Chapter 39: are you lonely looking for yourself out there?Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
All his life, he has walked looking ahead. For the first time, he can't find anything to look at there, so with nowhere else to go, he spends much of his time looking back.
Now that he is on his own and there is no invisible clock counting down the days to a catastrophe, the ghosts of his past follow in his footsteps faithfully like his shadow.
He carefully presses flowers he knows Kakashi-sensei used to grow in a shitty planter by his window in his sealing notebook. Hums songs Sasuke used to secretly favour. Collects scraps of ribbons like he used to as a kid because Sakura always lost hers. Reads books that Jiraiya had recommended to him a lifetime ago.
He walks through towns that he travelled with Jiraiya or later with his friends, and he treats himself to all the ramen he wants to eat because he has been good and he deserves this one comfort at the very least. And he finds himself writing down everything he sees and feels, filling page after page with notes on the intricacies of ramen making, local folklore or which markets are tourist traps and which ones are hidden gems.
And more than that, he writes about his friends.
He writes about Sasuke's secret smiles and how he'd try to hide them behind those stupid Uchiha high collars. The card tricks he'd do sometimes because they helped him focus. The pitches to his "Hn" that would give away what he was trying to say. The fact that he was freakishly good at whistling. That he taught himself to be ambidextrous out of spite in the Academy when he realised that Shikamaru could do it naturally.
Sakura comes even easier to him after all the time they spent together, willingly and otherwise. The scars on her hands from too many split knuckles and how she only wore gloves because she was insecure about them. Her wheezy cackle whenever he managed to make her laugh wholeheartedly. How she always made sure to have orange nail polish lying around just for him whenever she did his nails. Her razor-sharp sense of humour and vocabulary that would make even a sailor blush.
Kakashi and the way he taught himself how to accept and give physical affection for the sake of his cute little students. The advertisement jingles he'd sing under his breath while doing the dishes after team dinners at his apartment. The dog themed onigiri he'd bring to weekend training sessions. The voices he'd do when reading out plays to them during nights spent camping while on missions.
He writes about Jiraiya's favourite drinking songs and the weekly civilian dramas he tried to never miss. Sai's pickiness with his artistic supplies and how yellow was secretly his favourite colour. Captain Yamato growing bluebells whenever he was too happy to hide it. Iruka's secret collection of teacups and massive handmade cookbook. Ino's tips on how to figure out what eyeliner suited which eye shape and how she learned how to do makeup by experimenting on Shikamaru and Chouji. Tenten having the best sense of balance out of all of the rookies and offering to do the hair of anyone who asked because she just liked playing with other people's hair.
Hinata being scary good at snowball fights and knowing the most complicated knots because they'd help her calm down. Kiba buying badges for his leather jacket from every successful mission he went on and being the best at picking up dialects and accents. Chouji being really good with tongue twisters and keeping lists of all his friends' favourite foods. Shino always having some dark chocolate on hand and a penchant for terrible puns. Neji's ugly snort laugh whenever he was startled into genuine amusement and how he was secretly a sucker for romance novels. Lee always having thoughtful advice to give and trying to have a secret handshake with all his friends. Shikamaru having extremely strong opinions about the most obscure things and developing minor jutsu for daily convenience. Gaara's collection of floral hand creams and colourful kohl that he never used.
His friends may be dead and gone, but like this, at least they will not be forgotten.
Where there has been an emptiness within him for weeks, he fills himself with this quiet mourning that he has been running from for months. It isn't quite the debilitating grief he thought it would be; he is too used to death and has gone on too long with this loss for it to be incapacitating and all consuming.
Instead, it is the familiar twisting knife of loneliness. A heaviness that spreads through him like lethargy and threatens to drag him lower with each step. The regret for time not cherished more. The things he has already begun to forget about them. The things he holds onto with desperate fervour so he does not lose them for a second time in an even more permanent way.
He may be alone now, but he had been loved and known and valued. These people existed to him as he existed to them. That's important. It ought to be remembered.
Raijin has left Uzushio by the time they get there, but Kakashi says he isn't hiding his trail so they should be able to track his scent. Not that it makes it easy to follow Raijin.
It becomes clear to Kushina pretty quickly that her future brother-in-law is travelling with no real destination in mind. His trail leads them off paths, in circles, through empty meadows and vast beaches, towards markets and restaurants, meandering around theatres and lingering in throes of civilisation. He seems to be going wherever the wind takes him, in and out of cultural spots and ramen stands. Kakashi is less than happy about all the detours, but Kushina is just glad that Raijin isn't wasting away in isolation on an island of ghosts.
There's also the added comfort that every time she funnels chakra into the spiralling seal on her shoulder, Raijin consistently responds by doing the same, acknowledging the connection and confirming his presence. For just a moment, his encompassing warm and salty chakra will curl lazily through hers, and for now, it is enough.
Kushina might not seem like it, but she has had to learn patience over the years. No jinchuuriki can truly go without doing so if they want to stay sane and kept alive by a village that will always see them more as a weapon than human. So, Kushina has had over a decade's practice in tamping down on her natural impulses, and she's content to take the long road if that's what Raijin wants to do.
She's going to get the answers she wants out of him one way or the other anyways. She can wait.
"This is the fifteenth ramen place we've passed this week," Kakashi growls under his breath, looking seconds away from ripping out chunks of his own hair. Kushina glances at him in interest, wondering if he's finally going to have the spectacular meltdown that has been building since Uzushio. The hormonal mood swings from puberty probably aren't fun for Kakashi; personally, Kushina thinks it's hilarious.
At Kakashi's heels, Shiba and Pakkun are distracted, both of their noses pressed close to the ground before turning to the air and taking deliberate sniffs.
"Is he close?" Kushina asks, looking around.
"He is," Pakkun confirms. "Really close actually."
Kakashi pulls up his hitai-ate and turns his swirling sharingan to the windows of the ramen joint they're standing outside. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he deadpans. "He's in there."
She's at his side in an instant, pressing her nose to the window and peering through with squinted eyes. "Where? I don't—oh! There he is!"
It has only taken them like three weeks. Minato's poor tracker teams have been looking for almost two months now and haven't managed to catch hide nor hair of Raijin.
"I guess we make a pretty good team, huh, Kashi-kun," Kushina says, impressed with them. "We should do this more often."
"What—go on trips to hunt down runaway shinobi?" Kakashi tries for a scoff, but his chakra spikes with amusement before he remembers to tamp down on it.
Kushina beams and scrubs a hand through his hair in that way that she knows absolutely pisses the boy off. "Sure! We can be the village's number one tracking cell, y'know."
Snorting, Kakashi steps away from the window and makes for the door. "If we're doing this, then it will be a private business so we can keep 100% of the profit."
Kushina lifts an eyebrow and hums, following after him. Pakkun and Shiba obediently trot off to amuse themselves until it's time to go. "Careful there, Kashi-kun. You're starting to sound an awful lot like Obito-kun."
Kakashi gasps audibly, halting in his steps despite the fact that Raijin is a scant few feet from them and has yet to notice their arrival since he's engaged in an animated discussion with the old lady sitting beside him.
"Oh spirits, it's like a disease," he whispers to himself, and Kushina can't the help the way she throws her head back to laugh at that.
Instantly, Raijin is tensing in his seat by the counter and swivelling to look over at them with surprise written clear as day in his wide eyes. Kushina can't help but catalogue his appearance, noting a new fullness to his cheeks and golden kiss to his skin. Raijin doesn't look…happy per say, but he does look better rested and healthier than Kushina has seen him in a while.
She has always thought Raijin looks undeniably like Minato with their matching unique colouring and similar builds. For the first time, however, she sees how much Raijin looks like her too. The shape of his eyes, the dimples in his cheeks, the roundness of his jaw—they're all things she sees whenever she looks in a mirror. Seeing them on Raijin now fills her with an undeniable warmth, making her heart feel so full that it feels fit to burst right through her ribs.
Never one to miss out on the excitement, Baby Naruto kicks in her belly, sympathising. It just makes the tightness in her chest worse but it's not like she could ever be mad about such overwhelming contentment.
"Uh, hi," Raijin says, blinking slowly. "Funny running into you guys here."
"Funny?" Kakashi repeats, his voice cracking around the word. "We're here looking for you, you moron!"
Grabbing the brat by the scruff, Kushina cheerfully manhandles him into one seat over from Raijin before claiming the seat in between them for herself. "It's good to see you again, Rai-kun," she says genuinely, patting a whiskered cheek. "You doing okay?"
Kakashi scoffs, eyeing Raijin. "He sure looks good for a guy who's supposed to be on the run for committing murder."
Raijin laughs sheepishly, gaze shifting towards the exit briefly. If he tries to run, Kushina will use her chakra chains to keep him in place. She doesn't have that much patience and she's pregnant; she deserves some slack.
"I'm…managing," Raijin says after a moment, absently swirling his chopsticks in the leftover broth of his ramen. "It's a work in progress."
"I'll bet." Something about the sharp knowing way Kakashi is looking at him tells Kushina he has more than a little idea on what prompted Raijin to hightail it out of the village. Aside from the homicide thing. Though Raijin seems the type to not be afraid of those kinds of consequences if he believes he did the right thing. Unless he really does have a history with ROOT and Danzou?
Humming, the blond shifts uncertainly. "I just have a few things to figure out."
"That's normal at your age," Kushina chimes in.
Raijin lifts an eyebrow at her though his lips do twitch up into a smile. "Nee-chan, you're only two years older than me," he points out.
She waves her hand dismissively. "Listen to your elders, Rai-chan. You have the least amount of life experience out of everyone at this table, y'know."
"Kakashi is literally like twelve-years-old."
The boy sniffs and turns away to study the menu pinned to the wall. "I'm sorry, but out of the two of us, which one is happily married right now?"
Raijin flounders for a moment but gives up pretty quickly, adopting the air of a man who has resigned himself to how out of control his life has gotten without him noticing. "Sure, okay, whatever. What do you guys want from me anyway? Are you here to arrest me or something?"
He doesn't even have the decency to sound worried about that possibility, his attention more caught by a narutomaki floating in his broth. What a brat. Kushina has missed him.
"We're here to drag you back so Minato-sensei will stop looking like someone kicked his puppy."
"I'm actually just here for answers," Kushina pipes up, waving down a waiter so she can place an order for an extra-large bowl of ramen. She has been travelling and she's eating for two—she has more than earned this.
Raijin looks at her sideways. "Answers?"
Kakashi sighs. "About you having the yang half of the Kyuubi sealed inside you," he says. "And hiding that you're part Uzumaki too, I suspect. The investigation concluded that you might have been a ROOT experiment and that's why you killed the creep. They tested whatever blood they collected from the crime scene against Kushina-san's and got like a 50% match."
"Ah." The blond shifts, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I guess that stuff is out in the open now. I didn't really think about that."
"So, the Councilman really did synthesise the Nine Tails' chakra and seal it into you?" Kushina prods curiously.
Raijin stares at his bowl for a long moment, eyes unfocused as he contemplates his answer. Kakashi watches him with an unreadable glint in his eye. Finally, the blond sighs, "No. I've never had anything to do with ROOT."
Kushina blinks. "Then how…?"
Kakashi looks between them. "Are you going to tell her?"
Frowning, Raijin asks, "Do you…know something, Kakashi-kun?"
"My wolf summons said the spirits are calling you The Traveller because you shifted the threads of fate," Kakashi supplies coolly. Neither of them seems to notice Kushina's increasing confusion and sense of alarm. "I've been dreaming about what the world was supposed to look like before you interfered with it. I only recently finished dreaming about the last war. That's how I knew you probably went to Uzushio."
There is an unnatural stillness to Raijin as he studies Kakashi like he doesn't know what to believe. "Then, you know—"
"The truth," Kakashi finishes. "Yeah. I do."
Raijin swallows hard. "Oh."
Kushina's brow furrows. "What…are you guys talking about?"
"Are you going to tell her?" Kakashi repeats calmly, gaze never leaving Raijin's.
A strange, choked off half-keen leaves Raijin's throat before he's burying his face in his hands, his entire frame shaking almost imperceptibly. Kushina's eyes widen at the way he seems to almost fold into himself.
"Rai-kun?" she whispers, tentatively placing a gentle hand on the blond's back, rubbing slowly. "What is it, sweetie?"
"I'll tell her if you can't," Kakashi offers flippantly, leaning back on his stool. "Though it isn't in your nature to be so secretive, is it?"
Raijin is shaking his head without even looking up, something desperate edging into his voice as he agrees, "No, it isn't. It's been terrible having to hide everything. I mean, I've done my best, but it's just so hard."
They're garnering glances thanks to Raijin having a public breakdown in a ramen restaurant but that's hardly anywhere near the top of Kushina's list of concerns right now.
"Oh, baby, you've been having a hard time all by yourself, huh?" she soothes, pulling Raijin into her side so he can bury his face in her shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Rai-kun. I've got you."
"But I've lied so much to you, nee-chan," Raijin whispers miserably. "I'm sorry. I had to, but it doesn't change that I was never honest with you guys, and I understand if you're going to hate me for it, but it just sucks so much."
Kakashi snorts, but his static-ozone-winter-cloud is going prickly with worry as he eyes the teary-eyed shinobi. "You're an idiot if you think they're going to hate you," he says, even as he glares warily at Kushina as if to warn her against proving him wrong.
Kushina frowns. "Rai-kun, I promise I'm not going to get mad, okay? Will you tell me what's going on with you? I can't help if I don't know."
Raijin shakes his head and presses himself into her side. Kushina turns helplessly to Kakashi who only sighs and says, "His name isn't Raijin."
It takes everything in her not to gape or freeze at that. Kushina inhales deeply through her nose and counts to ten in her head. Then she says, "Okay. What is your real name then?"
Watery blue eyes look up at her as Raijin bites his lip, conflicting emotions passing over his face too quickly for her to pick them out. Fear, grief, hope. Finally, Raijin whispers, "Naruto. My real name is Uzumaki Naruto." Kushina stares at him, uncomprehending. "I was born on October 10th to Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina. I'm from twenty years in the future."
The entire world may as well be holding its breath waiting for her response, both Kakashi and Raijin waiting with increasing wariness, their chakras swirling with anxiety around her.
Finally, Kushina manages to pick her jaw off the floor and blink. Everything suddenly makes complete sense and no sense at all. She's going to buy another ramen after this since she can't get drunk; she deserves it.
"I don't think I have a parenting book for that one," she admits.
Beside her, Raijin bursts into tears and Kakashi sighs.
"Should I call you Naruto now?" Kushina asks later, when they are all piled into the small hotel room of her future son (and isn't that still absolutely surreal) and have been listening to him quietly recount his future for several hours already.
It has been…an indescribable experience to say the least. Here's a boy she has come to love as a little brother, and then it turns out that he's her son from a future that will never be, and she doesn't know where to even start with figuring out how she's supposed to feel about all this.
What she does know though is that she is in no way going to let him go through this alone anymore.
The blond pauses, tensing again where he'd been bonelessly draped against her side. "I don't know," he admits. "I've been thinking about that a lot lately."
Kushina hums. "You feel like you're stealing your other self's life?" she guesses.
He makes a vague noise. "I don't know," he repeats. "It just doesn't feel…right anymore? Uzumaki Naruto is supposed to be your kid."
"You're my kid too, aren't you?"
"Except I'm not." He shakes his head, choppy bangs falling over his eyes. "My mom and dad gave their lives for the village, leaving me all their final hopes and dreams. I am their legacy; I always will be. You guys won't ever have to be those people, and I'm grateful for that—I literally changed the world so you wouldn't have to make that choice. But that doesn't change that it happened to me. That it was real for me. I am who I am as a product of where I've come from. It's the one thing I can't change. I resented Namikaze Raijin for that but…he's me, isn't he? The guy who lost everything so no one else would have to. Naruto grew up to become Raijin. I can't change that either."
She watches him for a long moment. The silence is only broken by the sound of Kakashi's soft breathing from where he is fast asleep in Raijin's bed.
Then, "And where do you think Namikaze Raijin is going to go next?"
Raijin snorts wryly and shrugs helplessly. "I wish I could tell you, nee-chan. That's what I'm trying to figure out."
She smiles, knocking her shoulder against his. "By going on a ramen trip around the continent?"
"Nothing quite as healing for the soul as good food, right?"
"Right." Her smile fades. "Do you think Namikaze Raijin will ever want to come back to Konoha? He's welcome there, you know, community service aside. He has a brother eagerly waiting for him back there. A gang of Uchiha kiddies too. I hear he's quite the popular and beloved young man."
Raijin laughs under his breath. "Someday, I'm sure. I think I just…need some time away to figure out what I want to do from here. Away from any expectations and stuff. Just get to know myself again I guess."
"You'll come find us when you're done?" she confirms.
"I promise."
Kushina nods once. "And what about Minato?"
Raijin purses his lips briefly. "I want to tell him myself," he announces. "It's the least he deserves."
"Okay." Smiling, she reaches out to ruffle his hair. "You've done a really good job, kiddo. I'm proud of you. I always knew Naru-chan would turn out to be the best of me and Minato, but now I have proof that you're even better than anything we could have hoped for from our child. I'm sorry that it cost you so much, but I am glad to have met you. Raijin or Naruto or whoever you decide to be—I just want to thank you. For coming to us, saving us, making our lives better in ever single way. You take your time until you're ready to come back home and just leave the rest to us, okay? You've done enough. We'll wait."
Days turn into weeks turn into months. Time passes and things change around the village. Minato and Kushina register their marriage and decide to hold off on an actual ceremony until their baby is a little bit older. Almost an entire new generation of future clan heads is born. The Uchiha plan on building a new police station right at the heart of the village. The elders are retired from the Hokage's advisory panel. ROOT is collapsed and entirely swallowed by ANBU. Orochimaru takes in two wards of his own, following in Tsunade's footsteps. And most importantly, on October 10th, after six long hours of labour, Uzumaki Naruto is born.
Raijin...still isn't around.
Minato tries not to worry about that too much. There are so many unbelievably wonderful things in his life right now that he wakes up everyday convinced he's dreaming and he doesn't want to miss out any of them by getting caught up in his distractions. Besides, Kushina assured him that Raijin said he'd come back when he felt ready and she doesn't seem too worried at all. Minato wants to believe her and be able to just wait for his brother too.
But every time he looks at Naruto, he can't help but be reminded of Raijin. They look so much alike. Naruto has that inherent kind of spark to him that Raijin does too, and Minato wishes Raijin could be here to see and live this dream with him. Minato's sure he'd love Naruto, and Naruto would almost certainly love Raijin too. His wonderful, perfect baby loves everyone after all.
Minato can't believe how lucky he is that he got to have a hand in bringing in something so miraculous into the world or that he gets to spend the rest of his life watching Naruto grow.
Although, admittedly, he could maybe do without the screaming in the dead of night. Since Kushina has their son for so much of the day while Minato is off trying to keep the village running, he takes the night shift so she can rest and he can maintain some sort of bond with the baby too. It's...rough. Rewarding, yes. But rough.
He sighs and slips out of bed, pausing to press a kiss to Kushina's forehead while she snores away before struggling into his slippers and shuffling out of the bedroom, Naruto's wails echoing off the walls of their home.
And then, just as abruptly as the crying had started, it quiets into sniffles. Minato blinks, frowning. In the nursery, Naruto makes an inquisitive sort of cooing sound. Immediately, Minato is off like a shot, bursting into the nursery with a kunai in hand and a jutsu on the tip of his tongue.
The intruder startles and whirls around, eyes wide. In his crib, Naruto babbles happily at the sight of Minato and blows a spit bubble.
Minato stares at the man who has just broken into his house to play with his baby. Raijin stares back.
Finally, clearing his throat, Raijin says, "Cool baby you got here."
As if in agreement, Naruto lets out a gurgle that apparently entertains him into laughing at himself.
"Am I dreaming?" Minato mumbles to himself. Exhaustion leads to unusually vivid dreams sometimes according to Tsunade, and it's not like Minato gets much sleep these days.
But Raijin's face is softening, the line of his shoulders relaxing as he rises out of the ready stance he'd fallen into when Minato had burst into the room. "You're not dreaming, nii-chan," he says quietly.
Minato stares, afraid to even blink lest this turn out to be some sort of hallucination that will vanish before his eyes just like Raijin's clone did almost five months ago. "You—" He stops, licking his lips, mouth dry. "You're really here?"
Instead of answering, Raijin holds out his arms. Wordlessly, Minato is barrelling into him barely a second later, holding onto Raijin with a desperate need for physical confirmation that this is real and happening and it's not a dream his brother came back he's really here and—
"What took you so long?" Minato asks, burying his face in Raijin's shoulder, trying to swallow past the painful lump in his throat. He tugs on his brother's chakra until it too surrounds his own, settling around him with its enormity and endless warmth. He's so unspeakably glad to feel it again, it actually makes his eyes burn with tears. "I waited for ages, but you never came back. Where have you been?"
"I'm sorry, nii-chan. I've been lost, but I'm here now. I'm home."
"Will you stay?"
Raijin swallows. He promises, "For as long as you let me."
Pulling away just enough to see his brother's face, Minato commits Raijin's likeness to memory. He'd been so afraid of forgetting; he won't ever take getting to see him for granted. "Don't leave like that again," he says. "Don't go where I can't follow after you. Promise me."
"I promise."
And with that, the seal that has remained dormant and disconnected for months flairs back to life, linking Minato to Raijin again, his location pinging into Minato's awareness. Minato closes his eyes, uncaring of how it lets the tears escape them, and basks in the renewed tether.
Taking a deep breath, Raijin meets his gaze, blue eyes hardening. "I told you I couldn't keep lying to you anymore."
Minato eyes him back, wary. "I remember." How could he forget? He remembers in excruciating detail the moment he let his brother slip away. Not again though. Raijin is back and this time Minato will keep him.
"Well, I meant it." Smiling slightly, Raijin says, "I have a lot to tell you. Will you listen?"
Minato would give him the world if he could. Rip his heart out and hand it over if he asked. He squeezes Raijin and hopes his brother will see this at last.
"Of course."
Minato stares at the seal Raijin solemnly draws for him, his brain very much refusing to understand. "This is—"
"Large scale travel through space-time," Raijin finishes. "I found it in a vault of forbidden fuuinjutsu on Uzushiogakure. Nineteen years, five months and thirteen days from now."
Heart dropping like a stone to his stomach, Minato says, "What?"
Raijin watches him with something unreadable on his face, head tilted. "Thousands of years ago, there was a Rabbit Goddess who ate the Chakra Fruit of the God Tree and lost her faith in humanity. She became a greedy ruler, wanting all of the world's chakra for herself, including that of her sons'. Her children banded together and imprisoned her on the moon. Still, she waited and schemed and then, one day, she came back."
"What does that—?"
"We weren't prepared," Raijin cuts him off. "She came with her army that wouldn't stay down and they razed the world to the ground. I watched my loved ones die and get turned into these mindless inhuman constructs unless we managed to cremate them in time. There was no other way. We were standing on the brink of extinction and there was nowhere else for us to go, so I figured we may as well go back the way we came and do it right this time."
Minato doesn't know what to think or say to that. "You used this seal?"
"Sakura-chan and Sasuke helped me power it enough for me to land here. Kurama too, of course, because he's just the best like that. That's the Kyuubi's name by the way. I am his jinchuuriki."
Then, "Sasuke. Could it be...?"
"Uchiha Sasuke, yeah."
Uchiha Sasuke who is currently all of five months old and is one of the fussiest babies Minato has ever met.
It feels like his head should be spinning around everything Raijin is saying, but mostly all he feels is an empty calm. "So, we're not really related?"
Raijin fixes him with a wary stare, muscles tense. "We are related; just not the way you think. Namikaze Raijin isn't the name I was born with."
They tested as first generation relatives though. Raijin can only be his parent, sibling or—Minato freezes. "What is your birth name then?"
Smiling with an ironic kind of amusement, Raijin says, "Haven't you already guessed?"
"Naruto," Minato breathes, gaze drifting down to where Baby Naruto is drooling slightly on his own future self's nice green kimono shirt. "You're Naruto. You're my son."
Gently, Older Naruto says, "I'm also Raijin. It was a necessary mask at first, but now it's the most fitting identity I have." He lifts his eyebrows. "And no offense to you, but I can't really see you as my dad anymore. You're you. You're just—you're my Minato-nii."
It's a thoughtful offer. A neat way for things to stay as where for the foreseeable future, to avoid confusion and awkwardness and unwanted questions. But. Well. It's not very fair, is it?
"Are you sure?" he ventures. "You're giving up your identity and everything attached to it. We can't ask you to—"
"No, you can't," comes the calm agreement. "No one can. But I knew what I would have to do when I decided to use that seal. And, in the end, it's only a name. I'm still me in every way that matters. I am still a product of my parents' sacrifice and their hopes and dreams. I am still successor to the Rokudaime Hokage. I am still the Number One Unpredictable Knucklehead Ninja. I am still Uzumaki Naruto. And I am still Namikaze Raijin."
There's a feeling Minato gets around people he knows are meant for big, world-changing things. People who inspire awe without trying, simply by being and carrying forward the magnitude of their dreams and legacies. The Sannin have that effect. The current Raikage. Hanzo of the Salamander. He sees a spark of the flame it will become in Obito. In Itachi. In Kakashi's loud green friend—Gai. And he sees it, brighter than ever, like a raging inferno or a miniature star, in Raijin.
Suddenly it all makes sense.
"You're the child of the prophecy. You saved us," he says.
Raijin inclines his head and shrugs. "I did my best anyways."
"Even though it cost you everything?"
At this, he purses his lips and looks to the dining table they are seated at, cheek coming to rest lightly against the soft fuzz of Naruto's hair. "I'm not going to lie—it sucked way more than you can imagine," Raijin says after a moment. "I had to give up everything. Lose all that was ever mine; all that I had ever known. It sucked that I had to pay the price over and over again. That the price was my entire life—my past and my future. And I know I chose to give it up. I spent months asking, 'why me?' Asking, 'what about me?'"
"And?" Minato prompts quietly.
"And I don't regret it despite all that. It gave the entire world a second chance. I may have lost my loved ones but, this way, I've also given them a better shot at life in a safer world. You still being alive and around to raise this baby Naruto is proof of that." Smiling almost helplessly, Raijin shakes his head. "How could I ever not think that it was worth it?"
Minato exhales under the enormous weight of those simple words, reaching out to take one of Raijin's hands in his own and squeezing. "You are a gift bestowed upon us," he says seriously. Raijin blinks, startled, and Minato squeezes his hand again. "A blessing. Thank you for choosing to come here. Thank you for saving us."
Raijin swallows visibly, eyes wide. "Of course," he says, and it comes out cracking and wet. "Of course, I came."
"And thank you for coming back to me in the end too."
Teeth digging into the flesh of his bottom lip, Raijin finally allows a cautious sort of hope to bleed onto his face. It makes him look young. Minato is reminded that the young man before him is only twenty-one.
"I'm sorry I had to lie to you so much."
"It's okay," Minato says. He isn't sure yet how he feels about that to be honest, but Raijin doesn't need to hear that right now.
Glancing at him through his lashes for a moment, Raijin says, "I know I said that you don't really feel like my dad, and I don't want you to be either. I've never really had a dad anyways." Hesitant, he says, "I did have a brother though."
Minato almost doesn't dare to breathe. Quietly, he says, "You still do. If you'd like that, I mean."
"I would," Raijin says, smile trembling on his lips, eyes going glassy with tears of a relief so palpable, it bleeds into his chakra and knocks into Minato with all the force of a tidal wave. "We're still brothers?"
And this at least Minato does know the answer to. "Nothing is ever going to change that."
"I'd wondered about that." Raijin closes his eyes, gently readjusting his hold on Naruto. "When I was away, I kept thinking about how I could ever move on when all I wanted was to go back to a home I didn't have anymore. It was unbearably lonely, feeling as though I had nowhere to go and no one waiting for me. Except I did. I had you. I was always afraid to believe it because of how much I couldn't tell you and I could never be sure how you would take me deceiving you like this, but—"
This poor boy. This wonderful, beautiful, pitiful boy. His boy.
Minato reaches out to gently swipe a tear away from under Raijin's eye, fingertips carefully stroking the whisker marks on his cheeks. "How did you ever manage to bear all this, Raijin?"
Raijin looks at him helplessly, leaning into his hand and saying, half-desperate, "I don't know where to put it down."
He thinks that if he listened carefully enough, he would hear his own heart breaking.
"Let me help you bear it then," Minato says. Requests. "You've given the world more than it ever had any right to ask of you. Someone should take care of you too. Let it be me."
"Nii-chan—"
"I would bear your every burden for you if you'd let me, Raijin," Minato interrupts, needing the other man to finally see. "If you wanted, I'd go anywhere with you. I would look after you."
Biting his lip, Raijin visibly swallows his own tears. "It won't be easy. I'm still kind of a mess. Still kind of lost."
"It doesn't matter. I'll do it anyway."
"Just like that?"
"You're my brother," Minato replies, as though that solves everything.
And it does.
Notes:
I was initially going to split this chapter into two and have chapter 39 be all about Kushina, but thematically, it's all one thing, so here you go. All the big reveals in one chapter for your perusal.
Some of you guys expressed that you were looking forward to Raijin's big emotional explosion, and that's what I planned when I first started this story. Now though I'm a little limited in how I write grief because I actually have experience with it. It was a quieter, more surreal experience for me, so that's what I ended up going with. Bottling things up isn't a long-term solution at all, but I do think it dulls the brunt of sadness. Maybe that's just me though?