Main Intermission – Sherrel Bailey
Thursday 31st December 2010
Todays the day.
Today is the day I cut the final ties to my old life.
I started with a question? Who is Sherrel Bailey?
I didn't particularly like the answer.
That bastard took more than my freedom from me. He took my self-worth. And in the end I was begging him to inject me with more drugs. To degrade and debase myself more and more for that next hit. The merchants pet tinker. The Squealer.
They say you can take the drugs away from the girl, but you cant take the girl away from the drugs.
They obviously never met the Boss.
It's weird having a dependable adult in my life. I mean he's barely older than me, but he definitely comes across as older than he is. He's told me… bits. About his life before. On the other Earth. Earth Prime he calls it. He was older then but he doesn't remember his age.
He doesn't remember his family. Just that he had one.
The Boss lost everything to come help us on Bet and he doesn't remember if he even made a choice to come or if he was pushed.
If he can do that. To work his way up from the streets to what we have now. To save me. To take the worlds burdens on his shoulders.
Then I can visit the bitch that spawned me one last time. To get my paperwork. To get my projects. My old blueprints from when I was that foolish girl who dared to dream.
But first some tinkering to calm my nerves.
I picked up an old 67 Chevy Impala hardtop from a junkyard. Under the hood it's in great condition, but the bodywork is fucked and it needs all new upholstery.
Luckily, I have all the tools and gear I need to sort it all out. The boss is pretty free with his resources. And with the resource land of 'What the fuck even is Boss's power' right next door combined with the fabricators in the bosses crazy cyborg lab, I can make most anything I need. A hunting trip got me the leather I need for the interior, and I have the steel I need to finish the chassis.
Working on cars soothed me even before I became a tinker. Dad used to be a mech-
No. Dad's gone. We keep those memories where they belong. Locked up so she cant taint them. Not today.
Dad died, and I became the mom of the house. Then Joey died and mom got a new habit.
I got to work two jobs while trying to pick my college back up after dad.
I don't even remember when I became a tinker. It's strange. I used to cry every day wishing for a way to escape. And then suddenly I can build stealth tanks from old junk. While being too poor to feed myself every day. I thought powers were there to solve problems. Mine just dangled everything I needed out of reach.
Today will likely be the last time I ever see mom. I wouldn't even go there but I want my shit.
I deserve my shit.
And I need to see what she has become since that day.
I finish some work on the exterior and this is doing nothing for my Zen. I need to make the trip now or I never will.
Archon showed me how to use the pedestal when he's not here. I can leave without him, but not return until he gets some kind of expansion on his power.
I step out in Docks south. The old neighbourhood.
I'm not even that far from my house. An old pair of blue overalls and a t-shirt and I look like a girl version of Dad.
If only the roles were reversed.
If mom died instead of dad things would have been different.
I knock on the door of my old house. Paint peeling, windows haven't been cleaned in a while.
For a moment I think. No. Let's not lie to myself. I hope she's maybe OD'd in the meantime since I've been gone. And I can just break in grab my shit and leave.
She answer the door. She doesn't look well. Yellow skin, cloudy eyes. Her teeth are all but gone, brown shards of rotted ivory in a pock marked mouth.
"Who are you and what do you want."
Heh. She doesn't even recognise me healthy.
"Don't recognise your own daughter, Monica?"
She isn't Mom anymore.
She turns red.
"You, you useless cunt. Couldn't even have the goddamn decency to get locked up with Adam. You had to fuckin disappear. Couldn't even break him out like you were supposed to you little slut. Why the fuck are you on my doorstep? Come to beg me to take you in again after Adams place wasn't good enough for you?"
She's trying to get a rise out of me. But I've grown beyond her now. The first time I escaped she dragged me back by my hair. This time I'll take her arm off if she tries.
Im done being a pushover.
I hope.
I really don't want to make Impulse a murderer before I even have a chance to really become her.
"Come to pick up my shit, assuming you didn't clean out my room. Need my documents."
"I'm not giving you shit."
"You will if you don't want me to tell the police exactly what you did to me and where to find all your little friends and stashes."
She aborts a movement to slap me, as I lift up my shirt to show her the gun at my waist.
"You always were a useless ungrateful cunt. I give you the perfect boyfriend and unlimited drugs and you fucking ruin it and lose me the best dealer in town. I should have fucking drowned you after your useless tumour of a father carked it."
I laugh tonelessly.
"Funny you call me useless Monica, not every mother sells their daughter to their drug dealer for a key of meth."
"Better than wasting you on those useless Protectorate fucks. At least you had a bit of value as Skidmarks little bitch. But I'm not surprised you fucked that up too like you do everyth-"
I count to ten. I'm better than her.
"g else. All you had to do was make some cars, and spread your useless fucking legs and we were fucking golden. But no. You couldn't even do that you useless waste of a failed abortion."
I slap her. I don't even realise I'm moving but I hit her full in the mouth as four brown teeth fly out and land on the kitchen tile.
She looks at me in fear as I loom over her.
"After today you useless excuse of a parent you won't ever have to see me again. And I don't want to hear from you until you are dying. And even then so I know where to go to piss on your grave. Give me my papers or I swear to god one of us doesn't leave this house alive."
She looks me in the eyes challengingly, but I think she sees what she needs to because defiance turns to fear.
She opens a drawer in the kitchen, after spitting blood into the sink and passes me my passport, birth certificate and my notebooks.
"Good riddance to you, go be a burden on someone else like you always are you useless skank."
It rolls off me. I shouldn't have lost my control, but hitting her was cathartic. It's also immunised me to her mouth. Finally, after all these years.
"You should have died instead of Dad. At least Joey would still be alive. Dad wouldn't have left him in the paddling pool alone."
She reels as if struck. The J word has been banned in this house for a long time.
She sinks to the couch and sobs.
My sympathy was gone when she sold me to Skidmark. She will die alone and unloved and I will live my best life.
I'm beyond her now.
Leaving the house, I start to sob. I don't even know why. I won't miss her. I don't even love her. Haven't for a long time.
But right now, I just really want my mom and dad.
The ones I used to have.
A lovely old lady comforts me at the Bus Stop. "Don't worry honey, it all comes around eventually."
She's right. Of course she is. I'll be fine eventually. For now I just need to remember I have a real life now.
One I chose, instead of being pushed in to.
Registering with the PRT as an independent is as easy as the boss says it will be. They push a bit harder for recruitment with me than they did with the boss but I tell them I'm already a member of a team. They push for info but I tell them it's a work in progress.
Impulse is now a newly registered locomotion tinker specialising in personal movement devices. I stay away from the junkheap monstrosities I made as Squealer to distinguish myself from her. An hour and a half later I have my personal contact with the protectorate (Battery) and I leave after a quick tour of the gift shop.
Time to meet up with the boss.
The party was just what I needed after the day I had. I grabbed myself a nice dress and it's strange putting makeup on after so long. I'm not the type for dresses and makeup, but I want to feel extra pretty after today.
I'm seeing a completely different side of the Boss. It's nice seeing him let loose for once. He's always so stoic and uptight.
He cant be effected by alcohol he says, and he seems disappointed. And I'm not touching the shit. I'm not wasting what the boss gave me. A fresh start.
Even sober, we have a good dance, spend some great time chatting, and meeting some of the bigwigs in the city. Out here I'm just a normal girl. With anyone else this would have been a fantastic date.
I know that's not on the cards with the boss so I enjoy it as the night out with a friend it's intended to be.
As we head off to bed he smiles at me gently and says good night.
I say it back with a smile. But inside my heart is pounding and I have butterflies in my stomach.
Well fuck, I have a crush on the boss.
This isn't good.