A month and a few days have gone by, and the day I have been highly anticipating has finally arrived. I don't think I have ever been more excited for something like I am for this camping trip. I'm in such high spirits, that nobody can bring me down from the clouds.
When I blurted out to Dominic in that restroom we were stuck in that I wanted to go camping with my friends, I don't think I was actually going to take the initiative and do it, plan a camping trip. I am glad he brought it up because it had already slipped my mind.
For the past month while he has been searching far and wide for the most expensive and refurbished campsite to book out for us and only us, I have been trying to convince my mum to let me even go on said camping trip. At first, she outright blatantly said no. After weeks of pleading and begging and tearing up intentionally, I managed to wear her down to a maybe. Franklin eventually got her to say yes.
While upstairs in my bedroom, grabbing my clothes from the wardrobe and tossing them behind me onto my bed, I pray that they don't mix with the clothes I have yet to wash. Glancing around my unkempt room, I ponder if I should clean up before leaving for three days.
Since my mum did allow me to go on this camping trip, it's only fair that I tidy up a bit. Also, so she cannot guilt trip me about the bacteria lingering in my room when I return from the trip.
While scrambling around, trying not to clumsily trip over all the random stuff littering my floors, I struggle to fit said dirty clothes in my laundry basket after several sniff tests that leave me feeling faint. I should really get my life together. I mean, I'm going to university in a couple of months. This sort of lazy behaviour needs to stop.
But even as that thought enters my mind, a picture of my room during the incoming days flashes before my eyes, and I see clothes strewn on the floor and draped over my mirrors and bookshelf again.
When through my peripheral, I see my phone lighting up on my bed, I rush over to pick it up.
Can you send me the location of your house? the message from Kai reads and while distractedly picking up one of Chu Hua's dolls and wondering how it ended up in here, I text him the location of my house before I go back to organising my room.
Once I am done, I take a step back to take it all in. The new and improved look of my bedroom. I have rarely seen it look this clean and it doesn't reek as much now that I have opened the window to let in some fresh air. Now that it's spring, I don't have to worry too much about it getting too cold in my room.
Tiredly, my mouth falls open to release a yawn and I stretch my arms above my head which set my muscles back in place. While blinking the tears away, I fall back into my bed, staring at the stars on my ceiling. They're barely visible during the day.
When I hear my door pushing open, I tilt my head to the side to see Yang Jin poking his head in between the doorway.
"Holy, it doesn't smell like a swamp in here anymore," he exclaims loudly with a look of incredulity on his face. He fully pushes the door open and steps into my recently cleaned room. "You took the time to clean your room? Jesus must be returning. I can actually see the floor."
I frown at him for his overreaction. "Why are you in here?"
"Oh, your friends are downstairs waiting for you," he says without focusing his gaze on me. He is too busy admiring my room.
"Who?"
"The only friends you have," he retorts, squinting his eyes at me dryly. His comment forces me to sit up and glare at him wryly. "You're a hermit, remember?"
Tossing a pillow at him which he easily catches, I adamantly say, "I have other friends. Besides you are the last person who should be talking about hermits. You never leave the house and you have zero friends. Just a sad, lonely, old man."
"I don't need friends. I have Franny."
"You know, Chu Hua was just saying a few months ago that you're too obsessed with Franny and at the time I scolded her when she said that you would eventually get your heart broken, but now thinking about it, how sure are you about Franny?"
"I'm not," he admits with a nonchalant shrug which surprises me. "But that is the risk of being in love with someone or even just being in a relationship. I have to trust that she won't break my heart, and she has to trust that I won't break hers either. And if we do end up breaking each other's hearts then either we work it out or we don't."
In my stunned state, I blink up at him slowly. "You know, you have matured a lot from when you were dating Annie."
"Of course, I have. How old was I when I was dating her? Seventeen or eighteen? You know what they say about high school sweethearts though. It was never going to work out."
His words unintendedly have me thinking about Dominic and me.
If we were dating, if we did become high school sweethearts for the remainder of our final year, how long would our relationship even last?
I imagine the possibilities we could have had if we just got together much sooner, weaving our way through the intricacies of young love. Perhaps our relationship would have been a whirlwind of shared secrets, stolen kisses and nightly conversations under the stars. We would have carved our initials into the bark of the tree in my backyard, promising eternal love in a world that felt endless and full of promise.
Is it too late?
I might be going to a school in Oxfordshire and he... actually I have no idea what he is planning to do after graduating from high school.
We have not really spoken about the struggles and efforts of dating which comes with venturing into the unknown realms of adulthood. How would our love stand the test of distance and change? Could our high school romance blossom into a lifelong commitment, weathering the storms of time and circumstance or would the constraints of reality eventually dim the fires of our youthful passion, leaving us wondering what might have been?
What about Taylor and Edward? Have they spoken about the thoughts I am having about someone who isn't even my boyfriend? Will their relationship last even after high school? I know that she was planning to travel around the world a lot and he mentioned something about either applying for some sort of culinary career. Is that still their respective plans, I wonder.
"I'm not saying you and that Dominic guy won't work out after high school," my brother speaks up, breaking me from my train of thought. "Not all high school relationships end in tears and disillusionment."
After watching him through the corner of my eye, I dismissively stand up from my bed and head over to my suitcase to zip it close. "I don't know what you are trying to imply. Dominic and I are not in a relationship."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really." I narrow my eyes at him for the look of disbelief painting his face before changing the subject, "Now help me with my bag please."
He walks over to me and then puts his entire weight on the suitcase to assist me in closing it.
"But haven't you two been hanging out a lot?" His question makes me look up at him in confusion, so he continues saying, "I mean, he drops you off every day."
"So?"
"Didn't you go out on a date with him a few nights ago?"
"I keep telling you that was not a date, Yang Jin. We just went out to watch a movie as friends do and then we grabbed some food afterwards because the popcorn didn't fill me up."
"Sounds like a date to me," he mutters beneath his breath in a snarky manner.
"It was not a date. I would have known if it was a date." I still struggle to zip my suitcase closed even with him sitting down on it and compressing all the items in it. "Heong, it's not closing. What is going on? Did you lose weight?"
"I did in fact lose weight over the past couple of months. Thank you for noticing. At least, somebody sees the work I have been putting in. When I asked Franny if she noticed anything different about me, she asked me if I trimmed my hair because apparently I had a dead trim before."
Blankly, I blink up at him.
"Right, you do not care," he says more to himself, bobbing his head up and down slowly. "But I'm confused, Seong Jin. You do like Dominic, right?"
After thinking his words over in my mind, I hesitantly reply, "Sure."
"And he likes you, right?"
"I guess."
"And you hang out almost every day, but you're not dating?"
"No."
"Why not? What are you waiting for?"
"I don't know what I'm waiting for."
After heaving a large breath from my chest, exhausted from finally managing to get the zip of my suitcase halfway to the end and I sit down before him with my legs crossed.
He gazes down at me with a knowing look in his eyes as though he is a wise father who is about to grace me with the best advice.
"I guess, it still hasn't fully sunk in that he likes me."
"Why is that?"
"Because... I just feel guilty about the fact that I broke him and Jodie up even though he has reassured me multiple times that he didn't technically break up with her because of me. It's hard to not feel like it's still my fault."
"But you still like him nonetheless?"
"Sure..."
His brows furrow in bemusement. "You keep saying sure like you are unsure. Do you like him or not?"
While pursing my lips awkwardly, I slowly nod.
"So, then why aren't you doing anything about it? Do you not want to date him?"
His question plays around in my head and just like when Taylor asked me the question, I don't have a response to it.
"I should head downstairs to my supposed only friends," I say instead of answering him and after straining to zip the suitcase, I scramble up to my feet and I grab my phone to see another text from Kai that I must have missed. "Also, another friend of mine who you don't know is about five minutes away and I wanna see him in."
Before I can leave the room, Yang Jin puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me in my tracks, and the look on his face is earnest and sincere. "Whatever you choose to do, Seong Jin, make sure it's the choice that feels right to you, okay? I don't want you to later on down the line regret it. Yeah?"
Pursing my lips thoughtfully, I unconsciously nod my head.
"Alright. Have fun on your camping trip." Then he strolls out of my room, and I stand there in the middle of my room for a few more minutes, contemplating his words.