Desiree's POV
I woke up in Aizen's embrace. It was warm and undeniably soothing. I hated it. I hate how it made me feel butterflies in my stomach. I don't even like butterflies; they terrify me. I should hate Aizen. He forced me into this and now he's acting like a boyfriend? I think we're both past the falling phase. I'm more than certain that he's doing this to get under my skin… To make me his marionette.
I gently removed myself from his hold, careful not to wake him. Seeing him like this… He looked almost peaceful, like the guy I used to know. But even that person was toxic. Really, what's the difference?
Stop playing with me, will you? We're too old to play with each other's emotions.
I checked my phone for the time.
18:40
I sauntered over to my closet, opting for a change of attire. Nothing extravagant—just a simple purple sheer silk kimono layered over a white, flowy dress. Slipping into my slippers, I stepped out of the room. I needed fresh air to clear my thoughts.
I wanted to bring Mochi with me, but the traitor decided to stay cozied up with her fake dad. So, I guess I'm all alone yet again. I was about to walk out the door when Hikaru caught me.
"Ms. Desiree," she called out softly, "Where are you off to?"
"Sh," I whispered back, glancing over my shoulder. "ust taking a short stroll. Aizen's catching up on some sleep in my room. Please, let him rest undisturbed."
"Understood," she nodded, concern flickering in her eyes. "He must be exhausted with all his responsibilities. Rest assured, Ms. Desiree, I'll ensure he's not bothered." She hesitated before adding, "But do return soon. Our gardens aren't always safe; wild animals have been known to wander in."
"Thanks," I murmured, offering a reassuring smile before closing the door gently behind me.
Now, to clear my thoughts!
The cold breeze was refreshing, carrying a sweet scent that reminded me of nectar and honey. Even though I usually steered clear of greenery because of bugs and butterflies, I couldn't deny the beauty of it all. Truth be told, I had a soft spot for flowers, despite pretending otherwise. Deep down, I loved their beauty. If only they didn't attract all those pesky creatures, I'd gladly accept every bouquet given to me.
I thought about everything—where it all began and how we ended up here. Aizen and I met in Manila when I was seven and he was eight. Back then, he liked me, and I loathed him. Then the tables turned; I liked him, and he liked me. But eventually, he left, and I felt like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole, trapped in a whirlwind of uncertainty about his feelings for me. It was agonizing from third to sixth grade. By the summer before sixth grade, I'd had enough of his toxic behavior. He wasn't a good friend; he was more of a frenemy. He even admitted to enjoying seeing me in distress over him! How awful. How could I ever like such a cruel person?
Looking back, I realize I hardly knew anything about him. Sure, I liked his face and his cool demeanor, but we never really had deep conversations or formed a meaningful connection. If I'm honest with myself, we weren't even friends, at least not by my standards. Friends should know each other, and we barely scratched the surface.
I buried my feelings for him in sixth grade since it was my last year in Manila, but deep down, I still yearned for him to reciprocate my feelings. He made me believe he did. The way his eyes spoke volumes without uttering a word, the subtle excuses to touch me—nothing inappropriate, though. We were just kids. I remember that time in the gym when he teased me about being hairy and touched my ear, joking about hair there. He was a jerk through and through, and he wasn't good at expressing his emotions. I even prayed for a sign to move on, but instead, God put me in the same class as him and made him act sweet. It was torture, sweet and bitter. We had our moments, but that was all they were—just moments…
Even after I left, he continued to toy with my heart. He told me he'd miss having me as a girlfriend, but it was all a facade. I was relieved I didn't fall for his deception. He took it all back immediately, and while it hurt, I had to let it go. What choice did I have? I was gone, unsure if I'd ever see him again.
The worst part about harboring feelings for him for so long was that he invaded my subconscious, even in my dreams. Just when I thought I was moving on, he'd pop up out of nowhere, disrupting my peace. Even in other relationships, he lingered in the back of my mind, haunting me with memories of us. I didn't understand it at all. Why can't he just get lost?
Nine years have passed since I last saw him—nine long years, almost a decade. I was rebuilding my life when he resurfaced, appearing like a prince on a white horse. I foolishly thought it was fate bringing us back together, a chance to finally be real friends. How wrong I was. I shouldn't have said hello. I shouldn't have entertained him.
I thought Aizen had changed. I had. I wasn't perfect, but I'd grown. I believed we'd moved past playing games with each other's hearts. But it seems he's not done playing with mine.
I hate his mood swings, his kindness followed by rudeness. I hate everything he does to mess with my head. I wish he'd just decide to be mean and stick with it. It would be less confusing, and it would make it easier for me to hate him.
But what I hate most of all is his touch. It ignites my skin, melting my resolve. I refuse to let myself succumb to someone like him. I won't fall for his traps. He's trying to make me submit, to turn me into his puppet in his fight against his father. I never asked for any of this.
Five years can feel like an eternity, especially when you're married to someone like him. I can't even begin to imagine what those years will bring. Everything is triggering my depression. I hate it!
I found myself wandering into the forest, unsure if it was part of the estate's private grounds. With no light but the moon and stars, my heart raced in the darkness. I looked around, confused.
Where was I? I can't find my way…
I heard a rustle in the woods, making me jump. Hikaru's words echoed in my mind about wild animals.
I am scared. I didn't like existing at all, but I didn't think my end would be from being devoured by a wild animal!
I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, feeling small and vulnerable in the vast darkness. I felt like a helpless child.
Lost in the darkness, my mind drifted to darker thoughts. The weight of my depression pressed down on me, suffocating and relentless. For a moment, there was a fleeting peace. I opened my eyes, a little shaken and teary.
I am scared, cold, and a little hungry in the middle of nowhere!
Then, the stillness was shattered by the sharp crack of gunshots. Each echo sent shivers down my spine, and I trembled with fear and confusion. What was happening? Who was firing a gun in the dead of night, and why? The questions swirled in my mind, leaving me paralyzed and unsure of what to do next. All I could do was stand there, eyes closed, trembling, as the echoes faded into the darkness, leaving me alone with my fear.
In that moment of uncertainty and fear, I felt a comforting presence envelop me in a warm embrace. A familiar scent washed over me, easing the tension in my muscles. Though I was too scared to open my eyes, the gentle stroke of a hand against my ear felt oddly reassuring, grounding me in reality. Immediately, I knew who it was.
I leaned into the embrace, my body trembling with a mixture of fear and relief. As if sensing my need for support, Aizen's arms wrapped around me, steadying me against the onslaught of emotions. His voice, usually tinged with coldness, carried a warmth that I hadn't expected. "You're safe," his words, though simple, held a reassuring promise that calmed the storm raging within me. "I'm here."
Safe…
Clutching onto him tightly, I buried myself in his embrace, seeking solace from the chaos of my thoughts. My arms wound around him with a desperation born of fear and confusion, mirroring his own embrace. Tears welled up in my eyes, slipping down my cheeks unchecked as emotions threatened to overwhelm me. "What just happened?" I choked out the words, my voice trembling with a mixture of fear and bewilderment. The echoes of the gunshots still reverberated in my ears, each sound a sharp reminder of the danger lurking in the darkness.
"Someone must've been hunting," Aizen said, his voice calm yet carrying an underlying tension. Without hesitation, he lifted me up in his arms, cradling me gently against him. "Shh," he murmured soothingly, his touch offering reassurance amidst the darkness of the night. "Relax. Let's go home, alright?"
Hunting… Sounds like a lie, right? I didn't care. Right now, at this moment, I wanted to feel safe in his arms. I want to trust him… for now.
His words were a balm to my frayed nerves, offering a semblance of safety as he carried me through the shadows. With a nod, I allowed myself to lean into his embrace, trusting in his presence to lead me back to the sanctuary of our home.
Time seemed to dissolve, and when I opened my eyes, we were back home. Aizen set me down on the bed with utmost care, his hand still firmly holding mine. I was still trembling.
"I told you not to go out without staff, didn't I?" Aizen finally scolded, his voice laced with concern, warmth, and internal conflict. "It's dangerous out there!" His tone made me flinch, and he covered his eyes with his palm, releasing an exasperated sigh. "I'm sorry," he said, frustration evident in his voice. "I shouldn't... Damn it!" He turned away, preparing to leave. "Hikaru will take care of you. I need to take care of something."
I reached out, grasping his wrist and tugging at his sleeve. "Stay," I whispered, the plea escaping my lips before I could stop it. "Don't go."
"I won't be long," he assured me.
Shaking my head, I tugged again. "I'm scared," I admitted.
"Fine," he agreed, settling beside me. He pulled me into his embrace, his touch gentle as he stroked my back. "No one can hurt you, Desiree. I promise you that," he vowed. "I'll keep you safe." His words felt like a shield against the darkness that threatened to engulf me.
"How did you find me?" I asked.
He paused, saying, "Honestly, I don't know…"
I nodded in agreement, sinking deeper into his embrace. Despite my reluctance to expose this vulnerability to him, all I craved was to remain in his arms. To feel his warmth and to feel safe in his arms… It was a familiar feeling.
"But does it matter?" Aizen's voice was soft, yet firm, his arms enveloping me as if afraid I might slip away. "You're safe now... Just promise me you'll bring someone with you next time. If I hadn't been there... I don't want to imagine what might have happened. Bring Mochi if you want. Just don't go alone."
Aizen… I want to trust you, right now. Can I?