The cold breeze whispers into my room, taking with it the warmth. I nervously tap my fingers against the ceramic mug of warm coffee with my cheek mashed against my table and my heart racing with the thoughts running rampant in my mind.
From the moment I got on the bus all throughout the journey to my house, I have been agonising over whether to ask Kai to hang out with me for Valentine's Day. Would my request technically come across as a date? Would he understand that I was asking him out as more than just friends?
The only thing which is causing me to hesitate is what he would say. What if he says no? What if things become awkward and strained between us, jeopardising the easy companionship we have built? I don't want that. I value his friendship deeply and the thought of losing what we have makes my stomach twist.
And it also felt wrong, somehow, to use him as a means of getting over someone else. How fair would that be to him?
At the same time what Taylor said to me in the car park was not entirely dismissible. To get him to either confirm or deny his feelings, this might be the best subtle way to do it. Every single time I have asked him what he meant when he sent that text to me, he has remained vague about his response and keeps saying he meant exactly what he said but I have no idea what that means.
Ultimately if my goal is to actually get over Dominic then why not try to pursue something with Kai? Even though I may not have feelings for him like that, I could fall for him if I genuinely tried.
With a deep breath, I try to calm my nerves. I have to at least try.
Grabbing my phone, I quickly type out a casual message to him. Hey, I was wondering if you were doing anything worthwhile this afternoon.
It does not take him long to respond.
If you consider binge watching a bunch of romcoms something worthwhile, then yeah. Why? What's up?
After inhaling a deep breath into my chest, I type out my message to him with my fingers trembling slightly, I know it's a bit last minute, but would you… like to go out with me for Valentine's Day?
I nibble on my bottom lip and after blowing a raspberry past my lips, I courageously hit send. Feeling the energy in my body becoming too much to bear, I get up out of my chair and start to pace up and down my room, waiting anxiously for a response. Each minute feels like an eternity but eventually, my phone buzzes with a notification. My heart leaps into my throat as I glance down at his reply.
Yeah, I'd love to. What did you have in mind?
A huge grin spreads across my face.
He said yes.
A huff of relief escapes my nostrils. I find myself wanting to do a little celebratory dance around my room, but then I remember that he just asked me a question so I quickly reply, suggesting the quaint café we met at in Oxfordshire. I then clarify to him that we can go to a restaurant if that is something he wishes to do but he agrees to meet at the café.
When he asks me if I want him to pick me up, I consider it until I realise the drive from there to here will be exhausting. So I tell him that the bus will do.
As the bus rumbles down the winding road to Oxfordshire, I grip the bouquet of tulips on my lap tightly. My palms are sweating profusely and I find myself occasionally wiping them down the seams of my trousers. While glancing out the window, my heart races with a mix of excitement and anxiousness for this will be my first time on a date ever.
Is this even a date… or just a friendly outing? Does the fact that it is the day love is heavily celebrated hint enough that this is a date? I cannot quite tell.
As the bus approaches my destination, the doubts begin to creep in.
What if I was reading too much into this? What if Kai only sees me as a friend and even something like us hanging out on Valentine's Day is nothing but a way for us to meet up and catch up? With my eyes blinking rapidly, I glance down at the vibrant tulips and wonder if I should have brought something more casual, like a simple bouquet of daisies. Daisies are friendly, right?
When the bus pulls to a stop, I ball up my fingers to create crescents in my palms and take a deep breath to steel my nerves. As I quickly stumble off the bus, I stand in front of the quaint little café and look up at the sign flickering on the wall beside the door.
With my head bowed into my chest, I slowly make my way into the building. The scent of caffeine immediately assaults my senses and I find myself inhaling deeply. It slightly calms my nerves.
"Welcome to Mocha Mystique. My name is Lily." The same waitress from the other day approaches me, her hair done up in two buns and her apron a vibrant red instead of the black one she had on before. "Table for two, sir?"
"Yes please," I answer, not having to explain that I am actually here on my own this time around. I am here to meet someone now.
"Right this way," she says with a preppy grin on her face, guiding me into the shop to a table somewhere in the back.
As I settle into the cosy table, shrugging my puffer jacket off, the warmth of the café envelopes me, a welcome respite from the chilly winter air outside. I gently place the vibrant bouquet of tulips in the centre, their petals unfurling like a burst of colour against the crisp white tablecloth. The waitress's kind smile puts me at ease as she hands me the menu.
My eyes keep drifting towards the entrance waiting in anticipation for Kai to arrive. Our first date and I cannot help the butterflies that are violently fluttering in my stomach.
What if he changed his mind? Would he stand me up?
"I'll be back to take your order when you're ready," the waitress says, snapping me out of my train of thought.
With a stiff smile wavering on my lips, I bob my head up and down.
When she walks away, I take a deep breath and try to push the doubts aside. This is supposed to be a special moment, a chance to get to know each other beyond the casual exchanges we shared over the phone. I run my fingers along the smooth stems of the flowers, their velvety texture a grounding touch.
Just as I am about to give in to my worries, the little bell above the door chimes and I quickly lift my head to see him standing at the entrance, brushing the snowflakes off his brown coat. The tension escapes my body and I finally relax.
When he glances around the café searchingly, I raise my hand to wave his attention towards me and his beautiful gaze flickers over to me. Our eyes meet and in that instant, all my fears melt away. A soft grin tugs on the corner of his lips. He looks equally nervous but he can mask it behind a radiant smile only managing to take my breath away.
He slowly approaches my table and once he has reached the foot of his chair, he apologetically says, "Sorry I'm a bit late. I forgot that I had an assignment that I needed to submit. I hope you haven't been waiting long."
"Actually I just arrived a few minutes ago," I reply reassuringly with a smile and the sound of the legs of his chair scraping against the floor rings in the quiet café as he pulls it out from under the table to sit across from me.
"Okay, that's good," he says, trying to catch his breath as he shrugs his coat off to reveal his polished sweater. Then his eyes lock with mine and he intimately whispers, "Hi."
"Hi."
For a few seconds, we continue to gaze into each others eyes as if enthralled by something unfathomable. What is left of the afternoon sunlight streams through the windows, casting a soft glow over the simple wooden table. That is about when his gaze falls on the tulips in the middle of the table in shades of red and gold.
"Are those for me?" he asks in surprise, his eyes lighting up as he leans forward, a hopeful smile playing on his lips.
I cannot help the sarcastic lilt that creeps into my voice as I reply, "No, I was actually planning on meeting someone else here to give them the flowers instead."
His face falls slightly until a mischievous glint flickers in his jade-browns. "Who's the little imp now?" he chuckles with a teasing tone belying the warmth in his gaze.
I feel the corners of my mouth twitching upwards, unable to suppress the amused grin that blossoms on my face. The tulips lying down on the table lazily seem to also radiate a playfulness, mirroring the natural banter unfolding between us. Reaching across the table, I gently brush my fingertips against the silky petals with my expression softening and I gently push the bouquet over to his side of the table.
"Actually, they are for you." My voice is unusually low, almost a whisper that hopefully conveys the sincerity beneath my initial jesting.
His face lights up once more, a genuine smile spreading across his features as he reaches across the table to touch the flowers. Quietly, he admits, "No one has ever bought me flowers before. Normally it's the other way around."
"Is it?"
"Mm-hmm." Then he sneezes really loudly and glances up at me widely as if he was not expecting that to come out of him at this very moment.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, it's just really cold outside." He sneezes again.
My brows furrow suspiciously and when I catch him leaning back into his chair as if to create some distance between himself and the flowers, his nose wrinkling irritably, I ask him, "Are you allergic to tulips?"
"No…" Again he bows into his chest to sneeze once more and then holds his arm over his nose and mumbles with a look of embarrassment, "Maybe."
Pulling the flowers off the table and placing them under my puffer jacket, I stutter apologetically, "I am so sorry. I had no idea you were allergic to tulips. I never would have bought them if I knew."
"It's okay. You did not know."
"I knew I should have gone for the roses instead," I mutter to myself with a look of annoyance. Annoyed at myself for not trusting my gut.
I feel his hand on mine and my eyes quickly flutter up to focus on the gesture. Then my eyes travel up to his to catch the reassuring expression he is wearing. The warmth of his touch sends a gentle flutter through my heart. "Don't beat yourself up over it. Besides, it's the thought that counts."
I feel the tension leaving my body as I gaze up at him, relieved that he isn't upset. "I will remember to get you roses next time," I solemnly promise with an embarrassed grin but my smile drops when I add, "Unless you're allergic to roses as well."
"Even if I was allergic to roses, I would still forgo that knowing that there's gonna be a next time."
"Well, no there can still be a next time without you having to sneeze up a storm. I don't want you to spend your time in discomfort."
A peal of laughter escapes past his lips, the corners of his eyes crinkling and the cute dimples in his cheeks appearing.
Before he can reply, the waitress comes back and asks us if we are ready to order yet. I get myself a chocolate mocha and he requests a strawberry and cream frappuccino. As we wait for both our orders, we make small talk for a few minutes. I find myself getting lost in the way his eyes sparkle when he laughs, the way his fingers drum lightly against the tabletop while still resting on top of mine.
"By the way, I have to go to a soup kitchen later today to help out," he tells me with a hesitant look on his face. "Wanna come along?"
"Now what kind of person would that make me if I said no?"
"The kind of person who doesn't want to go to soup kitchens?" he suggests with a look of both amusement and bemusement.
"Of course, I'll come with you," I eventually say to clear up any confusion and his eyes light up in excitement. "But I will unfortunately have to leave before the last bus to Shoreditch because technically my mum does not know that I came here."
"That's fine. I borrowed a friend's car to get here so I can drive you back if needed."