Chapter 21: A clueless fool´s viewNotes:
Sorry for a week without updates. School stressed me out too much to write even though I actually did not do anything for my exams. Anxiety was getting to me and sucked all motivation straight out of my head. I hope I get myself together soon.
Wrote this before going to bed so expect typos.
EDIT: 5000 Hits!!!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 21
Subaru was in a surprisingly good mood. Maybe it was not all that surprising, he was Subaru after all. If the world gave him no reason to smile then he would invent one. But for any other person it would have been impossible to feel happy in this moment. He was injured, his head felt like it would explode in a few minutes and the curse that had been placed on him would kill him in a few hours. Nonetheless, he couldn´t help himself but feel thankful.
He had done it!
Finally!
After thirteen loops to get here, he had managed to save both the children and Rem at long last. He did not want to see them dead again. He would not- no, could not look into their unseeing eyes knowing that he had failed them. Now they would live. Now they were safe. Because he had saved them! He had been useful! He, Subaru Natsuki, a helpless loser form another world had saved them! Wasn´t that the best feeling in the world?
Hopefully this would be enough to repay Emilia´s kindness. Only a complete angel would take in a suspicious stranger like him and give him a job. Emilia was the best!
It had been disheartening to hear that she would leave the manor so soon after they only got to spend a few days together, but his terrible luck allowed him to relive these four days again and again so he had been able to learn much about her. In general he had learned so much and that was also something he was grateful for. Repeating loop after loop had made sure that he could now read much of the written language of this kingdom. He also knew the layout of the mansion perfectly and he was able to cast magic. Magic! He could do magic! How awesome was that?
Even though it was an ancient truth that all heroes who got transported into new world received unbelievable and unmatched magic powers, it was still exciting to experience it firsthand. Well... he got another superpower already, but it kinda sucked. Return by Death was cool and all... but it really hurt. It really did.
Distracting himself from his gloomy thoughts he idly scratched his bandages and wondered who the blond girl on the other side of the table was. She had introduced herself as "Tanya von Degurechaff" which sounded like a comparatively normal name for this crazy world, but her eyebrow had noticeably twitched when he had called her "nazi loli" and that confused him. Her attire really reminded him of an old german uniform and she held herself in a rather stoic and rigid way that suggested that she was not up for fun or light-hearted banter. That´s where the "nazi" part of the joke came in. He honestly hadn't meant it as an insult.
The "loli" part arose obviously from her short stature and her pretty, doll-like face. Her appearance was not unlike Beako, now that he thought about it. And in the few days that she knew him he already managed to worm his way into her heart. He was sure of it. So why not try to befriend this Tanya loli too? She couldn't be much more of a tsundere then Beatrice. Or Ram maybe. That much was for certain.
But all that was not important, because she had understood at least in part what he had been talking about which should be impossible for anyone from this world. Both the word "nazi" as well as "loli" were entirely unknown here. If Beako, the girl that spent all her time indoors reading (not unlike him), could not recognize the sacred description of "loli" then nobody here could. Nazis were also not present in this world if he was not mistaken, so how had she understood the meaning of his silly joke?
Maybe he was just imagining things. It would only be natural for him to become paranoid from dying so much after all. Or he had simply interpreted too much into a meaningless reaction. Beako had also answered his words that she did not know with reactions of surprise and irritation. That was it what made her so fun to tease.
Still, she was another candidate and rival of his lovely Emilia so he would approach her with caution. But who knew? Maybe they could ally their camps? From what Puck had told him Emilia seemed rather lonely. That was absolutely undeserved for a heavenly being like her! More friends would be good for her; she deserved to be happy. Tanya appeared nice enough. Certainly more so than Ram. (The pink-haired maid was his trusted and unsurpassed bench-mark for meanness.)
Subaru was so deep in thought about all the different ways in which he could make his Emilia happy that he had not realized how intensely he was staring at the object of his desire.
"Subaru! Is something the matter? Are you feeling unwell? Do you need to rest?"
"Uhm,... no? Of course not Emilia-tan! Your adorable face was just distracted me with its unmatched magnificence. I could lose myself in your eyes for hours!"
All females at the table except Rem shot him a withering glare. Ram even scoffed and he would swear that he could hear her say something about "Pervert Barusu having no shame" or something like that. Emilia just blushed at the compliment.
Tanya asked: "Honesty is an admirable trait to have, but are you always this straightforward?"
"Well... I'm an open book! I think the world would be a better place if anybody would just admit to their feelings."
The cute (but not as cute as Beako) blonde continued to look at him with a slightly raised eyebrow and an incredulous look in her eyes like she couldn't believe his words. So naturally in his role as Subaru Nasuki, fool extraordinaire he had to explain it to her.
"You see, it only hurts those closest to you if you keep your emotions closed up all the time. See Rem for example: she always felt inferior to her sister even though that is totally wrong and unfounded. For years she resented herself for no good reason although her sister would probably never encourage such a thought. I have only known Ram for a few days, but I am certain that she loves her twin with all her heart and would never think of her as lesser than herself. Therefore not only did she hurt herself by never admitting her feeling, but also her sister who would not like her thinking like that."
Ram watched with wide eyes and began to turn to her sister with clear shock written in her face. Ooops! He hadn´t meant to expose family secrets like that. Hopefully she wouldn't be too mad at him for telling the truth, but it had to be said. And it would make things easier for Rem to explain in private. Hopefully.
"It is true sister. I never intended for you to be hurt by this, but I knew that I could never be as good or as talented as you. I'm sorry I should have told you..."
Ram threw him a dirty look that promised a confrontation later on. Oh joy...
"Rem, why are you speaking such nonsense? The only person that could even hope to surpass me in the quality of her work and her overall adorableness would be you. I am not saying this as your loving sister, although I will always be that, but from an objective point of view. Even a complete idiot like Barusu is able to see your greatness."
"I already told you Rem that I mean it when I said you are wonderful. I have never seen you as a replacement or a substitute for your sister. We all like you just for who you are."
"It seems as wonders can still happen, because I sadly find myself agreeing with moron over there. We will take about this tonight. Don´t worry."
"T-Thank you..." snivelled a emotionally distraught Rem.
"Oh myyyyy, how unfortuuuuunate." said the clown.
Regardless of how many good things Roswaal had done for him Subaru couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with the man. A sinister aura was surrounding him that made him hard to trust.
"Whaaat an iiiinteresting issue that we will hopeeeefully be able to resolve soooon. Nonetheless do some of us more pressing matters to discuss. Lady Degurechaff, a word please."
That damned clown was planning something. He knew it!
Notes:
That was not the full Subaru backstory btw. More will be coming. Also his character is slightly different to canon, because he had a different experience in this world. It took him 13 tries instead of 5, because Emilia and Ram weren´t there to help him. In return he never died to Elsa so I guess it evens out XD