After the too-short-to-be-called conversation we had, with my broken soul, thinking I was the main character in some TV drama, I ran off home furiously. Just in a pit of anger, like the newly graduated high school kid I was.
I didn't have my phone on me. No purse or ID card. Not even a close friend to go to. I didn't have my phone on me. No purse or ID card. Not even a close friend to go to. Lonely, afraid of the darkness, the future, and the alone me in my dark future.
That day, despite being hungry and fear of darkness, I didn't go home until very late.
I was too afraid...
I felt like a stranger to myself. My clothes were sweaty from running, my eyes were puffy and my throat hurt. I hadn't cried, but I had screamed like a madman. Being sick is how I assume I felt. Quiet a bit.
I haven't been sick since forever. Even when I wished I was.
I always had a healthy body. Even when I had a broken mind.
My body was burning more and more. It seemed like the scary thoughts, horrible thoughts that were unlike me, fueled the furnace in my heart. Did I say my body is strong? The burning body still dragged me through the darkness.
Then, I was at our house's doorstep ringing the bell. The door guard, who I probably woke from sweet sleep, opened the door while cursing under his breath.
After looking at me and not seeing any sign of me being thankful or sorry, the old guard furiously went back to the guardhouse.
We didn't have the best relationship, and I was a person in this house that he never felt like he had to boot lick. If I wasn't in this shape, I would have at least made some effort to thank him. After all, I had woken him in the middle of the night.
Anyway, he wasn't particularly nice to me, even when I was being polite. So, I also ignored him and took my time going through the large garden. 'What am I going to say to my parents?'
Opening the entry door, I shut my eyes and waited. It was oddly silent. When I opened my eyes, it was also dark. In that darkness, I found the light keys and pressed them.
The once-dark house was bright now. My feverish eyes looked at the clock and it showed 04:15. Knowing Mom's personality, she would have waited and scolded me for being reckless. Not seeing her made me worried.
Like the worry-worm push over I was, I went through all 8 rooms in the two-story house. Only to find all of them empty.
My already shattering brain now becomes chaotic. All kinds of thoughts went through my brain, 'had anyone got into an accident?', 'was it father's heart?', 'did Damon get another asthma attack?', 'had mother's business gotten under?', ' Has Diana's sickness come back?', 'was it Divine's trauma?', 'Did the dumb Dylan eat peanuts again?', 'Had Diva finally starved herself?' or, 'Has anyone di..!'.
As I was panicking, I saw a note on the fridge.
["We are at the oldies' house.
Mom made you some pasta,
Location: In the fridge.
Mom's order: Don't answer the oldies' call.
P.S. YOUR MOST HANDSOME BROTHER ;)".]
It was Dylan, not for calling our grandparent Bright for oldies, and not for the childish tone, but for calling himself the most handsome. It was me who gave him that nickname. He was the most similar to me, apparent-vise. Therefore, without objections, he was also the most handsome.
Before knowing it, my face was wet with tears. Not from the childish note. Neither from mom's tasteless food, which she insisted on making at least thrice a week. Not from sadness and neither from happiness.
It was from relief and fear. I was relieved that everyone was okay, but I feared myself. A fear of my very own thoughts. I didn't want to become unreasonable, and I hated to add another burden on my already struggling, parent's shoulders.
The decision to leave the house became an obligation. I didn't even know if I could take looking at Diana and Divine and stay sane. It was an obligation I owed my struggling parents.
So, I went to my shared room with Divine and started packing up. Some of my decent outdoor clothes, some of my comfortable outdoor clothes, plenty of indoor clothes, a towel, my toothbrush, some underwear, my sports bag, ID, passport, credit card, phone, driver's license, and I was done. Two large suitcases and a bag.
All ready, but with no means of transport or destination!
I was thinking of how to solve those problems when I saw Divine's car keys on the board. So what if he was going to throw a tantrum? There was no way in hell that the old guard would give me a drive.
In addition, Divine would for sure get a new car as an acceptance gift from Grandfather Bright. If not a mansion.
Either way, I had all the rights to use his car, therefore I took it and dragged all of my baggage down the stairs.
Well, not directly. While passing through the hall, I went into the first twin's room and took all the entry exam prep material they had. This time with no fear. They lived near their respective universities and they wouldn't even need those.
Had I gotten all the help I needed, I would have been content with becoming a teacher.
However, the situation has changed. There is no way I will become a teacher when the twins get to high places, having all the support they want. Not that being a teacher is bad, but it is not a job that makes me needless.
If I become a teacher, then might have to, somewhere in life, ask others for help. That is something I would very much hate to do. Being looked down on is something I had enough of.
I went out to where Divine had parked the car, loaded everything in the trunk, and drove to the door.
This time I didn't bother waking the guard and opened the door myself.
"Where should I even go?" I asked myself with a bitter scoff as I drove away from the house.