Chapter 39: Part XXXIXNotes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing for a while.
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"Luck is where opportunity meets preparation."
Joffrey Augustus ("borrowed" from Seneca)
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The Red Keep - King's Landing – 299 AC
There were times that Renly Baratheon greatly disliked being the Master of Laws. True it accorded him a seat on the Small Council, providing him with a degree of power and influence throughout the Seven Kingdoms, not just within his own fief in the Stormlands, but if you were remotely diligent it cursed you with long hours at your desk and a headache-inducing amount of reading through dusty tomes of legal texts.
Today however was one of the occasions when it could be rather fun and diverting, he decided, as the witnesses and accused were brought before him. Not really a case significant enough to be brought before the Lord Protector, or even the Hand of the King, it was however of enough political import for him to rule on it personally.
It wasn't often that another member of the Small Council was there to provide witness testimony, albeit not in his official capacity as Master of Coin but rather as the owner of the brothel where the events in question took place.
Just seeing Baelish look so bloody uncomfortable, verging on embarrassed by the whole thing, made Renly's heart sing and it took considerable effort for the Master of Laws not to grin inanely through the whole proceedings.
Other than Renly nobody felt, or looked, particularly happy to be there. Stood next to Baelish was the red-headed whore that seemed to be at the centre of things, whilst the familiar figure of Thoros of Myr, the Red Priest looking uncharacteristically sober and alert, stood beside Melisandre of Asshai, Priestess or Witch depending upon who you talked to.
A young man managing to remain very good looking despite sporting a black eye stood off to one side near a pair of Goldcloaks from the City Watch, primarily there to provide testimony if needed but also stood ready in case the earlier fracas resumed and they had to intervene.
The whore, Ros, had already presented her side of the affair, as had Melisandre, and Baelish clearly wanted to speak up next which was why Renly called upon the Goldcloaks instead. "So when you three arrived to investigate what all the commotion was this 'Ros' had the Lady Melisandre in a headlock?" he checked, desperately trying to keep a straight face.
"No, My Lord" the younger of the two Goldcloaks responded. "Twas the other way round" he said. "I think she were scrappier than the whore expected her to be" he theorised. "Though seems like the Red Witch didn't prophesise things turning violent when she got there neither so there's that" he joked to some laughter in the room.
Renly noted that Thoros was one of those who laughed, earning himself a glare from Melisandre which caused him to stop and look a little guilty about it.
"You're not here to play the fool or give your opinions, just to present the facts as you know them" the older of the two Guardsmen chided his companion. "Apologies, My Lord. He's a new recruit and in training" the man explained, shaking his head sadly. "If he does it again I'll give him a clip around the ear" he vowed.
"You've been a Goldcloak a while longer I assume?" Renly asked, noticing that although he wore the same uniform as the other the sword scabbarded at his hip was of much finer quality.
"No, My Lord, been wearing this yellow blanket barely a week" the guardsman replied, sounding not too enthused about that. "At the King's request I'm on loan from the City Watch of Lannisport to teach the Goldcloaks how we do things. Ser Maxwell Payne at your service" he introduced himself formally with a slight bow.
Renly raised his eyebrows. While it wasn't entirely unheard of for poorer knights not wishing to seek service with a Great House, or sleep in a hedge, to join a City Watch it was unusual. Particularly for a knight from a House that was [I]reasonably[/I] well-known. The Payne's were one of the principle vassals of House Lannister in the Westerlands, although by chance another one of them was currently employed at the Red Keep in a capacity that made him answerable to Renly himself. "A relation of the King's Justice Ser Ilyn Payne presumably?" he queried.
"Cousin" the knight responded in the affirmative though from his tone and expression Renly suspected there was no love lost there. Renly sympathised, you could choose your friends but not your relatives unfortunately, and while he was a fine taker of heads Ilyn Payne was an unpleasant man and by all accounts had been before the Mad King had his tongue cut out.
"Perhaps you would like to continue presenting testimony on behalf of the City Watch, Ser Maxwell?" Renly suggested.
"As you wish, My Lord" the knight agreed. "Upon investigating a reported commotion at the establishment in question, the new recruit here and myself discovered an ongoing fracas between a small number of the employees present and two clerics of the Faith of R'hllor. We immediately broke up the fight, such as it was, and after warning both parties that any resumption of violence would lead to arrests being made we inquired as to what had occurred and why."
"Very professional and thorough or you, Ser Maxwell" Renly observed.
Ser Maxwell shrugged. "The City Watch of Lannisport is perhaps a cut above what you may be used to here, My Lord" he responded flatly. "While there were discrepancies between the various versions of the events offered all agreed that the Red Priestess Melisandre of Asshai and the Red Priest Thoros of Myr came to voice objection to the prostitute, Ros, dressing up as Lady Melisandre for the titillation of her clients."
"Bollocks! She demanded money for permission to keep doing it" the whore spoke up sharply.
"To be precise she insisted that either the whore stop or else pay a tithe to a Temple of the Faith of R'hllor" Ser Maxwell explained in greater detail. "From what I was told it seems that unlike the Faith of the Seven their own religion is somewhat libertine as regards sexuality, and is actually known to employ temple prostitutes, so it wasn't so much a moral objection so much as one on administrative grounds."
Renly chuckled. "So you're saying that they wanted the brothel to purchase a letter of marque for sacrilege?" he responded with amusement. "How much is the license to commit other blasphemous behaviours I wonder?" he asked rhetorically.
"One hundred gold dragons for the right to commit bigamy perhaps?" Petyr Baelish suggested sardonically. "Although I must admit to finding their attitude towards the pleasures of the flesh, and their business acumen, more praiseworthy than some of their other religious notions such as the burning of statues of the Seven" he opined. "When making judgement you may wish to consider how the common people will react if you were to side with a foreign cult over a regular attendee of the Sept such as Ros here" he advised Renly knowingly.
"She's from Winterfell in the North" Thoros interjected. "They don't even worship the Seven up there" he pointed out.
"And you know this how?" Renly queried.
Thoros shrugged. "Let's just say it wasn't my first visit to that brothel" he explained. "Although Ros wasn't dressed up like a Priestess of R'hllor the last time I was there" he continued. "She wasn't really dressed at all to be honest."
Renly fought back the urge to chuckle again in an attempt to look like he was taking this all more seriously than he thought it deserved. "I'll take that statement as confirmation that your religion does not require it's priesthood to keep a vow of chastity."
"No but they do prefer a little more restraint. I'm not the best priest" Thoros admitted.
"I'll make a note you said that" a new voice interjected as a woman Renly was unfamiliar with, though he immediately noticed she was clad in vestments of the Faith of R'hllor similar to those of Melisandre and appeared to be of Yi Tish origin, entered. "Although I doubt anyone would regard you as an exemplar even without the confession" she continued, giving Thoros a look of disaproval. "My apologies, My Lord" the newcomer, bowing respectfully to Renly. "I am the Priestess Zēa of Jinqi, in Westeros on behalf of the High Priestess Kinvara, and in a way this is all my fault" she said, shaking her head ruefully.
"Your fault, My Lady?" Renly responded quizzically.
"Yes, I believe my compatriots were trying to demonstrate their devotion to our faith in a misguided attempt to curry favour with me" Zēa replied. "I was sent here from Volantis to investigate reports that they have brought the Faith of R'hllor into disrepute here in Westeros though when I became aware of a prostitute dressing up as a Red Priestess I voiced my intention to do something about that as well."
"So they decided to manhandle my employees before you could" Baelish responded, rolling his eyes. "Look at poor Olyvar's face" he bade Renly, indicating the attractive young man with him. "He deserves financial compensation for lost earnings until he's as handsome as he was before" the brothel owner continued. "I swear. It's as if the Faith Militant have returned only now wearing red instead of black" he complained.
"I wouldn't have thumped the sword-swallower if he didn't take a swipe at Melisandre after she got into it with the whore" Thoros defended his actions. "I don't care if you fuck men, that doesn't make you a woman yourself and men that hit women deserve a punch in the face" he told the male prostitute sternly, Renly noting that the guardsman, Ser Maxwell, was nodding his heartfelt agreement with such a policy. "And the Faith Militant would have burned down your bloody brothel" Thoros added to Baelish with a snort of derision.
Renly doubted that too many men with a penchant for other men would be too put off by the black eye, Olyvar was very handsome, but Baelish's point wasn't entirely without merit nonetheless. On the other hand neither was Thoros's justification.
"If it pleases the Master of Laws I must let him know that I had no intention of seeking redress in the manner my brother and sister in R'hllor did" Zēa informed Renly. "I was merely going to argue from example, in much the same way as law is argued on precedent" she said.
"Do tell, My Lady" Renly replied, intrigued where this might be going.
"As regards this Ros imitating the Lady Melisandre," Zēa began, "although this is not our country, and our faith only has a small following here, that does not mean that we are wrong to complain, nor to seek redress" she said. "Those who enjoy the more prurient kind of history may be aware that after several scandals the Princess Saera Targaryen was given over to the Silent Sisters by her father King Jaehaerys but that her reluctance to become a novice of the order was such that she fled Westeros for Lys" the priestess continued. "While in Lys she decided that the life of prostitution was for her and she henceforth earned her living in that fashion."
Renly sighed. "I am failing to see the relevance so far."
"The relevance is that she had taken her uniform as a novice of the Silent Sisters with her and would oft wear it whilst servicing those that sought her companionship" Zēa explained. "Given that Lys was beyond the authority of both the Iron Throne and the Faith of the Seven neither could do anything about it but needless to say both were scandalised beyond measure" she told him. "I'm certain that those who follow the Faith of the Seven would have found this insult to their religious traditions appalling and would have wished it to stop. Thus we merely request you to respect our beliefs and to be treated as you would have liked those in authority Lys to respect you."
"An actual princess dressed like a novice of the Silent Sisters?" Ros muttered to herself. "Girl must have been raking in the coin" she decided.
"I was a whore myself once" Zēa announced, indicating the tattoo on her cheek, "I have no issues with the woman there personally, nor with her choice of career for at least for her in this land it was a choice whereas I was sold into slavery, but I ask her to consider our feelings here" she said. "I know that thanks in large part to the ill-considered actions of the Lady Melisandre the Faith of R'hllor is not thought of highly in the Seven Kingdoms but I will remind you all that while she did indeed burn statues depicting the Seven she has apologised for it to the High Septon. Furthermore, again to reference your own history, when the Andals arrived here they burned the Weirwoods sacred to the Old Gods in much the same way because their conviction in the rightness of their cause was so strong. That didn't make it right, I doubt those in the North who still hold to the Old Gods have forgotten it, but it wasn't done out of malevolence it was done out of intolerance and a lack of respect for the beliefs of others."
Zēa sighed. "I am not going to request that Melisandre and Thoros be exonerated of any crimes they may have committed, if Lord Baelish insists upon monetary restitution I will make certain it is paid, I would merely ask that you accord our faith the respect you would hope yours to be treated with in another land" she asked sincerely.
"You quite clearly hail from the more diplomatic and politically adept branch of your religious order" Baelish observed wryly. "If you had come to my place of business to talk calmly like a civilised person instead of ranting we might have come to an agreement" he told Melisandre. "Perhaps we can negotiate a settlement of our dispute agreeable to all sides?" he asked Zēa, making a mental note to include an agreement that if he could procure a whore from Yi Ti she could also dress like the rather striking woman before him.
"Then perhaps this could be settled without anyone being thrown in a cell perhaps?" Renly asked hopefully. "I for one would prefer not to get involved in matters of religion, [I]any[/I] religion, the law is already messy and complicated enough" he said. "I will however suggest that apologies be made on all sides and if I see you all here again there will be trouble."
Zēa walked over to Melisandre and leaned close to whisper in her ear. "Kinvara told me once that the Lord of Light cares more about results than the methods needed to obtain them" she said.
Melisandre narrowed her eyes and wisely opted not to respond that given Kinvara's rise to power had involved granting a considerable number of distasteful sexual favours over the years she could see why she might believe so.
"My apologies for eavesdropping outside for a few minutes but I didn't want to be seen until I was certain an amicable resolution was possible" King Joffrey announced himself, striding into the room with bodyguards in tow.
"Your Grace" Renly responded immediately, bowing as etiquette demanded, everyone else in the room following suit.
"Lord Renly" Octavian responded with a smile. "May I borrow you for a little while, I have something to discuss with you" he requested. "Perhaps in private, the room next door is empty, I checked."
Renly nodded his assent. "Of course, Your Grace" he agreed.
"It is an honour to meet you, Your Grace" Zēa interjected, bowing deeply to Octavian. "I am known as Zēa of Jinqi."
"So I was previously told by a very well informed personage" Octavian replied, smiling. Varys was good at relaying such information, at least when it suited him to Octavian suspected. "I was very impressed by your words, My Lady" he told Zēa. "I look forward to meeting you again" he told her honestly before leading Renly away.
"Wait outside please and keep yourselves and anyone else away from the door" Octavian ordered his bodyguards once they reached the empty room. He headed inside with Renly and closed the door behind them before groaning. "Uncle Renly. I could beat about the bush but it's best to get it over and done with" he began. "You're fucking Loras Tyrell and it's far from being a closely guarded secret" he stated flatly.
Renly's jaw dropped. "Your Grace…" he began to respond.
"I honestly could not care less on a personal level, if you prefer men to women that's entirely your own concern and I regard the prohibition the Faith puts upon it as inane" Octavian told him honestly, "but there is a political dimension to consider here. Not only would people strenuously disapprove, potentially harming the reputation of our family, you also open yourself to being blackmailed which is an extremely dangerous position for the Master of Laws to find himself in."
"You're trying to force me off the Small Council" Renly responded part in surprise, partly in anger. This was the old vile Joffrey returned he decided.
"No!" Octavian replied curtly. "I want you to promise me that if anyone tries to blackmail you you'll let me know so I can deal with them."
Renly was now even more confused by the turn of events. "Deal with them? How?" he eventually asked.
"In ways that the Master of Laws should be kept ignorant of but a man with several thousand armed men under his command can readily arrange" Octavian explained vaguely. "The only reason I'm here now is because I overheard a snide remark about you and Loras between two men of the City Watch earlier today so it's not just the likes of Varys and Baelish that know anymore."
"Damn" Renly muttered to himself. "You already knew I assume?"
"If you thought you were being clandestine I'm afraid you weren't, although to be fair I am cleverer and more observant than most" Octavian replied, less than humbly. "Just be grateful father was neither, he might have fallen into a rage and beaten you bloody at the very least. Of course after he calmed down, assuming you were still alive at that point, I'm guessing he would have wanted to make sure that between the two of you Loras was the girl and if he wasn't then you would have taken another beating."
Some days went very differently than you expected them to, Renly thought to himself. "You honestly don't care about me and Loras?" he found himself asking.
"I don't even care if you are the girl" Octavian replied evenly. "Just don't let it fuck up us running the Seven Kingdoms like they should be run" he implored. "Regardless of that, in the longer term neither you nor Loras can get pregnant and you need an heir to take over the Stormlands so if you want my advice marry Margaery Tyrell and put a child in her. At least if you're wed to Loras's sister it'll be easy to justify why he's always around" he suggested. "Does she know about you and her brother?"
"Yes" Renly confirmed. "They're very close."
"Then expect a life of them competing for your attention, if not your affection" Octavian told him. "If you and Margaery can produce a daughter, as well as a son to inherit Storm's End, I'll undertake right now to wed her to my oldest son with Sansa. As the gods are my witness you'll be father to the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms one day" he vowed. "Assuming you can stay off one sibling long enough to get the other one pregnant that is" he added wryly.
"The Tyrells would be pleased about that" Renly rightly observed.
Octavian smiled. "I wouldn't be doing it for them, Uncle Renly" he replied, trying to sound as magnanimous and loyally familial as he could.
That's another one in my pocket, Octavian thought to himself with satisfaction. He would have asked Renly's opinion on the new Red Priestess but he doubted he was entirely the right person to ask regarding female attractiveness.
Notes:
Note from the Author:
Melisandre and Thoros have an interesting day, though not as interesting as Renly's. Olyvar was a male employee at Littlefinger's brothel that ended up rather "close" with Loras Tyrell while spying for Baelish in canon. Here of course Renly is still alive so those circumstances won't arise.
A cameo appearance of Ser Maxwell Payne from my other GoT story. In this universe Valkyr was never discovered so his wife and daughter lived and he's consequently a very ordinary knight, though still working for the Lannisport City Watch (don't worry if you haven't read it , he'll not appear in this story again).
Saera Targaryen led a very interesting and rebellious life going from Princess to Silent Sister to ending up a successful prostitute in Lys. I doubt either the king nor the Faith appreciated her antics very much.
Melisandre burned the statues of the Seven on Dragonstone, millennia earlier the Faith of the Seven burned the Weirwoods of the Old Gods. There's a lot of fire about, and ice of course.
One of Octavian's best friends Maecenas was bisexual in both the show and real life. Given the society he came from the Faith of the Seven regarding homosexuality as they did, as in a sinful abomination, likely seemed very strange to him. That isn't to say he wouldn't use Renly's relationship with Loras to his own ends.