After the long drive which may have been cut down to a little under four hours because of Dominic's driving, we arrive at the hospital. He rushes out of the car after struggling to get his seatbelt off and towards the entrance, we speedily walk. At the front desk when he stumbles over his words, I take over for him and ask for the floor and room that his brother's in. Through the corner of his eye, I see the look of appreciation on his face.
During the elevator ride, he remains expressionless. The only thing which tells me that he is slightly nervous is his twitching pinkie.
I don't know what to do. Would it be appropriate to reach over to him?
A loud ding announces our arrival on the fifth floor, and he exits the elevator even before the doors have fully parted to the sides. I follow after him like a lost puppy.
The familiar bleached blonde mane of his mum is the first thing we spot when we arrive and she is currently pacing up and down outside the room. Unlike Dominic, her bright blue eyes glimmer with fear until she sees him and the tension in her shoulders slightly evaporates. Once he's standing close enough, she pulls him into her arms.
"Where's Dad?"
"He's on his way. He just went back home to get a change of clothes."
"How long has he been here?" he asks her when they pull away, her hands still holding him at arm's reach and his eyebrow twitches in an almost agitated manner.
Hesitantly, she says, "A couple of days. He told us not to tell you, but last night he started getting worse, so that's why I called you."
"Why does he do that? Why wouldn't he want me to know that he's sick again?"
"You know why. He doesn't want you to see him like that. He doesn't want you to remember him like this."
"That's not fair," he snaps, and his voice raises an octave higher, "and it's not fair that you're enabling him to do this."
I stand on the sidelines, my eyes widening awkwardly. This feels like a conversation I shouldn't be listening to. It's not often that I see Dominic showing emotion, so when it happens like this, it does catch me off, guard.
"It's not my choice to make, Domi. If that's what he wants, then I'm not going to go against it. Even me calling you here is me defying his wishes."
"So why do it then?"
She inhales a breath into her nostrils defeatedly and then her eyes flicker over to me, widening in surprise at the sight of me. Stiffly, I paint a smile on my face.
"Sorry, I didn't know if I should stay or leave," I murmur out awkwardly. "Coffee, anyone?"
While blinking in bemusement, she thoughtlessly murmurs, "Sure…"
While in the canteen, ordering the three cups of coffee and the conversations around me mixing into each other until it becomes white noise, I roll my neck around tiredly.
I'm somewhat relieved to be away from Dominic and his mum. I don't think I like hospitals very much. It reminds me too much of the time Appa was in here after the car accident. At the time, I don't think I truly understood what was happening until my mum burst into tears when the doctor announced the bad news.
Every time I think of my potential career, I am reminded of all the reasons why I do not want to proceed with it. Except what else am I meant to do? Specialising in psychiatry is slightly better than being a doctor, I guess.
When I walk back to Dominic, I find him sitting in one of the chairs lining the wall with his head down.
I slowly approach him and when I take a seat beside him, he lifts his head and turns it to face me.
He quickly wipes away the tears dancing around the edges of his eyes, darkening his eyelashes and I try not to look at him sympathetically, but I am not so good at being expressionless. So, with a somewhat reassuring smile wobbling onto my lips, I hold up his cup of coffee to him. For a few seconds, he merely stares down at the cup scalding into my palm and after pinching his eyes closed, he sluggishly reaches up to take the coffee from me.
Neither one of us speaks afterwards. The only sounds around us are the commands being shouted by doctors and nurses, and a few faint beeping noises.
Then through my peripheral, I see him burying his face in his hand and his shoulders start shaking. I immediately reach over to put my arm around him. He doesn't dare look up, but I can hear him quietly sobbing. Slowly, I rub my hand on his shoulder.
I know exactly how he feels right now and it kills me to know that I can't relieve his pain in any way.
"Dominic."
I look over his shoulder and see Jodie rushing over to us. I quickly dismantle myself from Dominic as he wipes his face dry. She sits down beside him and embraces him without even hesitating. He hugs her back, resting his head in the crook of her neck and my eyes watch them curiously. In this moment, it makes me realise something about them.
They don't just seem close, they are close.
Outside the hospital building, I watch the sun peeking through the horizon.
I can feel my body demanding to get some sleep, my eyes struggling to stay open, especially with the bright glare of the sun piercing them invasively. I don't even know what time it is or how long I have been here. With a groan, I stretch my arms above my head to relieve some of the tightness in my back and muscles and my mouth parts to release a long yawn. The tears that blur my sight help to relieve the sting in my eyes.
When my phone vibrates in my pocket, I jump out of my skin. Then after calming my heart, I reach for the device and answer the call without even checking who the caller is. "Hello."
"Oh my days, you sound exhausted," are the first words he says to me and unconsciously, his voice brings a smile to my face. "Did you not get any sleep?"
"Mm-mm." Another yawn escapes me as I sluggishly shake my head from side to side.
"You should get some sleep. You sound knackered," he advises me with concern in his voice.
I nod even though he cannot actually see me. I don't even see anything wrong with my actions, because of how slowly my mind is working.
"Okay well, I was just calling to let you know that we all decided to go home. Taylor packed your clothes and whatnot and she said something about calling your brother to drop your suitcase off at your house."
"Wait, why are you guys leaving?"
"It just didn't feel right to stay and have fun while someone's family member is in the hospital."
"Fair," I say when he explains their reasoning. I would feel the same way. "By the way, did you tell Jodie that Dominic's brother was in the hospital?"
"No," he answers, his tone turning a bit perplexed.
So that means Dominic must have told her himself.
"Why do you ask?"
"No reason," I say dismissively and instinctively my eyes widen innocently. When his previous words hit me again, I can't help but wonder if he will be heading back to school now since the camping trip has been cancelled. While strolling around back and forth, I ask him as casually as I can, "So, are you going back to Oxfordshire?"
"Yeah, I mean, what's to stay for?"
"Right," I murmur under my breath, trying to mask the disappointment in my voice. I was hoping to see him again before he left.
"Unless you want me to stay for a bit," he says slowly.
Immediately, I perk up and a coy grin tilts the corner of my lip up. I kick a stray pebble and bury my chin into my chest when my face heats up, rubbing my fist in my eye. "Can you stay?"
"I can."
I rephrase my enquiry to, "May you please stay?"
For a second, he doesn't respond and then he says, "Okay."
"Cool."
Quietly, he laughs and he ends the call by telling me that he'll see me later.
I hesitantly stroll back towards the entrance of the building but for some reason, while on one of the steps leading to the car park, my eyes stray away from the blinding sun and I ponder if I should go back into the hospital. Does Dominic really need me? He has Jodie now. He called her here to comfort him, right? If he was going to call her, why not just take her with him instead of me in the first place?
Decidedly, I take a seat on one of the stairs and bury my face in my arms resting on my knees.
When I hear footsteps approaching me, I lift my head from between my knees and my eyes catch Jodie coming up to me. Once close enough, she holds a packet of Skittles towards me and with an amused grin, I reach up to take them from her. The packet crinkles in my hand. I wish I had fond memories of these sweets, but I do not. It's not going to stop me from munching on them though. I am starving.
She sits down beside me, fixing the silk scarf wrapped around her neck.
"How is he doing?" I ask her.
"He's with his parents right now," she responds. "Why are you sitting out here instead of being in there with him?"
Not willing to tell her the reason why I chose to sit out here instead, I shrug indifferently. I don't know how to tell her without coming off as jealous. She takes my response at face value and doesn't poke me for an answer.
"Did he call you here?"
For a second, she stares at me and then she nods slowly. Pressing my lips together, I also nod in realisation. Whilst I am struggling to open the bag, she hesitantly says to me, "I have to tell you something."
For some reason, her words make my heart drop. I look at her curiously.
After heaving a deep breath into her chest, she hesitantly says, "I'm the one who leaked your love letter to Edward."