thought came to him, his eyes snapped over to mine, the lust swirling in his navy blue eyes clearing.
"What?" I breathed out.
"You're Angel Lastor," he whispered almost to himself.
"Yes. Nice to meet you. Now fuck me."
He shook his head, his eyes widening as he drew back. "No, no. I can't do this to you... with you. It's wrong. You're... you're-"
I looked at him in utter disbelief. Is this guy for real?
I shifted, sitting up and taking a hold of his shaft. He shook as I gripped him in my fist.
"Stop thinking," I whispered, slowly stroking him.
He swallowed hard, his eyes screwing shut. "No. Stop," he bit out, snapping his eyes open. "Let's talk. I can't do this. Not like this. I'm taking advantage of you."
"Babe, I don't give a damn."
He shook his head, a soft look appearing in his eyes that I detested. He sighed, reaching out a hand to cup my cheek. I practically recoiled as he looked at me as if I was something so precious.
What the hell?
"You deserve better than this. We barely know each other and you're going through a rough time. I don't want you to regret this," he said, sounding so sincere it was ridiculous.
"Are you shitting me right now? Is this a joke?"
He frowned. "No. I would never joke about something like this. I-"
I cut him off, crashing my lips against his as I gripped his shoulders. He tried to pull away but I didn't let him say another word nor make another move as I placed him at my entrance and slowly, I descended upon him, his cock sliding into me so painfully slowly as I adjusted to his size.
He groaned, his hands curling around my hips while a soft moan rumbled at the back of my throat as my walls clenched around him. I lifted my hips, easing him out of me before slamming back down on him and we hissed in a sharp intake of breath simultaneously.
"Oh my fucking God," he rasped, trembling beneath me. "You're killing me, gorgeous."
"Shut up and fuck me," I whispered. "We'll talk later."
He opened his mouth to speak and I purposely grinded against him, swiveling my hips and eliciting a groan of pain and pleasure from him.
"Later."
"Later," he bit out, shifting and dropping us back down, thrusting fully into till he reached the hilt.
He repeated it, the slow pace making me want to rip him apart.
"The hell are you doing?" I whispered breathlessly, gritting my teeth together when he circled his hips, his cock hitting the perfect spot. I moaned loudly. "Oh God. What are you doing?"
"Gotta. Tell. You. Something," he grunted, emphasizing each word with a slow, deep thrust that had me tearing at his back. "Haven't." Thrust "Fucked." Thrust "For." Thrust "Two." Thrust "Years." Thrust
My mouth fell open at his words.
"So. Fucking. Good. Jesus," he bit out, slamming his hips against me at the Holy name.
I gasped at that single thrust. I turned my head, looking at him. His face was buried against my shoulder and I only just noticed how tense his body was, his muscles straining as he gripped fistfuls of the couch as he struggled to hold himself up. I could only imagine what it was like to have a cunt wrapped around your cock for the first time in two years and seeing this man, it looked like it hurt like hell.
"Look at me."
He opened his eyes, an intense look flooding those blue eyes. I swallowed hard, breathing harshly as I felt my body burn from the inside out.
"Use me," I urged, my voice hush.
He was panting, his jaw clenched tightly. "You're so fucking beautiful and I want nothing more than to treat you the way you should be. I genuinely respect and ad-shit," he hissed when I pressed the heel of my foot against his back, urging him to go deeper. "Christ, Angel. Let me say my piece!" he blurted out and I was tempted to roll my eyes. "You have to know that I didn't plan on this and you need to tell me right now if you don't want this because one more second and it will be too late. There's only so much a man can take," he spoke in a rush, his face a picture of great restraint.
I smirked, looking up at him through hooded lids. "Fuck me, sweetheart."
He snapped and fuck me he did. He drove himself deep inside me and pulled out just as fast, then pushed back again. Each time going deeper and deeper. Harder and harder. Hitting a spot that threw me into a roller coaster of hunger and desire for more to feel all of him. He wasn't being a gentleman anymore. There was no niceness in the way he was fucking me. It was aggressive. Furious. Desperate. Each thrust filled with necessity and frustration. I fucking loved it.
I wrapped one leg around his hip to meet his every thrust and we quickly settled into a rhythm. I whispered in his ear. Urging him to fuck me harder. To never stop. To use me. To give me everything. To release himself. To worship my cunt with his cock.
He groaned, quickening his pace as he clutched my hips and fucked me like a crazed man. His lips parted as he gritted his teeth, losing himself in this tryst and I could barely catch my breath. Each stroke made my body tremble and I strained to keep pace with him as I pushed against him every time he drew back.
He wrapped his arms around me, taking me in at each stroke and I clung to him, desperately trying to keep a hold of my bearings, my nails digging deep into his back as our pants and moans mingled along the crashing of the waves and the wind whipping against the sails.
"Dammit, I'm close," he choked out.
"Wait for me," I pleaded in a whisper.
He slipped a hand between us, rubbing my clit with his thumb while his thrusts grew harder. Rougher. Hitting me right there.
"Come, gorgeous. I need you to come. Right now."
"Choke me."
He faltered. "Sorry, what?"
I took his other hand and wrapped it around my throat. "Choke me."
"Oh god. Okay."
Tentatively, he squeezed my throat while keeping his pace. "Yes, yes, yes, fuck yes," I rambled in a daze. "Harder, sweetheart."
He obliged, tightening his grip around my throat while fucking me harder until I couldn't breathe at all. A sudden release caught me off guard and I cried out, gasping and raking my nails down his thighs as I tried to keep myself grounded. He shifted, wrapping his arms around my body once more, each rippling muscle on his back tensing as he buried his head at the crook of my neck, pressing his lips on my skin as he stilled deep inside me, emptying himself, stroking at a slow pace to ride off his end while trailing kisses along the side of my neck.
For a few minutes, although it felt like hours, we laid there, him on top and still buried inside me, trying to recover from our crash. My heart was beating like a stallion running the tracking field and I was almost sure it was ready to burst out of my chest.
He suddenly stiffened, lifting his head and staring down at me. A sudden glint flashed through his eyes as if having a eureka moment and I could only wonder what he was thinking about right now, but I was pretty sure it was not round two.
He propped himself up and pulled out of me, shifting to lay on his back by my feet with his legs tangled around mine. Neither of us seemed willing to utter the first word or do anything else than lie there, waiting until our heartbeats settled at a normal pace while our heavy breathing filled the silence.
"You don't fuck the way I thought you would," I mumbled, thinking aloud.
"You fuck exactly the way I thought you would," he retorted. "Although I admit, I never accounted for the choking part."
"How many times have you fantasized about me?"
"Every fucking day for the past month," he admitted freely. "Pisses me off actually."
I sat up, seeing the frown on his face. "You hate being attracted to me."
"I haven't been able to get you out of my damn head ever since the party," he said, dragging a palm down his face. "It's distracting."
"Most people want me to the point of obsession but then when they have me, they can't handle it."
I pulled my legs to my chest, resting the side of my head on my knees as I looked out to the sea.
"I think you're a good person. I don't want you to suffer the same fate as the people who let me consume them because I do that, babe. I consume every good thing in someone and leave them half empty and ruined." I raised my head to look at him, smiling. "I don't deserve anything that you have to offer."
"What kind of bullshit is that?" he muttered irately, sitting up.
He pulled me to his lap, kissing me. I groaned, my hands reaching for his shoulders. The feel of his skin against mine was driving me into another fit of desire and I pulled away, pressing my forehead against his as I held onto my control before it slipped out of my grasp. When our eyes met, I felt my control slip through as my grip on it weakened and before I could even do anything, I was at the mercy of my lust for this man. It pissed me off just as much as it clearly did him.
"I have neither kindness nor mercy to offer anyone," I murmured, tracing his lips with my fingers. "But just this once, I will be kind and merciful to you. For you." I cupped his jaw, locking our eyes together. "You don't want me in your life, so stay out of mine."
His gaze darkened, not by lust, but by anger it seemed. "Make me."
I managed to smile at this man's stupidity. "I'm gonna shower," I whispered, pressing my lips to his ever so slightly. "And that's not an invitation."
I got up and picked up my clothes. I could feel his eyes on me as and I glanced back at him. His eyes took in every inch of me with a look of wonder as his gaze set upon the scars on my torso. I ignored the anxiety and turned away from him.
"Tell Doyle to take us back, yeah?" I said as I headed back inside.
I entered one of the suites in the cabin and went to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me. I dropped my clothes on the sink, closing my eyes briefly as I took in deep breaths. I opened my eyes again, my hands curling into fists at the sight of my reflection. I fought the urge to break the fucking mirror.
I picked up my jacket, taking out the bag of snow from the inside pocket and pouring out a small amount on the sink. I didn't think and just took it. It stung but I bore it, sighing as I felt the drug work its way through my system.
I entered the shower stall, closing my eyes and letting the icy water sting my skin. I didn't know how long I just stood there but I snapped out of it when I heard Doyle announce through the speaker that we were docking and I quickly got out and put my clothes on. Rick was passing me glances as we drove back to my apartment and I deliberately ignored him.
"We should talk about what happened," he finally said once I had parked.
I ignored him and got out of the car.
"Angel..." he called, approaching me. "Let's talk about it."
I lit up a stick of cigarette, sparing him a glance. "Talk about what?"
"About what happened."
"What happened to what?"
"To us."
I cocked my head to one side, feigning confusion. "What happened to us?"
"Stop it."
I drew my head back, frowning. "Stop what?"
"Can we be mature about this?"
"About what?"
He closed the space between us, stopping inches from me. "I'll kiss you if you don't."
"I don't what?"
Just as the last word rolled out of my tongue, he kissed me, placing his hands on either side of my head. My cigarette dropped from my fingers and I curled my hands into fists, struggling to keep my control. A moment or two later, he pulled away, his forehead pressed against mine.
"I told you so," he breathed the words out with a smug smile.
"Told me what?" I whispered, breathless.
"Fuck, I'm gonna say it. Will you have dinner with me?"
I stared at him and he stared right back at me, the weight of the growing silence between us quickly becoming suffocating. Before I could respond, something started ringing and he retreated his hand to take out his phone, muttering a curse as he looked at the screen.
"Hey," he answered in a raspy voice.
I slowly turned away from him but he slipped an arm around my back, keeping me pressed against him.
"Yeah, she's right here." He held the phone to my ear. "It's your brother."
I rolled my eyes, taking the phone. "Yo."
"Wanna tell me why you took my yacht out without my permission?"
I rolled my eyes again. "I didn't do anything stupid. I just needed to sleep."
"You could have done that at home, Gel."
"I didn't want to stay at home."
"You should have at least called me."
I gritted my teeth, pressing my temples. "Why do you always have to make a big deal out of every fucking thing that I do, Jude?"
"I was just worried."
I let out a harsh breath. "I'm okay." I cut the call, handing the phone back to Rick. "He says you can leave," I said, pushing at his arm to let me go but he only held me tighter. "What, Rick? I'm tired."
"You didn't give me an answer. About dinner."
I closed my eyes briefly, sighing. "We can't."
He let me go, averting his eyes. "Was I... Was I bad?"
My brows furrowed. "What?"
He shrugged. "You can tell me. I can take it. I mean, it's been a while since-"
I reached under his shirt, brushing my fingers against the scratches I'd left on the skin of his back. He grimaced.
"That answer your question for you?" I muttered, pulling my hand away. He actually blushed. "Look at me, babe." He met my gaze. "Now look at yourself." I gestured at him and he looked down at himself. "You save lives for a living and I ruin everything I touch. You're good, I'm bad. And for a brief moment, it may have felt perfect but it was just sex. Great sex. But that's all it was. Don't fool yourself into thinking it meant more than that."
"I'm not," he said, stepping closer to me until his rose scented aftershave was all I could breathe. "But I want to be more than a meaningless fuck."
I shook my head in dismay. "If you keep pushing, you'll end up broken."
"If you really don't want anything to do with me, then reject me properly." He grasped my chin, leaning down to level with me. "Don't give me this bullshit. I'm not one your toys."
I clenched my jaw, annoyance quickly taking over. "You're right. You're not one of my toys, but that doesn't make you special. I was bored. I would have fucked whoever was next to me. You just happened to be it this time."
"You're such a bitch."
"I told you, I'm neither kind nor merciful."
He nodded, taking a step back. "Alright. If you say so."
I walked away from him, heading for the elevator. "Stay away from me while you still can, Rick. You deserve better than me," I said over my shoulder.