Instead of answering this question, I give Fleance a humoured grin and mysteriously turn around just in time to see my three friends just standing there, watching us.
The little jump which emits from me does not go unnoticed by all parties. Fleance frowns in confusion and I look at my friends weirdly, wondering how long they have been standing there and why I did not notice them earlier. Have they just been silently watching us this whole time? Why are they sneaking up on me too? I'm starting to think everyone around me is attempting some kind of coup in the form of giving me a heart attack.
"Hey, guys," I breathe out with a peal of nervous laughter and my gaze quickly wavers onto Fleance who merely crosses his arms over his chest, "how long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to know that you had sex with his brother," Taylor replies playfully which only serves to egg Fleance on more.
"Why would you say that?" I mutter under my breath, giving her an unimpressed look as I shake my head in disappointment.
"Because even she knows how suspicious it is that you woke up at my house wearing my brother's clothes. Just answer me this, Seong Jin. Did you or did you not let him put the tip in?"
"That is not a euphemism, Fleance. In fact, it is worse than saying I had sex with him."
"No, it isn't."
"Oh, yeah, he put the tip in is better than we had sex," I say sarcastically.
His expression changes into one of disgust. "Okay, now that you have emphasised the word tip, it is worse than saying you two had sex. But if you don't want to tell me, Seong Jin, I guess I'll just have to go and ask Kai. It's clear I'm never going to get an honest response from you. Maybe one day you will finally be truthful, mate. Inshallah!"
Then he walks away from us with my stare following him the entire time in bemusement.
"What a strange guy," Damien murmurs.
I cannot help but nod in agreement before turning back to look at them. A smile begins to curl onto my lips as I take in the graduation gowns fitted on all their figures and I instantly hold the camera up to my eye, instructing them to each show me one of their best poses. They give me a few silly poses, making exaggerated expressions and funny hand gestures. When Edward urges me into the picture, I excitedly squeeze into the middle and take a selfie of us.
As I review the photos, I can't help but let out a laugh, loving how they perfectly capture the camaraderie of our high school years. Taylor, the blunt best friend. Edward, the golden boy. Damien, the pun pal. Thanks to this trusty camera, I will be able to look back on this day with fondness. When Edward and Damien say something about catching up with the swimming team, I remind them that we still need to meet up later on this afternoon. After giving us the peace sign, they both spin on their heels and retreat.
Glancing up at Taylor who is busy fiddling with the mortarboard atop her head, I muse playfully, "You actually made it, huh?"
"Did you have any doubts?"
"If I'm going to be completely honest with you, Taylor, I absolutely did have my doubts. You, out of everyone in our year, are the one person I was worried wouldn't graduate."
"Not you praying for my downfall," she bemoans with an indignant frown and then she crosses her arms over her chest. "What a shit friend you are."
"I was not praying for your downfall. I just didn't think you even wanted to graduate. It seemed like you weren't bothered."
"I mean, to be fair, I really wasn't. I honestly barely scraped by, mate. I will genuinely be surprised if any university takes me with the grades I got. Suspicious even. It would have to be a scam."
"Aren't you planning to travel the world?"
"Yeah, but also, I need money to do that so I think I'm gonna get myself a job first before I plan on doing anything at all. Who knew flying to different countries would actually cost money? Money that your mother could lend to you but does not want to."
"Right…" I shake my head, hilarity dancing around my face.
Then my gaze lingers on her with her blue graduation gown fluttering in the gentle breeze and memories of every moment we have spent with each other both in and outside of high school, good and bad, flashes behind my eyes and a lump starts to grow in my throat.
"You know I'm gonna miss you, right?"
Her lips press into a thin line at my words but I still notice the soft grin that is fighting to tug onto her mouth. Her hand then comes up to awkwardly fiddle with her auburn hair which is neatly pinned back. When I slowly bring my arms up for a hug, her eyes widen widen in panic.
"What are you doing?" she questions me, now narrowing her gaze warningly.
"Come on, Taylor."
She backs away from me slowly. "Seong Jin, you better not fucking hug me right now."
"Bring it in."
"I swear, I will punch you in your goddamn throat."
"Buddha preached peace."
Without another word, I pull her into an embrace. She instantly stiffens in my arms and for a moment, all she does is stand motionless with her hands hanging limply at her sides. Then I slowly feel the tension leaving her body and hesitantly her arms rise to circle my back. This hug is not as awkward as the other hugs we have shared on previous occasions and I find myself melting into it. We stand there, lost in the moment and oblivious to the bustling activity around us.
When we pull apart, my heart drops at the sight of unshed tears shining in her eyes. I worriedly keep my hand on her arm and silently ask her what's wrong. She offers me a watery smile in response, waving her hand dismissively as if to try and ease my concern.
A throat clears and we break apart.
"We weren't hugging," Taylor hurriedly says to the person, turning away to discretely blink the tears in her eyes away.
"Yeah, hugging is for pussies," I concur, fixing the mortarboard perched atop my head.
"Uh, okay," Savannah mutters, blinking at both of us in bemusement from our peculiar behaviour. Then her gaze flies over to stick on me and she states plainly, "I need a moment with you in private."
"Oh," I murmur stupidly before looking over at Taylor and saying, "I'll catch up with you later, yeah?"
"Mm-hmm." Then she glances over at Savannah and gives her the 'I'm watching you' gesture with her fingers before backing away from us, accidentally bumping into someone who cusses her out.
After turning back to rest her gaze on me, Savannah asks, "What's her problem?"
"She might still be a little upset at you for leaking my letter to her boyfriend to the entire school."
Her mouth opens in realisation, and she bobs her head up and down in hesitant agreement. "Right. Well, I'm here to collect the school's camera."
I carefully hand it back to her and tell her about the three girls who were hoping for their picture to be featured in the newspaper. Instead of telling me to go and fuck myself, she thanks me for a job well done and tells me that she'll consider adding their picture to the newspaper.
"And I thought you should have these back." She presents something from behind her and I look down to see my sketchbook with my memory card resting between her thumb. My brows flick up in shock. Unable to hold myself back, I excitedly take them from her.
"I wanted you to know that I'm… really sorry for leaking your personal things to the entire school and the world essentially. I deleted that channel that had all your vlogs on it. It does not make what I did any less shitty, but…"
"It's okay. Jodie kind of explained to me why you did what you did and even though I may not agree with it, I can kind of understand where you were coming from."
Her eyes lock with mine, their depths sparkling with a curious intensity after digesting my statement. She looks like she's dissecting every word that escaped my lips to try and discern the hidden meaning behind them. How much exactly did Jodie tell me? Her brows furrow ever so slightly, a subtle indication of the wheels turning in her mind.
Her lips part and she reluctantly asks, "What did Jodie tell you?"
"Uh… something about you being jealous of me." Then I hold my breath, waiting with bated anticipation for her response.
"Oh my gosh, she's so fucking stupid."
"She did not tell me to betray you if that's what you're thinking. She just saw how distressed I was about it and I think she only told me to at least give me an answer to my questions, to ease my mind. So if you want to blame anyone, you can blame me."
"Oh, don't go defending her honour as if she is some damsel in distress," she states, rolling her eyes upwards. "I meant it lovingly. As in I love her but she can be fucking stupid sometimes."
"Stupid for telling me the truth?"
"Stupid for thinking she even knew what the truth was."
I rear back in confusion. "That's… not the truth?"
"Nope."
"What is the truth then?" I ask her, intrigued by what the actual answer to my question is. "Why did you hate me for all these years if it had nothing to do with you hating the fact that I had a crush on the two boys you had a crush on as well?"
She remains silent for a second, a contemplative silence before replying, "Do you remember what you said to me when my parents passed away?"
"No," I respond cautiously and my eyes grow large with worry at the prospect that she hated me because of something which concerns her late parents. "Did I say something mean? If that's the case then honestly, hate me all you want."
"No, you did not say anything mean." She bursts out chuckling at my panicked response.
I am surprised to see that she is smiling at me positively.
"The day after I received the news of their death, the following day at school, everybody just kept staring at me with this vivid look of pity. Jodie kept trying to cheer me up the entire day and I'm pretty sure James offered me his blunt to try and make me feel better."
"That sounds like something James would do."
"Yeah, he means well, bless him."
"He does," I reply affectionately.
"Well, instead of doing all that, when you found me under the big oak tree, you simply sat down next to me and you did not say a single word. You just sat there with me. I have no idea why that stuck with me but you doing that was ultimately what kind of made me feel better about the whole situation. I guess it gave me a moment to wrap my head around everything. I knew you had gone through what I was going through at the time and seeing how optimistic you were even after losing your dad sort of gave me hope. That maybe I could be happy again."
I listen to her intently.
"And when I broke out crying because I could not hide my sadness anymore, you reached over to hold me in your arms." She sniffles as she retells the story, blinking the tears from her eyes and then an amused chuckle escapes her when she adds, "And then you invited me over to hang out at your house that afternoon because your dad was making burgers."
"I remember that."
We stand there smiling at each other, reminiscing about the past before our friendship went to absolute shite.
"I was never jealous of you," she admits.
I nod my head in acceptance, but then my brows furrow in wonder. Then what happened to turn our relationship so sour?
"I was more… jealous of all the guys you liked."
I tilt my head in bemusement. "I don't follow."
"I had feelings for you."
My eyes widen in shock.
"Before I found out you were gay," she clarifies as if that makes what she just said any less surprising. "By the time I found out it was too late. I had already fallen for you."
My mouth gapes and I release a noise to convey how speechless I am.
"I guess, I was just bitter that the only person who understood what I was going through was inadvertently being taken away from me too. I also did not mean for you to get kicked off the football team. I tried to get Riley to convince the others to let you back in but they had already made up their minds."
I merely stare at her, heart beating in my face and I blink to try and wrap my mind around what she is saying to me right now, but my brain has just shut down and retired. It does not want to think anymore. What the fuck…
"I should have just come clean but at that point, I was too far gone. The situation was seemingly not salvageable anymore and I could tell by the way you looked at me that you already hated me. So it was at that point that I just chose to wear the crown of thorns proudly."
My mouth is still parted at the end of her confession.
I think she just broke me.