My words were again met with silence. It was clear from the looks on my classmates' faces that it would have taken a lot more to convince them this time. Just like before, it looked like Philemon was going to be my most stubborn opponent.
«Killing Skylark... are you serious? I'm sure you've all witnessed what kind of mage he is. Casting such powerful spells without a wand or incantations... I have never seen anything like it,» he said, looking at me as if I had lost my mind.
«I know that very well. But, unlike you, I have also seen someone far more terrifying in action: Aldric. You didn't fight him, so you have no idea what it was like. Skylark may be dangerous and cunning, but he's still human, Aldric is a monster,» I replied with conviction.
«What does Aldric have to do with fighting Skylark?» asked Philemon.
I could hear a hint of hesitation in his voice.
"Of course, he's very clever. There's no way he hasn't realised what's in store for us if we try to escape without dealing with Skylark first."
But when I opened my mouth to reply, I found myself hesitating as well. Giving voice to my thoughts would have made the hopeless future I had foreseen that much more real. I glanced sideways at Sophia, hoping she would give me the resolve I needed to speak my mind. But I didn't find what I was hoping for. Her eyes were fixed on her knees, her hands clasped together in her lap, trembling.
"Sophia... after what she told me this morning... I can see why she's acting this way. Even though Celeste tried to reassure her, I'm sure she's still worried about me going to the second floor."
I wanted nothing more than to take her hand and comfort her, but now... it wasn't the time. I had to be strong. If everyone insisted on avoiding looking at the truth, I had to be the one to make them turn their heads.
«If we don't deal with Skylark, he'll send Aldric after us as soon as he realises that we've escaped. We'll never be able to outrun that monster... he's as fast as lightning. He would catch up with us even if we were thousands of miles away. Guys... just escaping from this damn school is not enough if we get caught again!»
My words seemed to fill the room with a thick dark mist. It was not just Philemon, the others had already thought about it too. With my words I had manifested the doubts that clouded everyone's minds. The fact that even if we got out of the school, freedom would still be a mere mirage.
«What's your plan then?» asked Philemon, breaking the silence again, «Not only is Skylark powerful, but he must have taken precautions from the start in case someone tried to assassinate him. After all, he was going to be in a school with 100 people who hated him.»
Sadly, I had no good answer to his question:
«I... don't know. But I'm confident that if we work together, we can find a way to eliminate him or at the very least incapacitate him long enough to be able to get far away from here.»
I looked at my allies with a determined expression, trying to give them courage.
«I think Liz is right... I haven't seen Aldric in action, but seeing how the school was after the battle... there's no way we can fight something like that,» Nicole murmured after meeting my gaze.
«Exactly... And, aside from his offensive power, he took a Meteor in the face and came out without a scratch! He's so fast, it's almost like he can teleport. Physical attacks don't work either: my sword melted as soon as it touched him. Compared to him, Skylark is just an old fart.»
«You're right... Skylark seems like the better option if we have to fight someone,» Wilhelm said hesitantly.
«Yes... if we work together, we might be able to find a weakness in his defences,» Penny echoed.
Somehow I had managed to turn the tide. Now there was just one last person to convince.
"If I can get Celeste on board, Philemon will follow as usual."
«Celeste, as you said before, it's the time to make bold decisions. Unlike Aldric, Skylark is still human… in the flesh at least. And humans can be killed. Let's wipe off his stupid smile together! I can be the one carrying out the deed, but I really need your brain to make it happen!»
I could see a glimmer of excitement in her eyes. Celeste always loved difficult challenges and this was definitely going to be one of the hardest we had faced so far. Philemon, that was also looking at her, let out a defeated sigh.
"Victory!" I thought, satisfied, "after the mess I've been lately I feel like I'm finally starting to turn things around."
«There is nothing bold about this... it's just stupid. It feels to me like one of Elizabeth's usual reckless ideas. Should we really waste time we don't have on this stuff instead of ironing out our escape plan?»
I froze up instantly. Not because of the harsh tone of those words, but because they were coming from the last person I wanted to hear them from.
I turned to my right. Sophia's was no longer looking down, her eyes were now fixed on mine, a stern expression on her face.
«Sophia…?» I muttered, stunned
«I told you before, Elizabeth. Skylark is the one that gathered all of us here, he knows very well what we are capable of. If he lets us hang out freely like this is because he knows we are not a threat to him. We need to avoid confrontation with him, not look for it!» she said in a cold tone, her piercing green eyes throwing daggers at me.
"I know she's worried about me... but why is she going so aggressive about this?"
It almost felt like me and her we were back in the dining hall, during the first day of the school year. I remained silent for a second, trying to make sense of the situation.
"I really wanted her support... I wanted her to tell me that I was doing great, after the slump I had fallen into over the past few weeks."
But even now, when the opposite was happening, backing down was not an option. I really wanted to drag her out of the room so we could talk about it calmly, but I knew I couldn't afford that right now. It would've ruined all my efforts to bring the others on board with my decision.
"I think I'm right this time. I shouldn't apologise just to make her feel better, that wouldn't feel right. We'll make up later. Right now I have to make sure that everyone stops wavering and looks straight at the truth."
«I know, and normally I would agree with you. But what choice do we have? Like I said, if we don't get rid of Skylark, he'll send Aldric after us.»
«That's likely, but we don't have to fight him. We could just avoid him, hide until we reach a city. I'm sure the king wouldn't want Aldric to be seen in public in the state he's in,» Sophia retorted piquantly.
«Hide? There are far too many of us to hide! Aldric can use familiars too, he'll track us down for sure! And what if we don't find a big city? If we reach a small one, they might just make Aldric wipe it out to hide the truth. It's not like they're against killing innocent people, you know? Putting Skylark out of commision really seems like the best idea to me, unless you have some other proposition,» I replied animatedly.
Sophia seemed at a loss for words for a few seconds. But then she blurted out:
«W-we can just split off in different directions. As fast as Aldric is, he can't follow all of us!»
I looked at her with my mouth half open.
"Sophia... what is going on...?!"
Not only had she looked completely out of it, but what she was suggesting could only lead to one outcome.
«Are you saying that you are fine with him killing one of us if the others get out safely?! Sophia... this is... are you serious?» I asked, stunned.
At my question, my girlfriend froze for a second before her eyes quickly moved away from mine.
«T-That's not what I said! I'm just saying that it's much riskier to go after Skylark!»
"She's not making any sense... this is just like the day of the pairings. I need to calm her down."
«You don't know that! Sophia, please calm down! I brought this up so that we could all talk about it together and come up with a foolproof plan. I'm not doing anything risky until then!» I said, extending a hand towards her cheek, trying to reassure her.
But before I could reach her, Sophia jumped up from her seat and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt with such force that I was afraid she would rip it off. Sophia then began to shake me violently.
«Sophia w-what?!» I muttered, taken aback by this outburst. It hurt, but that wasn't really the problem.
«What if this 'foolproof' plan doesn't work?! What if you fail?! You don't care, do you?! You always do these reckless things without thinking about how you make me feel!» she shouted, her face hidden from me by her long hair.
"Sophia... of course... the trigger for this whole thing was me saying that I would be the one going after Skylark to Celeste. Fuck me, I shouldn't have said that, knowing how nervous she was already."
But... I still didn't think I was in the wrong. And the way Sophia was acting wasn't right at all.
«You're being unfair, Sophia. I haven't done anything yet, I'm here talking to you and the others to see if we can come up with something together. We can't keep looking the other way and just hope things work out! You're the one who told me not to bottle things up and to speak my mind,» I said, grabbing her wrists.
My words were met with silence, but I felt Sophia's hands go limp in my grasp. When I let go, they dangled from her sides as my girlfriend's anger seemed to subside.
«Sophia...» I whispered softly, extending a hand towards her cheek for the second time. But Sophia pushed me aside and headed for the door.
«I'm sorry. I need to take a breather...» she murmured before disappearing into the corridor.
"Why….? Why is this happening?" I thought as my chest tightened.
It wasn't the first time we had fought with each other… but for it to happen now, after our date yesterday...
I made to run after her but an hand closed on my wrist tightly.
«All of you, out of here! Think about what we spoke about today. We'll see each other tomorrow again and make a decision.»
Celeste had spoken in her 'I'm not accepting any objections' tone. In an instant the room began to empty itslef. Penny and Nicole gave me a small pat on the shoulder before leaving me alone with her.
«Celeste… I need to go to-»
«Let her cool off a bit, you should also do the same,» my friend said, pointing towards the chair next to me.
«I… but Sophia…»
"I really don't want to leave her alone now… after what she told me this morning especially."
But as I looked as Celeste face and saw how serious she looked I couldn't help but comply with her request.
"Rationalising what has happened might help me deal with it better... my heart is still beating wildly... I need to calm down a bit before I face her."
«She is not a child. I know you want to go and make up with her... but let's think about what just happened and talk about it first. I'm kind of worried about her, Liz,» Celeste said, taking a seat at the table herself.
«It's my fault, I spoke without thinking again. I've been worrying her a lot lately. Bringing up dangerous plans like I did today wasn't very tactful.»
As much as I wanted to believe that I had done the right thing, I couldn't help feeling bad about the effect my actions had had on my girlfriend.
«Like I said, she's not a child, Liz. You shouldn't excuse her behaviour just because she's your girlfriend. I don't think you've done anything wrong and I'm sure she knows that too. That's why she ran away, she was probably really ashamed. Poor girl, she looked so out of it... she probably didn't even know what was going through her head when she was yelling at you,» Celeste replied, her eyes full of worry.
«And you do?» I asked.
Lately I'd noticed that Celeste wasn't as good with people as I'd first thought.
«Well, I've been spending a lot of time with her lately. You know, setting up your date,» she said, a faint smile lighting up her face.
«Yeah... thank you. I'm really grateful!»
«Don't worry about it. Anyway, I got to know her a lot better because of it. And I've seen some sides of her that I didn't expect,» Celeste continued, looking at me intensely.
I couldn't help but feel a tinge of annoyance at those words. It was childish, but the thought of someone else getting a glimpse of what Sophia was really like made me feel a tiny bit jealous.
«So why are you worried?» I asked, trying to change the subject.
«She seems perfect, doesn't she? Strong, beautiful, brave, sharp and steadfast. I never thought I'd say this, but... even I am a bit envious. If it wasn't for my magic I really wouldn't hold a candle to her.
But when you get to know her, she's also kind of cute and silly. I find it really endearing that she is so easy to tease and embarrass.»
The ugly feeling inside me increased tenfold.
«Do you have a crush on her or something?» I couldn't help but ask in a harsh tone.
I immediately felt bad. Celeste was worried about her friend and here I was, playing the jealous girlfriend part. For a second Celeste looked at me in surprise, but then her expression changed to one of mischief.
«What would you do if I had one?» she said teasingly, looking me straight in the eye.
But before I could answer, she burst out laughing and reached across the table to pat me on the cheek.
«You two really are kind of alike after all! Relax... I've never actually been interested in anyone like that... if we don't count Aldric, I guess. But anyway... I consider her a dear friend, that's why I'm worried.»
«I am so sorry, it seems that Sophia is not the only one who is not thinking clearly today.»
«It can't be helped... we are all on edge lately. But that's why I'm especially worried about Sophia. As perfect as she looks, even I can tell that she's carrying some kind of burden. Something she is desperately trying to keep hidden. But that's the problem. People like her... who try so hard to hide their weaknesses and put up a brave front, are the ones who make the biggest mess when they inevitably crack,» she said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly.
"It really sounds like she's talking about herself."
I still didn't quite understand Celest but Sophia... I knew very well the burden she had carried all her life. The scorn she had received from the people she loved the most had left some deep scars in her heart. Scars that I had tried to slowly close with my affection for her. But by finally having someone at her side, Sophia had also discovered a new emotion, something she had never had to deal with before: the fear of losing someone you love. In this high-stress environment, it wasn't surprising that she couldn't handle it.
"I should do what I can to help her cope with it... just like she helped me get over my bad thoughts. And I should really watch my big mouth from now on. I have to remember that my girlfriend is much more sensitive than she likes to show to people."
«I understand Celeste. Thank you for telling me this, I'll do what I can.»
Celeste nodded but did not seem reassured by my words.
«I hope you'll be able to help her, Liz. But I'm still worried. You see, it looks to me like you are the biggest weakness in her armour. If you are in danger, that girl is very capable of throwing reason out the window and doing anything to save you. Honestly... I'm afraid she doesn't even care about getting out of here. All she wants is to stay by your side.»
"I'm her weakness..."
It made sense that she saw things that way. Sophia had really seemed like an unstoppable warrior at the beginning of the school year. I had thought so too. And everyone had witnessed the change I seemed to have brought about in her. The Sophia of today looked so different from the bored girl that had rose from her seat during the first day in class.
The way she smiled and laughed so much made her seem like a whole different person. But with the good emotions came the bad. Sophia could now cry, get angry and feel defeated, just like the rest of us. And today she had shown that to everyone. Of course, people could see that as weakness. But I knew that wasn't the case.
Sophia, like me, had grown so much in the time we had spent together, but she had not really become a different person. The real Sophia had always been there, hidden from everyone, crying alone in a corner of her mind. I had only helped her to bring herout, just as she had done with me. Sure, it hurt sometimes, but by exposing the part of ourselves we didn't want to see, we would become much stronger than before, I was sure of it.
«I see where you are coming from Celeste, but I disagree. I don't think I'll end up being her weakness... quite the opposite in fact. I think if I hadn't gotten close to her, Sophia would have definitely died in this academy. That might still happen... but now there's a chance that it won't.»
Celeste looked at me in confusion:
«What do you mean?»
«I cant't tell you the whole story but both she and I had... a misguided idea of what it meant to be 'strong'. I'm sure if we'd gone on like that, we would have ended up destroying ourselves. But now... now we have found it: something worth fighting for. And also: the strenght to be able to lean on each other. I think that's what's going to get us out of here.»
Celeste didn't seem very convinced.
«I don't understand. Is this something about 'the power of love' or stuff like that? It all seems so flimsy to me. But I trust you know more about her than I do.»
«Thank you... But really, Celeste, have you never loved anyone? I know what you feel for Aldric is not really love, but... what about Philemon?» I asked after we had been silent for a moment.
Like the last time I asked her about him, Celeste made a dismissive gesture with her hand:
«I told you, it's just an arranged marriage. He's my childhood friend and nothing more,» she replied without hesitation.
«Does he feel the same way?» I asked, thinking about the scenes that had played out a little earlier in this very room.
«Of course he does. You don't know him as well as I do. That guy only cares about boring stuff like the economy of the realm and defensive spells. He likes to hang around me because I'm the only one who humours him,» she replied with a smile.
«Hmmm... fine.»
I was not convinced. I could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth.
"Either she's deliberately looking away or she's very bad at reading people."
«Alright, alright! I kind of like his serious demeanour, we strike a nice balance together, but I don't really feel that way about him. Like I said, I'm not really sure what love is. The strongest I ever felt towards something is for magic. That's probably my one and only true love.»
«That's just like you,» I replied, deciding it wasn't a good idea to push her any further.
"Maybe I should talk to Philemon about this... I kind of want to apologise to him as well. I feel bad about putting Celeste in danger."
I started to get up, but then I remembered something:
«Celeste... can I ask you a favour?»
«Sure!»
«I want to start training with you again. This time it's going to be something a bit more out there than gravity spells...»
My friend's eyes lit up immediately:
«Go on!»
«Doublecasting, is that really the limit? I'd like to see if it's possible to go further...»
Celeste's enthusiasm burst like a balloon.
«Oh... well, in that case, I can already tell you that we will not make a breakthrough. So many mages, much more powerful than us, have tried to achieve such a thing and never succeeded.»
But I wasn't discouraged by her words.
«I still want to try. I think it could lead to some interesting discoveries.»
«Why?» Celeste asked, surprised by my confidence.
"How do I answer this question? Maybe... maybe telling the truth is the right way, as always."
«I... can't tell you. It's not that I don't trust you, believe me! But Sophia made me promise to keep it a secret.»
"Triplecasting... mana control... that could be the key to finding out more about my new power..."
Celeste looked at me for a second before answering:
«Alright, I'll help you. Or at least... I will, if we survive our journey through the second floor. Let's go for it tomorrow, shall we? No point waiting any longer. I'd go tonight, but I think it's better if you spend some time with your stupid girlfriend.»
For a second, the dark thoughts came dangerously close to overtaking me again, but I pushed them away.
«Of course! See you tomorrow, Celeste! And thank you!» I replied with a smile and opened the door to her room.
«See you! And by the way, if you want my help, you need to tell me everything about how it went yesterday!»
«Like what?» I asked, turning around.
«Like who was the top and who was the b-»
I slammed the door behind me before she could say anything more. I let out a sigh before smiling again.
I was certain of one thing: I definitely did not want to see Celeste crack because, if she did, it would mean that all hope was truly lost.
***
As I turned the corner to the corridor where my room was, I breathed a sigh of relief. Sophia was sitting on the floor near my door with her back to the wall. Part of me had been worried that she would try to avoid me and hole up in her room.
"Thankfully we're past that now..."
«Hey...» I greeted her as I approached.
Sophia, who was clearly deep in thought, was startled by my voice.
«Hey...» she replied in a small voice, looking at me tentatively.
I could see clearly in her eyes that she had been crying. I really wanted to hug her right at this moment but, as Celeste had told me, Sophia wasn't a child and I shouldn't have treated her as such.
«I'm sorry I left you out here. Celeste kind of kidnapped me, but... I needed some time to think, too.»
Sophia nodded:
«It's okay, I needed to think a bit too. Elizabeth... you must be angry with me.»
«I am. Let's talk about it, shall we? But not here with you sitting on the floor,» I said, holding out my hand as I opened the door.
«All right...» she said, taking it and standing up.
I could clearly sense some awkwardness between us, but I was sure we'd get through it. We were both far too close now for something like this to keep us apart.
"I'm so glad we're mature enough to stop acting like little girls about things like this..."
After turning on the light, we both sat down on the bed. I waited patiently for Sophia to speak.
«I'm so sorry, Elizabeth. I completely lost control. When you said you were going up to the second floor... I got so scared. The thought that you might be found out and killed... it was too much. And then... when you talked about going after Skylark yourself... my mind just went blank. Please tell me I didn't hurt you,»she murmured, reaching for my neck with her hand but stopping halfway.
«I'm perfectly fine, Sophia. But that doesn't mean that what you did wasn't wrong. I'm sorry for worrying you. I also think I should have talked to you about all that stuff before the meeting. I was just on a high from yesterday and didn't think about it, I'm sorry. But to react the way you did... I don't want to see you doing something like that ever again. I know you were not yourself, but the way you grabbed me so violently was not okay. So... we have to prevent that from happening again. I know it's funny coming from me... but what you told me about not bottling things up applies to you too. So, if you ever feel an outburst like the one you had is about to come out again, I want you to take my hand and walk me out of the room so we can talk about it in a calm way, okay?»
«I understand, and I promise I'll do that. But... please don't apologise. I'm the only one who's wrong here. You were right and I knew it... but I couldn't accept the fact that you were willing to take all the risk. I didn't think... I... was that weak-willed.»
«I don't think you are weak-willed at all! My words just pushed you over the edge because you are nervous these days, you said so this morning. Do you remember what I did to you when I broke down? I hurt you back then too... much more than you did today, and I still feel so bad about it. But I know that you and I are not like that! It's all because of this damn school... I'm kind of surprised we haven't gone mad yet. Anyway... I forgive you and I hope you do so too! I really should have paid more attention to you, Sophia. Lately all you've done is take care of me... I really need to step-up my girlfriend's game!» I said, caressing her back.
But Sophia shook her head:
«I don't know, Elizabeth... I just haven't felt like myself lately. I also had some very bad thoughts when I left Celeste's room... very ugly ones... I feel so ashamed.»
I pulled her to me and hugged her. She tried to wriggle out:
«Don't do this... I don't deserve it. I'm a terrible person...» she complained.
«Oh come on! You sound a lot like someone we both know very well. A big pain in the ass from what I hear!»
«I...»
Sophia's body shook in my arms as her voice cracked.
«Tell me what you're thinking? You'll feel better afterwards, trust me. I can be the judge this time,» I whispered into her ear as I stroked her hair.
It took a while before Sophia spoke again:
«I... thought... that it would've been nice if you kept leaning on me like you did the last few days. Now that you're feeling better, I feel like you are going to slip away from me. Today you looked so strong and determined... I have the terrible feeling that you're going to leave behind me soon. You don't know how much I hated myself after I thought about this stuff... you were suffering so much and I...»
I sighed at her confession.
"Well lately I thought about ganging up to eliminate one of our classmates... this is not so bad after all."
«Sophia... love sometimes brings out our ugliest parts. But... these are just thoughts, aren't they? Our minds can wander to some dark places, but what matters is how we act in the end.»
«That's what worries me... when I think about you using that power and disappearing on me... I feel like I'd like to keep you in this room forever.»
«How naughty of you, Sophia!» I joked.
«I'm opening up to you, you idiot!» but I could hear a chuckle between her sobs.
«Like I said... what matters is how you act. I know you'll do the right thing in the end, Sophia.»
«But... what is the right thing? I told you... escaping from here doesn't matter to me if I lose you in the process.»
I really didn't have a good answer for her.
«I... don't know. But I think when the time comes, you'll know what choice to make,» I said, pulling out of the embrace to wipe away her tears with my hand.
«That's such a vague answer.»
«I know, but I trust you. Sorry if I sound paternalistic, but you have grown so much since I met you, Sophia. All this love and emotion stuff is new to you, isn't it? I can see why the thought of losing me could really mess you up. It did the same for me in the dungeon. But as you said yesterday, I'm here now, aren't I?»
«Yes... you are... you are right. I'll talk to you more often about this stuff from now on and I hope we can find a good answer together,» she said, finally smiling tentatively at me, «Elizabeth... I'm sorry. I really behaved like a child today,»
«It's fine, you put up with me and I put up with you! We are lovers, aren't we? And anyway, I need your help. I love being with you and that is why I want to escape from here. You know how I am, without you watching over me I'll do some reckless things. So stay by my side and speak your mind! But if you do, think hard about whether it's the rational Sophia speaking or the lovesick one!»
«You're talking like I have a split personality or something...» she commented, arching an eyebrow.
«Split personality... nah... you are just one messed up girl!»
«Thank you very much...»
«That's why I love you, idiot!» I said, pulling her shirt to drag her into a kiss.
«Is today opposite day or something?» Sophia asked after our lips parted.
«Mmmh that sounds kind of fun...»
«Elizabeth... can you spoil me a bit today?»
«Oh that's a very 'Elizabeth' thing for you to say!»