Chapter 8: For Want of A Nickel
Chapter Text
Even though he promised, the conversation with his mother does not come for a while. He has at least another couple sessions with Heakarā-san where she urges him to do it before it finally comes up.
It's one of the days where Izuku can't take being in the house any longer. And today especially, he can't wait for the night in order to sneak out. It's been at least two and a half weeks since he's been back. Surely that was enough time for his mother to no longer fear that he will be kidnapped if he leaves the house? It's worth a shot, although Izuku already thinks, without having to ask, that his mother has not changed in her feelings one bit.
He finds his mother in her bedroom giving it a good clean. She shuts off the vacuum when she sees him approach and gives him a smile.
"Izuku! What's up?"
He smiles back. "Um I was feeling a little pent up and wanted to burn off some energy. So I was going to go on a run." He tries to keep it casual, but can see the moment his mother's face falls.
"Actually honey," She begins with a strained smile, "I was wondering if you could help me go grocery shopping. We're running low on ingredients and I was planning to make something extra special tonight." She says, averting her eyes. Izuku thinks of the full cabinets in the kitchen he had seen just that morning and hopes the disappointment doesn't show in his own smile.
"Of course. I'd love to help."
They go to the supermarket and walk around a bit. His mother picks up things here and there and continuously asks him if there is anything he wants. He always answers no. It's mundane and would be nice if it wasn't so utterly frustrating. His mom doesn't trust him to handle himself anymore. He can't say he's shocked, mainly it's the grief making her think that way, but he's reminded of an unpleasant moment. The moment when she gave up on his dream.
It's not fair to her, he knows it's not. She is a wonderful mother and has always been. But, when he was diagnosed as quirkless and his dreams of being a hero were breaking, he had looked to her for the glue to hold them together. And his mother, the only one he could count on, unknowingly swung a hammer instead. He was persistent though, he provided his own glue and his mom didn't stop him. For the longest time he pieced his dream back together by himself, cutting his fingers on burnt and broken glass. It wasn't until he met All Might that he was able to finish the repairs. His mom, for a while afterwards, treated him like glass as well. She must've known, on some level, what affect her words would have, but she also must've felt, maybe even subconsciously, that her quirkless son couldn't be a hero.
And Izuku never held it against her. Yes, it had hurt, but he moved on from it. His mother even rescinded her words and supported him when he moved into the UA dorms. She knew she was overprotective and said the wrong thing that day, Izuku only wishes she realizes she's doing the same thing now. He doesn't want to be treated like he'll break. Like he can't handle himself. He's spent years in a future proving he can. He just doesn't know how he can show that to his mom.
He wants her to see his resolve, for her to acknowledge his dream, without him having to tell her about his quirk. He knows he will have to eventually. He certainly can't hide it, but it would leave a sour taste in his mouth if she only trusts he can take care of himself after he reveals he has a quirk.
They start walking home and he convinces his mom to take the long way. He could use the extra time to center himself. He's carrying all the groceries, which really aren't that many, and his eyes scan the streets in front of him. There are crowds, as there always are, but it's a beautiful day and Izuku's trying to appreciate it without focusing on his task ahead. Here's to the calm before the storm he thinks sardonically, a smile playing across his face.
He hums a bit under his breath, a tune he remembers Jirou playing in the dorms one day while she was working on her music. He doesn't think she ever finished it, but it was catchy enough for him to recall it.
Just then, the woman in front of him walking hand in hand with her daughter finds her hand empty. The young girl is holding a ball that bounces out of her hands and into the street. She follows it thoughtlessly, pulling out of her mother's hold, the car in front of her screeching to a stop, but not soon enough.
Izuku acts before he can think about it. Time seems to slow down as One For All flows over him as soon as he calls and he's surrounded by the green and red lightning of his full cowl. He surges forward, scooping the girl up, and tumbles a bit haphazardly on the other side of the street when he lands. He releases full cowl and surveys the girl cradled in his arms. Her eyes are closed tight as she braces for an impact that never comes.
Almost as if time restarts, the car that tries to stop runs over the spot where the child once was before swerving into a telephone poll. The mother of the child screams, and the driver rushes out of his car, frantically scanning the street. There's a moment of confusion and then of realization.
All eyes are on Izuku now. Pedestrians have stopped to stare. Even his mother is staring open-mouthed at him from the sidewalk on the other side of the street. He uncurls his limbs from around the girl from his place sitting on the sidewalk. She's crying and looks up at him with big, brown eyes, wide with confusion and fear.
Izuku brushes a thumb across her cheek to catch the tears. "Hey there," He says softly, a bright smile on his face, "Don't cry. You're alright, see? I got you. My name is Deku, what's yours?"
The little girl sniffles. "...Hanako." It's almost a whisper, he has to strain to hear it.
"Wow!" Izuku praises. "That's a great name Hanako-chan. You're such a brave girl. So I need you to remember that you can't go running out into the street like that or letting go of your mommy's hand, okay?"
Hanako nods, eyes downcast. Izuku stands up and brings the girl to her feet gently. He grabs one of her hands as both their mothers finally make it across the street.
"Izuku! Are you-"
"Hanako! Baby, are you alright?!" Hanako's mother cries and kneels down to inspect her daughter, wrapping her in a warm hug after she notices no injuries. Both of them are crying.
Izuku lets them have their moment and his mom is patient enough to speak with him until after this is all over.
"You!" The mother calls, standing to address Izuku. "Thank you so much! You saved my baby! Thank you! Thank you! You're a hero!" She grabs him in a bone-crushing hug and then plants a kiss on his cheek. Izuku blushes madly, he'll never get used to getting praised or thanked.
At her words, the surrounding onlookers start to clap and cheer for him. A few whistles can be heard as well. Izuku feels his cheeks grow hotter with his blush.
"N-n-no problem." He gets out eventually, an embarrassed smile on his face.
The driver makes his way over as well and bows at a ninety degree angle in front of the girl's mom. "I'm so sorry!" He blubbers, tears evident in his voice. "The girl came rushing out and I couldn't stop in time!"
"Raise your head. It isn't your fault." She responds, to Izuku's pleasure. "Everything turned out fine anyway. Thanks to this young man-," She gestures to Izuku, "-My daughter is safe."
The man bows again towards Hanako this time. "I'm glad you're safe little miss! I'm so sorry!" He doesn't wait for a response before he turns to Izuku and enthusiastically shakes his hands with both of his own.
"And thank you young hero! I could've ended a life today, but you've saved me!" There are tears steadily streaming down his face, but he looks relieved more than anything. Izuku is speechless.
Eventually, he composes himself and stills the man's motion of shaking his hands. He offers a blinding smile. "I'm glad I could help."
The driver offers Izuku money, which he refuses. Still, the man insists Izuku take his business card and he has to agree, if only because the man doesn't take no for an answer. Only after Izuku accepts it does the driver return to his car, which isn't inoperable, although it will definitely need repairs. He drives away once he bows to each of them for a second time.
The woman announces her departure as well and thanks him again. She takes Hanako's hand from his and the girl still looks sad as they start to turn away.
"Wait!" Izuku calls before they can go. He crouches down and hands the ball he managed to snag, along with Hanako, to the surprised child. "Here. Don't let go again, okay?" He says with a wink.
Hanako looks up at him with wide eyes, like he's just hung the moon or promised an early Christmas. A smile spreads across her face and she breaks out of her mother's hold to hug him. Her mother smiles at the sight, wiping a stray tear from her eye.
"Thank you Deku." Hanako mumbles into his chest. She breaks the embrace and smiles again.
"You're welcome!" Izuku replies enthusiastically. "It was nice meeting you both."
The mother thanks him some more and offers payment which he quickly refuses. Her and Hanako eventually leave. Izuku feels the best he has all day, even when a few bystanders come to congratulate him personally and he turns red again. He acquires a few more business cards as well.
When Izuku and his mom start to walk home, he has to go back for the groceries he dropped before he lept into the street. Thankfully nothing is damaged. His mother stares at him appraisingly and Izuku fights not to squirm. She's been quiet for a long time.
Surprisingly, the first words out of her mouth aren't about the lightning she must have seen sparking over his body. They aren't a reprimation either.
"You're different." She says, once they've left the crowded streets. It's not said as a bad or good thing, merely stated as a fact. Izuku's not sure what to think about that.
"Different?" He asks and wonders if she caught on to him being from a different dimension. Well, if anyone would be able to, it'd be her. Although she'd probably have said something sooner.
"Yeah," She responds, "You carry yourself differently. I thought you grew taller, and you did, but you also hold yourself higher now. You don't slouch anymore."
And that's-well Izuku supposes that's true. It seems odd though, that that is the thing she picks up on. Where is she going with this?
"You also seem more comfortable in your own skin. Confident. Happy." She looks at him and Izuku sees that she's smiling, if a little sadly. "I'm glad."
Izuku's about to respond, but they just so happen to walk into view of the Dagobah Municipal Beach Park.
He halts abruptly and stares. It's piled high with all the trash Izuku remembers painstakingly removing. His heart clenches painfully and he tries to assure himself that everything he's done was not for nothing. It's a stark reminder that all these changes his mother is noticing are not from his effort alone. He's gotten this far only because he's had people to believe in him, support him and teach him.
His therapist's words run through his head and now seems as good a time as any to bridge the gap between them.
"Mom," He gets out eventually. He's not looking at her, his eyes are trained on the beach. "I'm going to be a hero."
Her response is instant. "Izuku, I already know that. You've-"
Izuku interrupts. "No. You don't understand." And he turns to look at her. "I'm going to be a hero."
He's not sure what his mom sees in his eyes, but her eyes widen at his words.
She looks like a deer in the headlights, caught between the rock of Izuku's dreams and the hard task of shutting them down. It's difficult for her to support him when she knows how dangerous it is for heroes. She's already seen him come home with plenty of injuries, he's sure she's just waiting for the day he'll come home dead. Hell, he basically proved her right when he went missing. But that's always been an occupational hazard to helping people, and Izuku won't ever give that up. Not in this dimension or any other, no matter what version of himself he is. And he needs his mom to understand it now, instead of later.
"I may not be much. But, I'm serious. I'll work hard, as I've always done and make it to the top. I'd like it if you believed me, but I understand if you don't. Regardless, I'm going to be a hero." It feels a little like a weight lifting off his chest and a little like he's about to be sick. He's not sure how his mom will react. He's never been this direct before. But perhaps if he knew in the past what his mom truly felt, he would've attempted to persuade her more before his teachers had to.
His mom sighs. "I do. Believe you that is." She looks at him and shrinks in on herself. "I never wanted to dismiss your dreams...but, I'm your mother. And I worry. I've seen the good heroes do firsthand,... but I've also seen what happens if they make even one mistake." Her gaze bores into him, her eyes misty. "I thought I lost you when you disappeared all those months ago. I thought that maybe it was my fault that you left. Because I didn't believe in you." She chokes back a sob. "I thought 'I would support him being a hero if it meant he wasn't missing'. I know it's selfish. And even seeing you now, how capable you are, I still want to go back on my word. I'm scared Izuku. I'm so scared that you'll be gone for good if I let you go this time. And I can't, I can't handle that." She bursts into tears. If Izuku had a nickel for every time he made his mother cry over the past few weeks, he'd still not have enough money to buy her forgiveness.
He understands how his mother feels. He knows he'd be devastated if anything ever happened to her. But, it's so easy to forget that he's worth something to her too. God knows she reminds him of it enough, he's just never been that good at listening. It's just common sense, Izuku thinks, that him getting hurt is better than anyone else.
He licks his lips, focuses on not crying . "I know." He sighs. "I know it's hard. I know I'll get hurt. I can't promise I won't be in danger. I can guarantee I'll make you worry a thousand times over. But, I can't live if I give up on my dream. I've wanted it for so long that a life without heroics...well, it'd be a life not worth living." And that might be concerning, but Izuku means it from the bottom of his heart. He really doesn't know what he would do if he couldn't be a hero. He might've pursued something else, but the thought is so foreign, Izuku has no idea what his alternative to being a hero would've been.
"Oh Izuku. My little hero. Why did you have to be born so selfless?" His mom says. But she sounds a bit proud, even through the tears.
Izuku tries to answer but finds that he can't. After all, he was never in charge of the way he was born. He can only take credit for who he is now.
A breeze from the beach blows by, but instead of salt, the air is rank with the stench of garbage. Izuku feels static underneath his skin. A buzzing that spreads to every part of his body in anticipation of what he wants to ask. What he needs to know.
He has said it many times, and he'll say it many more, he has never held the words his mother said to him against her. She was out of her depth at the time. Believing it better to shut down an impossible dream than nurture a fragile fairytale. But, Izuku wants this time to be different. He got his mom's approval in the future. He knows it's possible. So it seems reasonable that she could offer it now and save them both from dancing around the old elephant in the room.
"Mom." Izuku starts and he has her full attention. Watery green eyes watch him apprehensively. "Can I-" His voice cracks and he clears his throat even as tears spill from his eyes. "Can I be a hero?"
The words are softly spoken, choked by tears and years of emotion. He's laid himself bare, for the second time. The static buzzes harder, he might even be trembling. He wants to close his eyes, brace for impact, but he keeps them glued on the wide eyes of his mother.
"Oh Izuku," his mother sobs in a broken way as she runs forward and hugs him. Dread fills him and Izuku tenses, inevitably closing his eyes and quickly trying to wall up his heart.
It was a mistake. I shouldn't have asked. I don't want to hear it again.
"Of course you can."
And Izuku's eyes fly open.
The static is gone. His mother is in his arms. They're both crying, but when is that new? There's a garbage dump 1000 meters away and Izuku feels something click into place. A piece of something he never thought he could have. Cause even though his mom supported him in the other dimension, they never really talked about the first incident. Izuku never actually heard her say, with her own mouth, that she thought he could be a hero. And even if she did, Izuku would always secretly think it was because he got a quirk, and not because of his own merit.
But here, even if his mom saw the signs of a quirk that wasn't his, she didn't actually know he wasn't quirkless. Here, she saw him save someone and she said to him, quirkless, useless him, that he could be a hero.
If Izuku had a nickel for every time someone said he could be a hero, he'd have two nickels, but he'd feel like the richest person in the world.