[Part 01: Wishes]
"Okay, mortal, state your wishes," a man sitting on a throne says with disinterest.
"What in the world?! Where am I? Who are you? What's happening?" I curse, one moment I'm doing my business, the next I'm here in front of this massive guy.
Like I'm not even tall enough to reach his toenails!
*Sigh*
"Alright, here's the deal: you're in my corner of hell, I'm Bailed, the god of Failures. You've kicked the bucket, and now I'll toss your soul into some random world for a second chance. Once that life ends, I'll take all the karma you've racked up as payment. Offer more, get better wishes. Got it?!" Bailed says, his tone bored yet accustomed to these encounters.
"You do this often, huh?" I ask.
"There are two ways for gods to live: one's cohabitation, which relies on recognition and prayers, and the other is transactional. I don't need nor want to rely on your fickle mortal minds," Bailed explains with a wave of his hand.
"So, it's a transaction then?! Alright, let me think! Why can't I remember my past life or how I died?" I inquire, frustrated by my lack of memory.
"When you kick the bucket, it's a solo gig. No blaming your folks, circumstances, or others! You're judged solely for the person you chose to be," Bailed clarifies.
"I don't see how that's fair, but whatever. I'm not getting judged, so let's not get philosophical," I shrug it off.
"Spoken like a true mortal," Bailed smirks, leaving me uncertain if it's an insult or a compliment.
"Regardless of the world I end up in, I'll need knowledge. I wish to have the power to devour knowledge, like in that story I read, 'Book Eater'," I declare, presenting my first wish.
"Alright, feasible, but the book you eat gets destroyed! It's an exchange," Bailed notes.
"I don't want to get lost and wander aimlessly. I remember playing Valheim without a map, and it was a nightmare. I wish for a map, but make it cool! Like the Marauder's Map or Skyrim's, with the function of showing me interesting or hidden stuff! You catch my drift?" I explain my second wish.
"Yeah, it's sorted, but you'll still need to explore or eat maps to unlock everything," Bailed monotones.
"Okay, last wish. I want something to elevate me to my fullest potential, like that Teigu Mask from Akame Ga Kill, but fused into my soul, so it can't be stolen," I specify.
"The Mask Of Balzac. Fascinating choices. No matter the world, you'll thrive to your full potential. Anyway, it's done. Good luck. I await your return," Bailed concludes before the ground beneath me vanishes, and I begin to plummet.
"Motherfuuuuuuuuucker!" I curse as I plummet into the abyss.
[Part 02: The first fuck you of the day!]
As my eyes fluttered open, I was met with a snarling big ass wolf lunging straight at me. Instinct kicked in, and I swung wildly, aiming to fend off the ferocious creature. With a sharp yelp, the wolf sank its teeth into my arm, sending waves of agony through me.
"Damn it, that hurts! Fuck you, you damn Mutt!!!" I shouted, desperation fuelling my attempts to fend off the relentless animal. When I punched at his snout, it wouldn't let go, and then I noticed that I was holding a stick. I made the impromptu decision to poke him with my stick and using all my strength, I jabbed my stick straight at the wolf's snout, but even then it refused to release its grip. With quick thinking, I pushed my stick deeper into its nose, causing the beast to cry out in pain before finally releasing me and darting away. But not without giving me one last parting gift, the motherfucker punched me away, tumbling to the ground.
"What the hell? Since when do wolves have fists?!" I cursed aloud, confusion mixing with the pain throbbing in my body. Struggling to rise to my feet, I found myself overwhelmed by the extent of my injuries. Just as darkness threatened to engulf me once more, my blurred vision caught sight of a young teen with black hair rushing toward me.
"Could you have come any later?" I managed to rasp out before succumbing to unconsciousness, the world fading into darkness.
'I'm standing inside a forest?!' I concluded upon opening my eyes.
"Why am I in a fucking forest?" I cursed to myself.
'Did that little bastard think I've died and discarded me in the woods?' I thought furiously.
"Just wait till I get my hands on you, you little shit head!" I shouted aloud, my anger boiling over.
'Well, I'd have done the same! I wouldn't want to get incriminated, but it hurts when it happens to me,' I thought bitterly.
"Run!" someone shouted at me. When I turned around, I saw a young teen some distance away.
"Run from what?" I shouted back.
"From that!" he yelled, pointing in one direction. When I turned around, I saw another massive wolf, its hungry gaze fixed on me like I'm some juicy steak.
"Damn it! How many wolves are around, and why am I encountering every single one of them?!" I shouted as I turned and dashed for my dear life toward the other boy.
'Haha, idiot! If he eats you, he won't be hungry enough to eat me!' I thought to myself, an evil grin spreading across my face.
As I ran for my dear life, I noticed the wolf closing in on me. Then, I heard the other boy shouting while pointing a stick at me.
"Flipendo!"
'Does the idiot think we're in Harry Potter?' I thought, but then I saw the light shooting out of his stick.
"Motherfucker!" I cursed, for way too many reasons.
"Am I really in Harry Potter's world?" I pondered to myself, but before I could analyse further, I heard him shouting again.
"RUN!"
"Damn it!" I cursed and did as I was told.
Eventually, after another 10 to 20 minutes of running, we found a cave and decided to hide inside.
[Part 03: Fuck this shit.]
*Gasp*
I couldn't believe it. The bean sprout is fitter than he looks. I thought I could use him as a diversion, but he was always a step ahead of myself, all along the way.
"Who are you?" I asked him, after finally catching my breath.
"Who are you?" he shot back, pointing his wand at me.
*Damn stick, turned wand,* I cursed silently.
"Calm down! I don't remember my name! All I know is waking up in that forest after a prior wolf attack, only to be unlucky enough to get attacked by another one," I said, trying to ease the tension.
He looked me up and down for a moment before speaking again.
"Are you a muggle?!"
'Well, technically I am one, but with amazing powers!' I thought to myself.
Just as I was about to answer, something appeared in my back pocket. Instinctively, I grabbed it and pulled it out. Lo and behold, it was a wand.
"I don't think so!" I said, holding the stick I used to poke the other wolf.
"Huh!?!" I heard the boy exclaim in shock as he dashed at me, grabbing my wand.
"What the fuck, dude?!" I cursed.
"That is impossible!" the boy said, holding both wands.
"What is impossible?" I asked, unnerved.
'Did I end up with the one wizard teen in this world who is completely bonkers?' I wondered.
"This is my wand!" he declared, holding both wands together, showing them to me.
"The fuck?! They're both the same!" I exclaimed.
"Exactly, and that should not be possible!" the boy said.
'What is going on?' I wondered, and then it hit me, like a punch in the balls.
"I think I know what's going on, but you probably won't believe me, or like it!" I said, feeling self-deprecating.
"Try me!" the other boy said.
"Before being attacked by the other wolf, I was dead and had an audience with some god that sent me to get transmigrated into another life," I said, trying my best to sound convincing. I mean, who would believe such a story?
"You alright?! Did you hit your head or something?!" he asked me.
"I am serious! Think about your last moments before waking up in these woods! What were you doing?" I said to the boy.
"I was on my way to find out a secret about those bastards! I opened a door and then I found myself in these woods looking at you being atatcked by a wolf." he said, and then he stilled.
*I hope he will not kill me!* I prayed.
"A wolf attacked you, right?" the boy asked.
"He bit me and then punched me! Like what kind of freaking wolf can throw out punches?!" I cursed, annoyed, but then we both stilled and looked at each other with blanching faces.
""A werewolf!!"" we said simultaneously.
*Sigh.*
"Let me reiterate: I was following those bastards, you took over my body and got yourself bitten like an idiot, and now we are here, wherever the heck here is!" the other boy said, slowly getting angry.
"Touche. First of all, I want to say I did not choose where or whom I want to take over! And second, who in their right mind except an idiot follows people into some creepy-ass shack!" I threw back at him.
"Touche!" he said and leaned back against the wall of the cave.
"I think we are screwed!" I said after a moment of silence.
"Yeah, we pretty much are!" he said while nodding.
"Anyway, now that we know we are screwed, can you tell me who you are?" I asked the other boy.
"Severus Snape," he said, and I froze.
'Damn it!' I cursed mentally.
While we were both moping, I suddenly saw Bailed sitting on a stone inside the cave.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" I cursed, pointing at the troublemaker who caused this whole debacle.
"I was wondering why your transmigration process hasn't concluded yet. And now I see what's going on," he said.
Meanwhile, Snape was looking at the elderly man shell-shocked. If he is here, then the other boy's story is likely true, and that guy is a deity, a living existing deity.
"How do we deal with this problem?" I asked Bailed.
"It is quite easy! You two are actually pretty lucky to have me! Currently you are inside your souls and fighting it out with the wolf's soul, and whoever consumes the other gets to dictate the relationship. Quite an ingenious ritual, but sadly, nobody is aware of its true mechanism and purpose. A fight each month until you defeat the wolf and take its powers for yourself. But all these idiots do is condemn the people undergoing the ritual." Bailed explained.
"Wait, so if we kill the wolf, we don't become a werewolf?" Snape asked.
"Well, that's the gist of it, but you have to do it without magic and before the full moon is over," Bailed told us.
"But what about this two-soul, one-body situation?!" I asked, annoyed.
"Huh?! Just merge together like you two were supposed to in the first place, you morons!" Bailed said, annoyed.
"And how do we do that?" I ask him.
"Just cross your wands! No homo." he says.
[Part 04: I fuck a wolf, but it is not what you think it is.]
The tension crackled between us as we stood face to face, each holding a wand while also holding hands, and cautiously approaching the wands towards one another. It was an oddly intimate moment, our eyes locked in a silent exchange, the air around us charged with anticipation. But, no homo.
"You ready?" Severus asked, breaking the silence.
"Probably as ready as I'll ever be, but please be cautious. It's my first time," I replied, trying to keep the mood light.
"Fuck you!" he cursed, a smirk playing on his lips.
"No, fuck you!" I shot back, unable to resist the banter.
Then, our wands crossed, and as they touched, I felt a strange sensation, like something was entering me—or was it me entering it? Definitely no homo!
"Well, this is kinda awkward," I muttered, trying to make light of the situation.
We had become one, our knowledge and personalities merging into a single entity. It felt strange, as if I were still myself yet somehow different.
With newfound determination, I pointed my wand at the cave wall and muttered, "Bombarda!"
*BOOM!*
The explosion sent bits of stone flying, and I quickly grabbed a sharp piece to fashion into a weapon. No time to waste—I had a wolf to deal with.
Crafting two stone daggers and two spears with a mix of magic, creativity, and time, I wasted no time in setting out to hunt the damn mutt. As soon as I stepped outside, the cave disappeared, it seems that was something Bailed has created, and the damn Wolf pounced on me.
"Fuck! The same place." I exclaimed as its teeth sank into my arm in the fucking same place where the other wolf has bitten me. Keeping calm, I drew a dagger and aimed for its eye, putting all my strength into the attack.
The wolf whimpered, but it wasn't down yet. I switched to my other dagger and went for its neck, determined to end the fight, and the dumb beast still has not let go of my arm.
'Motherfucker, I am gonna fuck you!' I cursed at him mentally. The savage beast is pulling my arm and trying to rip it off.
"Finally!" I breathed out as I felt its bite weaken. Retrieving my arm, I winced at the mangled mess.
"Dumb bitch!" I cursed at the wolf, now lying in a pool of its own blood. It growled weakly, not quite ready to give up.
I took my spears and, with precision, struck the wolf once and twice, hearing its final whimper. As it lay still, Bailed appeared.
"Great I am done!" I exclaim aloud.
"Not yet, drink its blood and eat some of its flesh. Prove yourself as the hunter, and the ritual is done. The more you consume, the better," Bailed instructed.
"Gross! But no way around it, huh?" I muttered, reluctantly leaning in to fulfill the grim task. The wolf's taste was foul, but I had no other choice.