What is wrong with me?
Why didn't I just say I forgot the original book at home and now I need to get another one from the library?
At first, I was just going to roam the hallways, scanning the noticeboard for any clubs accepting anyone at this time, and luckily, I got to sign up to take images for the school's yearbook. Afterwards, I was going to spy on the couples who like keeping their relationship on the down low, but I found the idea boring and kind of creepy, if I must say so that's how I'm in the library.
Beside me on the ground are three books I have already checked out stacked on top of one another. Pride and Prejudice is the first book I plan on reading once I get home. Apparently, the book is better than the movie so I'm going to give it a try before I see the film.
Right now, I'm sitting against a lone bookshelf, trying not to think of the unsanitary things that people have done here. Teenagers are hormonal species who do not know how to control their urges sometimes. Idly, the majority of the school knows that there is a time and place for everything, but there are still a few bad apples in the basket.
I have my headphones covering my ears, the sound of music making me bob my head up and down as I'm munching on the sloppy Joe since my appetite suddenly returned when my arse hit the carpeted floor. Legs crossed, my favourite, orange fountain pen is in my grasp as I continue to colour the details in the jacket I've drawn in my sketchbook.
I sometimes use the book to vent too when I am not comfortable enough to vlog, especially in public places like school for example. I cannot risk someone overhearing me saying that I have feelings for Edward out loud. That would make me want the ground to open up and just swallow me whole and never spit me back out.
I don't know when exactly it was when I started falling for my best friend's boyfriend, but I do know that it happened before I found out that Taylor asked him out during one of the school dances last year so I'm not entirely scummy.
I don't want it to be happening to me, but the more I'm around him and the more I get to know him, the more I get pulled in.
With Edward, it's different.
I haven't told this to anyone before, not even Taylor, but the other crushes I had on the other boys who all rejected me were almost an indifferent experience I went through. I don't even remember why I liked most of those guys. Lachowski is rude and has built himself walls like the male version of Rapunzel. Michael is a fuck boy who probably has different types of herpes. James is almost always high most of the time.
With Edward, there is this sense of respect he holds for all his peers and just people in general. He doesn't close himself off and actually enjoys sharing all his life experiences even if some of them aren't good. As far as Taylor tells me he has only ever done the deed with his previous girlfriend who was his first girlfriend and protection was used, so no sexually transmitted infections. He also doesn't smoke at all; that might have something to do with the fact that he's asthmatic though.
He is the perfect guy.
Just… not for me.
Pulling my memory card out of my camera still hanging over my neck, I stick it into my phone and try to find a vlog that will help compartmentalise my emotions. There isn't one so I flip through my sketchbook, finding the first entry that I ever wrote after finding out that Edward and Taylor are dating.
Dear Journal,
So, you know how Taylor wants to get a boyfriend this year as her New Year's resolution? Yes, you do. I practically tell you everything… well, when I'm not vlogging, that is. There's a potential boyfriend.
He's perfect. He gets good grades, he participates in sports, he has perfect, shaggy hair, he has these piercingly, fervently, intensely blue eyes and, oh yes, he's also the boy who I fucking like. I'm talking about Edward Conti. The boy who comes over almost every day just to help me study for my exams, even if I don't need it.
That's right. Taylor, my best friend, has officially asked the guy who moved in front opposite our house, the guy whom I've had feelings for ever since the beginning of this year to be her date to the dance. Allow me to repeat, he's going to the dance with her.
What have I done to deserve this? I'm not a bad person. I'd like to think that I'm the nicest human being on planet Earth.
I cross the street quickly even though there is an elderly woman who is clearly in need because I don't want to inconvenience the drivers. I sprint while I'm passing the dark alley from home even though I know that homeless people are gathering there who'd probably appreciate my lunch meal because I don't want them to smell the delicious aroma that I have with me. That's just going to make them hungrier.
Okay, that was a horrible joke. But… I'm allowed to make that joke because I'm heartbroken.
Signing out,
That crusty Seong Jin.
After reliving my emotions, I take a deep breath.
Oh, Edward why have you slipped from my grasp so quickly, so easily? Why did you have to go to the dance with Taylor that one fateful night? Why do you two have to flaunt your love right in front of me? Do you know how I like you so?
My face scrunches up in disgust at the fact that I sounded like one for the theatrics for a second there, like Juliet from Shakespeare's famous playwright.
Shaking the enquiries away, I take the memory card out of my phone. Just as I'm about to put it back in my camera, I jump out of my skin when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
Quickly, I obscure the memory card in the sketchbook and shut it, fearing that the person read what I had written about Edward. When I just catch sight of the librarian a sigh of relief releases my body from its tense state. When he begins to talk, I pull my headphones down around my neck, the music still playing softly in the background.
"I'm sorry, what?" I muse.
"The bell has rung. You should be heading to class."
"Oh, shit." I slap a hand over my mouth as my eyes widen in realisation. I just cussed in front of an old person. Halmeoni would be so disappointed. "Sorry. That was… not supposed to happen in front of you."
He scolds me with his eyes, turning around to go back to his chair behind the computer.
The wheels of action are put in motion when I remember that I have English after the break and Mrs Presario can be a total bitch about promptness. I do not want to get on her bad side.
Hugging all the books against my chest including my sketchbook, I flee the scene. Running down the jammed hallways, I try not to ram into anyone. While pushing and shoving passed a few bodies, I get some muttered curse words here and some angry fist-waving there, but I can take that if I'm not going to be late for that woman's class.
When it comes into view, I breathe a sigh of relief to see that a few of my classmates are still walking into the class.
As I'm rushing there, luck decides to be a son of a bitch by allowing me to crash into someone who immediately causes me to drop my books. A few of the person's books also scatter at our feet.
Trying not to groan in irritation, I bend down to pick them up.
Unfortunately, so does he. We bump foreheads.
I hiss.
He groans.
"Just stand there. I'll get them," he says in annoyance as I rub a hand against my throbbing forehead.
His monotonous, emotionless voice is quite familiar, and I try to get a glimpse of his face, but he bends down and starts collecting all the books. The only thing I spot is his nocturnal black, scruffy hair. That's when something catches my attention behind him and I look over to see Damien, an acquaintance of mine and Edward's best friend, gesturing at his wrist as if to warn me of time.
When the boy finally gets up and holds the books out to me, I quickly gather them into my hands and dash away from him without as much as a thank you.
"You're welcome," he yells from behind me sarcastically.
Exactly when the late bell rings, I enter past the door with a grin of satisfaction.
Damien shakes his head in amusement when he sees me standing there at the door with my books hugged against my chest.
"I made it, baby," I whisper to him while sitting beside him, causing him to chuckle softly.
"You sure did," he mutters back.
I place my bag at the foot of the desk and scatter my many books on my table.
Damien curiously reaches for them, reading what stands on each book.
"Hey, you know yesterday when I visited the mall," he starts, causing me to focus my attention on him, "I was going to buy a book about phobias, but well, I was afraid it wouldn't help me."
"Love how you just got into that; not weird at all," I say sarcastically, my lips twitching into an amused smile.
"It isn't," he agrees, ignoring my obvious sarcasm.
"Yeah, well I bought that book you were afraid to buy, and I guess you were right to not buy it because something about the fear of subtraction just doesn't add up in it."
He snorts before continuing the process. "And with how packed the place was I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to finish my homework in time. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't know how to juggle; I just don't have the balls to do it."
I chuckle under my breath, having to cover my mouth so that I don't get reprimanded by the teacher.
He laughs along with me, his eyes glowing with humour and a smidgen of pride.
"Where have you been all my life, Seong Jin?" he muses, the remnants of our laughter lingering on his face.
"What do you mean?"
"Edward never does these with me."
"Obviously. He's of sound mind."
"Yeah, most of the time he's confused, or he just scurries away from me like I'm the devil himself and I'm like hey, it's just a pun, mate. No need to be afraid."
"I'll say what I've always said from the beginning of time," I pause and speak with an intelligent glint shining in my eyes, "Puns are the highest form of comedy."
"You, my friend, are the greatest pun pal a boy can have."
"Why thank you, pun pal."
"Okay, settle down class," Mrs Presario commands and we all listen to her because we're all scared shitless of her. I know I am. "Did I greet you yet? I don't remember."
Before anyone can answer her, Riley enters the class in a rushed manner, tiredly resting his hands on his knees, loud pants escaping his lips. James Lamar casually strolls in afterwards, seemingly with no care in the world, but that's how he's always been.
Damien and I share a knowing look and shake our heads in exasperation.
This is an everyday thing, and I don't understand why they never learn to just get to class when the late bell rings. Trying to use their athletic skills through the stampede of hallways isn't getting them to class on time. Why can't they learn from that?
"You're late," our teacher states with a look of defeat in her eyes. "You know, I can't say that I'm surprised, because this is a daily occurrence for you boys."
"Come on, Mrs P, we're just a couple of seconds late. Can't you let us off the hook this one time?" Riley begs her, putting an innocent grin on his face.
"First of all, Mr McKenzie, I'm your teacher, not a friend to whom you can give silly nicknames, so it's either ma'am or Mrs Presario. Take your pick."
"Sorry, Mrs Presario," he apologises with a tiny scowl.
"Secondly, if I let you off the hook like I did the last twelve times," she emphasises to them pointedly, "then you're obviously not going to learn anything from your behaviour. You and Mr Lamar need to understand that there are consequences to your actions."
"We do understand that," he tells her and even I don't believe him. He quickly looks over at James for assistance. "Right, Mr Lamar?"
"Totally," James mutters disinterestedly, his gaze on his phone.
"I'm glad you do." She lets her words sink in with a pesky grin and she snatches James' phone out of his hand which unsurprisingly, doesn't change his nonchalant demeanour. "Now, I want you both in detention after school. You better not be late."
"What? No," Riley exclaims in disbelief, shaking his head adamantly. "No, that's not possible. I can't have detention. I have football practice this afternoon."
"That's not my problem, Mr McKenzie." A smile of satisfaction eats away at her red lips. "Now, take your seats. You have already wasted a quarter of my lesson. You both know how complicated Life of Pi can be."
He seems to want to protest, but even he knows better than that. Mrs Presario is a teacher you don't want on your bad side. She will make your senior year a miserable experience for you if you do. Yang Jin loved to challenge her for some unknown reason back when he was in his senior year and then all of a sudden, his English grades dropped bit by bit. I don't know if she had something to do with it, but I wouldn't put it past her.
That's why I prefer to just stay in the shadows and watch as a bystander in her presence. My grades cannot be jeopardised by myself. Unlike Yang Jin, I care about my future… and I'm scared of Amma.
"So… before I was so rudely interrupted," her eyes pointedly follow the pair who are taking their seats at the very back, "I was going to greet my favourite class."
"She says that to all her classes," I whisper to Damien who smirks in hilarity.
"Good morning."
"Good morning, ma'am," we chorus back.
"Good afternoon, ma'am," a random person from the back corrects.
"Yes, good afternoon," she corrects herself with an amused grin. "Okay, so today we're going to focus more on literature since we're quite behind so get your Life of Pi books out."
I take the novels I have checked out and place them in my bag, leaving Pride and Prejudice behind on the desk for later on in the bus and the seconds in between every class. When I don't see my bright sketchbook peeking out behind the novels, I knit my brows in confusion, trying to keep my heart from accelerating just yet.
Where is it?
I couldn't have dropped it. I had it in my hands with the rest of the books. It has to be here. Panic begins to bloom in my chest, and I ruffle through my bag for it, but it's not there either.
Could I have lost it somewhere around the school?
"Shit," I yell out loudly, earning a glower from Mrs Presario.
Everyone turns around to stare at me, appalled that quiet little me has just cursed. Out loud. In front of a teacher.
"Sorry. That was… not supposed to happen in front of you."
"I guess you also want to join us in detention, Seong Jin Lee. I'll see you after school."
And my very first detention…