Chapter 31: thirty: homeSummary:
In which guilt is a powerful thing, and the butterflies finally spread their wings.
Notes:
(Many people have expressed their love and support for both Chiyuki and this story, and for that I'm truly grateful. Thank you, you're awesome <3)
I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own Chiyuki, any original characters, and this story's plot.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Becoming Hokage 101
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Section Six
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Chapter Thirty
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We arrive in Konoha in the middle of the night, sometime after 2 AM.
Shizune carried me the whole way back on her back, just like Nagato had done, and had actually looked offended when Ensui offered to do it instead. Jiraya took turns looking at me as if I'd grown two heads and then turning his gaze away whenever I happened to catch him in the act. He was probably curious about what exactly happened at Ame, but I sure as hell wasn't gonna give him any details.
"We're going to report right away." The Nara says as soon as we pass through the gates, a slightly apologetic look in his eyes. "Orders from the Big Three."
I nod and smile slightly, resting my chin on Shizune's shoulder. "Okay."
The Big Three, otherwise known as Fugaku, Shikaku, and Tsunade, was a term that'd been starting to circulate more and more often amongst the shinobi ranks. With Fugaku acting as the interim Hokage, Shikaku as the Jounin Commander, and Tsunade being appointed as the Hokage's official advisor, it's a pretty fitting term, in all honesty. Of course, no one calls them that to their faces, but since no one got punched by the Senju woman yet, everyone figured it was more or less okay to use it moderately.
Particularly, I think it's a term that fits them scaringly well, although it is amusing as well.
A butterfly flies past my dirty hair, orange and blue blurring my vision for a split second. When it's gone, my gaze ends up on a dark alleyway, where two pairs of eyes are looking at me with confusion and suspicion.
The two children I'd met in the slums, in what seems like an eternity ago.
The boy hasn't grown much, but he does look a bit lankier. What catches my attention is the numerous bruises covering his body, and how he seems to be guarding the girl who's dumpster diving.
Something wraps around my heart and squeezes, bile threatening to rise up my throat. A bitter, acidic taste invades my mouth, and I bite my lip. For some reason, I nod at them in greeting before they disappear from my vision, hoping-
'-I haven't forgotten about you. I haven't forgotten about my promise.'
(Have I?)
Ensui looks at me with an unreadable expression, but I don't have the energy to tear my gaze away from his. He finally looks away when we arrive at the Hokage's Tower, knocking on the heavy wooden doors.
'Have they always been like that? That part of the wood looks darker than the rest.' I wonder briefly before the four of us enter the office. As expected, Fugaku is seated behind the desk, with Tsunade and Shikaku on either side of him. Shizune puts me down lightly and three heavy gazes fall upon me, assessing me with a critical eye, and I resist the urge to fidget.
A heavy silence falls upon the room, as social etiquette demands that the highest-ranking person in the room be the first to talk. The Uchiha patriarch, however, spends a few more seconds watching me with narrowed eyes before he finally speaks.
"Shizune, report." The man says, although he keeps his dark gaze fixated on me. A part of me wants to smile awkwardly, if only to attempt to break the tense atmosphere.
"Chiyuki-hime has no physical wounds and does not show signs of psychological damage. She has, however, lost at least three kilograms and is slightly dehydrated. The prognosis is good and she is expected to make a full recovery in a few days, with plenty of food and rest." The director of the hospital reports swiftly, and I see Tsunade nod slightly from the corner of my eye.
The interim Hokage nods once, as well, and Shikaku exhales heavily.
'Relief. They're relieved. They were worried.'
A part of me already knew that they'd be worried, and that it was natural for them to be so, but actually seeing it makes me feel… I don't know. Appreciated. Important.
Loved.
"Ensui, report." Fugaku orders, and the man standing next to Shizune nods.
"We arrived at the meeting point at the same time the Ame shinobi did. The red-haired one was carrying Chiyuki-hime on his back, and it remained like that the whole time we were negotiating." I feel everyone's heavy gaze on me once more, and this time I can't resist the urge to fidget. Tsunade narrows honey-brown eyes at me, and I sense I'll have to explain myself very thoroughly.
"How did that go?" Shikaku asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Perhaps Chiyuki-hime and Jiraya-sama will be able to explain better later-" Ensui basically throws me to the wolves, and I barely refrain from glaring at him. "-but it seems that someone claiming to be Danzo has been attempting to plot with Hanzo the Salamander."
Tsunade grits her teeth and crosses her arms over her chest, probably wishing she could destroy something. The Uchiha patriarch narrows his eyes dangerously, glancing at me, and then at Jiraya. Shikaku, bless his soul, slouches and looks at me with an incredulous look in his eyes, as if asking me 'how do you manage to be involved in shit like that all the time?!'
I honestly wish I knew as well.
"Pretending to be from Konoha, they approached Hanzo with the goal of getting rid of the rebel group before they became a bigger problem." Ensui continues, as if he were talking about the weather. "I suppose Chiyuki-hime was meant to be the Akatsuki's bargaining chip."
The focus shifts back to me, and Fugaku nods at me, giving me permission to speak.
"Someone attacked one of the leaders of the Akatsuki a couple of years ago. Turns out it had been Danzo, who'd sent ROOT members to ambush the rebel group." I comment, watching as the atmosphere turns even more tense. "They ended up thinking that Konoha was plotting with Hanzo to destroy the Akatsuki, which I suppose was exactly what Danzo intended."
"So you really were meant to be their bargaining chip." Shikaku muses, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was perfectly at ease with this onslaught of information.
"Perhaps we need to address something else, first." The interim Hokage speaks, a commanding tone in his voice. "How is it that we were not made aware of this, Jiraya?"
Inevitably, all sets of eyes shift their focus to the Toad Sage, who closes his eyes and exhales heavily.
'Well, it is odd. There's no way Jiraya wouldn't know about that, with his spy network and all - and if he really didn't know, then, well. What's he been doing all this time? Playing ninja?'
"I wanted to be sure of who it was before I mentioned it." The white-haired man says, suddenly looking as if he's aged 20 years.
Fugaku, however, is merciless. "You knew someone was impersonating Danzo and was attempting to contact Hanzo on Konoha's behalf, and you 'wanted to be sure' before you told us such a crucial piece of information?"
Never once does the Uchiha raise his voice, but there's no need to. Jiraya flinches ever so slightly from the scalding and judgemental tone, and no one can find it in themselves to be sympathetic.
'Even if he wanted to confirm who it was, the fact that he chose to withhold such important info from the interim Hokage is definitely not good. Who knows how much else he's not telling them? Hell, from the look of things, if he'd told Fugaku sooner, perhaps I'd never even have been kidnapped in the first place-'
A sudden spike of pure killing intent fills the room, heavy and dark with a hint of wilderness, and the unexpected pressure makes me gasp.
'What the-'
It goes away as quickly as it came. Everyone's looking warily at Shikaku, who in turn is staring at me with an emotion so heavy and so raw I can't quite pinpoint-
'Ah. He arrived at the same conclusion as I did.'
The Jounin Commander turns his furious gaze to the white-haired man, who can't hold Shikaku's look of pure rage.
"I don't know what kind of deal you had with the Sandaime, but it ends now. In fact, it should have ended when Sarutobi Hiruzen stepped down." Both Tsunade and Jiraya look down, not meeting anyone's eyes.
'Well, it's no secret that my father doted greatly on his students. It's the reason why he let Tsunade leave the village even though she never quit being a Konoha ninja, and why Jiraya was allowed to spend so much time outside.'
It's also the reason why he never did anything about Orochimaru, even when he knew that man is nothing like the child he once was.
"In the end, you chose to withhold crucial information based on complacent thinking, and you will bear the consequences of that." The Nara patriarch is absolutely livid, and no one dares to interrupt him, not even Fugaku. The Toad Sage is only able to nod grimly, wisely choosing to keep quiet.
The matter of fact is that Shikaku, as the Jounin Commander, is Jiraya's commanding officer, which means that he does hold authority over the older man. Perhaps when my father was still in charge they may have had some sort of deal, but as the Nara shinobi had said, it should have ended as soon as my father stepped down.
Some might even see this as a sign that the white-haired man doesn't really recognize either Fugaku or Shikaku as his superiors, and that's dangerous thinking.
'Actually, isn't this kind of treason? How much more does Jiraya know and hasn't told anyone?'
"Excuse me. Can we please continue with the matter at hand?" After a couple of tense seconds in complete silence, Ensui bulldozes over the incredibly tense atmosphere, and I can't help but turn an incredulous look to him.
Fugaku exhales and Shikaku seems to deflate, going back to his usual slouch. Tsunade straightens up, nodding firmly.
"Very well, that is a matter to be discussed afterwards." The Uchiha says, giving the Toad Sage a warning glance, as if to say 'right after we're done here'. "Chiyuki, report."
I shift next to Shizune, putting pressure on one leg, then the other. "We - Team Chiyuki - were on our way back to the village after completing our mission, and had just set up camp for the night when three Ame shinobi approached us silently. They claimed they would let Genma and Gai go if I went with them without making a fuss."
"Did you not engage?" Tsunade asks, a complicated look on her face.
I shake my head. "The boys wanted to, but I told them not to. It was clear to see that the Ame shinobi were much stronger than us. Besides, we had just completed a B-rank mission, and even if we didn't encounter any enemy ninja prior to that, we were tired and weary. Fighting against obviously stronger shinobi would only result in death."
"And you believed they really would let the boys go?" Fugaku asks, although not unkindly.
I shrug. "They didn't attack us, and never showed excessive aggressiveness. I figured that if they really wanted to hurt us, they wouldn't have tried to deal with things quietly in the first place."
The interim Hokage leans back in his chair and nods, apparently satisfied with my answer. "Genma and Gai did arrive at the village a few hours after that, claiming they had had to wait two minutes until they could move."
"Yes. I suppose the Akatsuki's goal was to make sure Konoha knew Ame was involved, but didn't particularly want to be part of a chase." I comment, shrugging again.
"That's likely." The Uchiha patriarch agrees, though there's probably more to it that I haven't realized yet. "What happened after that?"
"After I agreed to go with them, I was knocked unconscious. I woke up sometime later in a room made of stone - a cave, of some sorts. During the time I was there, one of the three Ame shinobi would always stay with me, usually the red haired one." That earns a few odd glances and eyebrow raises, but I barrel on when no one interrupts. "In the first few days, nothing much happened. I was given food once a day, and the kunoichi once took me to this room where they wash themselves."
"You left the room they put you in, then." Shikaku states, half-lidded eyes boring into mine.
"I did, but she blindfolded me. I didn't see anything." The Nara patriarch hums, then nods, signaling for me to continue. "The whole time I was there, I made sure I was polite and obeyed them well, though they rarely talked to me. Later on, I saw an opening, and tried to figure out why exactly I was brought there."
"And they just told you?" The Senju medic-nin asks incredulously.
I shrug. "Not everything, no. But I learned enough to connect the dots. After that, I tried to see if they'd be interested in a deal."
"I mean no offense, but how were they willing to accept your words and negotiate with a chunin?" Ensui questions, a slightly puzzled expression on his face.
I purse my lips, wondering how much further I can go with half-truths. I glance at everyone gathered in the Hokage's office, asking myself if I should be throwing the rinnegan user to the wolves just like that.
"The red haired one has a doujutsu. Apparently, it can easily tell when someone is lying." Jiraya's gaze snaps to me, and I send a mental apology to Nagato. "I told them a bit about Danzo's schemes, and in turn they told me what they knew of Hanzo. The truth for the truth, is what they said."
"Just how much did you-" The Toad Sage begins to ask, but I narrow my eyes and interrupt him.
"I didn't tell them anything they wouldn't have learned eventually. I'm not foolish enough to give out free information on Konoha like that, contrary to what some may believe." I snap, and the white-haired man shuts his mouth with an audible click.
Fugaku clears his throat before our glaring contest can go any further, successfully shifting the focus to him. "Can you share exactly what you said to them?" He asks diplomatically.
"I told them that Danzo's actions didn't mean the same as Konoha's actions, especially when it came to dealings behind the Hokage's back." I pause, not once shifting my gaze from the Uchiha's. "I also told them ROOT was commanded by Danzo, so attacks from their ranks were not to be associated with Konoha."
"That's fine." Shikaku drawls, waving his hand for emphasis. "Who knows who else Danzo had been dealing with before his death. In fact, other villages might think like that as well."
Fugaku nods, a hard look on his face. "What about the days leading up to the negotiation with the rescue team?"
"They actually informed me that Konoha had threatened Ame with a full-village invasion, and wanted me to act as an intermediary during negotiations." I hesitantly lock eyes with the interim Hokage. "I didn't know if the village would be able to follow up with that threat, but I decided to keep them believing we could."
"That was Tsunade-hime's idea. She was very insistent about it." Shikaku comments, a carefully blank look on his face that suggests there's a lot more to it.
The Slug Sage scoffs, rolling her eyes. "It was a well-calculated bluff, and I knew the little menace would follow along. It worked, didn't it?"
'Little menace? That's… new.'
"It did. Thanks to that, we had the upper hand in the actual negotiations. For now, Konoha has a tentative alliance with the rebel group. In exchange for helping to take Hanzo down, the Akatsuki will ally with our village for the remainder of the war." Ensui drawls, wanting like he'd rather end this sooner than later.
"Konoha is also supposed to make the first contact to make it all official through Jiraya-sama." Shizune adds.
"Very well. Does anyone have anything else they'd like to add?" Shikaku's gaze stays on mine for a fraction of a second longer than it does the rest, but I keep my mouth shut. I do plan on telling him a bit more about the Ame shinobi, but not with a crowd in the same room. "Then, you're all dismissed. Good work."
As we fill out of the room, a very familiar chakra signature combined with the hum of iron I know so well immediately brings a smile to my tired face. Asuma turns the corridor with silent steps, and I dash to meet him halfway, wrapping my arms around him as soon as I'm able to.
I inhale deeply, the scent of pines and ink filling my nose and relaxing my body. My brother returns the hug, squeezing me in his arms as he lightly nuzzles my cheek.
"I came to pick you up, stinky." The thirteen year old drawls and smiles lazily, eyes twinkling happily despite the worry pooled in them.
"I'm home, Asuma-niisan." I grin, and the world around us disappears. "I'm home."
Asuma squeezes me tighter, exhaling through his nose in relief. I tighten my arms around him as well, finally feeling safe and comfortable after two weeks of being on edge.
"Welcome home, Chiyuki."
.
.
The first morning I spend in my house after a hellish two weeks is full of this comfortable silence that I'd missed terribly.
Tooru may not be in the village right now, but Asuma's presence is enough to fill up the small kitchen. The middle sibling makes breakfast for both of us, and I gladly eat it all. In a small house full of knick-knacks belonging to all three siblings, this feels much more like home than the main Sarutobi house had ever been.
I'd wanted a chair of each color for the kitchen, and my brothers had agreed. There was a small study reserved for all of our weapons and scrolls, which had been Asuma's idea, and Tooru had insisted we had everyone's favorite snacks stocked at all times. With a little bit of everyone's input, we built our own safe haven inside the clan grounds, estranged from our own family but strangely okay with it.
'Ah, it's good to be home.'
Asuma patiently waits for me to finish eating, insisting I help myself to a third serving. There's something else besides relief in his dark brown eyes, but he deflects the question every time I bring it up. Finally, when I feel happily stuffed and offer to make some tea for the both of us, he drops the bomb on me.
"I think it'd be good if you talked to mother and father."
I still, turning my head to look at him with incredulous -
-scared-
- eyes.
"I-"
"It's been two years since you talked to them, and they were worried." My brother says, looking much older than a 13 year old has any right to. "I'll go with you if you want me to, and we can go to the Akimichi's right after this, but I really think you should go see them."
Asuma has that firm set on his lips that I'd sometimes see on my father, and hot shame washes over me like icy cold water.
The truth is that I've been running away for two years now, and instead of facing the issue and allowing myself to move on, I'd shoved it all to a corner in my head and pretended it didn't exist. My brother is absolutely right, and from the way he said it, I can imagine just how worried they'd been.
It's just that-
"I know." Hands bigger than mine envelop my own, giving them a squeeze. I meet the middle sibling's eyes, and see nothing but love in them. "I know it's hard. I'm not saying you have to immediately forgive them, or pretend nothing happened. I'm saying this-"
"- for me. So I can heal. I know." I sniffle, but stubbornly keep the tears at bay. I take a deep, shaky breath, and grip his hands tightly. "Will you go with me?"
"Of course."
"And we can go see Gen and Gai-chan and Choza-sensei right after?"
"Absolutely."
"And you'll have lunch with us?"
"Sure."
It's times like this I'm extremely grateful for Asuma's direct and no-nonsense way of handling things, and how he always seems to break things down in smaller pieces so they don't seem as daunting. My brother is only a year older than me, yet seems to know exactly how my brain works and what to do when things seem too much.
I wonder if it's an older sibling thing.
"Okay. I'll just go and get dressed." I say, hesitantly, and he nods with endless patience.
"Take your time."
I choose the softest hoodie I own, a salmon colored piece of clothing that Tooru had given me as a present, saying 'the color suited me'. Gingerly, I put it on and hide the Shodaime's necklace underneath it, and something in me compels me to brush my hair, matted and dry. Belatedly, I blame yesterday's Chiyuki for going to sleep with her hair still wet.
I abruptly stop and drop the brush on the ground, and it rattles noisily on the wooden floor. A beat of silence, then-
"Chiyuki?" Asuma's voice sounds slightly muffled from the other side of the door, and only then do I realize my hands are trembling.
'Why are you shaking? Why am I nervous? Why am I trying to fix my appearance when I'm just going to see my parents who are still on house arrest?'
I raise my eyes to my reflection on the mirror, and the sight makes me flinch.
I nearly don't recognize the person in front of me, the girl with the too-pale face, slightly sunken cheeks and purple bags beneath her eyes. I glance at the brown eyes in the mirror and turn away, unable to handle the plethora of emotions swimming in them.
'You look awful. What would mother say?'
I immediately shake my head, clutching the soft cotton of the hoodie's fabric. My father's tired and weary face pops up in my head, and I can nearly hear him telling me to take it easy.
'Mother would say nothing, because you've just come home after being kidnapped and kept as a rebel group's bargaining chip, because someone pretending to be Danzo has been prancing around and Orochimaru might be involved in it and-!'
"Hey." I can't help but flinch violently at hearing Asuma's voice suddenly right next to me, his hands almost uncomfortably warm against my wrists. "You're okay. You're alright. Take deep breaths."
My brother takes slow breaths in and out, exaggeratedly filling his lungs with air and exhaling loudly. My body wordlessly obeys, at first struggling to match his unhurried breaths, until the chaos in my head comes down to brown noise after a few minutes.
"Better?" He asks lowly, and I nod.
"Yeah."
The boy gives me a doubting look, clearly trying to decide whether it's too early to talk with our parents or not.
"We can do this another day-"
"No, I want to do this. I need to do this."
Something complicated flashes on his young, tanned face, and he grimaces.
"You don't need to do anything you don't want to."
I shake my head, thin strands of blonde hair - so similar to my mother's - flying around my face. "I do. I need to face this. I can't- I don't wanna put this off more than I already have."
"It doesn't have to be today." Asuma insists, nearly pleading with me now.
"Doesn't it?" I retort, and he snaps his mouth shut.
The recognition of the reality of our current situation flashes in his eyes, and his lips form a straight line. We're still at war, with no end in sight, and who knows when the next opportunity will present itself?
Would I be able to wait until it does?
"Alright." Asuma sighs and drags a hand down his face, but nods. "Alright. You have a point."
I grab his hand and squeeze it, biting my lip. "Thank you for doing this."
My brother gives me a half-lidded look that's tired, fond, loving, caring, worried, determined, all at once. The intensity of his emotions take me back for a moment, but he's dragging me out of the house before either me or him can back down.
"Of course. Anytime."
We step out of the small house on the edge of the clan compound and the cold, frigid air of the morning greets me. I open my mouth and watch as my breath turns into steam in the face of such brutal, unusual winter weather, although it's not likely it'll snow.
Oddly fitting, I'd say.
There's a clan member guarding the main house, a fourth or fifth cousin of my father's. He can't quite hide his expression of surprise when he sees me and Asuma heading towards him, and clears his throat when we're close enough to talk.
"Asuma, it's good to see you. Chiyuki-hime-"
He takes one look at the face I'm making and cringes, averting his eyes hurriedly.
"I'm glad you've returned safely. Welcome home."
After a nudge from Asuma, I school my face into a neutral expression and nod. "Thank you."
"Can we see mother and father?" My brother thankfully takes the lead, still holding tightly onto my hand. The man guarding the house glances between both of us, brows furrowed.
"I'm not sure that will be possible." He begins hesitantly, but snaps his mouth shut when my brother turns cold eyes to him.
"I've come here before and no one said anything." I'm inwardly surprised and proud at this side of Asuma I'd never seen before, imposing and haughty like he ought to be.
'He should be like that more often. It suits him.'
"Well, yes, but-" The middle-aged man glances at me, and my expressionless face turns into a frown.
"But what?" I ask, and the silence is icy cold.
"Nothing. You're free to go in, but visits mustn't last longer than half an hour." He says, apparently giving up and looking at us with tired eyes. My brother shrugs, completely unbothered, and slides the door open without another word. I keep my mouth shut and follow his lead, trying to pick the previous interaction apart in my head.
'Are they hesitant to let me in because I was nearly murdered here? Or because the man who allowed that to happen lives here? Do they just feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me regardless of any of that?'
"Leave the thinking to later." Asuma pokes my forehead, taking his shoes off right after. "You'll have plenty of time to do that afterwards."
I open my mouth to retort, an answer ready on my lips, when my mother rounds up the corner and looks at us with wide, surprised eyes. The words die in my mouth.
My mother has certainly seen better days. The woman looks like she's aged 20 years in the two I haven't seen her, face pale and wrinkled from stress. Her clothes look baggy, like she just doesn't have enough mass to fill them, and her once shiny ash blonde hair now amounts to a short bob, brittle and dry.
The three of us spend a couple of awkward seconds staring at one another before she takes slow steps towards us, as if Asuma and I will turn around and flee if she moves too fast.
'Which, honestly, isn't very far off the mark.'
"Asuma? Chiyuki?" Biwako's voice comes out raspy, lacking its usual strength. "Chiyuki? Is that you?"
I glance at my brother, who squeezes my hand and gives me an encouraging nod. Mimicking his actions, I nod back to my mother after a second of hesitation.
"Yes, mother." Her pale, wrinkly hands come to rest on my cheeks gingerly, as if she can't believe her own eyes.
"Oh. You're- you're so cold. And so thin- and so tall! You've grown so much. Oh, but you're so thin. Oh, my poor baby." I stay still and let her fuss over me, even though I want to yell that Asuma's right there as well.
Still, I keep my mouth shut. He and Tooru have visited our parents before, and I have just come home after being kidnapped. My love for my mother still burns strongly in my chest, and that is what makes me accept her fussing without much avoidance.
In the end, Biwako is just another victim of the circumstances, blinded by her love for her family and her village. She hadn't known about Danzo's actions and his lack of obedience towards my father, but she has to pay for it, regardless.
"You got a haircut." The woman murmurs, taking a few strands of my hair in her thin hands. "It suits you."
"Thank you." I whisper, feeling guilty at the pang of relief I feel at her approval.
"Come, let me make you some tea - you as well, Asuma. You both are freezing." My mother turns around to head into the kitchen, and before I can follow her, my brother squeezes my hand once again, making my eyes fly to his.
'Okay?' His brown gaze seems to ask, worried but patient at the same time.
'Okay.' I squeeze his hand back, and that seems enough for him.
We both sit at the familiar low table, watching the familiar sight of our mother puttering about in the familiar kitchen.
There's nothing familiar about the situation, however, and I decide to take the first step.
"How have you been, mother?" I nearly flinch with the stupidity of my question, but the woman thankfully takes it in stride.
"I've been well. There's always work to be done, so I've been kept busy more often than not." She sets four cups of steaming green tea in front of us, and the meaning behind the fourth cup makes me lick my suddenly dry lips.
Not a second after that, a hum of iron that I know like the back of my hand makes itself known just before my father slides the door open, and the sight makes me feel many things. Anger, grief, pain, worry, relief - I have trouble deciding on a primary one.
My father looks much, much worse than my mother does, like he actually got run over by a truck and barely survived. The Professor seems to be twice his actual age, shoulders hunched in as if to hide from the world. Huge, purple bags have taken permanent residency under his eyes, skin wrinkled and dry. Guilt and regret seem to leave him in solid waves, and the temperature in the room actually drops a couple more degrees.
All in all, Hiruzen looks absolutely awful, and it takes everything in me not to flinch at his appearance.
'You did this.'
(Didn't I?)
"Father." I hear myself greeting him, but my voice somehow feels incredibly far away. The old, tired man looks at me with such clear longing in his dark brown eyes that it makes me uncomfortable for a total of 0.5 seconds.
"Chiyuki. Asuma. I'm glad you've come to visit." His voice sounds like gravel, a deep and bruised sound that rasps at his throat. His tone, however, is genuine, and his eyes crinkle with happiness. My father moves slowly, sluggishly, as if taking a few steps is enough to sap him of any remaining energy.
The former Hokage sits down next to my mother, directly across from me, and after a millisecond of hesitation, locks eyes with me.
"We're glad you're returned safe and sound, child. Thank you for bringing her here, Asuma."
I resolutely don't cry. It takes all the strength I can muster up, and although I do feel the familiar sting behind my eyes, I refuse to let the tears fall.
Why, exactly, I don't really know.
I nod, biting my lip, and my brother squeezes my hand underneath the table. I can feel his gaze flickering from me to our parents every so often, but for some reason I can't bring myself to look away from them. Once immovable, unshakeable mountains, they now look much older than they actually are, a second away from crumbling down, and a part of me yells that I did this.
'Did I?'
I look at my father and memories of that night immediately flood my head - the helplessness, the anguish, the betrayal.
My father's sister had tried to murder me, under orders from a man that by no means should have had any say in this village. The same man that had gone against the Sandaime's orders and had done whatever he thought he had to do to become Hokage, who had kidnapped countless children and turned them into mindless soldiers, fighting for a cause they could not understand.
(Isn't that exactly what my father had done as well, though?)
Idealism is nice and all, but when it comes down to it, Hiruzen had not been a good Hokage. A strong shinobi? Definitely. A good military leader? Not quite. He'd let his foolish sentimentalism get in the way of his decision-making, which allowed Orochimaru to turn out the way he had, Tsunade to flee from Konoha, and Jiraya to freely roam the world, supposedly to take care of his spy network.
It allowed for Danzo to blatantly question his authority and suffer zero consequences. It allowed Koharu and Homura to become arrogant and think they had significant sway in the way the village is run. It allowed his sister to end up working for a man that clearly did not have the same regard my father did for him, and in the end, that had been his ruin.
I remember tiny Naruto, left to fend for himself in a village that absolutely loathed him for no reason, where no one told him anything because 'it was better not to'. I remember the kids in the slums, their young faces sunk in, desperate to survive in a world that would rather them become soldiers sooner than later.
The results of a war that children have no place in.
I swallow it all like a big, bitter pill. What happened has happened, and there's no way around it. Hiruzen is no longer the Sandaime Hokage, and he has to deal with the consequences of his own actions.
No matter how much I still love him as my father, no matter how much he's taught me, no matter how much I've benefited from this corrupted system-
"I'm glad to be back."
'I will not make the same mistakes you did.'
Despite it all, my parents look at me with the softest expression in their exhausted, weary faces, and that makes me hopeful. A door might have slammed shut, but it just means I'll have to break some windows open.
Recovery has to start somewhere, after all.
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It's not even eleven in the morning yet, but Asuma slams the door to the Akimichi main house open with an energy that honestly startles me.
Immediately, I can feel two familiar hums of iron run straight to the entrance, and two other ones that follow at a leisure pace. Genma and Gai round the corner, two pairs of wide eyes searching for mine, and I finally let go of my brother's hand for the first time in hours.
Gai tackles me first, and not a second later I feel Genma's longer arms hug the both of us. The three of us fall down to the floor in a heap of lanky limbs, all attached to one another and trying to speak at the same time.
"I'm so glad you guys are okay-"
"Chiyuki-"
"You motherfucker, the next time you tell me to abandon you, I'll tell you to shove it-"
"Genma, language." Choza-sensei's warm voice reaches my ears as soon as I feel his strong arms wrap around the three of us, and a stray tear escapes my eye at the same time I snicker.
"Welcome back, Chiyuki. We missed you." His deep, soothing voice washes over us and tells me that I'm safe and sound, that it's okay to finally relax and let go.
"I missed you too. I'm so glad you're okay. I'm so proud. I was so worried." I babble, voice wobbling dangerously.
"You were worried?! We were worried! Did you know that Gai actually yelled at a random shinobi-" Genma swallows heavily, as if to hold back his tears.
"- and I'd do it again!" Our green-clad teammate shouts, eyes just as wet as mine.
I can't help but laugh, hugging them both closer to me and sloppily kissing Gai's forehead, then Genma's. "I heard you guys ran for hours without a single break, and that you nearly fought a jounin who wouldn't let you inside the Hokage's office. Thank you."
"How the fuck do you-" My oldest teammate snarks.
"-Genma-" Choza-sensei chides him with a fondly exasperated voice.
"Raidou told Kurenai who told Asuma-niisan who told me-"
The fifteen year old rolls his eyes, interrupting me. "Of course he did, Raidou is such a fucking snitch-"
"I give up." The Akimichi patriarch throws his hands up in the air, and everyone in the room barks out a laugh.
Shikaku kneels behind me, ruffling my hair fondly. I turn around and give him a grin, the atmosphere completely different from the one yesterday. He gives me a lazy smirk and nuzzles my cheek for a brief second, satisfaction written on every corner of his face.
"Welcome home, little rascal."
"I'm glad to be home."
.
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Sometimes I feel itchy in my own skin. Like an uncomfortable feeling that you can't shake off and only gets worse with time, something that feels strangely like guilt.
In the end, I hadn't told Fugaku or Shikaku about the entire truth, and guilt has an odd way of making you feel oddly alive with its slimy, deadly tentacles around your throat. Both men had looked at me strangely, and I have no doubt they knew about my half-truths, but in the end, I hadn't been able to bring myself to tell anyone else about Before.
Team Chiyuki is allowed exactly five days to recover and regroup before we're sent to missions outside the village again. There's a hint of regret in Fugaku's eyes, but ultimately, we are at war, and chunin are often needed in the frontlines.
Sleep comes easier when I'm inside the village, preferably nested between my brothers. If neither of them is present, I find a way to sneak in the Akimichi compound for an impromptu sleepover with Gai and Genma, and once I mention 'team bonding' and 'trauma healing', no one dares to stop us.
Nagato apparently (thankfully) keeps his mouth shut, and the days blend one into the other.
It's the day after New Year's, when the temperature is cold enough I wouldn't be surprised if it started snowing, that Tsunade summons me to the Senju compound.
It's a place that is as silent as it's beautiful, the huge Hashirama trees easily towering over me as I walk down the stone path. They're obnoxiously tall, bark thick and dark brown - the kind that'd easily fit in a horror story. It kind of gives me the chills, and I hastily make my way to the Senju main house.
"Please excuse me." I say, sliding the front door open and taking my shoes off at the entrance.
"Come here." A woman's voice calls out to me from somewhere deeper in the house, and I resolutely do not look in any of the rooms I pass by before I find the study Tsunade's holed up in. Honey brown eyes glare at me, though the rest of her expression barely tells me much. I figure she's more frustrated than actually angry at me, and slide the door close behind me.
"You called for me, Tsunade-sama?" I sit in front of her desk, where piles upon piles of papers and scrolls are sitting precariously on top of one another. The smell of old ink mixes in with that smell new books have, along with a bit of dust, and somehow the big study manages to look small under all the documents and scrolls.
Instead of answering, the medic-nin glares at me a little bit more fiercely, until her youthful face smoothes into an unreadable expression. I hadn't seen her in over a month, and although she does look a bit tired, there are no visible signs of distress or anything like that.
Then again, Tsunade is one of the Sannin, and if she wanted to hide something from me, she most definitely would be able to.
Her manicured nails click against the wooden desk before she takes a scroll from a hidden pocket in her robes and slides it closer to me. It's a deep purple color, with intricate swirly drawings, and although it feels like an old thing, it looks almost brand new.
There's something incredibly alluring about that scroll, something that whispers for me to take it at once and never let anyone have it ever again, and the thought is both alarming and strange.
"Take it." The Senju woman says, a cryptic tone in her voice. I blink at her, trying to make sense of the expression on her face, when she scoffs. "It's from that redhead with the perpetually sad eyes."
"Wait, what?" I ask, completely baffled. There's only one person who fits that description, but there's no way that person-
Tsunade exhales heavily and grumbles a bit about needing a drink before fixing me with one of the heaviest stares I have ever been on the receiving end of. Suddenly I'm hyper aware of the necklace she'd given me, and it starts to weigh heavily on my neck.
"I was on the team sent to deal with Hanzo." I can't help but raise both my eyebrows in amazement, briefly wondering who else was there. "On the night before we were set to come back, the red-headed kid asked me to give this to you. A show of good faith, he said."
Perhaps I had underestimated just how much I'd influenced Nagato's life, but then again, I thought we'd never meet again after that. I look back at the blonde woman, whose expression continues to give absolutely nothing away, and wonder.
'I suppose they defeated Hanzo with no major issues, if Tsunade is here and apparently healthy. Now, not only have they defeated The Salamander, but Konoha will announce its alliance with Ame pretty soon, which, yeah, maybe means that we'll see more of the Ame trio, but to actually give me a scroll? One that looks pretty important and kind of fancy at that?'
I gingerly take the scroll under the medic-nin's hawk-like gaze, and slowly unravel it. As soon as I do, a choked breath escapes my lungs, with only one thought running in my head.
'Nagato - what, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck?'
A paper note falls down on my lap, though I leave it aside for a moment to take a look at the object that feels far heavier than it should be.
"It's a summoning scroll." I breathe out, looking up into Tsunade's heavy gaze. The woman nods, paying close attention to my reaction.
"We triple-checked it. There's nothing wrong with it, so if you wanna try it, go for it."
I can't begin to imagine the kind of things that are running through her head right now. In her place, I'd definitely be curious to know just what exactly happened in those two weeks I spent at Ame, and why was one of the leaders of the Akatsuki giving me an important-looking scroll. More importantly, I'd be suspicious of the wonder and marvel at my voice, and why in the seven hells I'm not reacting negatively.
I hesitantly pick up the note, written in what I would call an elegant chicken scrawl. It reads 'I found it in one of the old temples under H.'s rule. They wouldn't shut up about you.'
'Who the fuck is 'they'? It sounds ominous as hell.'
I place the note in my hoodie's inner pocket and take a closer look at the purple scroll, made of expensive-feeling paper and somehow still smelling of fresh ink.
There are only three signatures on it. The first one dates from the Warring Clans Era, and the newest one is about 25 years old. Maybe it's been under the possession of a priest that's recently been killed?
"The butterfly summoning scroll, huh." I murmur, still feeling strangely drawn to it. My whole body tingles, as if eager for me to try summoning them already.
"Any particular reason for that?" Tsunade questions, voice devoid of emotion.
I shake my head, starting to frown down at the object as if it's offended me. "No, I don't think so."
And yet, memories of all the times tiny little colorful butterflies fluttered around me appear in my mind's eye, and I note, quite belatedly, that most involved life-threatening situations. I gulp down, excitement and giddiness filling me up slowly, then all at once. I spring up, clutching the scroll to my chest, looking at Tsunade's carefully blank face with an eager smile.
"Can I try summoning them?"
The Senju woman looks at me for a few long, tense seconds, before she nods slowly. The blonde crosses her arms, watching me as I put the scroll on the floor with barely contained agitation.
Something about this feels wholly, utterly right, and I dive right into it.
I bite my thumb hard enough for a smidge of blood to come out, and waste no time in smearing it on the summoning seal. There is a 'poof', but my vision goes black immediately after that. It only lasts for a couple of seconds, but the sight that greets me is so completely different from the office I'd just been in that I blink a few times.
The sky is clear, cloudless, shades of orange and yellow dancing amidst the expanse of clear blue. Tiny stars twinkle in the distance, somehow visible even though it seems to be daylight. There's no visible sunlight, but everything is bright and colorful, lush flora surrounding a crystal clear lake.
It's quiet, but not uncomfortably so.
It's peaceful.
Untouched.
The air feels fresh and crisp, in a good way. Everything smells greeny, flowery, sweet in the way nectar is. I take a lungful, the bright sky shining down upon me, and it reminds me of spring.
"Like a spring morning." I mumble, squinting my eyes as I look for any signs of life around.
I gingerly step on the greenest grass I've ever seen and cautiously look around. From behind the trees and bushes, thousands upon thousands of colorful butterflies dart in my direction and flutter around me, as if welcoming me. They're orange and blue and black and white, with what seems to be two eyes in each wing.
They seem to giggle and whisper, lightly pushing me towards the direction of the lake. In a nook hidden by a few fallen logs near the water, surrounded by translucent flowers, is the one who seems to be the boss summons. As tall as a six year old child, the giant peacock butterfly has some humanoid characteristics, with long limbs in stark contrast against the colorful wings. The two pairs of eyes on its wings start to swirl, locking me up in place at the same time they invite me closer, but it doesn't make me scared.
It makes me wonder.
A voice that seems to come from nowhere and everywhere calls out to me, something that feels like the forest, wild in its nature and vicious in its own right, yet delicate and gentle like a spring breeze. It pulls me in, almost hypnotizing, and I fearlessly approach the queen mother.
"We have been waiting for you, child."
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