Like the day before the trial, I was waiting outside Penny's room. I wasn't sure if she'd try to avoid me. And I wasn't about to find out. I was determined to honour the commitment I had made to Sophia.
My girlfriend had practically forced me to spend the previous day in her company, without so much as letting my nose out of my room. She had even gone so far as to give me half her meals to keep me in there.
"She said she was joking, but in the end she really put me in jail for a day..." I sighed.
It was clear she was really worried about me. She probably wanted to make sure I was alright before allowing me back to go back to the usual school routine.
"I can understand why…"
Even at this moment, my mind was dangerously close to going into a dark place. Coming face to face with death had definitely fucked me up for good. But at least now I had something to look forward to to keep my thoughts from going in bad directions.
"A date..."
What did Sophia have in mind? A date in this place... what were we even going to do? We already spent most of our time together, what could we do to make it different? I couldn't wait to find out. But first...
"What am I going to say to her?"
I didn't have time to think about it. I saw the door to Penny's room open. The girl looked surprised for a second when she saw me.
«H-hey...» I greeted her awkwardly.
«Do you have a habit of ambushing people or something?» she asked with a weak smile.
"I think I asked Sophia something like that once..."
But I was also surprised. I hadn't expected Penny to be so relaxed in my presence.
«Sorry!» I replied, not really knowing how to respond.
«I assume you want to talk. Come in,» Penny said as she walked back into the room.
I followed her inside. Obviously her room was pretty much identical to all the others I had visited so far. Unlike mine and Celeste's, it didn't have any extra furniture.
My eyes immediately went to her desk. On it was a large book, half open. On the pages were some bloody looking pictures.
«Oh... sorry! I was reading it before bed and forgot to close it,» Penny apologised, following my shocked gaze.
"What the..."
But when she closed the book and I saw the title, I understood.
«An anatomy book?» I asked, sitting on the chair while Penny took her place on the bed.
«Yeah... what happened the other day kind of rekindled my interest in this sort of things.»
"I'm glad I wasn't chopped up for nothing, I guess," I thought with a smile.
Oddly enough, I felt much more relaxed than I thought I would.
«So... I didn't really expect you to come here...» Penny said after a second of silence.
«And I didn't expect you to greet me like this... I thought you didn't want to see me since you didn't come to visit me in the infirmary.»
«Oh, I'm sorry... I wanted to, but I thought it would be awkward.»
«I... you thought well.»
Maybe this time I had learned my lesson.
«At first I really didn't want to see you. But when you didn't come, I got worried...»
«About the points,» Penny sighed concluding for me, «of course, I should have thought you would feel that way... I'm fine Liz, you don't need to worry about me. I know where that feeling is coming from anyway.»
I lowered my eyes.
«I want to talk about it. What happened in the dungeon. I don't know if we can clear things up, but if we just leave things like this, I'll keep thinking about it.»
Penny chuckled at that.
«What?» I asked, surprised by her reaction.
«Sorry, I just thought your girlfriend must have really scolded you... since you're finally being so open.»
«...Kind of. Part of me wishes she'd yelled at me... sometimes it's harder when people are nice. It makes you feel a lot more guilty.»
«All right, let's talk then. But if you're hoping for me to apologise, I'm already telling you I won't,» Penny said.
«That's not a very amicable way to start a conversation,» I replied, raising an eyebrow.
«I don't care. Have you thought about what I said? About me not being your dead friend?»
I thought it was just a spur of the moment thing in the dungeon, but she really didn't mince her words.
"I was wrong, her true character is nothing like Amy's... She somehow reminds me... of how I used to be."
Unlike me, Penny had been forced to pretend to be someone she was not in order to fit into a very judgmental aristocratic society.And from what she had told me, she had never had a close friend.
Now that she was comfortable with me, she seemed to have let herself go completely, not even thinking that her words might have hurt me.
"But I don't really mind."
«I know you are not her. I still haven't gotten over her death and bottling it up made me do something reckless. I'm sorry I put you in a difficult situation.»
Penny seemed surprised that, unlike her, I was willing to apologise.
«But I still can't agree with what you did afterwards. First of all, even if you think I don't, I still care about you. Maybe not enough to sacrifice my life for you, but I still do. Why would you throw your life away like that?»
Penny was silent for a few seconds.
«So you think I have a death wish or something?» she asked in a low voice.
«It looked that way to me. Weren't you ready to give up a short while ago?»
«That was before you talked to me... Do you think I would spend time reading an anatomy book before going to bed if I didn't have at least a little bit of hope for the future? You were the one who told me I should try to become a doctor...»
I looked at her in astonishment.
"She took that seriously... but then..."
«Liz... from the way you reacted back there, it seems to me that you are really afraid of dying...» she said to my silence.
«I... that's not really the case. I just can't stand the fact that my time is being cut short. There's so much I want to do before I die, and it just makes me so sad when I think about it. The fact that I'm locked up here... not being able to live a normal life. I guess it's my punishment for wanting to escape my old boring town.»
Penny huffed and shook her head:
«You know, I thought you were really cool when you approached me before the test. But I can't really stand how much you're self-pitying and moping around. The world is not out to get you, you know? There were 99 other people in this school besides you. And outside of here, there are a lot of people living miserable lives. So stop acting like a tragic hero. You are not the only one who was dealt a bad hand.»
Those rash words left me speechless for a moment.
«I thought you were very nice back then... but you are kind of an asshole,» I replied impulsively.
After looking into each other's eyes, we both suddenly burst out laughing and the atmosphere became a little lighter.
«But let's see, throwing my life away...» Penny said after turning serious again, «I hadn't really thought about it that way. You see, unlike you I'm not so desperate to keep living. There are some things I value more than my life. That's why I was able to put it at risk, deliberately and not instinctively like you did.»
«Things you value more than life...»
«Can't you think of anything?»
«Sophia. If it was to protect her, I'll definetly put my life on the line,» I replied immediately.
«Of course you would. And you are my Sophia, Liz,» Penny said.
I looked at her with my eyes wide open.
«Penny... I'm... sorry. I don't...»
But Penny immediately cut me off, shaking her head:
«That's not what I meant. I'm sorry, I should have said it better. I'm not into girls,» she explained quickly. But I could see that she was holding back from laughing.
"She really is an asshole... I bet she phrased it that way on purpose."
«What I meant was that I really care about you. I know we only started talking recently, but you inspired me and I really admire you. The thought of letting you die there alone was too much for me.»
«I inspired you? You just said I'm uncool!» I exclaimed, confused.
«You are... but you are also very cool.»
«That doesn't make sense!» I retorted piquantly.
«You should see yourself fighting with your wand in your hand then. How can you face danger with such confidence? If I actually fancied girls, I'd definitely have fallen for you,» she said with a smile.
I looked at her with my mouth half open, feeling myself blush.
"Why am I so easily flustered by this sort of thing?"
«Even then... I could understand you wanting to sacrifice yourself for me at the start. But later? When I had already put my hand on the pedestal? I would have died anyway. Was it really worth it just to stand there and make my death meaningless?» I asked after composing myself.
«For me it was. You see... if I'd walked out of there and left you to die alone... I'd have regretted it every second of what was left of my life. And that's... not really what I would call "being alive".»
I could understand regret... but I still couldn't accept her reasoning.
«Penny... this isn't right. You know very well the regret that fills my heart... but I still want to live. And so should you. Your life is the most important thing you have. You can't just throw it away!» I declared with conviction.
«That's how you feel... I have a different view than you. Is that a deal breaker?» she replied after a moment's thought.
«I don't... know.»
«In the end, everyone gives their life a different meaning and decides what is worth dying for. Can you really be sure that you have the right answer to this question, Liz... what does it mean to be alive? Since you are afraid of dying, you must have given it a lot of thought.»
«I told you I'm not afraid!» I said. But then I fell silent.
Being with Sophia and doing lots of fun things together... that's what I wanted for my life. I just wanted... happiness. That was the meaning of life for me. And I desperately wanted a future where I could live happily every single day. I couldn't die before then.
But... could I really say that Penny was definitely wrong? If Sophia was dying, would I have stayed with her, even if it meant losing my life for nothing? I couldn't really answer that. I loved her so much, but I also knew that she'd be just as angry as I was with Penny if I'd tried to do something like that. If not worse.
«II'm looking forward to seeing if you can teach me another way of thinking...» Penny said after a while.
«Penny, you mean... you still want to be friends?» I asked.
«Of course I do. I always wanted that from the start. What do you want?»
«I...»
The answer was already there.
«I do. I can't tell you that you're wrong. But I still don't like the way you think, so I have to change it.»
Penny grinned in response:
«I can't wait for you to do that...» she said, but then her face darkened, «at least that's what I'd like to say... but I don't really have much time left.»
«Penny... so you're scared too.»
I stood up and moved closer to her.
«Of course I am. But I'm not going to do stupid things like you,» she replied as I put an arm over her shoulders.
«Why do you have to be such a jerk, even when I'm trying to comfort you?»
When I hugged her, she stiffened a little before reciprocating.
«You know, I wish I had met you earlier...» Penny said.
«Me too... sometimes I think how much fun it would've been if Duelcrest was a normal academy.»
«It would have been nice... we could have had a lot of fun with the others.»
We stayed like that for a while. Penny was right about one thing: I was definitely not the only one who had been dealt a bad hand.
***
After dueling Penny twice and conceding both times, I left the room and headed for the classroom. I had to see things for myself. Once inside, I approached the leaderboard with trepidation.
Penelope Pembroke 268
Below her:
Martin Gobbles 246
But that wasn't the problem. The student above her was a good 60 points ahead, and then...
"No..."
A gap of another 300 points. That was more than we could gather in two weeks. If Penny didn't win points outside of the ones we were giving her...
But it didn't stop there. My eyes fell on the 12th place in the ranking.
Wilhelm Langely 670
The student above him already had a 80 points lead on him.
"And he's also sharing his points with Penny…"
Things were looking very bleak for our alliance.
"We have to do something... and fast!" I thought as I walked into the dining hall.
Sophia was already there. She hadn't touched her breakfast yet, probably waiting for me to start.
«How did it go?» she asked, «by the looks of it... not well.»
«Oh... no, we made up... at least I think we did. It got kind of philosophical...»
«Philosophical?» asked Sophia, frowning as she started to sip her coffee.
«Like... what is the meaning of life?» I asked.
«Ah yes, a perfectly easy question to ask when I'm having my morning coffee,» huffed Sophia.
«I told you it was philosophical.»
«I don't really care enough to think of an answer,» she said after a while.
«What?»
«Why does it have to be complicated? Does our life have to have a deep meaning? I'm happy when I'm with you, that's enough for me.»
«That's kind of my answer too. Only a bit more crude.»
«Well... maybe you can think about it more after Sunday.»
«You still haven't told me what we're going to do!» I puffed my cheeks and started to spread jam on my toast.
«And I won't,» she replied, «why did you look out of it when you got here, anyway?»
Seeing her had almost made me forget.
«That's... I was looking at the points. Sophia, We have to do something!» I blurted out, moving the toast away from my mouth as my appetite waned.
«Unfortunately, I think we can only wait, Elizabeth...» she said, forcing my hand back to my mouth, «eat and try not to think about it.»
«But... how can I...?»
«Do you remember what happened when they announced the last test? How I wanted to do something immediately and you told me to think rationally? The same goes for you. We have a plan, but we have to find the condition to make it happen.»
«And if that condition never happens?»
«Then we'll have to risk it. But for now, be patient,» Sophia said in a stern tone.
«Sophia...»
A very evil thought had crossed my mind. But I didn't want to hide anymore.
«What if... we start targeting the dude that is above Penny?»
Sophia looked at me with a serious expression.
«Thank you for not bottling this stuff up... do you really want to do that Elizabeth?»
«I... don't know. Isn't giving Penny points kind of the same thing? We are still sentencing someone to death!»
«Logically, yes... but... just think how Penny would feel if we started doing something like that. It could also have some bad consequences. The other students might start targeting us in retaliation, afraid of us ganging up on them. They could challenge Penny and make her go down this week.»
I couldn't argue with her. Becoming villains would have had some nefarious consequences. After all, playing Skylark's game was exactly what the Academy wanted.
«You are right... I hadn't thought of that. I feel really bad for thinking something like this, but...»
«You want to protect a friend, I know. But see, talking about it made things easy! Thanks for trusting me. Now start eating, or I'll shove that toast down your throat.»
After making sure that I had resumed my breakfast, she continued:
«I'm going to spend a little less time with you in the next few days. Try to hang out with Penny, okay?»
«Less time with me? But... why?» I asked, looking at her in bewilderment. That was definetly something that I didn't need with the state of mind I was in.
«Trust me, it will be worth it. I hate to do it too. But I have some surprises to plan for you. I want to help you Elizabeth, I want to show you that you can be happy,» she said, grabbing my hands.
«Alright... I'll try my best. Is this why you insisted on spending the whole day together yesterday?»
«Guilty as charged,» she said with a smile, «don't worry, I'm still sleeping in your room.»
«Our room!»
***
The next few days were definitely not good for my mood. But I endured them. I missed spending all day with Sophia, but Penny probably needed me more at the moment. Now that her mask was off, she was a lot more annoying to be around, but also a lot more fun. Nicole seemed to think so too, because she started hanging out with us too. For the rest of the week, our trio spent the afternoons together. I was not used to this kind of friendship. It was a lot less intimate than what I had with Sophia and Amy, but still pleasant.
In the evening my girlfriend came back to my room. As far as I could tell, she was spending a lot of time in Celeste's room, plotting who knows what. As the days went by, I became more and more curious and excited about what was going to happen. But there were always nasty whispers in the shadows:
"Why should you get excited about a date? It'll come and go... just like your life soon."
I really thought I was going to go mad or do something crazy. I really hoped that Sophia would be able to help me like she said she would.
In the end. I made it. Saturday night, as I cuddled up to her body, my heart was filled with conflicting emotions.
«Sophia... save me,» I murmured just before I fell into a restless sleep.