Chapter 21: First Step into HellNotes:
Trigger Warning: Temporary character death, Panic attack.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"In light of the rest of the festival, you'll have tomorrow and the next day off. Remember that we'll help you transfer in your dorms during the weekend, so I hope you've already chosen on which day you want to move in. Enjoy your break and look forward to the scouting for your internships. You've all done well."
- Ah, the ever so rare Aizawa-praise. At least he's taken some suggestions to heart. -
Izuku listened to the teacher's voice as the last minutes of their school day passed by.
His classmates paid attention only as much as they could, since more than half of them were beyond tired. Between the festival's activities and the combination of sheer excitement and stress that had hung above them for days, their state was excusable.
Izuku's eyes fell on the right side of the class, as the desk between those of Tsu and Ocha was evidently empty. "A sudden family emergency" their teacher had said, asking them not to inquire further unless Ida himself wished to explain.
He knew that Tenya and Tensei had rushed to their father's bedside as he laid defeated and on death's door.
The Idas were a strict but honorable family, and their work ethic was famous in the trade. Nezu had asked for Tensei's presence in the festival, as he had with many others, and of course he had accepted. But Ingenium's daily path wouldn't be left empty and, as sometimes could happen, a father took on his son's duty. And he had paid dearly for it.
Could Izuku have done something to save him too? Yes. He had saved Tensei, after all, and convincing the whole family to be present for the festival was an option he had explored in the past.
But, in the end, someone else would get the short end of the stick. Ingenium's agency would be there to fill the holes. If not them, other Heroes. In his rosiest alternative, three of Ingenium's sidekicks were kept alive with major complications. When things went worse, up to six people could die against the Hero Killer in a single instance.
Had he, instead, sent someone else with the precise time and coordinates to meet and catch Stain by telling everything to Nezu, he'd be left with a battle won, and a war lost. No Stain meant no Hosu, which in turn meant new variables he'd have no way of interfering with. Who knew when and where the League would appear then, and how many their Nomus could kill. Izuku had tried that path before but, after seven turns of failed predictions and rising death counts, he'd given up.
Call him a heartless opportunist, but Izuku wanted to believe that Ida senior would have agreed with him. To put down your life to save others was a paramount pillar of Hero work, and a man of his caliber would give his own for six others without a thought.
Still, being the one to call the shots on matters of life and death filled his stomach with muriatic acid.
The search he'd have to do soon enough didn't help his mind state either, but it wasn't something he could skip. He had to create the possibility of change, at least, even if he had conflicting feelings about it.
With the ring of the bell, he said his goodbyes to his classmates, hearing some more congratulations as he left the room. After reaching the stairwell, he opted to go up instead of down.
He had already sent a message to his mother to tell her that he'd be late, since today he had a very important appointment on his schedule.
Which wasn't with Nezu, but the chimera wouldn't let that stop him from interjecting.
"You played a risky move, Midoriya."
Izuku moved his eyes to the side, taking in the form of the principal, who had just seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
"May I be so blunt as to say that your ending speech, as surprising as it was, felt a bit... strange?"
"You can say whatever you want, Principal," Izuku sighed, not stopping his feet but slowing his pace, "as it was supposed to be."
"Ah, so it wasn't just me," the creature chuckled, keeping up. "I suspected it was deliberate. It was certainly beneath your opening one. Or the one only for your classmates' ears."
"Speeches were never my forte, but I've learned. Being a bit wordy and stumbling on a couple of words makes it easier to see me as more innocent, pure, and positive, especially since that's the kind of reaction any normal person would have when faced with All Might," he shrugged.
He wasn't as "innocent" and "pure" as he had once been, but it wasn't like he wasn't trying.
"And it wouldn't do for the public and the Heroes to see me as someone who has nothing to learn already, or who acts likes it. Nobody likes a conceited ass, winner or not."
"Devious, but true enough." Nezu nodded, then pointed his beady eyes to his face with a glint of dangerous interest. "And what about the message?"
"Easy enough to find for a decryption or intelligence Quirk." - Which he has. -
"It was, but I wonder what your reasoning was. Your performance would have been enough to pinpoint you as the Ninth for anybody who knows about your Quirk. Why the addition?"
He raised two fingers. "Shigaraki hates lofty speeches, especially from people he doesn't like, and I'm one hundred percent around the top of that list. And as much as AFO thinks he's above mortals and common feelings, he's just as petty as a kid who's been throwing a tantrum, certainly viler, and incredibly full of himself. He's going to take it as a game, and seeing me openly act so brazenly, as All Might may do, will make him think he still holds all the cards."
"Ah, so you are both concentrating the heat on yourself and keeping your enemies on edge long enough to let things proceed as expected," Nezu mused. "I understand your reasoning. But, as your teacher, I would like to remind you that you shouldn't bring the weight of the world on yourself."
Izuku silently chastised himself for still being unable to stop making people worry about him, no matter what he did.
He kept his tone neutral. "I'll keep it in mind, sir."
"Oh, I'm sure you will, Midoriya." The chimera stopped as they'd reached Izuku's destination. "I'll leave you to your appointment now. So long!" The principal vanished as a seemingly inconspicuous piece of the wall turned to let him in.
He took a second to bring himself together, letting out his tension with a sigh.
Knocking thrice and hearing a welcoming "Come in, the door's open," Izuku entered Hound Dog's office. The place felt nice to the eye, with wooden floors and shelves, and with warm colors easing the mind. The man himself had taken off part of his Hero costume, his face now more visible without the muzzle.
"Ah, Midoriya, welcome," a calm smile appeared on the dog-man's snout. "Please, sit, and have a cookie. I don't have any chocolate-chips ones, I'm afraid, but I hope you like plain or candied fruit."
Izuku reciprocated the smile, thanking him for his time and taking his place before the man in the seat he'd pointed at. There was no desk separating the two, as Hound Dog believed the physical separation to be an extension of a psychological one. His cookies weren't as good as Rikido's, but the boy had grown to like them. And it wasn't like the man was at fault for his inability to digest chocolate.
"Now, Nezu told me your case might be somewhat... peculiar. 'Beyond anything you've ever dealt with,' I believe his words were. I sure hope I'm qualified enough," the man chuckled lightly. "I'll start by ensuring you that you have my full and outmost secrecy, any word you say won't leave this study. Not even Nezu himself will hear, if you don't want him to."
Izuku appreciated the counselor's words, as they were a nice constant between his times here.
In truth, he didn't think that he needed these counseling meetings that much. Not for the counseling itself, at least. He had his brain picked at enough times to know what was wrong with him and had already worked on the problems he wanted to fix. Some things, though, were just meant to be.
But talking about the past gave him that strange feeling of freedom that he couldn't quite place, so each session was time well-spent.
Something in the back of his head hissed, but he tried to pay it no mind.
"Thank you, Hound Dog."
"You can call me Inui during our sessions, if that's okay with you. Though Counselor, Professor, and Hound Dog are also fine," the man pointed out, reaching for his writing material on his desk and settling in a comfortable position. "How would you like to start?"
Ah, that wasn't a hard question. His eyes closed as he sighed, his body relaxing against the soft sofa.
"I'm used to start from the beginning."
Past
Black.
Everything was black.
What was happening? Where was All for One?
Was he inside One for All? Where were the vestiges?
Was he dead? Had he failed everybody?
…
For some reason, that felt true.
They had trusted him, and he'd failed them.
He was so close, but so far.
How it burned, how it made his head hurt, how it made his heart ache.
If only he'd had more time. If only he had told them how they mattered.
Hindsight was 20/20, wasn't it?
What now? Would he be stewing in his pain forever?
…
It seemed like a fitting result.
…
Wait.
Was something pulling him?
Izuku felt his whole body shiver as a something akin to a shock burned through his body, making his bones scream and searing his nerves.
He stopped, his heart missing a beat as his eyes fluttered before focusing again.
Why was he in front of U.A.'s entrance?
He scanned his vicinity with a glance, taking in the crowd going for the entrance.
Why were there so many people here? Had they come seeking refuge? But why did they all seem like students?
- Wait, is this... -
His senses took in too much information at the same time. The spring breeze, the warm sun, the clear sky. Students with hundreds of different kinds of uniforms. The old bag on his shoulders, which should have been gone months ago.
He hurriedly took out his phone, only concentrating on reading the date.
February 26th, a year ago.
His heart jumped in his throat as his legs gave out under him. His knees hit the ground as he curled into a ball.
Was he dead, and this was his afterlife? Had he lost the fight?
He felt something tickling on his skin, like a phantom sensation of a hand holding his face.
Was this a dream?
No. He wouldn't remember going to sleep, but he knew he had been fighting just a moment ago.
Was this an illusion? An effect of a new Quirk stolen by All for One?
It could be, but it didn't feel like it. He was resistant to mental Quirks thanks to the vestiges.
The vestiges!
- Yoichi? Nana? Banjo? En? Hikage? Third? Second? - He called them all, almost screaming in his head. No one answered him. - Please... -
He felt himself sob.
"Hey, are you okay?"
His body reacted automatically, his head turning the way of his favorite person. There she was, so caring, so beautiful, so kind. Her sight was a saving grace to his rattled mind.
His mouth couldn't help but utter one single word.
"Uraraka?"
The mood shifted as the girl moved slightly away. Her immediate change of expression, taken aback and somewhat scared, told him he'd done something terribly wrong.
"H-How do you know my family name?"
He stayed with the most petrified face he'd ever worn for a second, then did something he wouldn't be proud of later.
He ran away, scrambling to get inside as fast possible, leaving the girl in place as she stared awkwardly at his back.
- What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What's happening?! Why?! How?! -
Izuku collided against a wall as he turned a corner on a side corridor, sliding down as his legs couldn't stop shaking. His arms moved to hold himself, his knees buckling closer.
His heart was beating at three hundred miles per hour, pounding in his chest to the point it hurt. He could feel drops of cold sweat sliding down his skin. The air moving in and out of his lungs felt burning hot and chilling cold at the same time. It felt like every cell of his body was revolting against him.
"Hey, little listener, how are you feeling?"
He blinked, easily recognizing the voice and that particular nicknaming tendency.
"Present Mic?"
"You got it listener," the Voice Hero smiled, speaking gently. "Now, are you feeling alright? I've seen you shaking like a leaf, and I feared you might be uncomfortable here."
That was a severe understatement.
"I- I don't know. I- I-" the words wouldn't come out.
Yamada kept a kind face as he spoke clearly. "Breathe, listener. Follow me. In, and out, slowly. In, and out. In, and out."
Following the instructions, Izuku recognized the procedure, and its every step. Counting, moving his arms, stamping his feet, moving somewhere quieter... Yamada was trying to bring him out of a panic attack. Just great.
"Do you feel better now? I've already contacted Ectoplasm, so don't worry about being late to the test."
"I- I'm fine, I think. T-Thank you." He let himself be walked to the test room, trying his best to ignore the looks random people gave him as he moved through the desks.
He swallowed hard to clear the lump in his throat as he turned the first page. His memory wasn't perfect, but he could remember the questions on it. He'd answered them already a year before.
Going through the motions, he did his best to fill the page, despite the terrible feeling of disorientation that wouldn't leave him and the real, more pressing questions hammering in the back of his mind. He already knew what to write and what boxes to check, but he had more knowledge than he should have had at this point in time, as he remembered about not filling four questions before... One had been answered by Midnight in their first week, another by Present Mic, and two more by Ectoplasm.
The more he thought, the more his analytical mind eliminated impossible theories. Extra Quirks, dreams, illusions, hypnotism... nothing seemed to fit. This was too real, too precise. The differences with what he knew had really happened before (Ochaco's help, Mic not meeting him) also took out a memory Quirk that could have stalled him in his mind.
He knew he'd lived through an entire year in U.A. with class 1-A. There was no fog clouding his mind in that sense. He'd seen All Might retire, he'd learned how to use [One for All], he'd fought the League and All for One. He had found friends, a family, people who had fought tooth and nail for him.
That couldn't have been a dream.
He desperately needed it not to have been a dream.
The only thing that seemed to work, as impossible as that could sound, was an effect that could have sent him back in time with his memories intact.
- A Quirk? Certainly not from the vestiges, each of their Quirks was accounted for. And All for One would never do something like this voluntarily. Maybe... Toshinori wasn't really Quirkless? He might have not known himself either. If he had a Quirk with a very particular activation requirement, like... death... - he gulped, not liking where the train of thought was going, at all.
By the end of the allowed time, his test wasn't perfect, but it was at least an eight percent better than his last one.
- Is this cheating? Yes? No? How is any of this possible? -
He groaned, dragging his feet to the next room.
Izuku remembered shivering between fear and excitement before his last practical test.
Now, instead, he couldn't stay still for a whole different reason, his panic having just receded, but remaining just below the surface.
He wouldn't dare to approach Uraraka, with or without Ida's interference. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to him beside a few more glances at the "weird trembling boy".
He tried to concentrate, feeling the familiar pool of power residing inside [One for All].
His body felt different, but not alien. He'd been pushed back by months, erasing his progress on mastering his physical form. He only had what he'd gained by cleaning Takoba beach, and not a gram of muscle more.
But he hadn't forgotten how to keep the egg from exploding: 3% of his power was at his fingertips.
He breathed and steeled himself as the doors to the district replica opened.
Maybe something had blessed him with another chance. He wouldn't waste it by being the same coward he'd been a year before. He'd grown beyond the scared kid that could be bullied into submission.
He was the Deku that never gives up, and nobody could take that away from him.
Izuku kicked another one-pointer into a wall, the metallic shell breaking apart like a cracked crab. Fast, but brittle. Emphasis on brittle. A two-pointer charged at him, its sub-par agility unable to keep up as he jumped on its head. A bit more pressure, and the robot was stuck on the asphalt.
Izuku felt reassured by the green lightning that danced around his body. His breath was rugged, his feet hurt, and his hands were contused, but he'd managed to hit thirty points by now.
He was no Kacchan, but he wouldn't let himself perform underwhelmingly again.
The timer was slowly running out, letting the last part of the exam come into play. The earth trembled and the buildings fell apart a zero-pointer emerged from the ground, its pinching arms crushing everything by sheer weight alone.
As expected, everybody ran away from the walking catastrophe. Everybody but a single girl with her leg stuck under some fallen debris. Without wasting a second more, Izuku charged at his first great achievement.
His muscles tore, his bones broke, his blood vessels burst. But his yelled "SMASH!" echoed far and wide, the hit causing a ripple of destruction that sent every part of the robot flying to the edge of the fake battleground.
Izuku contemplated his work, the giant enemy felled after being reduced to pieces, as he felt the ground calling him. He turned his head to look down, hoping to facilitate Ochaco's work, if only by a little.
But the girl was still on the ground, a weird look on her face, filled with both awe and indecision. Then, she realized that he wasn't able to control his fall, and hurriedly tried to bring herself close enough to work her magic.
Too late. Too slow. Izuku could feel his throat close as her fingers missed him, her expression turning into one of desperation.
The shock was such that he didn't manage to think of doing anything else in the brief breath he had left before reaching the asphalt.
Black.
Everything was black.
What was happening? Where was Ochaco?
Was something pulling him?
Izuku felt his whole body shiver as a something akin to a shock burned through his bones, making his bones scream and searing his nerves.
He stopped, his heart missing a beat as his eyes fluttered before focusing again.
He was in front of U.A.'s entrance, in the midst of the crowd of students going in.
His heart did a somersault before missing a beat. He felt his hands clench and his breathing speed up.
- Oh no. -
Notes:
I lied, this is the last chapter for the festival's day... surprise?
A lot to unpack for around 3k words, but it was time to earn some more of that Angst tag.
Don't judge Izuku too harshly, he hates himself for being unable to save "everyone," despite reality making it very clear how impossible that is. And he may use his counseling as little more than an outlet, but he still believes in the good it's done to him (more on that later).
(I hope it doesn't come off as underestimating the effects of therapy. It's not. I would be leagues worse without it myself.)
Regarding Izuku's first trip back... He didn't start in a good situation, as you may see. There's a reason for that chapter title.
I will add snippets (or chapters) of his past tribulations in the future, but nothing really "linear". Just know he's been here for a long time.
Up next, fluff again.
Maybe I'll get one more chapter out around Monday or so, but I'm trying to build a stock before Christmas. Have a good weekend!
I love interacting in the comments, so feel free to leave one and speculate.
Leave a kudo or a comment if you'd like!