"Hi!" I stand at the bottom of the stands, watching the nervous breath which leaves my lips.
The exclamation catches their attention, causing all of their eyes to slide down on me. Most of them are surprised that I'm even talking to them while others are already glaring at me curiously.
Now that I'm not popular, some of them are also watching me like I'm the scum beneath their shoes. Gulping my fear down, I stretch a stiff smile at them and wave awkwardly. I receive zero response in the beginning which almost makes me turn on my heels and just scurry away from them.
"Seong Jin!" James finally shouts in excitement, making me breathe a sigh of relief.
At least, that is one person who isn't blatantly ignoring me. I cannot imagine what I would have done if they all kept quiet and just stared at me blankly. I assume it would be humiliating and disheartening since I did just iron the wrinkles out of my hoodie now-now. Just for them. Knowing me, I probably would have blabbered on and on about nonsensical things to mask my embarrassment.
James springs up and jogs down to me. Once he has reached the bottom, he slams me into his chest and spins me around, causing me to shriek and tell him to put me down a thousand times. He eventually does.
With breathy chuckles, we both smile at each other and I discreetly get rid of the wrinkles he has formed on my hoodie and fix my hair just in case.
"Are you back? Are you gonna be friends with us again?"
"What?"
"You know, I miss you."
"Yeah, I miss you too, James." Leaning into him, I whisper, "You know, between you and I, you were always my favourite in the group."
His smile widens, he balances his heavy arm over my shoulder and turns us to face the rest of his friends at the top of the stands.
"You hear that, guys? I'm his favourite."
"I whispered that for a reason, you know?"
"Nah, they need to know that they got second place, tiny."
I frown at the other nickname that I have been dubbed.
"That's right, you guys. Tiny says I'm his favourite person here. Y'all just got second place."
"James, guess what?" Riley yells down at him and I scowl at the smirk he is wearing on his face. "We don't give a rat's arse, mate."
His football buddies guffaw in laughter, and someone sitting close to him high fives him and another pats him on the back like he's the man.
I roll my eyes and shake my head. I see there is one thing that hasn't changed. Riley is still being treated like God's gift to earth. He is the goalkeeper of the football team and captain because he's good at what he does.
Last year, he was almost kicked out of this little posse when he was caught kissing Christian in the locker room. Everyone was very shocked by the news, but not me. This was a deep, dark secret I had already found out a long time ago, almost nearing the end of the eighth grade to be specific when the school threw us some sort of winter formal, orientation party.
I found him and some guy sucking face pretty hard in the hallways and lo and behold, it was Mossbourne Community Academy's smartest boy, but I promised to never tell the others. He would do that at his own time.
When the entire school found out about him being gay, he at first avoided everyone and kept to himself. He even got his fair share of bullying for a few months, but after a while, I heard that the football team had had enough of it and they actually stood up for their friend.
I was shocked when Damien told me about this but looking at them shoving each other and laughing with one another I can see why they stood up for him. Either that, or their goalkeeper was slacking off with the moping and they needed him to focus or they'd lose a bunch of games.
"Oh, shut it, Riley," James hollers.
"Or what?"
"Or I'll call Christian to shut you up for me." That brings the smug smile off his face and a smirk on James'. "I'm sure he'll have no problem kissing your mouth shut."
"Oh, fuck off."
James and a couple of other people laugh when he gets flustered.
"So, Seong Jin, are you coming back to join the clique?"
"Uh… I don't really play football anymore, James." I shrug as an excuse.
The real answer is no, I do not want to mix with them anymore. I mean don't get me wrong, there are a few of them who I have no problem with, and I also speak to some of them in the classes we have together, James being one of those people. He's the only one who keeps insisting on Taylor and I coming back to join them because it's, apparently, not the same without us or something like that. I, of course, keep rejecting the offer very politely.
Being with Taylor, Edward and Damien has actually made me realise that I enjoy being in a small crowd and they are like thirty people in one group. The thought of coming back just makes me feel claustrophobic.
"So?" he asks, looking at me in confusion.
"Uh… well, isn't the requirement to be part of this group that you have to either go through some sort of initiation, be attractive or play sports?"
I arch an eyebrow, trying to keep myself from chuckling when most of them set deathly stares at me. Savannah looks like she wants to kill me with her bare hands.
"No," he drawls out in a banal tone, shaking his head slowly. Then he turns around and whispers over at the rest, "Is it?"
They just stare back at him dryly.
"See? How am I supposed to come back when I'm obviously not pretty and I don't participate in sports?" I ask almost disheartened.
It's just so he doesn't catch onto the fact that I don't really want to be friends with them. I don't want the spotlight on me anymore. Invisibility is perfect. The only drama that I have to worry about is the one in my head, the one that I have poured onto my vlogs, the ones Dominic is using to blackmail me. Even if I did decide to return, Savannah wouldn't allow it. Riley wouldn't allow it. A bunch of them wouldn't actually. Some of the girls, mostly.
"Uh… maybe join a sport's activity. It's not rocket science, you know?" Savannah replies for the first time, giving me a banal look. "And if that doesn't work out for you, maybe you should get some Botox. I'm sure that'll help your I'm obviously not pretty situation."
"Aw, Vannah. You really want me to come back that bad?" A wide smile makes its way onto my face and I press a hand against my chest mockingly.
She rolls her eyes, silently saying, "As if."
"Don't worry. I won't. Wouldn't want to get vomited on and have fizzy drinks dumped on my head on a daily basis. Accidentally, of course."
She scoffs at the slight sarcasm in my tone as I pointedly stare at her and she shrugs her brownish-red dreadlocks over her shoulder haughtily with her perfectly manicured hands. Her nocturnal eyes stay on me and I definitely don't miss the way they harden hatefully.
I decide to ignore that and stretch the usual bright grin I do to show people that they have no effect on me. This normally gets under her skin, so she just resorts to glancing away with irk sparkling in those eyes.
She whispers something to Jodie who is yet to look at me.
"If you're not here to beg us to let you back in, then what are you doing here?" Riley asks, scowling down at me.
"He doesn't need to beg us to let him back in," James says to Riley, frowning right back at him. "Friends don't do that to each other."
"Yeah, and friends don't steal other friends' boyfriends," Savannah retorts with a sickly-sweet smile. "Yet here we are, James."
"Seong Jin didn't steal anyone's boyfriend," he replies adamantly, "You of all people should know that."
"Um… I just need to have a word with Jodie if she doesn't mind," I say to cut into the argument.
Now, I'm looking over at the ginger-haired girl who has stopped avoiding my gaze and is now watching me with curiosity sparkling in those familiar greens. They are still as bright as I remember them being.
Back when we were in primary school, I used to envy her and Taylor. While they had beautiful eye-colours, I was stuck with my boring, hazel browns. Taylor dismissed my worries and told me that I have beautiful eyes. It doesn't matter what eye-colour you have, she said. I appreciated it. It made me feel better for a while. Until I realised that as my friend, she's supposed to say that.
That's how I found myself asking for Jodie's opinion. She told me that eye-colour doesn't matter, because it doesn't reel in the boys and then she pushed her breasts in my face and said, these babies do.
"Why?" she muses, furrowing her brows down at me in bemusement.
"Can we talk in private? The big oak tree perhaps?"
There's a silence which accompanies my question and I almost want her to break the tension by making a joke, something like, "But Seong Jin… there is no big oak tree," and then that dramatic, horror music will follow her ominous statement. Before she answers she glances over at Savannah who lifts a shoulder as indifferently as she can. With that being gestured to her, Jodie grabs her bag and throws it over her shoulder, jogging down the stands.
By now, they have probably all memorised the spaces between the steps.
"Okay, let's go."
"See ya, James."
I shove my fist in front of me for him to do our signature farewell. His lips twitch when I look up at him with the grin still on my face. He pulls the imaginary pin out and jogs backwards to avoid the grenade—also my fist—from exploding close to him. I cover my head with my free hand and then make my fist burst open. We both laugh. The people around us watch us like the enigma we are.
"So… what's up?" Jodie questions after we're a few yards away from her posse, standing underneath the tree that has acorns littering the ground all around us. Licking her bottom lip confirms that she's nervous to be speaking to me after all this time.
"Okay, first of all that look is just doing it," I compliment her to try and break the obvious tension, eyeing her clothes brightly. "The shirt, the trousers, everything. Where did you buy that shirt from? It's pretty sick."
She opens and shuts her mouth like a fish underwater, but then finally answers slowly, "I don't know. My mum bought it for me."
"Cool. Cool." I nod.
Talk about awkward…
It's not awkward, I try to convince myself. Looking up at her, I stretch a stiff smile at her and rock back on forth on the heels of my feet. She mirrors the exact same expression on her face, except she doesn't rock back and forth. When a silence lengthens between us, she flickers her gaze away from mine quickly. I almost whistle to add some cheer and merriment to this cumbersome atmosphere, but I refuse to believe that it's awkward.
Yes, it's a little uncomfortable and weird, because we haven't spoken to one another in a year, but it's not awkward. It's not.
"I could ask her if you want one," she quickly suggests.
"Yeah, that would be nice."
Silence stretches the atmosphere again and when we both avert our gazes; I realise that it is awkward. I mean, back then, Jodie and I had no problem keeping a conversation flowing. She could never shut up.
All I had to do was sit there and listen to her while she talked non-stop about the guys with the best abs and which ones she loved having sex with. It was very uncomfortable for me at first, because I had never been open with anyone about anything sexual, but after a while I got used to it. You have to. I'm grateful that she was able to be so open about things like that. Now, I don't stutter and blush at explicit conversations.
"So, is that what you wanted to tell me? That my shirt looks good? You know, you could have done that on the stands? The whole pulling me aside to talk privately thing really wasn't necessary."
My eyes are wide as I take in her words and I sense some hostility in her tone. Nervously, I gnaw onto the inside of my bottom lip.
When she crosses her arms over her chest, I take in the encouraging breath I need and gingerly place a hand on her shoulder. She slowly looks over at it in confusion, but thankfully doesn't remove it like it's the hand of a peasant on her shoulder. That would be extremely humiliating. I swear, I would be out of here faster than you can say, embarrassment. Dominic would have to see how he can alter his plan yet again.
"Jodie, I have to tell you something." I say this so earnestly even going as far as staring into her eyes seriously.
I keep reminding myself that I have to do this to remain both alive physically and emotionally. Physically, because Savannah would do more than throw up all over me if she ever hears what I've said about her in my vlogs. Emotionally... Taylor's betrayed expression flashes in my mind's eye and makes my stomach clench painfully.
Wonder clouds Jodie's gaze and her brows dip down in thought. That's until her eyes widen in realisation and she springs away from me like I just told her that I have the plague or some virus I can use as a bio-weapon.
"God, I knew it."
"Knew what?"
"You're bisexual, aren't you?"
"What?"
Now this shocks me. If there is anyone that I would have thought she'd assume to be bisexual, it's Taylor. She's the one who we all voted as likely to be into girls back in the seventh grade. At the time, Taylor had been opened to being into any sex so when the whole grade voted her as most likely to be lesbian, she wore the title with pride.
People were disappointed that she didn't take it to heart and throw a tantrum. She was the most mature out of the three of us.
I blink my startle away. "No, of course not. Why would you think that?"
She looks at me for a while as if to try and decipher if I'm telling the truth or not. I keep my face as openly honest as possible and trust me, I have no trouble doing that, because I actually am surprised at this presumption.
Was Taylor not lying about how the whole school thinks I'm straight? Should I be worried about this? Wait, could this be the reason why James rejected me? No, that's fucking moronic. James rejected me, because he apparently loves living in the closet and even though he was probably high when he said this, it was reason enough for me. Besides, now we're great friends, James and I.
"You've never had a boyfriend before and well, the whole school thinks you're straight."
"I'm not straight."
She watches me dubiously.
"Seriously, I'm not."
"One time, I caught you staring at a girl's arse, Seong Jin."
"What? Don't go around saying shit like that, I could get in some serious trouble. I don't stare at girls' arses."
"I saw you."
"You couldn't have seen me, because I don't stare at any girl's arse," I immediately dispute that.
Except at the back of my mind I'm wondering if I really do stare at girls' derrieres. I mean, there was that one time with Janine Ave. Is she talking about that? Okay, I might have sneaked a stare at her arse but in my defence, her arse is ginormous. Everybody stares at Janine's arse. It would be illegal not to turn with her, because that girl has a bright future behind her.
"If you don't mind me asking, hypothetically speaking of course, whose arse was I staring at?"
She stares at me pointedly. "Janine."
"But Jodie, I'm pretty sure I've seen you staring at Janine's arse too. It's not a sexuality thing, it's just a Janine's arse thing."
"So… you're not bi?" she confirms dubiously, raising an eyebrow.
"I think I'd know if I was."
"Oh. Well, that's a relief." She lets out a tiny, reprieved sigh with a grin. "I thought you were gonna tell me that you love me or something like that."
Still conceited, I see.
"Yeah, well, I actually wanted to tell you that—"
Here goes nothing. I hope you know what you're doing, Dominic Lachowski or I am gonna skin you alive and then feed you to the wolves. I don't know where I'll find this infamous pack of wolves, but I'm an optimistic person. Anything is possible with me.
"I'd really like to be friends with you again," I eventually manage to spit out, the lie distasteful on my tongue.
She looks stunned. "Me? Why?"
"Well, over the past year I've realised that I miss my other best friend. You know, we were like the three musketeers. You, Taylor and me. Nothing could break us apart and all of a sudden popularity divided us."
She looks even more confused even after my explanation.
"I guess, I'm just not happy with how we closed the chapter between us so quickly. Friends shouldn't let something as trivial as popularity tear them apart. We're better than that. And so… I just wanted to tell you that I miss us. Taylor and I are not the same without you," I repeat the lines that I practised over and over again in front of my mirror.
"But," her facial expression contorts into one of bemusement, "I thought you hated me. Since… I picked Vannah over you."
"Oh, I'd pick Vannah over me too. I mean, have you seen her arse?" I chuckle lightly afterwards. She doesn't laugh along and narrows her eyes at me. "No homo, though. Just saying."
"Are you sure you're not bi?"
"That was a joke. I don't stare at girls' arses. I cross my heart, but—"
"I don't hope to die," she finishes for me with a reminiscent smile.
My lips mirror hers. "So… what do you say? Friendship?"